At the end of my rope
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
Hey Sleepie, It's great that you're feeling better. It sounds like you are on the right path with diet, and exercise and sleep are works in progress. You are miles ahead of many of us! While the weather is fine and your health concerns are on the back burner, this would be a good time to tackle the excrutiating anxiety that messed up your last few weeks. Happy rest of your weekend!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Yeah I should hit it at this sweet spot huh?
I was thinking a lot about that this past 2 weeks. There is a problem I have identified... not sure what to do as it leaves me scratching my head here.
I mentioned it before but I really do think, and I mean think not feel- that my anxiety is almost... protective in a way. I mean if I have it and everything, things seem to go ok-ish.
And when I let my guard down that is the precise moment things go bad, I swear.
I was thinking a lot about that this past 2 weeks. There is a problem I have identified... not sure what to do as it leaves me scratching my head here.
I mentioned it before but I really do think, and I mean think not feel- that my anxiety is almost... protective in a way. I mean if I have it and everything, things seem to go ok-ish.
And when I let my guard down that is the precise moment things go bad, I swear.
Woe is Moo.
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
I total understand where you coming from, Sleepies. But, may I suggest you begin new conversation with you anxiety. I total sure it develop when you very young, to alert you, to inform you, to be protective. But over time, you circumstance has change, and you strong grown woman now. So this intensive anxiety is no longer beneficial to you. Is not you anxiety that making things turn out right, Sleepies, it YOU and all that you has achieve. And when things go wrong, well, you know, things freaking go wrong, but you can handle it. You has prove that over and over.
I think most of us has still defensive mechanisms from early on for which at some point, we has to say, THANK YOU SO MUCH for do you best to advise and protect me, but is okay now to relax, I got this.
Sleepies, you got this.
I think most of us has still defensive mechanisms from early on for which at some point, we has to say, THANK YOU SO MUCH for do you best to advise and protect me, but is okay now to relax, I got this.
Sleepies, you got this.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 740
I read up a lot on anxiety a while back, when it got so bad for me that I began to feel agoraphobic. I didn't even want to leave the house, that's how bad it was! There is definitely something protective about anxiety. It's your body and mind trying to protect you from harm. The bad thing is that it comes at a high price and eventually wears you down . I was totally worn down by my anxiety by the end and just had to go back on meds (Sertraline) for a a while and also worked to improve my sleep. I always found that not sleeping well made my anxiety so much worse too.
I'm glad you had a last-hurrah croissant. Au revoir croissants!
I used to eat a lot better than I have been lately. I feel so deprived because there are a lot of things I can't eat because of my stomach problems so I'm indulging too much on the yummy things I *can* eat. Eventually I'll have to join you in your diet. You get started without me for now, ok? 
D.
I'm glad you had a last-hurrah croissant. Au revoir croissants!
I used to eat a lot better than I have been lately. I feel so deprived because there are a lot of things I can't eat because of my stomach problems so I'm indulging too much on the yummy things I *can* eat. Eventually I'll have to join you in your diet. You get started without me for now, ok? D.
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 740
Originally Posted by Cow 
I total understand where you coming from, Sleepies. But, may I suggest you begin new conversation with you anxiety. I total sure it develop when you very young, to alert you, to inform you, to be protective. But over time, you circumstance has change, and you strong grown woman now. So this intensive anxiety is no longer beneficial to you. Is not you anxiety that making things turn out right, Sleepies, it YOU and all that you has achieve. And when things go wrong, well, you know, things freaking go wrong, but you can handle it. You has prove that over and over.
I think most of us has still defensive mechanisms from early on for which at some point, we has to say, THANK YOU SO MUCH for do you best to advise and protect me, but is okay now to relax, I got this.
Sleepies, you got this.
I think most of us has still defensive mechanisms from early on for which at some point, we has to say, THANK YOU SO MUCH for do you best to advise and protect me, but is okay now to relax, I got this.
Sleepies, you got this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Thanks guys!
Yes, for sure anxiety feels protective and maybe once served a purpose. How to stop it? Meditation I hear about quite a lot. I feel that solving my problems offers the best way out of anxiety. Just eliminate the source of anxiety and bam, you're good. But sometimes one can't. I applied my newfound Sartrean outlook to things bit yesterday but you know, it's a bit sterile for me. I rather think life is for living. But how to do in a sad, sick, judgmental and oppressive world?
It wears a person out you know. It's hard to find kindred spirits when you are a non conformist and a bit of a misfit. it's hard to find your way or find your niche. Even on the days I can wrangle some kind of like for myself... chances are there will be someone to remind me I shouldn't. Be it for walking around with silver hair, or being a female approaching middle age or not having having kids... all manner of things. It's hard to be on defense mode all the time. To have to defend your existence, your right to be you- even if ya ain't hurtin' nobody!
Bulldog thank you for seeing my posts as raw honesty when easily they could be seen as neurotic whining elevated to near art form
Delf I do this one thing that is probably pretty weird. I want a treat that I don't need at all, I imagine I am eating it, and I take my time and imagine every thing about it from the texture to smell, crumbs etc... so if you ever wanna share an "air croissant" with me, I'm in.
Yes, for sure anxiety feels protective and maybe once served a purpose. How to stop it? Meditation I hear about quite a lot. I feel that solving my problems offers the best way out of anxiety. Just eliminate the source of anxiety and bam, you're good. But sometimes one can't. I applied my newfound Sartrean outlook to things bit yesterday but you know, it's a bit sterile for me. I rather think life is for living. But how to do in a sad, sick, judgmental and oppressive world?
It wears a person out you know. It's hard to find kindred spirits when you are a non conformist and a bit of a misfit. it's hard to find your way or find your niche. Even on the days I can wrangle some kind of like for myself... chances are there will be someone to remind me I shouldn't. Be it for walking around with silver hair, or being a female approaching middle age or not having having kids... all manner of things. It's hard to be on defense mode all the time. To have to defend your existence, your right to be you- even if ya ain't hurtin' nobody!
Bulldog thank you for seeing my posts as raw honesty when easily they could be seen as neurotic whining elevated to near art form
Delf I do this one thing that is probably pretty weird. I want a treat that I don't need at all, I imagine I am eating it, and I take my time and imagine every thing about it from the texture to smell, crumbs etc... so if you ever wanna share an "air croissant" with me, I'm in.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Well, this is interesting.
I got a message from the nurse practitioner that did my tests. She said they don't go on a single test result for these things, when my ALT came back high. She said that they can sometimes raise a bit if you are fighting off a viral infection, and also that red blood cells can explode in the lab if they are mishandled.
Just thought any of you may find that interesting.
I got a message from the nurse practitioner that did my tests. She said they don't go on a single test result for these things, when my ALT came back high. She said that they can sometimes raise a bit if you are fighting off a viral infection, and also that red blood cells can explode in the lab if they are mishandled.
Just thought any of you may find that interesting.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Ok so yeah... no.
Trying to paint my anxiety pink or mauve doesn't work.
I had the worst hair pulling day today I have had in a long time.
And it reached the low point after I actually got obsessive about having a rubber band in my hair and tried to cut it out... now I have a huge patch of missing hair where I accidentally cut my hair.
I really cannot be a phony. Things suck and until they don't I am not trying a false "bright side" thing. It's not me, never gonna be and that's sleepie take it or leave it.
I'll be in a dark silent room. Until further notice.
Trying to paint my anxiety pink or mauve doesn't work.
I had the worst hair pulling day today I have had in a long time.
And it reached the low point after I actually got obsessive about having a rubber band in my hair and tried to cut it out... now I have a huge patch of missing hair where I accidentally cut my hair.
I really cannot be a phony. Things suck and until they don't I am not trying a false "bright side" thing. It's not me, never gonna be and that's sleepie take it or leave it.
I'll be in a dark silent room. Until further notice.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,881
Originally Posted by sleepie
Ok so yeah... no.
Trying to paint my anxiety pink or mauve doesn't work.
I had the worst hair pulling day today I have had in a long time.
And it reached the low point after I actually got obsessive about having a rubber band in my hair and tried to cut it out... now I have a huge patch of missing hair where I accidentally cut my hair.
I really cannot be a phony. Things suck and until they don't I am not trying a false "bright side" thing. It's not me, never gonna be and that's sleepie take it or leave it.
I'll be in a dark silent room. Until further notice.
Trying to paint my anxiety pink or mauve doesn't work.
I had the worst hair pulling day today I have had in a long time.
And it reached the low point after I actually got obsessive about having a rubber band in my hair and tried to cut it out... now I have a huge patch of missing hair where I accidentally cut my hair.
I really cannot be a phony. Things suck and until they don't I am not trying a false "bright side" thing. It's not me, never gonna be and that's sleepie take it or leave it.
I'll be in a dark silent room. Until further notice.
Is it okay for us to visit you? Just leave the door open a crack, okay?
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 740
Hey! Hey! Heeeeeey, Sleeps! You in there?? Come out and share an "air croissant" with me! 
Ok, my imagination just isn't that good. You're def the creative, imaginative one here.
Sounds like you got some interesting info from the NP. It's good stuff to know.
Wanted to share something with you that really moved me:
https://www.brainpickings.org/2014/0...s-facing-evil/
D.
Ok, my imagination just isn't that good. You're def the creative, imaginative one here. Sounds like you got some interesting info from the NP. It's good stuff to know.
Wanted to share something with you that really moved me:
https://www.brainpickings.org/2014/0...s-facing-evil/
D.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I need a blanket and a xanax 
I hate that I ruined my ability to take even a small dose of benzo when anxieties really peak. I was just a mess yesterday and today's outlook isn't much better.
I am very tired too, as BF snores. I can see how that can ruin relationships. I mean I fell into a deep restful sleep only moments after lying down, which never happens... minutes later, guess who's sawing logs. And he's in another room too! LOUD. Loudly Mcbuzzsaw Nobodysleepsbutme Jr. strikes again and again.
And then a night of interrupted sleep.
I know that this current major uptick in anxiety is due yet again, to health anxiety and Dr appointments. Really cannot take it mentally. I just can't. Even though for now, things are somewhat ok despite being prediabetic I am just a mess. And exhausted.
I don't know if it is the general "You need to relax" and "You worry too much" attitude that seems to surround anxiety but even I question whether or not this is an actual mental illness or just a modern malady. Because everyone has it to a degree right? Mine really, really affects me physically as it causes me to pull my hair out and of course affects me mentally and emotionally. And all of it affects quality of life and living is about quality isn't it? Who wants to half live or "survive" or waste any precious moment one can never get back in any state of compromise? I feel I have survived and lived a compromised life all my days.
I am tired.... that is all...
Now I am quite hesitant to impart this, but maybe it deserves mention here. I have acquired a few opiate based painkillers. For many weeks now my brain has been turning to "What can you do that won't activate kindling, but'll make you feel GOOD?"... and settled on this. I know it's sick. I know it's wrong, wrong, wrong.
I hate that I ruined my ability to take even a small dose of benzo when anxieties really peak. I was just a mess yesterday and today's outlook isn't much better.
I am very tired too, as BF snores. I can see how that can ruin relationships. I mean I fell into a deep restful sleep only moments after lying down, which never happens... minutes later, guess who's sawing logs. And he's in another room too! LOUD. Loudly Mcbuzzsaw Nobodysleepsbutme Jr. strikes again and again.
And then a night of interrupted sleep.
I know that this current major uptick in anxiety is due yet again, to health anxiety and Dr appointments. Really cannot take it mentally. I just can't. Even though for now, things are somewhat ok despite being prediabetic I am just a mess. And exhausted.
I don't know if it is the general "You need to relax" and "You worry too much" attitude that seems to surround anxiety but even I question whether or not this is an actual mental illness or just a modern malady. Because everyone has it to a degree right? Mine really, really affects me physically as it causes me to pull my hair out and of course affects me mentally and emotionally. And all of it affects quality of life and living is about quality isn't it? Who wants to half live or "survive" or waste any precious moment one can never get back in any state of compromise? I feel I have survived and lived a compromised life all my days.
I am tired.... that is all...
Now I am quite hesitant to impart this, but maybe it deserves mention here. I have acquired a few opiate based painkillers. For many weeks now my brain has been turning to "What can you do that won't activate kindling, but'll make you feel GOOD?"... and settled on this. I know it's sick. I know it's wrong, wrong, wrong.
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