Giving up my crutch
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Bay Area, California
Posts: 314
Walkbeformakrun - Hi there. Social anxiety seems much better, thanks for asking! However I'm dealing with some family stuff so I'm distracted. Maybe that's the trick for anxiety, major distraction? Lol.
Omnivore
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Winter Water Wonder Land
Posts: 516
Originally Posted by SonomaGal 
Walkbeformakrun - Hi there. Social anxiety seems much better, thanks for asking! However I'm dealing with some family stuff so I'm distracted. Maybe that's the trick for anxiety, major distraction? Lol.
Omnivore
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Winter Water Wonder Land
Posts: 516
Home Alone
Turns out it was really a non issue. It was no effort at all to be alone and stay sober. Wife even picked a fight with me long distance and it did not make me tempted. I'm feeling really strong. I think I'm going to beat this!
The last time I was seriously tempted was when I was stuck in an airport. I had a habit of always drinking when I had even 10 minutes down time in an airport. This time I had hours and my skin was crawling the whole time. I was very miserable until I hatched an escape plan. That was a while ago now though. I wonder if I can handle it better now.
The last time I was seriously tempted was when I was stuck in an airport. I had a habit of always drinking when I had even 10 minutes down time in an airport. This time I had hours and my skin was crawling the whole time. I was very miserable until I hatched an escape plan. That was a while ago now though. I wonder if I can handle it better now.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Bay Area, California
Posts: 314
Originally Posted by walkbeformakrun
Turns out it was really a non issue. It was no effort at all to be alone and stay sober. Wife even picked a fight with me long distance and it did not make me tempted. I'm feeling really strong. I think I'm going to beat this!
The last time I was seriously tempted was when I was stuck in an airport. I had a habit of always drinking when I had even 10 minutes down time in an airport. This time I had hours and my skin was crawling the whole time. I was very miserable until I hatched an escape plan. That was a while ago now though. I wonder if I can handle it better now.
The last time I was seriously tempted was when I was stuck in an airport. I had a habit of always drinking when I had even 10 minutes down time in an airport. This time I had hours and my skin was crawling the whole time. I was very miserable until I hatched an escape plan. That was a while ago now though. I wonder if I can handle it better now.
Omnivore
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Winter Water Wonder Land
Posts: 516
Further thoughts on the use of Antabuse
I was talking to my IC about how, ideally, it would be best to not need a pill to stay sober. During that conversation, I finally realized what many here on SR have been trying to tell me. That is that taking the pill IS choosing to be sober. With my IC I happened upon the realization that it is very much the same as how the rest of you, with out a pill, choose to be sober. I'm just using the pill to slow time WAY down in the decision making process.
By taking the pill, I'm giving myself several days to make up my mind to choose or not choose sobriety. If I stop taking the pill then I've got to be able to react in a split second instead. I've got to be able to be suddenly trapped in an airport and still see the value in not drinking. Or be sitting in a locker room, after a game and be handed a beer and be able to say, no thanks. That has been very hard for me and I've failed, without the pill. Whereas if I take the pill, sudden temptations like that will not have any effect on me. If temptation is presented, while I know the pill is in me, I shrug off the temptation with hardly a second thought. It is a true non event.
I'd like to get to the point where sudden unexpected temptation is no different to me than deciding every other day if I am going to take the pill again. Every other day, I do take it and there are no thoughts of, maybe I don't want to take this. It is easy. So why is it not so easy, in the moment of temptation, to just not drink, unless I'm on the pill?
By taking the pill, I'm giving myself several days to make up my mind to choose or not choose sobriety. If I stop taking the pill then I've got to be able to react in a split second instead. I've got to be able to be suddenly trapped in an airport and still see the value in not drinking. Or be sitting in a locker room, after a game and be handed a beer and be able to say, no thanks. That has been very hard for me and I've failed, without the pill. Whereas if I take the pill, sudden temptations like that will not have any effect on me. If temptation is presented, while I know the pill is in me, I shrug off the temptation with hardly a second thought. It is a true non event.
I'd like to get to the point where sudden unexpected temptation is no different to me than deciding every other day if I am going to take the pill again. Every other day, I do take it and there are no thoughts of, maybe I don't want to take this. It is easy. So why is it not so easy, in the moment of temptation, to just not drink, unless I'm on the pill?
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Hmmm -- the thing is that you still have those moments of temptation. I have moments when a drink looks good, and of course I know that I'm always just an arm's length away from a drink, if I choose to go that way. And there are a lot of times when I think, in my old life, I could be drinking at a time like this.
But I simply don't want to anymore. It's a combination of a lot of bad experiences, physical and mental, and few good ones, and honesty with enough people so I'd be held to make an account of myself if I started again, and, well... just that I've changed, and I don't want to be drunk anymore. I miss the taste of it, but nothing else. A taste is just one sense, and it's more than made up for by the return of clear vision, attention, and memory.
So why don't I want to be drunk anymore? Because I've made my sober life interesting and worth maintaining. Even -- at least just for today -- at the price of never a taste again.
I think you're doing great, btw. I think taking a pill to slow down the demand to change your perspective at the drop of a hat is fine. I wish you a slow and long recovery.
But I simply don't want to anymore. It's a combination of a lot of bad experiences, physical and mental, and few good ones, and honesty with enough people so I'd be held to make an account of myself if I started again, and, well... just that I've changed, and I don't want to be drunk anymore. I miss the taste of it, but nothing else. A taste is just one sense, and it's more than made up for by the return of clear vision, attention, and memory.
So why don't I want to be drunk anymore? Because I've made my sober life interesting and worth maintaining. Even -- at least just for today -- at the price of never a taste again.
I think you're doing great, btw. I think taking a pill to slow down the demand to change your perspective at the drop of a hat is fine. I wish you a slow and long recovery.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
So you're on the pill? Better safe than sorry. It gives you something that was pivotal to me saying quit. Drinking is just not an option. For some that could be a physical or emotional bottom for you it is because the consequences of taking that drink would be immediate and severe. Good enough for now. After you get some clean time your head should start to clear and maybe you will see the insanity of continuing to drink. I don't know if I wanted to quit drinking really. I just didn't want what was coming my way if I didn't. Now I don't want to drink.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Indiana
Posts: 503
There was a person who posted on here that she took Antabuse randomly, but at least once a week. The thought that it was in her system was enough to stop her from considering drinking. I would assume side effects would be lessened as well.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by walkbeformakrun
I'm still walking the high wire without a net. Now my wife and kids are leaving town for a vacation without me. In the past I would have found the lack of oversight as an excuse to drink even more than I would ordinarily. Plus with no one to talk to, it would seem I might need a drink. No kids events to be the chauffeur for, I have more opportunity.
I thought about going back on Antabuse while they were gone as a preventative measure. I don't think I need it though. I know I could go home tonight and start drinking and no one would know. Except me. I don't want to do that to myself. I think I got this. I will find out tonight.
I thought about going back on Antabuse while they were gone as a preventative measure. I don't think I need it though. I know I could go home tonight and start drinking and no one would know. Except me. I don't want to do that to myself. I think I got this. I will find out tonight.
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