grizzlybearblue

Thank you, Dee : )

Juno11

Hi everyone - a rainy and dreary Wednesday here. Yikes. Cold, gray, rain = depressing! Reflecting the mood of the family, I guess.

Last night was better in that: my son was a lot better, back to his normal happy self. I was a lot better and more optimistic. I got to my SMART meeting for the first time in weeks - I'm forming good bonds there and I get a lot out of the meetings including laughs. And support, of course. If I can get to a meeting every week it will help me enormously, I think.

However, when I got back from my meeting my daughter was in crisis after having a pretty good day for herself. I think everything including the breakup was hitting her all at once and she was losing it. She was crying and yelling about how horrible her life is, etc. and I felt for her and tried to console her but talk to her about options and it was getting really heated and my son started getting agitated with all the emotion so I had to try to calm everything down so he wouldn't go into a tailspan again. I managed to calm everyone down and let my ex know what was going on. In the end, he came over and spent a lot of time talking to her which is the help I needed and I worked on homework with my son (thank goodness younger son was at Dad's house). I don't know what's going to happen but I predict she might end up at a therapeutic boarding school for a little while. They are expensive and I didn't want to suggest that because I can't afford it, so I waited until her Dad suggested it because he's the one with the money. He said he was going to call a few today - I hope that will give her some hope. In the meantime we have to get her better from the physical stuff and I have this trip to Orlando planned for 8 days from now. She wants to go, and she needs it, but she's got to get better. I keep thinking I need to cancel everyday for different reasons - I'll keep you posted. Life is too crazy right now.

Grizzly, so sorry about the house. You have to follow your heart on this one and it sounds like you did. There will always be other houses to buy and I'm sure it will work out for you!! Winslow, sorry about your cold. That really stinks. Get better soon....

Over and out - off to yoga this morning because I need it.

Juno11

Hi again,

I just wanted to let you know I'm going to take a break from posting here. It's not because I'm planning on drinking, I just think my problems at this moment are beyond the scope of this forum and too serious, so that I need to just focus on handing them instead of writing about them. I hope that makes sense. Everyone's been a big help to me getting me to this point and keeping me focused on not drinking. That's my plan going forward & to take better care of my myself in order to do that. I will continue with the SMART Recovery in person meetings as I'm able -- so I do have support. Take good care in the meantime - until I'm able to post with simple day to day troubles again instead of one crises to the next. Bye for now!!!

Winslow

Hey all,well Grizz,I guess its just me and you now? Everyone's leaving😢

grizzlybearblue

Yep, winslow, it's just you and me for now. Please keep posting! If you leave, I'll be talking to myself.
Juno, we'll miss you!! Pop in if/when things calm down for you or if you need some support and encouragement. I hope things settle down for you soon! Definitely do stick with your meetings for support and yoga for your sanity. And the treadmill when you can. I wish you well, juno!!

Dee74

I really hope you change your mind Juno.

I know you have no thoughts of drinking but you didn't have any the last time you left either...

The AV is great at convincing us we're too 'complicated' for help, or that we;re bringing others down because our issues are so immense.

It's nonsense and lies.
It loves to thin us out from the herd and isolate us.

SR is about peer support - we're not claiming to have all the answers for everything and there's no checklist for things that qualify you to post here.

We just offer support
you can share as much or as little as you like Juno.


Hi Grizz and winslow - I'll be around

D

Juno11

Dee, you've given me a lot to think about.

Maybe I won't stop posting here - maybe just scale back to checking in and sharing stuff that isn't so exhausting for me to talk about. When my daughter told me she wanted to kill herself the other day I thought I have serious problems and I shouldn't be unburdening them to you kind folks.

I will keep my posts a little shorter and more simple - so I don't unnecessarily trouble everyone.

I appreciate the support and I want to stay sober. And I will continue to use my SMART group as well.

I believe today is Day 7 so that's good. Have a great Thursday, all!

grizzlybearblue

Thank you, Dee!! I can't even tell you how wonderful it is to have you here. You are awesome : )
Juno, please do stick around! I didn't want to push you either way yesterday, but I was certainly hoping you would your mind. Your posts are not a burden to me. If getting those things out here helps you so they aren't stuck in your head, do it. We're here to help each other out. You are an integral part of the group, and I'd love to see you stay!!

Winslow

Hey all,still stuffed up here,not sure if its a cold,allergies or what, I think the sudden warm weather is just causing some yucky stuff to be floating around, so Grizz do you have another house you're looking at?do you like older ones or the newer ones? I like both but most of the new ones here are in developments with HOA and that would drive me insane! Some people like it cuz it keeps the neighborhood clean but for me they're too nitpicky,when do you getyour peel done? Juno, you don't hafta feel like a burden,I like reading your posts but if its hard for you to write about certain things I understand but they do say writing stuff out helps you deal with it better,hope we all have a great Thursday😊

Juno11

Hi guys, thanks for supporting me in tough times

I had an appt. with my psychiatrist today and I had to fess up that I hadn't been totally sober since we last met. The look of disappointment on his face was terrible. I promised myself I will come back next time and have better news to report because it sucks having to be honest about stuff like that. Also, it was hard to fess up at my last SMART meeting because I've been a broken record there. They don't seem to want to give up on me, so I've got to not give up on myself.

When I was cooking dinner tonight I had a brief craving for white wine. I think it's because I relapsed with white wine exactly a week ago tonight, last Thursday. Fortunately I just kept going and made dinner and of course the craving passed. Cravings are brief - I have to remember that.

My psychiatrist asked me if I told some of my friends that I'm "in recovery." I looked at him like, "What? Are you crazy? Regular people don't talk like that." I prefer to say I don't drink anymore or I stopped for health reasons. Anything but "I'm in recovery." Maybe that's a baby boomer term because both he and the leader of my SMART group use that term and they're both about 10 or so years older than I am. Ah, oh well.

Made it through and next Thursday shall be easier.

Dee74

Share as much or as little as you want Juno

I'm really sorry about your daughter and I hope she's doing a little better now.

about drinking again - we all understand. We've all been there. Keep reaching out and beefing up your recovery plan - you will get there

D

Juno11

Thanks, Dee. My daughter was in much better spirits today - give me hope

grizzlybearblue

Good, juno, I am so glad to hear she is doing better today!!
I'm with you, juno, I don't think I've said to anybody "I'm in recovery". I just say I don't drink and leave it at that.
Winslow, I am going to look at more houses this weekend. I'm a little skiddish now after my recent experience, but I'm probably not going to find something if I'm not looking so I've decided to buck up and keep moving forward with the process. I've come to terms with the fact that this might take awhile, and that's taken a lot of the pressure off that I was putting on myself. I like the old houses! Actually I love the old houses!! My boss was telling me yesterday that something newer than what I've been looking at will earn equity faster and have better resale potential. That makes sense to me, but I've got to live in it first, and I want to like it while I'm living there. Knowing that I might not change my mind about old versus new, he said nothing's a good deal if you don't like it.
My house is a mess. After work yesterday, I ran while my kiddo was at swim practice and I got home and crashed. No dishes, no litter boxes, nothin. Ugh, catch up tonight. I just got my hair done though so I feel good about that!
Winslow, I hope you feel better soon!!
Juno, it's great to hear from you today : )

Juno11

Just a quick hello before running into work.

It's Friday and I'm super excited about that. Got through another tough week and did it sober. No relapses - on Day 8 now and going strongly forward.

Winslow, I hope your cold is better. I woke up with a hint of a cold and I'm trying to think positive like it's not going to develop into something. Lots of fluids for me today, I guess!

Grizzly, good luck with the house hunt. Interesting that you like older houses. I have a friend like that who only likes beautiful older houses with history. I can understand and appreciate that - although I tend to gravitate towards news things and new construction. My house was built in 1982, so I guess it's neither old nor new! But I have done a lot of work on it and like what it has become - a reflection of me, my family and our style. Two more bathrooms need renovations and the downstairs floor needs to be replaced (carpet looks terrible after lots of spills and dog accidents ) - thinking a nice clean laminate. Maybe in April when my schedule calms down a bit.

There was a hint of spring in the air this morning and I'm feeling optimistic!

My daughter and I watched two episodes of Breaking Bad last night. She has seen the whole series and is watching it again for the second time. The episodes are really well done and high quality - acting, script writing, filming, everything. I can see why she wanted me to watch it. I'm hooked now.

Both my sons had a tough day at school yesterday. I gave them both lots of support yesterday and they said nice things to me. My younger son said, "I love you soooooo much." And my older son said, "Mom, I love you. You're the best Mom I ever had." Makes it all worth it.

Have a great Friday!

grizzlybearblue

Aww, juno, that's so sweet!! That's wonderful to hear! It's great you're getting quality time with your daughter too. You're a great mom : )
When we were driving home from swim practice tonight, my son said he would like to go back to Tennessee. I said maybe you can visit again this summer like you did last summer. He said, no, I'd like to move back there. We moved out here so I could get sober. I was very close to losing custody of him, and I knew if I started to live a better life, I could give him a better life. We were here over a year before I got sober, but I'm doing it now. For that year I was always drunk then hungover , so we didn't do much outside of school and work. The last five months I have been very focused on taking care of business (him to school and swim practice, me to work, take care of pets, clean house, etc.), and by the time we're done with all that, we're tired. I think it's time to step up a notch. I asked him if we started doing more of the outdoor stuff like hiking in the mountains and if he started having friends over and we started trying new restaurants, would he like it here more. He said he thinks he would. I also said some of the stuff we want to do costs money so we have to decide if we want to live in a house we love but costs more or live in a house that's good enough but a fixer. He's like whoa, this is not simple, it's a lot to think about! I'm like I know!! So, I'm processing a lot right now. Thank you for letting me get all of that out of my head.
We are going to watch the Good Dinosaur tonight. Tomorrow we are going to go for a hike and look at houses in the afternoon. Stepping it up a notch effectively immediately!!

Dee74

Time for a new thread guys:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-6-a.html

D