Can't Stay Sober - So Unhappy
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by lkc2010 
Why's it SO HARD. Like its JUST alcohol. You'd think we could just stop - we don't need it to live.
It's SO hard because, of our own willpower, we can't stop.....we do need it to live - not from a nutritional standpoint but from a spiritual and mental standpoint (given the physical craving that kicks in once the first drink is taken, I can argue that physically we "need" it as well but I'll leave that alone for now).
Why's it so hard - That's true if you're part of the "we real alcoholics" - aka the chronic alcoholic. The chronic alcoholic cannot, under any circumstances, stop drinking and stay stopped given any human power.
It's just alcohol - no....it's alcoholism (if you're a real alcoholic). The drinking of alcohol is just an outward manifestation of in internal condition. Drinking alcohol treats alcoholism. So, it's more than just the booze - A LOT more. Treat that core problem, the alcoholism, and the drinking problem goes away on it's own.
We don't need it to live - in his/her present untreated alcoholic state, the real alcoholic generally needs alcohol to live. Stopping drinking, and failing to treat one's alcoholism.......for the chronic alcoholic......will lead to death just as surely and just as quickly as drinking one's self to death would. Typically, the dry and untreated alkie will take their own life because they just don't see how life is worth living.
For the real alcoholic, treating alcoholism involves a whole lot more than "not drinking anymore." Everything's got to change......everything - and I don't know too many people who would tell you that's something they run to do......or even want to consider doing. Nope, the average alkie is so self-centered and so selfish that they'd usually rather cling to their current lifestyle right up to the doors of death rather than admit their plan isn't working and start to do something about it.
IF you're a real alcoholic, you're in a fight for your life, no question about it........though you may not realize it presently.
This disease is deadly serious.....and it beats us more often than we beat it - not because we can't win.......but because our pride and our egos keep us from taking the necessary action to implement the necessary changes to bring about the changes required to conquer it.
It doesn't HAVE to be that way though.... there's one solution I know works for sure and it's by implementing 12 little steps into one's life. That one works 100% and has never failed.......IF it's done completely.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Ikc and north...sorry you are having a rough time of it...its a bit of a broken record but what are you planning on doing different this time?
I was in the same cycle as you for 5 years....wanting to get sober but completely unable ...I am just shy of 5 months now and while that's not a lot in the grand scheme of things it was unfathomable to me 6 months ago...going forward I like my odds...so it is possible.
Hugs, LaFemme
I was in the same cycle as you for 5 years....wanting to get sober but completely unable ...I am just shy of 5 months now and while that's not a lot in the grand scheme of things it was unfathomable to me 6 months ago...going forward I like my odds...so it is possible.
Hugs, LaFemme
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,843
I had trouble staying sober too. Couldn't seem to do it no matter how badly I wanted to. It wasn't until I replaced my drinking habit with expressing gratitude that I was able to stay sober.... well, that and a complete Attitude Adjustment.
But being grateful for my blessings has replaced the urge to drink.
But being grateful for my blessings has replaced the urge to drink.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,618
I couldn't stay sober either - for 10 years of so I'd stay sober just long enough to 'feel ok again'
My drinking was killing me - not only the actual drinking but the scarpes I was getitng myself into.
Eventually I realised I had to do something, something different.
Anything but pick up another bottle.
D
My drinking was killing me - not only the actual drinking but the scarpes I was getitng myself into.
Eventually I realised I had to do something, something different.
Anything but pick up another bottle.
D
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by lkc2010
... Why's it SO HARD. Like its JUST alcohol. You'd think we could just stop - we don't need it to live.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 32
I'm sorry IKC2010. I can totally relate. I am only on day 9 today after having to start over once again. Can you play those tapes thru before you drink? Like how sick you will be and worse case scenerios that could happen or have happened? Have you met people in recovery you can call?
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Originally Posted by lkc2010
I have no idea WHY I cannot stay sober.
You would think I'd learn. I cannot express enough how tired of being a drunk I am. I don't want my bottom to get any worse. I need to go back to AA but feel like I've failed at it (I know they'll take me back). I just feel like an idiot 'oh there's that girl that can't stay sober'. Yuck. I need to help myself. I made myself yet another promise this am to get sober and stay sober. I'm going to try very hard to stick to it.
You would think I'd learn. I cannot express enough how tired of being a drunk I am. I don't want my bottom to get any worse. I need to go back to AA but feel like I've failed at it (I know they'll take me back). I just feel like an idiot 'oh there's that girl that can't stay sober'. Yuck. I need to help myself. I made myself yet another promise this am to get sober and stay sober. I'm going to try very hard to stick to it.
This is what stuck out to me. My sister said these words to me many times. The bold sentence is what killed her. As a woman in this situation it was so humiliating for her. It was the one thing that played on her mind, what other people thought of her. Where we live it was mostly men in the rehab centres and she was targetted. She felt the other women there didnt like her because of it too.
Promises didnt work for her either, because when she relapsed each time it made her feel worse and a failure.
Addiction will kill you and it does happen. When you have finally had enough of tormenting yourself, then please get absolute professional help.
Thinking of You - JJ
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 246
I never did the 12 steps. I really don't know what is working for me, but I'm bearing down on 19 months of sobriety this Saturday. So I guess I'm doing something right.
My first advice would be to stop making promises to yourself or anyone else. Promising yourself, then breaking that promise is driving you into deeper depression. If anything has been clear to me during the sobriety process, it's the truth in the phrase "take it one day at a time." That's hard to believe in the beginning, because Day 3 is imperceptibly easier than Day 2, which is imperceptibly easier than Day 1. But you know what? Day 200 is clearly perceptibly easier than Day 100, which is clearly perceptibly easier than Day 10, which is clearly perceptibly easier than Day 1. I have the benefit of 19 months of sobriety to see that, but it's terribly true.
For so many people, part of the challenge is in not knowing what to do with yourself. To be honest, I haven't changed my lifestyle that dramatically. Before, I watched a lot of movies drunk after getting the kids to bed. Now I watch them sober... and remember the plots a whole hell-of-a-lot better. I'm still the same guy with some of the same friends who drink too much. Thee are times when a glass of wine or good beer looks tantalizing, but I remind myself, "Oh yeah, if I drink that, I'll die." An aside, some of the folks I mentioned on this page as taunting me a bit 18 months ago for quitting drinking are now quitting themselves. Funny how that works.
Even though I didn't change my life much, the drunk me from winter 2009 indeed seems like a different person. During Thanksgiving, one of my wife's relatives drank too much and made an ass of himself. I pitied him and thanked the good Lord it wasn't me. I still thank the Lord every night before drifting off for another day of sobriety. I'll do that until the day I die.
You need to do whatever it takes to start knocking out days, so that what I've described above begins ringing true for you. The good folks here at SR carried me through the early days, and that was enough to start me down this path. If it's not enough for you, return to AA, try the 90 in 90 theory, or consider treatment. Whatever it takes to allow your body and brain to begin to heal, to begin seeing your life through a clear, sober lens. There's no doubt in my mind you can do this.
My first advice would be to stop making promises to yourself or anyone else. Promising yourself, then breaking that promise is driving you into deeper depression. If anything has been clear to me during the sobriety process, it's the truth in the phrase "take it one day at a time." That's hard to believe in the beginning, because Day 3 is imperceptibly easier than Day 2, which is imperceptibly easier than Day 1. But you know what? Day 200 is clearly perceptibly easier than Day 100, which is clearly perceptibly easier than Day 10, which is clearly perceptibly easier than Day 1. I have the benefit of 19 months of sobriety to see that, but it's terribly true.
For so many people, part of the challenge is in not knowing what to do with yourself. To be honest, I haven't changed my lifestyle that dramatically. Before, I watched a lot of movies drunk after getting the kids to bed. Now I watch them sober... and remember the plots a whole hell-of-a-lot better. I'm still the same guy with some of the same friends who drink too much. Thee are times when a glass of wine or good beer looks tantalizing, but I remind myself, "Oh yeah, if I drink that, I'll die." An aside, some of the folks I mentioned on this page as taunting me a bit 18 months ago for quitting drinking are now quitting themselves. Funny how that works.
Even though I didn't change my life much, the drunk me from winter 2009 indeed seems like a different person. During Thanksgiving, one of my wife's relatives drank too much and made an ass of himself. I pitied him and thanked the good Lord it wasn't me. I still thank the Lord every night before drifting off for another day of sobriety. I'll do that until the day I die.
You need to do whatever it takes to start knocking out days, so that what I've described above begins ringing true for you. The good folks here at SR carried me through the early days, and that was enough to start me down this path. If it's not enough for you, return to AA, try the 90 in 90 theory, or consider treatment. Whatever it takes to allow your body and brain to begin to heal, to begin seeing your life through a clear, sober lens. There's no doubt in my mind you can do this.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 1
Like a page out of my life
Originally Posted by lkc2010
I have no idea WHY I cannot stay sober. I just cannot and I'm very tired of the mayhem that I continue to create for myself.
I'm hung over and really sick again. I'm not going into work. I was so ridiculously drunk this weekend that I had the worst hang over I've ever had on Saturday and Sunday. It actually scared me how sick I got.
I had a horrible day at work yesterday and drank myself into another oblivion. Ive been on a binge. I'm going to hurt myself accidentally or find myself in a terrible situation if I don't knock it off.
You would think I'd learn. I cannot express enough how tired of being a drunk I am. I don't want my bottom to get any worse. I need to go back to AA but feel like I've failed at it (I know they'll take me back). I just feel like an idiot 'oh there's that girl that can't stay sober'.
Yuck. I need to help myself. I made myself yet another promise this am to get sober and stay sober. I'm going to try very hard to stick to it.
I'm hung over and really sick again. I'm not going into work. I was so ridiculously drunk this weekend that I had the worst hang over I've ever had on Saturday and Sunday. It actually scared me how sick I got.
I had a horrible day at work yesterday and drank myself into another oblivion. Ive been on a binge. I'm going to hurt myself accidentally or find myself in a terrible situation if I don't knock it off.
You would think I'd learn. I cannot express enough how tired of being a drunk I am. I don't want my bottom to get any worse. I need to go back to AA but feel like I've failed at it (I know they'll take me back). I just feel like an idiot 'oh there's that girl that can't stay sober'.
Yuck. I need to help myself. I made myself yet another promise this am to get sober and stay sober. I'm going to try very hard to stick to it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I've sat in the rooms and heard that someone went back out and has returned. I always think 'there for the grace of God'. Please go back and grab a meeting as soon as possible - you could probably use their support right now, and your story could well save someone else from going back out there.
xx
xx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I don't want to be Debbie Downer here but I agree with what DayTrader says: "he average alkie is so self-centered and so selfish that they'd usually rather cling to their current lifestyle right up to the doors of death rather than admit their plan isn't working and start to do something about it."
In reading this thread I see a lot of folks who have been battling for a long time (members since 2010) and are still battling. You/we realize there is no logical explanation to continue drinking yet we still do it. The harsh reality is that there are consequences...eventually. And one is death or permanent disability. Sorry I don't have any more or better advice than has already been given, but fear can be a great motivator.
Battling like that must be like a self imposed prison. I wish you the very best, before the clock runs out.
In reading this thread I see a lot of folks who have been battling for a long time (members since 2010) and are still battling. You/we realize there is no logical explanation to continue drinking yet we still do it. The harsh reality is that there are consequences...eventually. And one is death or permanent disability. Sorry I don't have any more or better advice than has already been given, but fear can be a great motivator.
Battling like that must be like a self imposed prison. I wish you the very best, before the clock runs out.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: west Coast
Posts: 71
I believe that all of the posts except for the last 3 (above)--ARE from 2010 as this is an older thread.
So perhaps they were able to do what was needed and are no longer just struggling to stay sober---but are happily living their lives in freedom!
Sure hope so!
So perhaps they were able to do what was needed and are no longer just struggling to stay sober---but are happily living their lives in freedom!
Sure hope so!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 1
I am in the exact same hellish boat. All I can do is fall to my knees and pray to God to help grant me one sober moment at a time. But I'm still terrified and in pain...which leads me right back to Satan's elixir. Prayers desperately needed and sincerely appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 387
Originally Posted by northland
this kind of thinking doesn't work when I get cravings. I need to remind myself how embarrassing I am when I drink, what alcohol has done for me in the past. But for some reason, when I do get cravings, I can't conjure up the memories
KP
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,618
Hi and welcome wrenbird
I believe in prayer but I really believe in a little action ourselves too.
Sometimes that means sitting with those cravings and waiting for them to pass, it means not going to the liquor store and it means reaching out and asking for help
If you post here when you feel you're being tempted, I'm sure you find that support makes a big difference. It really did for me anyway
Like I said above, you'll likely get more responses if you start your own thread - but it's good to have you with us
D
Originally Posted by Wrenbird82
I am in the exact same hellish boat. All I can do is fall to my knees and pray to God to help grant me one sober moment at a time. But I'm still terrified and in pain...which leads me right back to Satan's elixir. Prayers desperately needed and sincerely appreciated.
Sometimes that means sitting with those cravings and waiting for them to pass, it means not going to the liquor store and it means reaching out and asking for help
If you post here when you feel you're being tempted, I'm sure you find that support makes a big difference. It really did for me anyway
Like I said above, you'll likely get more responses if you start your own thread - but it's good to have you with us
D
Recoverer of Self
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 297
Alcohol can completely change me...and I blacked out all the time.. and I would BEG myself to stop as I was pouring a drink, but it felt like my body was on autopilot and did what it wanted...while I screamed NO NO NO up inside my head....it's horrible the control it has over me...I know I can't have even one drink...not ever...cause sooner or later, crazy, out of control me is gonna kill myself or someone I love...how insane is that...but it's going to happen eventually if I ever drink again.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: San Diego
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by lkc2010
I have no idea WHY I cannot stay sober. I just cannot and I'm very tired of the mayhem that I continue to create for myself.
Dude, you can't stay sober because you're DEEPLY addicted to alcohol. It takes a lot longer to undue this addiction than ANY other drug.
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