Alcohol can completely change me...and I blacked out all the time.. and I would BEG myself to stop as I was pouring a drink, but it felt like my body was on autopilot and did what it wanted...while I screamed NO NO NO up inside my head....it's horrible the control it has over me...I know I can't have even one drink...not ever...cause sooner or later, crazy, out of control me is gonna kill myself or someone I love...how insane is that...but it's going to happen eventually if I ever drink again.