Ikc and north...sorry you are having a rough time of it...its a bit of a broken record but what are you planning on doing different this time?
I was in the same cycle as you for 5 years....wanting to get sober but completely unable ...I am just shy of 5 months now and while that's not a lot in the grand scheme of things it was unfathomable to me 6 months ago...going forward I like my odds...so it is possible.
Hugs, LaFemme