Originally Posted by
lkc2010 
I have no idea WHY I cannot stay sober.
You would think I'd learn. I cannot express enough how tired of being a drunk I am. I don't want my bottom to get any worse. I need to go back to AA but feel like I've failed at it (I know they'll take me back). I just feel like an idiot 'oh there's that girl that can't stay sober'. Yuck. I need to help myself. I made myself yet another promise this am to get sober and stay sober. I'm going to try very hard to stick to it.
This is what stuck out to me. My sister said these words to me many times. The bold sentence is what killed her. As a woman in this situation it was so humiliating for her. It was the one thing that played on her mind, what other people thought of her. Where we live it was mostly men in the rehab centres and she was targetted. She felt the other women there didnt like her because of it too.
Promises didnt work for her either, because when she relapsed each time it made her feel worse and a failure.
Addiction will kill you and it does happen. When you have finally had enough of tormenting yourself, then please get absolute professional help.
Thinking of You - JJ