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Can't Stay Sober - So Unhappy

Old 12-08-2010, 04:57 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by lkc2010 View Post
Why's it SO HARD. Like its JUST alcohol. You'd think we could just stop - we don't need it to live.
Lkc..... a couple suggestions to consider

It's SO hard because, of our own willpower, we can't stop.....we do need it to live - not from a nutritional standpoint but from a spiritual and mental standpoint (given the physical craving that kicks in once the first drink is taken, I can argue that physically we "need" it as well but I'll leave that alone for now).

Why's it so hard - That's true if you're part of the "we real alcoholics" - aka the chronic alcoholic. The chronic alcoholic cannot, under any circumstances, stop drinking and stay stopped given any human power.

It's just alcohol - no....it's alcoholism (if you're a real alcoholic). The drinking of alcohol is just an outward manifestation of in internal condition. Drinking alcohol treats alcoholism. So, it's more than just the booze - A LOT more. Treat that core problem, the alcoholism, and the drinking problem goes away on it's own.

We don't need it to live - in his/her present untreated alcoholic state, the real alcoholic generally needs alcohol to live. Stopping drinking, and failing to treat one's alcoholism.......for the chronic alcoholic......will lead to death just as surely and just as quickly as drinking one's self to death would. Typically, the dry and untreated alkie will take their own life because they just don't see how life is worth living.

For the real alcoholic, treating alcoholism involves a whole lot more than "not drinking anymore." Everything's got to change......everything - and I don't know too many people who would tell you that's something they run to do......or even want to consider doing. Nope, the average alkie is so self-centered and so selfish that they'd usually rather cling to their current lifestyle right up to the doors of death rather than admit their plan isn't working and start to do something about it.

IF you're a real alcoholic, you're in a fight for your life, no question about it........though you may not realize it presently.

This disease is deadly serious.....and it beats us more often than we beat it - not because we can't win.......but because our pride and our egos keep us from taking the necessary action to implement the necessary changes to bring about the changes required to conquer it.

It doesn't HAVE to be that way though.... there's one solution I know works for sure and it's by implementing 12 little steps into one's life. That one works 100% and has never failed.......IF it's done completely.
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Old 12-08-2010, 06:27 AM
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Ikc and north...sorry you are having a rough time of it...its a bit of a broken record but what are you planning on doing different this time?

I was in the same cycle as you for 5 years....wanting to get sober but completely unable ...I am just shy of 5 months now and while that's not a lot in the grand scheme of things it was unfathomable to me 6 months ago...going forward I like my odds...so it is possible.

Hugs, LaFemme
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Old 12-08-2010, 06:55 AM
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I had trouble staying sober too. Couldn't seem to do it no matter how badly I wanted to. It wasn't until I replaced my drinking habit with expressing gratitude that I was able to stay sober.... well, that and a complete Attitude Adjustment. But being grateful for my blessings has replaced the urge to drink.
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Old 12-08-2010, 12:42 PM
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I couldn't stay sober either - for 10 years of so I'd stay sober just long enough to 'feel ok again'

My drinking was killing me - not only the actual drinking but the scarpes I was getitng myself into.

Eventually I realised I had to do something, something different.
Anything but pick up another bottle.

D
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Old 12-08-2010, 12:55 PM
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Originally Posted by lkc2010 View Post
... Why's it SO HARD. Like its JUST alcohol. You'd think we could just stop - we don't need it to live.
Logic and reason are the wrong tools to use to deal with addiction. I know it does not make much sense but spiritual principles work when all else fails.
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Old 12-08-2010, 01:57 PM
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I'm sorry IKC2010. I can totally relate. I am only on day 9 today after having to start over once again. Can you play those tapes thru before you drink? Like how sick you will be and worse case scenerios that could happen or have happened? Have you met people in recovery you can call?
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Old 12-08-2010, 02:22 PM
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Originally Posted by lkc2010 View Post
I have no idea WHY I cannot stay sober.

You would think I'd learn. I cannot express enough how tired of being a drunk I am. I don't want my bottom to get any worse. I need to go back to AA but feel like I've failed at it (I know they'll take me back). I just feel like an idiot 'oh there's that girl that can't stay sober'. Yuck. I need to help myself. I made myself yet another promise this am to get sober and stay sober. I'm going to try very hard to stick to it.

This is what stuck out to me. My sister said these words to me many times. The bold sentence is what killed her. As a woman in this situation it was so humiliating for her. It was the one thing that played on her mind, what other people thought of her. Where we live it was mostly men in the rehab centres and she was targetted. She felt the other women there didnt like her because of it too.
Promises didnt work for her either, because when she relapsed each time it made her feel worse and a failure.
Addiction will kill you and it does happen. When you have finally had enough of tormenting yourself, then please get absolute professional help.
Thinking of You - JJ
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Old 12-08-2010, 02:29 PM
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I never did the 12 steps. I really don't know what is working for me, but I'm bearing down on 19 months of sobriety this Saturday. So I guess I'm doing something right.
My first advice would be to stop making promises to yourself or anyone else. Promising yourself, then breaking that promise is driving you into deeper depression. If anything has been clear to me during the sobriety process, it's the truth in the phrase "take it one day at a time." That's hard to believe in the beginning, because Day 3 is imperceptibly easier than Day 2, which is imperceptibly easier than Day 1. But you know what? Day 200 is clearly perceptibly easier than Day 100, which is clearly perceptibly easier than Day 10, which is clearly perceptibly easier than Day 1. I have the benefit of 19 months of sobriety to see that, but it's terribly true.
For so many people, part of the challenge is in not knowing what to do with yourself. To be honest, I haven't changed my lifestyle that dramatically. Before, I watched a lot of movies drunk after getting the kids to bed. Now I watch them sober... and remember the plots a whole hell-of-a-lot better. I'm still the same guy with some of the same friends who drink too much. Thee are times when a glass of wine or good beer looks tantalizing, but I remind myself, "Oh yeah, if I drink that, I'll die." An aside, some of the folks I mentioned on this page as taunting me a bit 18 months ago for quitting drinking are now quitting themselves. Funny how that works.
Even though I didn't change my life much, the drunk me from winter 2009 indeed seems like a different person. During Thanksgiving, one of my wife's relatives drank too much and made an ass of himself. I pitied him and thanked the good Lord it wasn't me. I still thank the Lord every night before drifting off for another day of sobriety. I'll do that until the day I die.
You need to do whatever it takes to start knocking out days, so that what I've described above begins ringing true for you. The good folks here at SR carried me through the early days, and that was enough to start me down this path. If it's not enough for you, return to AA, try the 90 in 90 theory, or consider treatment. Whatever it takes to allow your body and brain to begin to heal, to begin seeing your life through a clear, sober lens. There's no doubt in my mind you can do this.
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Old 07-08-2015, 10:24 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Like a page out of my life

Originally Posted by lkc2010 View Post
I have no idea WHY I cannot stay sober. I just cannot and I'm very tired of the mayhem that I continue to create for myself.

I'm hung over and really sick again. I'm not going into work. I was so ridiculously drunk this weekend that I had the worst hang over I've ever had on Saturday and Sunday. It actually scared me how sick I got.

I had a horrible day at work yesterday and drank myself into another oblivion. Ive been on a binge. I'm going to hurt myself accidentally or find myself in a terrible situation if I don't knock it off.

You would think I'd learn. I cannot express enough how tired of being a drunk I am. I don't want my bottom to get any worse. I need to go back to AA but feel like I've failed at it (I know they'll take me back). I just feel like an idiot 'oh there's that girl that can't stay sober'.

Yuck. I need to help myself. I made myself yet another promise this am to get sober and stay sober. I'm going to try very hard to stick to it.
Hey, just wanted to let u know your not alone. I too feel this way. Get sober for three months then when it comes to success I run out and use. Ive had three job offers and they all resulted in a huge panic attack and me loaded for days. Everything I see has a noose attached to it.. I feel like I'm wearing a blind fold and can't see the beauty in life. I love the chaos. I'm addicted to suicide. I still attend my meetings regularly but it's quickly followed by use. I'm ****** insane. Loneliness kills me as well. Ugh there's that guy again who can't stay sober
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Old 07-08-2015, 10:43 AM
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I've sat in the rooms and heard that someone went back out and has returned. I always think 'there for the grace of God'. Please go back and grab a meeting as soon as possible - you could probably use their support right now, and your story could well save someone else from going back out there.

xx
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Old 07-08-2015, 11:11 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Welcome to the Forum Ryansales!!

You'll find loads of support here on SR!! Great to have you onboard!!
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Old 07-08-2015, 01:19 PM
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I don't want to be Debbie Downer here but I agree with what DayTrader says: "he average alkie is so self-centered and so selfish that they'd usually rather cling to their current lifestyle right up to the doors of death rather than admit their plan isn't working and start to do something about it."
In reading this thread I see a lot of folks who have been battling for a long time (members since 2010) and are still battling. You/we realize there is no logical explanation to continue drinking yet we still do it. The harsh reality is that there are consequences...eventually. And one is death or permanent disability. Sorry I don't have any more or better advice than has already been given, but fear can be a great motivator.
Battling like that must be like a self imposed prison. I wish you the very best, before the clock runs out.
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Old 07-08-2015, 03:55 PM
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I believe that all of the posts except for the last 3 (above)--ARE from 2010 as this is an older thread.

So perhaps they were able to do what was needed and are no longer just struggling to stay sober---but are happily living their lives in freedom!
Sure hope so!
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Old 07-08-2015, 04:55 PM
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Welcome to SR Ryan

Feel free to start your own thread

D
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Old 12-28-2015, 05:12 PM
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I am in the exact same hellish boat. All I can do is fall to my knees and pray to God to help grant me one sober moment at a time. But I'm still terrified and in pain...which leads me right back to Satan's elixir. Prayers desperately needed and sincerely appreciated.
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Old 12-28-2015, 07:19 PM
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Originally Posted by northland View Post
this kind of thinking doesn't work when I get cravings. I need to remind myself how embarrassing I am when I drink, what alcohol has done for me in the past. But for some reason, when I do get cravings, I can't conjure up the memories
Try practicing beforehand. Set timers, especially around the witching hour, to remind you to play the tape forward, read a pre-written letter from you to you, etc. I've used this effectively in building other habits.

KP
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Old 12-28-2015, 07:27 PM
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Hi and welcome wrenbird

Originally Posted by Wrenbird82 View Post
I am in the exact same hellish boat. All I can do is fall to my knees and pray to God to help grant me one sober moment at a time. But I'm still terrified and in pain...which leads me right back to Satan's elixir. Prayers desperately needed and sincerely appreciated.
I believe in prayer but I really believe in a little action ourselves too.

Sometimes that means sitting with those cravings and waiting for them to pass, it means not going to the liquor store and it means reaching out and asking for help

If you post here when you feel you're being tempted, I'm sure you find that support makes a big difference. It really did for me anyway

Like I said above, you'll likely get more responses if you start your own thread - but it's good to have you with us

D
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Old 12-28-2015, 07:43 PM
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Alcohol can completely change me...and I blacked out all the time.. and I would BEG myself to stop as I was pouring a drink, but it felt like my body was on autopilot and did what it wanted...while I screamed NO NO NO up inside my head....it's horrible the control it has over me...I know I can't have even one drink...not ever...cause sooner or later, crazy, out of control me is gonna kill myself or someone I love...how insane is that...but it's going to happen eventually if I ever drink again.
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Old 12-28-2015, 07:48 PM
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Hi & Welcome Wrenbird82
Prayers sent...
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Old 12-28-2015, 08:27 PM
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Originally Posted by lkc2010 View Post
I have no idea WHY I cannot stay sober. I just cannot and I'm very tired of the mayhem that I continue to create for myself.

Dude, you can't stay sober because you're DEEPLY addicted to alcohol. It takes a lot longer to undue this addiction than ANY other drug.
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