I don't want to be Debbie Downer here but I agree with what DayTrader says: "he average alkie is so self-centered and so selfish that they'd usually rather cling to their current lifestyle right up to the doors of death rather than admit their plan isn't working and start to do something about it."
In reading this thread I see a lot of folks who have been battling for a long time (members since 2010) and are still battling. You/we realize there is no logical explanation to continue drinking yet we still do it. The harsh reality is that there are consequences...eventually. And one is death or permanent disability. Sorry I don't have any more or better advice than has already been given, but fear can be a great motivator.
Battling like that must be like a self imposed prison. I wish you the very best, before the clock runs out.