mackenzie09

I was in a car accident on December 13th, 2009. Some friends and I were driving back to school when a dear ran out in the road. The boy driving swerved into the median trying to avoid it. I was thrown through the windshield backwards, and landed in the median. The car thankfully flipped over me into the oncoming lane. I suffered several injuries, had two major surgeries, and was in ICU for thirty days (the hospital a total of 45). I burst a vertebra in my spine, lost the ability to move the left side of my face, lost the hearing in my left ear, and had multiple fractures to the sinuses in the back of my head. Although, I found those injuries to be enough of a plague, I now am dealing with several more, possibly caused by the drugs. Upon my arrival at the hospital, I was what you could call…pure. I was birthed at home, breastfed until I was four, fed only organic food and bottled water, never given any vaccines, and never poisoned by the drugs of mainstream medical. Because of this I had a very harsh reaction to the narcotics I was pumped full of. I seemed to have a reaction to every drug, spanning from urinary retention to horrible, horrible, Vietnam veteran hallucinations. I even punched my dad in the face during one of my “trips” lol. I was released on January 27th, with a prescription for a multitude of things including Oxycodone –ir and Oxycodone –er. I got off oxy –er the moment I left the hospital, in fact I never opened the prescription bottle. I hate those bloody drugs. I’ve still been taking the oxy –ir, trying to slowly wean off. In the hospital I’d take as many as 230 mg a day of oxy –ir alone, I’m down to about 60mg a day now, but I can’t take it anymore. I’m going cold turkey, and that’s that. I hate narcotics passionately. It’s been 31 hours since my last pill, and I’m done.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Mackenzie

I'm sorry for your troubles.

I always recommend people seek medical advice. If nothing you read in this thread gave you pause to rethink your plan to go cold turkey, I wish you well.

D

Ekat

Mac, my basic story is just like yours in many ways. I'm as sick as can be now. How did you ever get down that low, and how long did it take you to get there? (I was being treated for cancer, but cannot get rid of these evil meds - oxycodone.) I am almost at the point where I am considering a lawsuit. This drug has ruined my body and my life. I was a skater and a ballet dancer, and always the most fun-filled person in the room. Now I am 3/4 dead. I lie on the sofa all day. I'm isolated and cry all day; nightmare at night.

Feel free to pm me and we can always talk on the phone if you would like. I am desperate to unwind myself from this horror.

Ekat

mackenzie09

-ekat: Thank you for your words, our stories do seem to have many similarities. I considered myself skater as well, as you said; however, I was an ice hockey player. Idk if that's right? Maybe I should still be saying "I am" an ice hockey player. It's just so hard trying to come back from an injury as encompassing as mine seems to be, whilst battling the evils of oxycodone.

Ekat

Mac, I was a 'drug virgin' as well. (We always had red wine on the table with dinner, and my limit has always been 2 glasses - and that's at a party and for a holiday.)

Now I'm a wreck. My nervous system feels destroyed. I am non-functional, and I don't know where to turn. I have medical insurance, but not the resources for a true detox/rehab. I'm very frightened.

Ekat

Oh, and I want to add that I had a BIG day today: I actually went OUT, bought groceries, and called the police to follow up on an assault that happened to me 2 weeks ago. I really think a lot of myself.:codiepolice

mackenzie09

Ekat - That's great. Accomplishing a lot almost always makes one feel better. I also understand the feeling. I have a long list of check marks I try to accomplish each day, vitamins, and holistic remedies. I always feel better on days when I complete a good number of my goals. Keep up the good work!

On a more personal note. I'm now 33 hours drug free, and I'm feeling somewhat better, or at least more positive. My pain seems to come in waves. Nausea, fever/chills, and my whole body seems to ache. An ex-boyfriend stopped by to keep me company, it's nice to have someone close to talk with. I'm excited to sleep, and not have to feel any pain. Hopefully, I'll feel better in the morning.

Ekat

Let me know how you are doing in the morning. I don't know how you're doing it. After 12 hours, I felt that I was losing my mind. I think that it varies greatly. I feel like there is something really wrong with me, however. I felt like that depiction of "Lady Sings the Blues" when she was in prison. I feel that way after 12 hours of no medication. This is not good, and is why I am so desperately requesting help (from strangers!) I don't see myself getting through this without extreme treatment.

You are doing GREAT. Stay with it, if you are able. If you have gone this long, and feel that you can't go longer, I would say, "Get to a hospital." You are remarkable.

Love,
Ekat

Ekat

Sugah, I feel like garbage. I am so nauseous. I really need to find a several-week program. I need some care. I'll never get well here. It's just too much pressure and pain.

If you here of anything, please let me know.

Same for anyone. I need some care and rest. A good month of medical help and rest from all this crap: Overdue bills, no light, social isolation, appointments that I can't get to, etc.

Thanks for putting up with me,
Ekat

mackenzie09

ekat - I know how you're feeling on all levels. I spent the entire night tossing and turning. I didn't get a wink of sleep, in fact I spent most of the night screaming. I'm throughly exhausted, and I constantly feel like throwing up. The nausea never seems to fade, I can't eat a thing, and my body's beckoning call for more pills has me practically pulling my hair out. However, I refuse to give in. I'm in a battle against oxycodone, and the only way to lose is to give in. I refuse.

Keep up your spirits. It's difficult, but worth it.

Ekat

Mac, how are you holding on? I was there once = when I ran out of the prescription. I can't be alone through that. I have a small dog who would get very frightened and may even get hurt with my thrashing about.

Like I said, you have enormous will and strength. Amazing.

Love and prayers your way,
Ekat

mackenzie09

ekat - I depend on animals as well. I have three dogs that have been by my side this whole time. Last night, one small dog, snickers, was very frightened and jumped off of the bed while I screamed. I think it actually helped me however. I love my dog, and her being scared helped me calm down and breath easier as I held and soothed her. Animals are a great help. They always seem to know when your sick.

As for myself - I ache. I keep walking around my home looking for somewhere to be. But I'm restless, I'm not comfortable anywhere. I wouldn't be comfortable anywhere in the world right now. I'm trying to keep busy, and distract myself, but it's so difficult. It's not even eleven in the morning where I live. I need time to go faster. I ache so much.

Ekat

Mac, your's sounds like an accurate description of withdrawal. I wish that I could be around you to help you. I am really pulling for you. I am going to send you a private message, so check it out.

tellmewhy

Hi ekat, & nlynn & sugah & mack & ____.....I have been reading your stories and looks like ya'll have taken HUGE HUGE HUGE first (and in some cases second & third) steps towards living a clean life. I hope you keep taking it day by day and try & remember that, yes, life was livable without this stuff.



C

Tiredofdrugs

I wanted to write something here in reference to the buddy system.

It’s great to have someone to start the detoxing with, to talk to for support, to have someone going thru the same things you are and just having the knowledge while you are agonizing over your usage there is someone you know who is doing the same thing you are.

This could be a good thing or a bad thing. The Army has the buddy system also. When I went thru Basic Training in 1985. There were two girls that did this. One of the girls cried herself to sleep every night. I listened to her for nine weeks. She slept in the bunk straight across from mine. She cussed her buddy every night for talking her into doing this.

Me and my Aunt use to help each other out when one would get low on her pills before the next one got their refills. We decided to get off the opiates the same day. We were taking a lot of pills!! Towards the end of my usage that year. I took around 780 pills in a three months period. My Aunt was having a lot of problems trying to detox. She could hardly talk to me when I called her. We had a week of clean time when she was taken to the ER. She was immediately admitted. She had a tear in her intestines. From that day forward. She went downhill. After multiple surgeries, a long stay in the hospital and then finally released, she wasn’t home long and was admitted to a nursing home. Two months later she passed away.

It was a real blow to me. I had worked hard at staying clean and wanted the same for my Aunt. So when all this happened to her, it put me in a really black mood. I didn’t go back to popping pills, but I really felt let down.

I came to realize. I had to concentrate on my own sobriety and not become so dependent on another person going thru this time of hardship, the same as myself, for me to make it through. You have to find your own golden lining that makes you believe you can stick with your recovery. If your friend starts using again you might feel like joining her. If she can’t make it I might not either. Or are you going to look down on her for doing it? Just something to ponder.

I have posted a lot of info throughout this site if you’d like to read more on how I’m dealing with my detoxing. I started 43 days ago CT. Take care of yourselves.

Ekat

Mackenzie, I am worried about you. Please contact me as soon as you can.

Ekat

wesB

It has been 2 days since my last oxycodone pill and I feel like CRAP to say the least! I have relied on the oxys to make me happy and help me function throughout the day for quite a while now...Since w/d, I dont have the energy or the motivation to do ANYTHING AT ALL! Laying in bed watching TV helps the hours go by. I have this depressed foggy feeling that I've never felt before in my life! I dont feel motivated to do anything, I dont have any interest in doing anything, im not happy doing anything (not even sitting around doing nothing!) Its so hard to describe, but pretty much I dont feel like ANYTHING (if that makes any sense?) I just CANNOT get motivated or happy with anything!

I have a history of depression, but this fog im in right now beats anything I've ever felt and Im wondering if anyone has had or is feeling the same way through their w/d? Im am a hot natured person, and I have an insatiable cold feeling that just wont go away!

I have ADHD and take adderall for that, which now with gives me the unhealthy boost of energy for necessary things I need to do (i.e work and school). I have been suffering from insomnia for years even before adderall, and right now with my w/d, these sleepless nights are a living HELL! My brain just cannot seem to shut off and my constant thinking feels like im trapped in a prison! I havent eaten for 2 days now (also no adderall) or even had the desire to. Right now I'm feeling the worst (mentally and physically) than I have ever before and am starting to feel hopeless that I will never get back to feeling normal! I forgot what I used to do before oxys to help me get through my day to day living and I feel an impending doom that I will never know that "normal and natural" feeling again?!!! But it is only day 2!

Is this a normal feeling through the withdraw period? Has anyone felt the same way or similar? Please, I need some feed back, support, experiences, and tips to help me get through this living hell im going through right now! God bless.

soccer

What you are feeling sounds like the same thing I went through. The good news is that these feelings will pass as your body rids itself of the drug. I found that keeping my brain busy helped a great deal. I understand that physical activity may not be something you want to do (I didnt either). Try reading, that helped me. Stay strong, these feelings will pass!

DecBaby

WesB these feelings are common with withdrawel. I too have underlying depression but in some time after being clean I found that things seemed a lot brighter. Give yourself some time off the opiates and that fog WILL lift. You may want to talk to your doctor about an anti depressant if its right for you.

soccer

Tough times teach you three things.
1. You are stronger than you think.
2. God is closer than you think.
3. He loves you more than you can know.
To everyone is going throuhg this, stay strong. You can do it.