ams1234

I am still here. I have been looking around this site reading other stories. I know I wont feel like this forever but it sure does feel like it. I am trying to take it hour by hour but the hours feel like days!!!

My body is hurting so bad... I just want it to stop!!! I am trying to be strong but I have never felt anything like this!

Ekat

ams, you are on here. That means you are still functional. You are doing wonderfully. Wow!

Just keep doing whatever you are doing. If you reach your end, come back here before taking anything. I will try to check in regularly. OK?

nlynn97

Hi Ams,

I'm on my 3rd day and it sucks. I have pain, the sweats, anxious, depression... Sometimes I feel like I cant go on but I come on here or call my friend and it gives me the support I need. The way I look at is I have overcome way worse things in my life. Stay strong, you can do this. It is hard but lots of people have done it. So it's not impossible. You have given birth and I'm sure that was difficult. Have you gone through hard things in your past? If you have you can handle 5-7 days of pain. You can do it! We are here for you

Hugs,
Lynn

PattiR

Hi All, I'm on day 4 of w/d from oxycodone 30s and feel like death/hell/u name it.....I saw these posts and it helped. Right now I'm shaking uncontrollably, cold chills, nauseous, severe headache, cannot sleep, throw up if I eat, uncontrollable bowels....and wondering why in the world I'm putting myself thru this and will it be worth it? Something inside of me knows it will be worth it, but what does it mean "turn the corner soon". How will I feel better? Everyday since day one has been worse than the last. My last oxy was last Thurs the 18th? I seriously doubt I will EVER want to go thru this again, but just want to know how soon I might feel better. Your help and input is much appreciated!

tennladybb

I want to say that my heart goes out to all of you.. I FEEL your pain.. I have been there countless times.. usually only when I ran out is when i "quit" As soon as the refill was there, or I had money... I relapsed. This is just MY experience and only a DOTOR can decide whats best for you.. I chose the suboxone route. I cant remember Ekat what your stance was on that, but for ME it was a miracle/blessing/Godsend/lifesaver.. NO joke.. You have to be in moderate w/d when you go, but 15 minutes after my first dose, NO withdrawals, NO cravings and I mean NONE. NO more sweating, pain, puking, sweating/freezing. It all went away.. I had to drag myself there, I was so sick, but so so so very glad I did.. LIke I said thats just my experience and only a DOCTOR can decide and it has to be followed per his instructions religiously.

Ekat, I feel how much emotional pain you are in.. I have had two very near death suicide attempts. I wont go into details but only after I barely squeezed my Dads hand after Day 5 of the coma did they think I would make it. They had told them to be prepared and that it was 50/50, but getting worse with every day I was out of it. I hurt EVERYONE in my life with that, and now have to live with that every day. Not to mention, people will look at you eternally differently. I would give ANYthing to take that back..

Please know that your daughter LOVES you , she just maybe doesnt LIKE you right now.. My 14 year old does NOT like me, and according to my husband has lost all respect for me. The countless rehabs, also. They let both my boys in to see me while i was in the coma they asked them to talk to me that sometimes people still hear.. I didnt hear them.. I was on the ventilator, tubes EVERYwhere and they suffered sooo much seeing that. When I was in rehab the last time, he had them write me letters and they told me how embarrassed they were that all their friends and friends moms... They were really embarrassed.. I just want you to know.. that people care.. I CARE.. You can do this.. Believe me, Im the biggest wienie when it comes to w/ds. I cant make it long at all. But if you grit your teeth and dig in you can do it!! you can do it without suboxone if you need to.... you REALLY can.. But if you chose it, and your doc says ok, its a great way to do it.. a BIG boost....I read somewhere that cravings last about 7 minutes.. If you feel one coming, then go do dishes, walk around, DO something to help it pass. I believe in you.. I feel so bad for your emotional pain. I wish I were there and I would give you such a BIG hug.. You need human contact. Try to get outside, go to the grocery store.. MOSTLY, if you go to meetings, you will feel that companionship, make new friends, GOOD clean friends.. It has taken me years, but im on my way there.. Not there by a long shot, but well on my way. I feel so good and so proud.

We care about you Ekat.. please know that, and if you ever feel so down you cant stand it, get on here and type away, type anything.. recipes, poems, songs, how you feel, ANYthing.. We do care, I care and I want so badly for you to get well.. you deserve a good clean life, but YOU have to do it, youre in the drivers seat. You can change it.. Anyone who says life is written in ink, doesnt know God is there with whiteout for all our blotches..

Much much love, Becky

Ekat

Yes, yes - that's it. I am so ashamed. My daughter is ashamed of me.

I want to get away. When I tried, I just got so sick, that I'm afraid of not being successful. Even at that. This is so horrible and ugly.

I got out today. I went to the pawn shop to pay the interest, the last day, so that I wouldn't lose my rings. I saw a man, stooped on a cinder block, behind an industrial building. I went over to him. He spoke little English, and I could see the despair in his face. We cried together. I couldn't help him. I don't have the money, and he's haunting my mind. The sadness and loss. He told me that he had no family. I didn't do enough, and I don't know where he is.

I am in so much pain.

This is too much. Too much pain, too much loss. I went from the bottom to the top, and down again. Down to the very bottom.

OCSweetness7

A bit about me: I had a spinal fusion Oct 2009 and they put me on Oxycondone HCL 15mg once a day up until Dec 2009. Prior to this surgery I have been on and off Percocet 10/325mg between 3-4 pills a day (currently I got myself down to 2-3 a day, mostly only 2) for 2yrs or so. Just before Christmas 2009 I was put on Oxycontin 20mg (4x/day). I have been weening myself off of them this past month on my own, very slowly. Currently I got myself down to taking 1-Oxycontin 20mg & 2-3 Percocet 10/325mg & Neurontin 600mg (mroning) 800mg (evening). Once I finish getting off these darn Oxy 20mg's I am going to keep trying to get off the Percocet.

Not sure if I am having withdrawls or just something else. But the first two weeks of Feb I was eating like crazy and this past week and today I really don't feel like eating much. Today and this evening I have been switching on and off about being cold then too hot (and I am not the type of person that minds being hot), but this is too much for even me. This afternoon I felt extremely hot and nausea. So I crawled into bed with trashcan nearby. After being there in and out of sleep for 3 hours I felt ok enough to get up for a little. Now having peppermint tea to calm the stomach.

I know the meds I am taking take a toll on our lives and I need to get off them. The pain from my surgery and me not being at the point I should be in my recovery pisses me off. This is my 2nd back surgery, I do not want another one.

Thanks for listening!

Ekat

I can relate to the hot/cold. I sweat like crazy. I keep my apartment VERY cold. Then I have moments of extreme chills.

These meds are nasty, nasty.

breakingdawn

I just want to say if I didnt have my friend lynn I would have gotten more pills tonight.We decided to get clean together.But she went a little earlier then me 2 days.Shes on her third day now.I tried yesterday but this morning I took 2 ps.I am so pissed at myself cause now I have to start over.Or thats the way I am feeling.I felt like I let her down.But she has been supporting me all day I must of called her 100 times today.But I am thankful I have her and I think shes thankfull she has me.I love her so much.I have been on pills for 3yrs Ps I can take any where from 10-15 ps a day.I want to get clean first of all for me!But thats so I can be here and be there for my kids!!My kids need me Yeah they have dads in there life but they aint ****!!So I have know chioce to get better because my kids need there mom!!!I just hope I can do it!Its hard the chills,the sweats,I hate them if I didnt have the chills and sweats I think I would be fine.I would love to here any advice anyone has.And words of encourgment.Thank you My prayers our with everyone.

Ekat

You are so lucky to have Lynn. Count her as a great blessing, as well as your family. I can't speak to trying and failing, but if I ever get through the initial wd, I can't imagine using again. I will probably need suboxone. My body won't tolerate a full wd. And I will need a support group, as pointed out by Sugah, because isolation is only a means to remain sick.

If you can't get through it, consider hospitalization. This option isn't mentioned much here, but I think it could be useful to get through the first few days.

Dee74

Welcome to all you new guys
Read around, ask questions...you'll find a lot of support here

D

nlynn97

Day 4! I cant believe I have made it this far. I thought I would give in so many times but I can't now that I have come this far. I couldn't have made it without the advice and encouragement I have found on this site. Thank you. I spent so much time being scared of wd. I think the time spent worrying about it was almost worse than just doing it. For those of you who are just starting wd take it hour by hour then day by day. Don't expect too much too soon. It does get better. Not that its a walk in the park. I still am having leg cramps and night sweats. But over all I feel better. Dawn and Ekat there will be a day soon where we are all off the pills. We will have our lives back.

Ekat

You have done GREAT, Lynn. WOW. I'm so proud of you.

nlynn97

Thank you Ekat,

Day 5! Still clean The physical pain is manageable but the mental is getting to me. I have been crying a lot. I also want to just sleep and sleep. I thought I could go out in public today but I'm not up for being social. I don't want people to see me like this. Most of my family has no idea I even had a problem. I just want this to be over so I can get on with my life. Find my hopes and dreams again. So I can feel like working towards something. I'm sick of limbo.

How is everyone else holding up?

Shellslove

Hi Lynn - been reading your posts! You are doing an awesome job, and you are a great friend! Giving support while you are going through the same thing yourself - I'm sure that's no easy task. The crying and emotional rollercoaster is normal - your emotions are raw right now - finally not being numbed - so everything is going to be heightened. Give yourself time, it will get back to normal, it just takes time.

Ekat - I hope you do talk to your doc about subs. I'm not gonna lie, it's no miracle cure. There just is no pain free way around this. Being on the opiates makes us more sensitive to pain, which further confuses things. Subs can help - they buy you time while you work at recovery. Instead of focusing on w/d pain, you are able to find strength in sobriety w/o being on the obsessive train of finding and taking the pills. Inevitably you'll have to come off the subs too, but the idea is that you will be strong enough in your recovery to deal with this when the time comes. I don't want to fool you into thinking this is an easy out though - it's not. I like you thought that if I could just get over the physical pain, I'd never even think about touching another pill in my life. But I'm struggling right now - I think maybe I got a little too confident, a little too cocky about my recovery. But I keep on chugging along, b/c I know I have to, I have no other choice but to NOT use.

Ekat

I'll continue to pray for you, Lynn. You are very brave. Big hugs.

I don't know how you are doing this. It's remarkable.

nlynn97

Day 7 I keep dreaming about pills. The WD's are gone I think, knock on wood. But I still wish I could have a pill. Ekat how are you?

Ekat

My God, how did you do that? Remind me again of how much and what you were taking. I cut back 25% from my prescription, and I am a mess, shaking, yawning - in terrible shape. I stopped drinking wine (even though I don't think that it's a problem on its own - but the mixture is dangerous.)

I don't have cravings for more pills, or wine, but I feel empty (emptier than usual.)
I have become very sad. I look around this apartment, and I just want to get the h**l out of here.

Lynn, you are amazing. Please write back when you get the chance

Love,
Ekat

nlynn97

I was taking 3 5mg percocets 3 to 4 times a day so total 9 to 12 pills of 5mgs a day. It might not seem like a lot but I needed to stop because it was only getting worse. The two weeks leading up to when I quit I was on vicodin about 10 pills a day. And the last two days I was on 5 pills a day. So I did taper down and I think it helps. The first day of detox I had nothing, the second, third and forth I had 1/2 a subdoxen, the fifth and sixth days I had 1/4 subdoxen and the last two days I have had none. The subs do help and I'm thankful I had them. They make the pain of withdrawal bearable. I had ambient for sleep and nerontin for pain, which I still am on but when I feel completely recovered from the pain pills I want to go off those too. I'm working with a doctor to make sure I'm safe and I do things right. I also get strength because I know if I don’t succeed I will lose everything I have, I wont be able to have kids and also my friend is counting on me. She is having a harder time than I am. She has it constantly being offered to her so she has to work twice as hard to reset the temptations. So I have to be strong for her. It's not fun but it also is over quickly. It might seem like a long time while you are going through it but in the scheme of your life one week isn’t that long. The hardest thing for me is learning to deal with my back pain with out pain meds. It hurts so bad that Tylenol and IBuprofen don’t help much. But I just have to learn to deal with it. I heard that taking the pain meds makes your thresh hold for pain go down so I'm hoping it will hurt less in a few weeks. Use lots of heating pads and take warm baths. It's great that you tapered down. Try to do it as much as you can. See your doctor and the bite the bullet. The subs help a lot so try to get those. I miss the pills but its great to have my life back. I feel more social and active. I actually want to talk to people when they call. When you are going thought the with drawls it takes so much out of you that you almost don’t have time to think about anything else. It feels so good to be clean. You can do it. Its one step at a time to change your life and get it to where you want it to be and the first is to get of these pills. Then you can work on your apartment and your relationship with your daughter. Do you have a quitting plan and have you talked to a doctor? Let me know if I can help.

Love,
Lynn

Ekat

Thank you very much for that reply. I have been trying to find some sort of foundation or charitable individual to get me into a rehab. I have a very low threshold for pain. It's not good. I will need to be in a hospital for at least several weeks.

I am very proud of you. You are a remarkable person, and very strong.

I want my life back. I want my self back. My life is crappy, but this drug makes it 100x worse.