The Hydro Thread
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
Sorry I had to split my posts again, but I wrote out another huge one this morning before meeting, and lost it all!! Again. So frustrating!!
Anyway, back to my ramblings. So, yesterday I shared for the first time. Then , after meeting, I got the phone numbers of the two ladies I was telling you about in my last post. I will probably call them next week, and see what happens. I hope one of them decides to take me on. I have a special brand of crazy, so I hope one of them can accept and work with that.
There's a guy at meeting that I really like. Not like THAT!! I am definitely not his type. For sure. He is honestly, though, one of the nicest people I have ever met. He just like oozes kindness out of every pore. I swear, he is just a really good man. Anyhow, we got to talking, and he said he felt really connected to me, like he'd known me his whole life. And, that's how I feel, too. It's so weird how that happens sometimes when you meet someone.
So, he explained to me about how in NA, you have something called a support group?? I think that's what it's called. And, so I asked if he would be part of mine, and he said yes. So, now, my phone list is just growing and growing. It's just such a neat thing to see evolve!! I just feel really blessed today.
Today, I did something else that I never thought I would do. I read the 12 traditions of NA at meeting. I hate reading in front of others. Not because I can't read well, but because I get nervous, and can't see well, especially if the type is small, but I did it!! I got through it, and again, miraculously, I didn't die!! lol. I am doing SO many things that are completely out of my comfort zone, but I am doing them. Then, after I do them, and my heart palpitations go away, I am so happy I did. I like the way I feel after. Like I accomplished some major thing. I know all this sounds silly, especially to all of you who are NA regulars, but this is all new and kinda exciting to me.
One more thing, and then I'll stop babbling. I was invited to go with some of the other ladies at meeting to do a sweat lodge ceremony at the Indian reservation on Sunday. All the girls love it and swear it helps them feel really good afterward. So, I was thinking I should go, but my addict side wants to hide out and stay at home alone. Has anyone done a sweat, and did you like it?? Just curious about any experiences anyone had doing this. I am very curious, and I am trying to say yes to everything I can safely say yes to, because I am tired of the drugs isolating me. But, I am not sure about this. I can't seem to make up my mind!!
Anyways, I guess that's it for now. I am so tired, and the wds decided to get downright nasty today. So, I figure I will hang out and watch tv, eat lunch, and give my puppy some special alone time. I have barely been home, and I think she misses me. Besides, it feels nice to be able to spend an afternoon hanging out, doing nothing, because I am tired from being busy and not high. I like this tired. It feels really good.
6 days sober today and going strong!! I have no desire to use today, even though I am pretty sick. That is amazing for me. So, I know I will not use today. Just for today, I am sure of that.
Love you guys.
Anyway, back to my ramblings. So, yesterday I shared for the first time. Then , after meeting, I got the phone numbers of the two ladies I was telling you about in my last post. I will probably call them next week, and see what happens. I hope one of them decides to take me on. I have a special brand of crazy, so I hope one of them can accept and work with that.
There's a guy at meeting that I really like. Not like THAT!! I am definitely not his type. For sure. He is honestly, though, one of the nicest people I have ever met. He just like oozes kindness out of every pore. I swear, he is just a really good man. Anyhow, we got to talking, and he said he felt really connected to me, like he'd known me his whole life. And, that's how I feel, too. It's so weird how that happens sometimes when you meet someone.
So, he explained to me about how in NA, you have something called a support group?? I think that's what it's called. And, so I asked if he would be part of mine, and he said yes. So, now, my phone list is just growing and growing. It's just such a neat thing to see evolve!! I just feel really blessed today.
Today, I did something else that I never thought I would do. I read the 12 traditions of NA at meeting. I hate reading in front of others. Not because I can't read well, but because I get nervous, and can't see well, especially if the type is small, but I did it!! I got through it, and again, miraculously, I didn't die!! lol. I am doing SO many things that are completely out of my comfort zone, but I am doing them. Then, after I do them, and my heart palpitations go away, I am so happy I did. I like the way I feel after. Like I accomplished some major thing. I know all this sounds silly, especially to all of you who are NA regulars, but this is all new and kinda exciting to me.
One more thing, and then I'll stop babbling. I was invited to go with some of the other ladies at meeting to do a sweat lodge ceremony at the Indian reservation on Sunday. All the girls love it and swear it helps them feel really good afterward. So, I was thinking I should go, but my addict side wants to hide out and stay at home alone. Has anyone done a sweat, and did you like it?? Just curious about any experiences anyone had doing this. I am very curious, and I am trying to say yes to everything I can safely say yes to, because I am tired of the drugs isolating me. But, I am not sure about this. I can't seem to make up my mind!!
Anyways, I guess that's it for now. I am so tired, and the wds decided to get downright nasty today. So, I figure I will hang out and watch tv, eat lunch, and give my puppy some special alone time. I have barely been home, and I think she misses me. Besides, it feels nice to be able to spend an afternoon hanging out, doing nothing, because I am tired from being busy and not high. I like this tired. It feels really good.
6 days sober today and going strong!! I have no desire to use today, even though I am pretty sick. That is amazing for me. So, I know I will not use today. Just for today, I am sure of that.
Love you guys.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
Oh yeah, one more thing. I told Kay some about my mom and my last relapse, and why I used, and she said something I just loved and had to share. She said that when you rage use like that, that it's like taking poison, hoping the other person will die. She said it better than me, but you get my drift!! It made such sense to me, and I won't forget that.
Ok, just wanted to share that real quick!!
Much love.
Ok, just wanted to share that real quick!!
Much love.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,945
I use to take 30 vicodin 750 mg a day. It wasn't always that way I had my first drink at six my second at 12 and I was hooked did some acid between 13-14 and smoked some weed. But alcohol was my drug of choice. did some cocaine after I started taking vicodin then I was perscribed klonopin. Then I was clean 3 and a half years then I drank and snorted adderal and a little oxy. I did a folly once and glass not shake and bake. Well am I an addict yes I am and I want to do something about it today is day oone off benzos 2mg cold turkey done it before I want to live.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by sugarangel 
Sorry I had to split my posts again, but I wrote out another huge one this morning before meeting, and lost it all!! Again. So frustrating!!
Anyway, back to my ramblings. So, yesterday I shared for the first time. Then , after meeting, I got the phone numbers of the two ladies I was telling you about in my last post. I will probably call them next week, and see what happens. I hope one of them decides to take me on. I have a special brand of crazy, so I hope one of them can accept and work with that.
There's a guy at meeting that I really like. Not like THAT!! I am definitely not his type. For sure. He is honestly, though, one of the nicest people I have ever met. He just like oozes kindness out of every pore. I swear, he is just a really good man. Anyhow, we got to talking, and he said he felt really connected to me, like he'd known me his whole life. And, that's how I feel, too. It's so weird how that happens sometimes when you meet someone.
So, he explained to me about how in NA, you have something called a support group?? I think that's what it's called. And, so I asked if he would be part of mine, and he said yes. So, now, my phone list is just growing and growing. It's just such a neat thing to see evolve!! I just feel really blessed today.
Today, I did something else that I never thought I would do. I read the 12 traditions of NA at meeting. I hate reading in front of others. Not because I can't read well, but because I get nervous, and can't see well, especially if the type is small, but I did it!! I got through it, and again, miraculously, I didn't die!! lol. I am doing SO many things that are completely out of my comfort zone, but I am doing them. Then, after I do them, and my heart palpitations go away, I am so happy I did. I like the way I feel after. Like I accomplished some major thing. I know all this sounds silly, especially to all of you who are NA regulars, but this is all new and kinda exciting to me.
One more thing, and then I'll stop babbling. I was invited to go with some of the other ladies at meeting to do a sweat lodge ceremony at the Indian reservation on Sunday. All the girls love it and swear it helps them feel really good afterward. So, I was thinking I should go, but my addict side wants to hide out and stay at home alone. Has anyone done a sweat, and did you like it?? Just curious about any experiences anyone had doing this. I am very curious, and I am trying to say yes to everything I can safely say yes to, because I am tired of the drugs isolating me. But, I am not sure about this. I can't seem to make up my mind!!
Anyways, I guess that's it for now. I am so tired, and the wds decided to get downright nasty today. So, I figure I will hang out and watch tv, eat lunch, and give my puppy some special alone time. I have barely been home, and I think she misses me. Besides, it feels nice to be able to spend an afternoon hanging out, doing nothing, because I am tired from being busy and not high. I like this tired. It feels really good.
6 days sober today and going strong!! I have no desire to use today, even though I am pretty sick. That is amazing for me. So, I know I will not use today. Just for today, I am sure of that.
Love you guys.
Anyway, back to my ramblings. So, yesterday I shared for the first time. Then , after meeting, I got the phone numbers of the two ladies I was telling you about in my last post. I will probably call them next week, and see what happens. I hope one of them decides to take me on. I have a special brand of crazy, so I hope one of them can accept and work with that.
There's a guy at meeting that I really like. Not like THAT!! I am definitely not his type. For sure. He is honestly, though, one of the nicest people I have ever met. He just like oozes kindness out of every pore. I swear, he is just a really good man. Anyhow, we got to talking, and he said he felt really connected to me, like he'd known me his whole life. And, that's how I feel, too. It's so weird how that happens sometimes when you meet someone.
So, he explained to me about how in NA, you have something called a support group?? I think that's what it's called. And, so I asked if he would be part of mine, and he said yes. So, now, my phone list is just growing and growing. It's just such a neat thing to see evolve!! I just feel really blessed today.
Today, I did something else that I never thought I would do. I read the 12 traditions of NA at meeting. I hate reading in front of others. Not because I can't read well, but because I get nervous, and can't see well, especially if the type is small, but I did it!! I got through it, and again, miraculously, I didn't die!! lol. I am doing SO many things that are completely out of my comfort zone, but I am doing them. Then, after I do them, and my heart palpitations go away, I am so happy I did. I like the way I feel after. Like I accomplished some major thing. I know all this sounds silly, especially to all of you who are NA regulars, but this is all new and kinda exciting to me.
One more thing, and then I'll stop babbling. I was invited to go with some of the other ladies at meeting to do a sweat lodge ceremony at the Indian reservation on Sunday. All the girls love it and swear it helps them feel really good afterward. So, I was thinking I should go, but my addict side wants to hide out and stay at home alone. Has anyone done a sweat, and did you like it?? Just curious about any experiences anyone had doing this. I am very curious, and I am trying to say yes to everything I can safely say yes to, because I am tired of the drugs isolating me. But, I am not sure about this. I can't seem to make up my mind!!
Anyways, I guess that's it for now. I am so tired, and the wds decided to get downright nasty today. So, I figure I will hang out and watch tv, eat lunch, and give my puppy some special alone time. I have barely been home, and I think she misses me. Besides, it feels nice to be able to spend an afternoon hanging out, doing nothing, because I am tired from being busy and not high. I like this tired. It feels really good.
6 days sober today and going strong!! I have no desire to use today, even though I am pretty sick. That is amazing for me. So, I know I will not use today. Just for today, I am sure of that.
Love you guys.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
Thank you so much, guys!! You are all so sweet!!
So, am on day 11 of no opiates. Quit the benzos yesterday. Am feeling so bad and weird. I hate benzo wds. They are like the worst thing ever. Haven't left my house since last Friday. Having mad panic attacks and anxiety. Feel like I'm going to either die or go crazy. Been tossing my cookies really bad since Saturday. Feels like I have the worst motion sickness/ migraine ever. Can't stand light or sound. This just really blows. Was laying on the bathroom floor the other day after vomiting again, trying to figure out how to crawl back up and into my bed, and I just had this big time realization like that I was killing myself and I didn't know why. Sounds small, but was a huge moment for me.
Not much else to say. Can't think at all. My brain literally hurts. I am struggling hard, but I refuse to use. I am NOT doing this again.
That last statement was for me. So I never forget again how awful this is.
Love you guys lots.
So, am on day 11 of no opiates. Quit the benzos yesterday. Am feeling so bad and weird. I hate benzo wds. They are like the worst thing ever. Haven't left my house since last Friday. Having mad panic attacks and anxiety. Feel like I'm going to either die or go crazy. Been tossing my cookies really bad since Saturday. Feels like I have the worst motion sickness/ migraine ever. Can't stand light or sound. This just really blows. Was laying on the bathroom floor the other day after vomiting again, trying to figure out how to crawl back up and into my bed, and I just had this big time realization like that I was killing myself and I didn't know why. Sounds small, but was a huge moment for me.
Not much else to say. Can't think at all. My brain literally hurts. I am struggling hard, but I refuse to use. I am NOT doing this again.
That last statement was for me. So I never forget again how awful this is.
Love you guys lots.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
how we doing? I did a morning meeting this morning online. It was all about the spiritual experience. GOOD stuff.
One thing I have stopped doing is giving back. Need to do more of that. Be present with others in need. I know I need help. I can also offer help.
Love you all
One thing I have stopped doing is giving back. Need to do more of that. Be present with others in need. I know I need help. I can also offer help.
Love you all
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 4
Hi sugar, I hope your feeling better. I started at the beginning of this post, read a few pages and skipped to the last page. Tonight is my first time here. Hopefully I can find this thread again. Reading your story has helped me, even though at the moment I'm not ready to talk about it. Just wanted to let you know I'm proud of you, and hang in there!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
Hi Colleen. I am glad you found this thread, and that it helped you in some way. It makes me so happy to know that!! Whenever you want to talk, you can always come here. And , thanks for the encouraging words. They mean a lot right now.
Thanks to the rest of you too!! It makes things better knowing you all are out there.
So, I am ending day 14 of no pain pills and day 5 of no benzos. Things are getting better, but it's slow. Everyone is so right when they say this is a marathon, and that time is the only thing that's going to really help. I am doing my best, but I am struggling. The insomnia and brain fog seem to be my biggest problems right now. I mean, it has taken me like an hour just to get this much typed out!! Holy hell, I can't think at all. I feel so confused all the time. I just want to feel normal again. Seriously. It feels like I've scrambled my brains beyond help, and I really hope that last thing I said was the benzo wds talking.
Sorry if this post came out confusing. I can't tell anymore with the massive weirdness inside my head. I swear, if this doesn't post, and I get logged out, I will cry like a little girl. For reals.
Love you guys.
Thanks to the rest of you too!! It makes things better knowing you all are out there.
So, I am ending day 14 of no pain pills and day 5 of no benzos. Things are getting better, but it's slow. Everyone is so right when they say this is a marathon, and that time is the only thing that's going to really help. I am doing my best, but I am struggling. The insomnia and brain fog seem to be my biggest problems right now. I mean, it has taken me like an hour just to get this much typed out!! Holy hell, I can't think at all. I feel so confused all the time. I just want to feel normal again. Seriously. It feels like I've scrambled my brains beyond help, and I really hope that last thing I said was the benzo wds talking.
Sorry if this post came out confusing. I can't tell anymore with the massive weirdness inside my head. I swear, if this doesn't post, and I get logged out, I will cry like a little girl. For reals.
Love you guys.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 4
Hi, glad you responded. I was worried about you. Insomnia does really suck. Being alone with your own thoughts that never shut up is the worst for me. I wish I had 1 single friend that would stick by me no matter what. I have my husband, but he's an addict to. We both been trying for months to quit the pills. Its so hard. It seems days I'm strong, he is week, and vice versa. I think we need professional help, he doesn't. Hopefully we'll get there one day.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Hi Colleend22! Welcome to SR!
Don't feel like your lost and lonely! There are plenty of us on here that have been right where you are! Time is truly your best friend right now! Time is what it takes to clear your mind and body of the drugs.
I went 14 days w/o sleep back in 2005 when I was coming off a large dose of pain pills. It took me a good 30 days to start feeling some normalcy again. I was clean 2 yrs and then had a major surgery. Back on the pills and then off them again. Then injections in my back, back on them and then off again! I just went thru another surgery this past December. More pills for 30 days and then off them again.
My husband gets pain meds. He doesn't take them regularly. I've asked him to keep them hidden! I don't want any reason to take them if I find them. I'm truly done with the life sucking things.
You have to concentrate on your own healing! You already know how hard it is to quit them and how we as a using addict can come up with every reason not to stop them. Don't get sucked back into your husband's using! You have 14 days already of not using! Don't blow it!
Hi sugarangel! Glad to see you are doing so good!
Left you a long story and pictures on my thread! Enjoy!
TOD
Don't feel like your lost and lonely! There are plenty of us on here that have been right where you are! Time is truly your best friend right now! Time is what it takes to clear your mind and body of the drugs.
I went 14 days w/o sleep back in 2005 when I was coming off a large dose of pain pills. It took me a good 30 days to start feeling some normalcy again. I was clean 2 yrs and then had a major surgery. Back on the pills and then off them again. Then injections in my back, back on them and then off again! I just went thru another surgery this past December. More pills for 30 days and then off them again.
My husband gets pain meds. He doesn't take them regularly. I've asked him to keep them hidden! I don't want any reason to take them if I find them. I'm truly done with the life sucking things.
You have to concentrate on your own healing! You already know how hard it is to quit them and how we as a using addict can come up with every reason not to stop them. Don't get sucked back into your husband's using! You have 14 days already of not using! Don't blow it!
Hi sugarangel! Glad to see you are doing so good!
Left you a long story and pictures on my thread! Enjoy!TOD
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
Hey guys....
Nice post, TOD!! Lots of good advice in there!! And, I did see the pics. So cute!!
Colleen - How are you doing?? Thanks for sharing some of your story. I hope you and your husband can come to some sort of consensus on getting clean. It's so hard to quit, I know. but, you can do this. You both can. And, I am here anytime you want to talk. It will get better. I didn't believe it before, but I do now. One day at a time. Sounds cliché, but it really is true.
Nice post, TOD!! Lots of good advice in there!! And, I did see the pics. So cute!!
Colleen - How are you doing?? Thanks for sharing some of your story. I hope you and your husband can come to some sort of consensus on getting clean. It's so hard to quit, I know. but, you can do this. You both can. And, I am here anytime you want to talk. It will get better. I didn't believe it before, but I do now. One day at a time. Sounds cliché, but it really is true.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
So, I am on days 18 and 9!! Feeling pretty good about that. Things are slowly getting better. Had some wds knock me down this weekend, but nothing like in the beginning. Lots of cravings, though. Still can't sleep properly, but I am averaging about 3 or 4 hours a night, which is much better than nothing. I'll take it. My appetite has started to come back in a big way. I ate a ton yesterday, and I need to stop it or I will get as big as a house!! Right now it's okay cuz I need to put on some weight, but I can't do this for much longer. I am enjoying it, though!! I forgot how amazing food can be.
My therapist called this morning to tell me she got laid off. I feel so bad for her. Now I have to see a new therapist, and I can't see her until the 15th of next month. That stinks, but I can't do anything about it. And I am trying to learn how to pick my battles.
My dealer from across the way came over today to use my phone cuz hers is broken, and she told me she was on her way to pick up her scrips. She knows I am trying to get and stay clean, and she does this?? I know it's cuz she needs money, but that was a crappy thing to do to me. But, I didn't ask her about it, and I am not going to use. But it did spin me out today. I just need to not think about it. or try to anyways. I do not want to go through this again. And I don't have to if I make the right choices today. But it's hard, dammit. Really hard.
Anyways, all in all, things are improving. I miss my brain, though. Will it ever come back, or have I done too much damage??That is my biggest fear. That I have done some sort of permanent damage to my mind. I am fully aware that using won't fix this. Any of this. But, I still get scared, and then I want to use. Fear has always been a big reason why I use. I am afraid of everything. I am trying to fix that, but it will take time. Everything takes time, it seems. Anything worthwhile anyway.
Well, I guess that's about all. I have a bad cold, and it's making me very tired. I feel like an old woman or something. But, I am still sober. That's gotta count for a lot, right??
Hope everyone is doing good.
Love you guys.
My therapist called this morning to tell me she got laid off. I feel so bad for her. Now I have to see a new therapist, and I can't see her until the 15th of next month. That stinks, but I can't do anything about it. And I am trying to learn how to pick my battles.
My dealer from across the way came over today to use my phone cuz hers is broken, and she told me she was on her way to pick up her scrips. She knows I am trying to get and stay clean, and she does this?? I know it's cuz she needs money, but that was a crappy thing to do to me. But, I didn't ask her about it, and I am not going to use. But it did spin me out today. I just need to not think about it. or try to anyways. I do not want to go through this again. And I don't have to if I make the right choices today. But it's hard, dammit. Really hard.
Anyways, all in all, things are improving. I miss my brain, though. Will it ever come back, or have I done too much damage??That is my biggest fear. That I have done some sort of permanent damage to my mind. I am fully aware that using won't fix this. Any of this. But, I still get scared, and then I want to use. Fear has always been a big reason why I use. I am afraid of everything. I am trying to fix that, but it will take time. Everything takes time, it seems. Anything worthwhile anyway.
Well, I guess that's about all. I have a bad cold, and it's making me very tired. I feel like an old woman or something. But, I am still sober. That's gotta count for a lot, right??
Hope everyone is doing good.
Love you guys.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Good job, sugarA. I am glad you are getting a little sleep and eating well. Those two things to so SOOOOoooo important. We sometimes forget that when we eat it is not just for our bodies, but for our minds. Our brains need important nutrients to function properly. I'll never forget what one of my high school advisors said once on a road trip in which we weren't getting a lot of sleep and eating sort of sporadically. You can do without sleep or food somtimes, but not BOTH.
A few hours of sober sleep is better than 12 hours of drunk sleep.
A few hours of sober sleep is better than 12 hours of drunk sleep.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
Hey guys....
Day 22 here!! Can you freakin' believe it?? One more week and I get my 30 day tag!! I am so happy the last 3 weeks are behind me. It has been so hard and awful, and I don't ever want to do that again. Like I told someone the other day, I know I have another binge in me, but I don't think I have another wd in me. This has taken so much out of me. I'm not as young as I used to be, and I don't bounce back the way I used to.
I have had a nasty cold for the last week or so, and for some reason I have had more xannie wds the last few days. They just kinda came out of nowhere and smacked me down. That was really disheartening. But, I am starting to feel a lot better, so I am assuming the wds are done with me for the moment. I still have mad brain fog, and I still am not sleeping right, but I am eating pretty well, and I am finally starting to get some things done around the house. Only a little at a time, though, because I am still really tired and run down.
Tea - I loved what you said about a few hours of sober sleep being better than a few hours of drugged sleep. Boy, you are so right about that!! I may not be sleeping much, but when I do, I wake up feeling more rested than when I was using. It's also amazing to wake up in the morning and not have that horrible anxious feeling. That feeling of need and want and pain that feels like an elephant sitting on you. That being gone is my favorite thing now. I love not being sick in the mornings. It feels so damn good!!
Dee - You are right about my friend/dealer. We do have different agendas now. It just hurt my feelings cuz we were friends way before I ever started taking the pills. I have known her for years, and I thought she cared about me. Guess that's what I get for thinking. At any rate, I know now that she can't be in my life anymore, and so I am trying to stay away from her as best as I can. I am even walking my dog a different route to avoid her place. I just don't have the money to move, but I am taking extra precautions to stay away from her. I don't want to have a moment of weakness and undo all the work I've done. I am finally, finally really starting to accept the fact that there is no way I can use. I will never say never cuz that's just dangerous for me, but the pill popping part of my life is over. I am ready for something new.
Anyways, thanks for all the advice. I take it all to heart!!
Love you guys.
Day 22 here!! Can you freakin' believe it?? One more week and I get my 30 day tag!! I am so happy the last 3 weeks are behind me. It has been so hard and awful, and I don't ever want to do that again. Like I told someone the other day, I know I have another binge in me, but I don't think I have another wd in me. This has taken so much out of me. I'm not as young as I used to be, and I don't bounce back the way I used to.
I have had a nasty cold for the last week or so, and for some reason I have had more xannie wds the last few days. They just kinda came out of nowhere and smacked me down. That was really disheartening. But, I am starting to feel a lot better, so I am assuming the wds are done with me for the moment. I still have mad brain fog, and I still am not sleeping right, but I am eating pretty well, and I am finally starting to get some things done around the house. Only a little at a time, though, because I am still really tired and run down.
Tea - I loved what you said about a few hours of sober sleep being better than a few hours of drugged sleep. Boy, you are so right about that!! I may not be sleeping much, but when I do, I wake up feeling more rested than when I was using. It's also amazing to wake up in the morning and not have that horrible anxious feeling. That feeling of need and want and pain that feels like an elephant sitting on you. That being gone is my favorite thing now. I love not being sick in the mornings. It feels so damn good!!
Dee - You are right about my friend/dealer. We do have different agendas now. It just hurt my feelings cuz we were friends way before I ever started taking the pills. I have known her for years, and I thought she cared about me. Guess that's what I get for thinking. At any rate, I know now that she can't be in my life anymore, and so I am trying to stay away from her as best as I can. I am even walking my dog a different route to avoid her place. I just don't have the money to move, but I am taking extra precautions to stay away from her. I don't want to have a moment of weakness and undo all the work I've done. I am finally, finally really starting to accept the fact that there is no way I can use. I will never say never cuz that's just dangerous for me, but the pill popping part of my life is over. I am ready for something new.
Anyways, thanks for all the advice. I take it all to heart!!
Love you guys.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
SUGAR you are amazing!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW 30 days girl you made my day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes the lady across the street would do me in for a spin as well.But you know better and they will only last for so long then you are back to square one.
Gosh I am so proud of you. WOW WOW WOW
it will keep getting better. keep on going.
Yes the lady across the street would do me in for a spin as well.But you know better and they will only last for so long then you are back to square one.
Gosh I am so proud of you. WOW WOW WOW
it will keep getting better. keep on going.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
