Hey guys....
Day 22 here!! Can you freakin' believe it?? One more week and I get my 30 day tag!! I am so happy the last 3 weeks are behind me. It has been so hard and awful, and I don't ever want to do that again. Like I told someone the other day, I know I have another binge in me, but I don't think I have another wd in me. This has taken so much out of me. I'm not as young as I used to be, and I don't bounce back the way I used to.
I have had a nasty cold for the last week or so, and for some reason I have had more xannie wds the last few days. They just kinda came out of nowhere and smacked me down. That was really disheartening. But, I am starting to feel a lot better, so I am assuming the wds are done with me for the moment. I still have mad brain fog, and I still am not sleeping right, but I am eating pretty well, and I am finally starting to get some things done around the house. Only a little at a time, though, because I am still really tired and run down.
Tea - I loved what you said about a few hours of sober sleep being better than a few hours of drugged sleep. Boy, you are so right about that!! I may not be sleeping much, but when I do, I wake up feeling more rested than when I was using. It's also amazing to wake up in the morning and not have that horrible anxious feeling. That feeling of need and want and pain that feels like an elephant sitting on you. That being gone is my favorite thing now. I love not being sick in the mornings. It feels so damn good!!
Dee - You are right about my friend/dealer. We do have different agendas now. It just hurt my feelings cuz we were friends way before I ever started taking the pills. I have known her for years, and I thought she cared about me. Guess that's what I get for thinking. At any rate, I know now that she can't be in my life anymore, and so I am trying to stay away from her as best as I can. I am even walking my dog a different route to avoid her place. I just don't have the money to move, but I am taking extra precautions to stay away from her. I don't want to have a moment of weakness and undo all the work I've done. I am finally, finally really starting to accept the fact that there is no way I can use. I will never say never cuz that's just dangerous for me, but the pill popping part of my life is over. I am ready for something new.
Anyways, thanks for all the advice. I take it all to heart!!
Love you guys.