My Battle With THC (Pot)
hopping for freedom
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 847
Aw, Dr I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time. But I think it shows it's working. Sounds about right to me, all of it. Breaking down in tears is part of it from what I've experienced, it's healing. It's the hard stuff that we have to be prepared to get through, the reason it's not "easy" and the reason we put it off. It won't last. You still have lots of time to improve your life so don't worry about it. You'll be in a better position to make those changes when you're thinking straight. It'll be ok!
I didn't talk to anyone else about my quitting process the same way I talked here, not even my bf. We quit at the same time but it was good and bad having each other around. We dealt with it in totally different ways and for the most part we avoided being around each other. Sometimes it was harder being together because we'd take it out on each other and triggered each other. I don't think it was any easier, just different. I'd rather have just been by myself and hid under the blankets for weeks.
You're doing SO WELL.
I didn't talk to anyone else about my quitting process the same way I talked here, not even my bf. We quit at the same time but it was good and bad having each other around. We dealt with it in totally different ways and for the most part we avoided being around each other. Sometimes it was harder being together because we'd take it out on each other and triggered each other. I don't think it was any easier, just different. I'd rather have just been by myself and hid under the blankets for weeks.
You're doing SO WELL.
hopping for freedom
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 847
And since this thread is for YOU, I'd say feel free to fill it how you like. If it helps, type. That's what it's/we're here for. I know I felt like an idiot after some of my posts. Looking back I think that was just paranoid thinking, no-one cares if we sound like an idiot. We all have unique things to share. I never imagined anyone would read my whole post and be inspired by it
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Dantes 9th circle
Posts: 470
WOW, whats with the pitty party dude?
Unloved and broken, that can be the whole world addict or not. I am the first one to say ok have your day(hell weekend if it's all that bad) of self pitty, but then pick yourself up by your boot straps and kik the next day in the balls good and hard.
I have seen and been though all lot of crazness in my daze but to be totally honest the memories of those painful times are not the catalyst to my use the fact is I enjoy using. I love the rush from the moment I pick up the phone to place an order, it's the self loathing and guilt after the fact that I hate, and those 2 things that had kept me clean over 18 months till last weekend when I wanted to have fun in a way I knew I would later regret but did anyway because I wanted that feeling I can only get from using.
As for being the constant toker I feel you I would not leave my house with no less than 10 jays, I chained smoked green, it was good for bussiness as well
I just had to cut back due to my life situation, but to be honest if I could go back to smoking like I did I would not, I like the feeling of being high when I do toke, and when you smoke all day that feeling just becomes a brain fog.
I feel your pain with the ex situation but it sounds like you don't like being alone which to me is something you have to learn to be ok with in life, I love being alone. I only have a not even a handfull of friends, and out off all of them only 1 is clean and sober so spending time alone is best for me. I feel out of place with to many sober people, I have found I have hard time being my true self around sober people, I can talk politics and all the normal chit chat but when they start asking questions about my past I tend to be honest and talk about it and I see the look on their face change, so I tend to live my life 90% of the time alone and really enjoy it maybe to much as I have 86 dating or even looking for any one in my life, which I admit is sad but it's whats best for me at this time.
I feel like if I really loved anyone at this point in my life I still would not want to be with them as I would love them so much I would not want them to go though this stage of my lfe with me, I made this mess alone and I will walk though it alone, it's only right.
Unloved and broken, that can be the whole world addict or not. I am the first one to say ok have your day(hell weekend if it's all that bad) of self pitty, but then pick yourself up by your boot straps and kik the next day in the balls good and hard.
I have seen and been though all lot of crazness in my daze but to be totally honest the memories of those painful times are not the catalyst to my use the fact is I enjoy using. I love the rush from the moment I pick up the phone to place an order, it's the self loathing and guilt after the fact that I hate, and those 2 things that had kept me clean over 18 months till last weekend when I wanted to have fun in a way I knew I would later regret but did anyway because I wanted that feeling I can only get from using.
As for being the constant toker I feel you I would not leave my house with no less than 10 jays, I chained smoked green, it was good for bussiness as well
I just had to cut back due to my life situation, but to be honest if I could go back to smoking like I did I would not, I like the feeling of being high when I do toke, and when you smoke all day that feeling just becomes a brain fog.
I feel your pain with the ex situation but it sounds like you don't like being alone which to me is something you have to learn to be ok with in life, I love being alone. I only have a not even a handfull of friends, and out off all of them only 1 is clean and sober so spending time alone is best for me. I feel out of place with to many sober people, I have found I have hard time being my true self around sober people, I can talk politics and all the normal chit chat but when they start asking questions about my past I tend to be honest and talk about it and I see the look on their face change, so I tend to live my life 90% of the time alone and really enjoy it maybe to much as I have 86 dating or even looking for any one in my life, which I admit is sad but it's whats best for me at this time.
I feel like if I really loved anyone at this point in my life I still would not want to be with them as I would love them so much I would not want them to go though this stage of my lfe with me, I made this mess alone and I will walk though it alone, it's only right.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 117
I hear you...
Sounds like your strong as hell, know what you need to do and are doing it best you can and I give you thanks and praise for that, as well as taking the time to post in this thread.
Yeah, I got an emotional backlog of some really big stuff (as I'm sure you do too), but no tools to deal with it. My tool box is bare because I no longer have the weed, booze or other drugs in there.
BIG problem with relationships due to all the childhood crap where I was made an adult at 11 or so and never knew my mom then she died, dad was abusive (thank god that man did/does not drink...damn, he was mean enough sober), not a new story, but still messed up and did my head in badly.
I woke up today and felt hell raging in my heart.
I used to think I liked being alone (you may actually like it...), but I don't I hate it, I was just hiding myself from myself and all the stuff that is rolling down my body right now like a freight train.
My problems are multiple...bad legs, can't walk, can't work, no family, no friends besides ppl like my ex which god bless her soul I know what I am ding to myself at times and my one friend out of state, who sadly is going through her own addict stuff with a loved one today.
So yeah. it is a pity party of sorts I guess the last three posts or so, but I gotta flush it out and say it out loud or all it will do is fester till I get to that point I refuse to reach where I say F it and call my bosses kid "Yeah, I'll take that nickel bag man, good looking out"
And then comes the hit, then comes the guilt and a REAL pity party. I ow from exp, done it with crack, done it with the drink, done it with ppl too.
So for me anyway it is catch and release or I go back to catch and keep and keep and keep...which is only gonna do me wrong.
Cheers Fear and Loathing!
Sounds like your strong as hell, know what you need to do and are doing it best you can and I give you thanks and praise for that, as well as taking the time to post in this thread.
Yeah, I got an emotional backlog of some really big stuff (as I'm sure you do too), but no tools to deal with it. My tool box is bare because I no longer have the weed, booze or other drugs in there.
BIG problem with relationships due to all the childhood crap where I was made an adult at 11 or so and never knew my mom then she died, dad was abusive (thank god that man did/does not drink...damn, he was mean enough sober), not a new story, but still messed up and did my head in badly.
I woke up today and felt hell raging in my heart.
I used to think I liked being alone (you may actually like it...), but I don't I hate it, I was just hiding myself from myself and all the stuff that is rolling down my body right now like a freight train.
My problems are multiple...bad legs, can't walk, can't work, no family, no friends besides ppl like my ex which god bless her soul I know what I am ding to myself at times and my one friend out of state, who sadly is going through her own addict stuff with a loved one today.
So yeah. it is a pity party of sorts I guess the last three posts or so, but I gotta flush it out and say it out loud or all it will do is fester till I get to that point I refuse to reach where I say F it and call my bosses kid "Yeah, I'll take that nickel bag man, good looking out"
And then comes the hit, then comes the guilt and a REAL pity party. I ow from exp, done it with crack, done it with the drink, done it with ppl too.
So for me anyway it is catch and release or I go back to catch and keep and keep and keep...which is only gonna do me wrong.
Cheers Fear and Loathing!
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Dantes 9th circle
Posts: 470
I'm sorry if I seemed cold in my response I don't know your whole story, but I do know what allot of major triggers are for wanting to use again and feeling unloved and like damaged goods, is one that will make using look like a good idea with an excuse on your lips. I am weak as water, if I was stonger I would have not gone off the deep end last weekend for 5 days, but if I get to down on myself back to using I will go, I have to kill the pain of my guilty feelings somehow. I may try with my green but I smoke so little, I will toke a bowl 1-2 times a week and thats it, mind you they are rips off the great goodness but sometimes I don't even toke that much, so I don't seeing it being more than a minor handicap that helps me get by with pain issues and other health issues such as bouts of insomnia I wound not smoke, but I much rather do that than pop a ton of Rx drugs which I have done and this is much more to my liking.
I do understand the pain of being alone, it's not a pleasent place to be sometimes when you need to have the compassion of another human who offers unconditional love to you, but it's part of life at times and we have to learn to get though times alone. It sounds like you had a lot of loss last year and it all drove you back to using and with all my being I understand that but we have to learn to not hold on to anything i.e drugs or any person and still find a reason to go on living even with all that loss.
I can tell you have a talent for putting word to paper so I don't see how not being able to get around as easily as you would like stops you from writing. I know it may seem to be a dieing art form but it's one I very much enjoy as I am an avid reader so if not for the writers of the world my life would seem empty.
Whatever the case I just hope you can see I'm not some heartless human but someone who cares and has love for you as we all should toward one another and wants to help you get through these tough times with my 2 cents worth of life lived advice. Its the only thing any of us can do to help, that and listen.
Your doing awesome way better than I could ever do, so congrats and keep going strong.
I do understand the pain of being alone, it's not a pleasent place to be sometimes when you need to have the compassion of another human who offers unconditional love to you, but it's part of life at times and we have to learn to get though times alone. It sounds like you had a lot of loss last year and it all drove you back to using and with all my being I understand that but we have to learn to not hold on to anything i.e drugs or any person and still find a reason to go on living even with all that loss.
I can tell you have a talent for putting word to paper so I don't see how not being able to get around as easily as you would like stops you from writing. I know it may seem to be a dieing art form but it's one I very much enjoy as I am an avid reader so if not for the writers of the world my life would seem empty.
Whatever the case I just hope you can see I'm not some heartless human but someone who cares and has love for you as we all should toward one another and wants to help you get through these tough times with my 2 cents worth of life lived advice. Its the only thing any of us can do to help, that and listen.
Your doing awesome way better than I could ever do, so congrats and keep going strong.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 117
First of all thanks for the compliment on the writing and no my legs do not hamper that but other things do.
Trust me, I know I am good at writing, music, philosophy and caring for others, and by that I mean i see this world for what it is and all the carp we do to ourselves as a race of people.
Second...yeah, I took a bit of offense and well spotted as well, but I did not get angry about it, one thing a codependent person does is expect everyone of their lovers, friends and acquaintances to be mind readers esp, if you put your ass on the line for them.
A good example involves writing with my ex from the six year relationship where at the start I told her I'd like to get back to writing and due to the two kids I may need a couple hours to myself every couple days.
This was met by I could not as that would take time from the family. Being who I am I said OK immediately, so afraid are ppl like me that the other will just walk.
Reality is that is not a family anyway, a family supports and has a structure, not demand everyone give up things to comply to others.
I have a paranormal blog and like weird, obscure stuff, so I have studied a lot about cults like Scientology and the like (You gys here at SR know Narconon is a cult front BTW right? that is the first time I have ever said something on the net about the Sci's because the fair game practice is a B, but in this place not going to them is more important..Google all of those phrase/terms to have a really good read) and in my terms some of what I am going through after coming out of all this is some of the stuff we go through is like a cult member being freed.
If I do make a book of my life it will be called A Cult of One, because even though my father only had me and my mom and then just me to dominate, manipulate and program, he still did it.
I am reading a great book called The Great Santini and it is a book I recommend to anyone with childhood parent issues.
I am so sorry you fell off, but that was kind of my point in your thread about the weekends. Even when I just did the weekend warrior stuff, it was like I was just biding time cause I knew I'd get to 'be numb' on Saturday night.
Same thing when I first got with that ex of six years I worked my ass off to pay our bills and had no money for pot and booze was out of the question with kids around so each Thursday morning I'd go to that same old man's house I talked about in my first crack story and buy a joint off him and ask for a couple roaches.
This was after working an overnight and then my GF's kids went with her mo as we both worked nights so she could sleep. The fact I NEVER wanted to cuddle with her and did with my last ex shows something too, but I just had that thought while typing so...anyway, once she passed out I was up and at the computer screen, smoking what he gave me and then just waiting till next Thursday.
And no, I don't think you are a cold person at all, we are all filled with different reasons to use and those reasons are hard to put across sometimes.
Example: Until recentl;y by my job there is this guy who calls himself 007. he is homeless and drinks all day and bums money from ppl inside and outside the store (my bosses store lack funds so he needs the sales no matter what) and even tried to ask me.
Thing is, when he gets drunk he is a rude ass and says hurtful stuff. One time on Father's Day he must have somehow heard me talking about my mom being gone and then mixed up the parents as he walked out after I would not give him a dollar saying: "Happy Father's Day everybody, except for you *** because your dad is dead."
I followed him out and told him he ever talk to me like that again I would knock him on his ass and the cops would like it because he is a known loser.
I also dislike him due to the fact he gets 1,500 check, a food stamp card and free housing if he applied and this is what he does.
But...
What lead this man to this point, what drives him to say this?
Probably deep pain like mine, like yours he is running from. His demons are hunting him and he cannot turn around and face them.
So when someone in this way does not get me or I don't get you or whatever, I cannot help but think there is some hidden hurt, some damn itch they just can't (won't) scratch.
As for me being stronger or better then you with...no sir, sorry don't buy that and neither do you.
We just are on different parts of the path and where I am hitting a curve and gotta hit those breaks before I crash you might be on the straightaway, pushing the speedometer all the way...or maybe your in a oasis have a Big Mac and fries...who knows...
I stopped judging a long time ago and I know no matter what ppl say in a place like this we are all on or been on that damn long twisting highway that seems to go on forever and it will because the reality is every poster here who is an addict will be one till we are six feet under.
It is enough to make you go
:
Peace.
Trust me, I know I am good at writing, music, philosophy and caring for others, and by that I mean i see this world for what it is and all the carp we do to ourselves as a race of people.
Second...yeah, I took a bit of offense and well spotted as well, but I did not get angry about it, one thing a codependent person does is expect everyone of their lovers, friends and acquaintances to be mind readers esp, if you put your ass on the line for them.
A good example involves writing with my ex from the six year relationship where at the start I told her I'd like to get back to writing and due to the two kids I may need a couple hours to myself every couple days.
This was met by I could not as that would take time from the family. Being who I am I said OK immediately, so afraid are ppl like me that the other will just walk.
Reality is that is not a family anyway, a family supports and has a structure, not demand everyone give up things to comply to others.
I have a paranormal blog and like weird, obscure stuff, so I have studied a lot about cults like Scientology and the like (You gys here at SR know Narconon is a cult front BTW right? that is the first time I have ever said something on the net about the Sci's because the fair game practice is a B, but in this place not going to them is more important..Google all of those phrase/terms to have a really good read) and in my terms some of what I am going through after coming out of all this is some of the stuff we go through is like a cult member being freed.
If I do make a book of my life it will be called A Cult of One, because even though my father only had me and my mom and then just me to dominate, manipulate and program, he still did it.
I am reading a great book called The Great Santini and it is a book I recommend to anyone with childhood parent issues.
I am so sorry you fell off, but that was kind of my point in your thread about the weekends. Even when I just did the weekend warrior stuff, it was like I was just biding time cause I knew I'd get to 'be numb' on Saturday night.
Same thing when I first got with that ex of six years I worked my ass off to pay our bills and had no money for pot and booze was out of the question with kids around so each Thursday morning I'd go to that same old man's house I talked about in my first crack story and buy a joint off him and ask for a couple roaches.
This was after working an overnight and then my GF's kids went with her mo as we both worked nights so she could sleep. The fact I NEVER wanted to cuddle with her and did with my last ex shows something too, but I just had that thought while typing so...anyway, once she passed out I was up and at the computer screen, smoking what he gave me and then just waiting till next Thursday.
And no, I don't think you are a cold person at all, we are all filled with different reasons to use and those reasons are hard to put across sometimes.
Example: Until recentl;y by my job there is this guy who calls himself 007. he is homeless and drinks all day and bums money from ppl inside and outside the store (my bosses store lack funds so he needs the sales no matter what) and even tried to ask me.
Thing is, when he gets drunk he is a rude ass and says hurtful stuff. One time on Father's Day he must have somehow heard me talking about my mom being gone and then mixed up the parents as he walked out after I would not give him a dollar saying: "Happy Father's Day everybody, except for you *** because your dad is dead."
I followed him out and told him he ever talk to me like that again I would knock him on his ass and the cops would like it because he is a known loser.
I also dislike him due to the fact he gets 1,500 check, a food stamp card and free housing if he applied and this is what he does.
But...
What lead this man to this point, what drives him to say this?
Probably deep pain like mine, like yours he is running from. His demons are hunting him and he cannot turn around and face them.
So when someone in this way does not get me or I don't get you or whatever, I cannot help but think there is some hidden hurt, some damn itch they just can't (won't) scratch.
As for me being stronger or better then you with...no sir, sorry don't buy that and neither do you.
We just are on different parts of the path and where I am hitting a curve and gotta hit those breaks before I crash you might be on the straightaway, pushing the speedometer all the way...or maybe your in a oasis have a Big Mac and fries...who knows...
I stopped judging a long time ago and I know no matter what ppl say in a place like this we are all on or been on that damn long twisting highway that seems to go on forever and it will because the reality is every poster here who is an addict will be one till we are six feet under.
It is enough to make you go
:Peace.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 117
Originally Posted by wackybunny 
And since this thread is for YOU, I'd say feel free to fill it how you like. If it helps, type. That's what it's/we're here for. I know I felt like an idiot after some of my posts. Looking back I think that was just paranoid thinking, no-one cares if we sound like an idiot. We all have unique things to share. I never imagined anyone would read my whole post and be inspired by it
You don't have to imagine it Bunny because it is reality and judging by the comments several times over.
Thing is these threads when they become honest are eye opening...
You know what got me in yours? The resin smoking...even I, as not a healthy orientated person as you seem to be worried about what that TAR did to my body...hell, several days before i kicked someone posted a diseased pot smoking lung that was worse then a cigg smokers because (It's a Fact!! -if you never saw Kids in the Hall that joke made no sense!-) pot has way more tar then tobacco.
So reading about someone doing the same dirty little secretive things you do and realizing you are not the only one has a lot to do with it and also why this place is really really a god send.
So much so that once I get my on right I will use my writing skills here and else where to hopefully (hop-fully?) help others be free and face what is killing them slowly.
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Another sleepless night...despite all of my past honesty I am holding back tonight on what exactly is making me upset...suffice to say one way or another I am a fool, of course I am.
No, I did not 'use' but dear god, if I did not know better and did not know it would be like two steps backwards I would...
Looks like no sleep before my hated job with the Lotto addicts and with all this crap in my head it is going to be a doozy of a day.
Honestly I get paid and my bosses kid who deals will relive me at 3 pm or so, but honestly that is easy-peasy to what I am feeling now.
Wish my twice weekly therapy started this Tues, not next Tues.
Which is funny, considering that when I was not really ready to kick and be helped I would have never have said anything like that.
No, I did not 'use' but dear god, if I did not know better and did not know it would be like two steps backwards I would...
Looks like no sleep before my hated job with the Lotto addicts and with all this crap in my head it is going to be a doozy of a day.
Honestly I get paid and my bosses kid who deals will relive me at 3 pm or so, but honestly that is easy-peasy to what I am feeling now.
Wish my twice weekly therapy started this Tues, not next Tues.
Which is funny, considering that when I was not really ready to kick and be helped I would have never have said anything like that.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Dantes 9th circle
Posts: 470
Insomnia can suck, esp when your kikin a drug, the hours just drag on when your alone at night.
I can only imagine what you are going through, I don't know what it's like to be 100% drug free, even when I was not using street drugs I was on Rx meds so I was always had something to alter my moods.
I know you can do this you have kicked everything else to the curb so this is just the last of the toxic trash you need to put in the dust bin.
Stay stong.
I can only imagine what you are going through, I don't know what it's like to be 100% drug free, even when I was not using street drugs I was on Rx meds so I was always had something to alter my moods.
I know you can do this you have kicked everything else to the curb so this is just the last of the toxic trash you need to put in the dust bin.
Stay stong.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 117
oh, trust me, nothing can make me go back now.
If I do, what does that make me?
A relapse or slip up would be a forgivable and common thing, but going back in full time would be unacceptable.
I just always seem to have stress after stress after stress and all I want is someone to love and love me back in a healthy 'real' way, enough money to live not be rich and accomplish a few of my goals in art even if I am never Stephen King or a rock star.
Thing is as others have pointed out NONE of that will ever happen while I am in that cloud...I like it too much and I speak from observation and exp when everything is too comfy and too stale and you deny your soul you WILL pay a price.
If I do, what does that make me?
A relapse or slip up would be a forgivable and common thing, but going back in full time would be unacceptable.
I just always seem to have stress after stress after stress and all I want is someone to love and love me back in a healthy 'real' way, enough money to live not be rich and accomplish a few of my goals in art even if I am never Stephen King or a rock star.
Thing is as others have pointed out NONE of that will ever happen while I am in that cloud...I like it too much and I speak from observation and exp when everything is too comfy and too stale and you deny your soul you WILL pay a price.
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A relapse or slip up would be a forgivable and common thing, but going back in full time would be unacceptable.
The trouble is, from my experience, once I was back smoking, I was back in 150%, neck deep.
D
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Posts: 117
Originally Posted by Dee74
Moderation is the great dream - to smoke again and then set it down again and walk away.
The trouble is, from my experience, once I was back smoking, I was back in 150%, neck deep.
D
The trouble is, from my experience, once I was back smoking, I was back in 150%, neck deep.
D
I can NEVER smoke weed again or it is most likely 150% for me too.
I meant more like I give in, which I do not think I will.
God, folks, today is gonna be a long one...
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An hour till I got to leave for work, my heads a mess, my heart is in pieces and I feel like I am a fool.
I am really sorry for being so vague after so much honesty but I am just in so much pain right now...then to go to a place I hate and be in physical pain on no sleep again.
Trust me folks, if I don't smoke today/tonight I may have to still shovel **** for a long time but I will never smoke again because today my heart is beaten and I really wish if I cannot be numb I could just shut down my feelings.
As we all know life is no fair.
I just don't get why the asses of the world make out fine and get free living and things they just do not deserve at ALL!
I don't often ask for prayers and thoughts, I am not a praying man by def, but I ask now if you don't mind.
I'll be checking in if my rambling mind does not make me post sooner then that.
I am really sorry for being so vague after so much honesty but I am just in so much pain right now...then to go to a place I hate and be in physical pain on no sleep again.
Trust me folks, if I don't smoke today/tonight I may have to still shovel **** for a long time but I will never smoke again because today my heart is beaten and I really wish if I cannot be numb I could just shut down my feelings.
As we all know life is no fair.
I just don't get why the asses of the world make out fine and get free living and things they just do not deserve at ALL!
I don't often ask for prayers and thoughts, I am not a praying man by def, but I ask now if you don't mind.
I'll be checking in if my rambling mind does not make me post sooner then that.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,481
I spent years self medicating my pain - and never really dealt with it - just moved it around.,
whatever the pain is, you can get through it, dw...and come out stronger for it the other side.
good luck and best wishes for your day
D
whatever the pain is, you can get through it, dw...and come out stronger for it the other side.
good luck and best wishes for your day
D
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 117
Originally Posted by Dee74
I spent years self medicating my pain - and never really dealt with it - just moved it around.,
whatever the pain is, you can get through it, dw...and come out stronger for it the other side.
good luck and best wishes for your day
D
whatever the pain is, you can get through it, dw...and come out stronger for it the other side.
good luck and best wishes for your day
D
Thing is, this is a pain that you may be right about getting through, but if it all plays out as I think it might after all is said and done I will never forget it and it changes the game for me till the end...
Thanks again and sorry for the vagueness...
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Posts: 117
Im so glad u guys are here, I'm at work angry and sad and just out of control. I cried in front of a cust almost.
Then the linkin park song one step closer came on radio. Had to lock doors and cry in bathroom...I WILL not got give in but this is too much today....ill check back in soon, I might need too...thanks and sorry 4 text slang and typos should open store again.
I'm sorry for being so whiny and all thanks guys.
Then the linkin park song one step closer came on radio. Had to lock doors and cry in bathroom...I WILL not got give in but this is too much today....ill check back in soon, I might need too...thanks and sorry 4 text slang and typos should open store again.
I'm sorry for being so whiny and all thanks guys.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 117
Good news and bad news....been crying all morning to the point cust deffo noticed.
It happens when I'd think of my recent ex and my son
Good news is saw a guy who I told I quit he tried to convince me not too, said I sound like a guy who just got out of rehab.
It happens when I'd think of my recent ex and my son
Good news is saw a guy who I told I quit he tried to convince me not too, said I sound like a guy who just got out of rehab.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 970
you're doing what he can't - remember that ! And keep on going - keep stacking those clean days and before you know it, you'll be crawling out of the hole and into the sunshine ! Just keep strong and keep moving forward. By the way, crying is a normal withdrawal symptom - don't try to link it to some "story" and let it drag you along further - just tell yourself , "it's just a withdrawal symptom and shows my system is getting rid of the junk - no more than that " and get back to the present.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Dantes 9th circle
Posts: 470
hope you are feeling better. I can not even think about an ex and my soberity, so props to you.
As hard as it is and as heartless as it my sound sometimes walking away is the best solution, she has told you what she wanted yet you keep coming back for more pain and heart ach, almost like an addiction of sorts.
I hope the emotions don't start to out way your judgement, faith in you to stay strong.
As hard as it is and as heartless as it my sound sometimes walking away is the best solution, she has told you what she wanted yet you keep coming back for more pain and heart ach, almost like an addiction of sorts.
I hope the emotions don't start to out way your judgement, faith in you to stay strong.
hopping for freedom
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 847
It sounds like you are being really strong today. Letting yourself cry and not numbing is strong and great. That stage didn't last too long for me. You're probably in the worst of it now. I'm on day 40 something (am losing count) and all of that seems like a distant memory. While it wasn't that long ago, time seemed to have stretched to make each week feel like a month. Anyway, people told me it would get better and I was like "but HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO FEEL LIKE THIS FOR?? ARGGGG!!" No-one could answer that for me but now it's over I can tell you it is fantastic to be on the other side and SO worth all that pain I had to go through to get here.
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