recoveredcrackhead- It Takes A Lifetime
Not again
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
Hippy...Woo Woo....Hooray!!!!
My daughter has just completed her Chemo Therapy and is now considered cancer free. and I was there for the round of High fives!!! And she brought cupcakes, chocolate mocha, those were the bomb!
As to the other drama, yesterday was kinda like the movie "groundhog day". Sure enough Tues I attended the BB study (but did not drink the coffee) Yesterday I received a phone call from probation, the same person sent an e-mail once again makeing claims. (fool me once) So I eagerly offered to supply probation with bodily fluids. The difference between the two incidents includes the fact that my PO was out sick and it was his boss on the phone. He said he did NOT want me to come in but would prefer if I made the e-mailer stop. I told him my PO said not to confront him. To which the boss said "make it go away". And here I am in a GOd based, spiritual program, day late and a dollar short. Still waiting for my conscious contact to deliver the course of action, although perhaps it's a lack there of. I shall greet this day with love in my heart. And how will I greet mine enemies. Silently to myself I will say I love you, yet in my eyes and my words and my actions they will be rendered defenseless. I will greet this day with love in my heart.
Be Well,
Larry
My daughter has just completed her Chemo Therapy and is now considered cancer free. and I was there for the round of High fives!!! And she brought cupcakes, chocolate mocha, those were the bomb!
As to the other drama, yesterday was kinda like the movie "groundhog day". Sure enough Tues I attended the BB study (but did not drink the coffee) Yesterday I received a phone call from probation, the same person sent an e-mail once again makeing claims. (fool me once) So I eagerly offered to supply probation with bodily fluids. The difference between the two incidents includes the fact that my PO was out sick and it was his boss on the phone. He said he did NOT want me to come in but would prefer if I made the e-mailer stop. I told him my PO said not to confront him. To which the boss said "make it go away". And here I am in a GOd based, spiritual program, day late and a dollar short. Still waiting for my conscious contact to deliver the course of action, although perhaps it's a lack there of. I shall greet this day with love in my heart. And how will I greet mine enemies. Silently to myself I will say I love you, yet in my eyes and my words and my actions they will be rendered defenseless. I will greet this day with love in my heart.
Be Well,
Larry
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 187
Larry, I've just caught up on your story. I'm so proud of you for fighting your demons and continuing to stay true to yourself, that's the main person who matters after all. I will keep you in my prayers regarding the guy at AA, and just try to keep doing what you're doing with love in your heart.
Not again
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
Finished the "Pride in Work" program, designed to help people get off welfare, which I was not on until it was strongly suggested that I get on it. Anyway for the last two weeks I was reqiured to fill out 6 applications per day. Thats 60 total and still no offers. I'm bumming. I owe restitution, $1,500, due by the time probation ends. That would be May 9 (hooray), but if I am not paid up...prison is a possibility. Considering the events of the last 6 months...sobriety sucks. Seems hard to believe I worked so hard to have it take this course. But i have money in my pocket and no desire to make things worse. I would like to find a job though. Any ideas for a 50yr old recoveredcrackhead, felon, unemployed for 5 yrs and recent college drop-out who, as the record will show "acts in a manner injurous to a child"? But hey i could go to a meeting and see if any one will e-mail my probation officer any tell him I'm doing cocaine. But we are not a glum lot. I realize how important I am to my family, as my step father pasted away 12 hrs ago and my sister, my daughter and my grandmother all called me to find out about the arrangements. Ya, I'm the linch-pin in this dysfunctional bunch.
So..tell me again how you had a bad day, or week, or month and the only thing you could think of doing was drugs. This recoveredcrackhead has $50 and God on my side. I shall go for a walk with the Lord, put on a movie, grab a cup of cocoa and relax..it's friday and this party animal needs a nap.
be Well,
Larry
So..tell me again how you had a bad day, or week, or month and the only thing you could think of doing was drugs. This recoveredcrackhead has $50 and God on my side. I shall go for a walk with the Lord, put on a movie, grab a cup of cocoa and relax..it's friday and this party animal needs a nap.
be Well,
Larry
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Larry - Hang in there, sweetie. I thought I'd have my life all back together in a year or two. Yeah, right.
I'm going on 7 years, may just have gotten a sweet job that pays well but is temporary. I don't have the felony or "injurious to child" stuff on my record, but I have a ton of nursing jobs that will say "no, we would NOT rehire her" stuff.
One foot in front of the other is all I can tell you. I can also tell you how very proud of you I am. To hear you say you have "money in your pocket" and aren't using? Well, that is something you swore you couldn't do...got a few of us ready to smack you upsid the head
Now? It's not a big deal, and you are walking the walk, and I'm grateful to be another recovered crackhead walking this crazy path we walk.
Love, hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm going on 7 years, may just have gotten a sweet job that pays well but is temporary. I don't have the felony or "injurious to child" stuff on my record, but I have a ton of nursing jobs that will say "no, we would NOT rehire her" stuff.
One foot in front of the other is all I can tell you. I can also tell you how very proud of you I am. To hear you say you have "money in your pocket" and aren't using? Well, that is something you swore you couldn't do...got a few of us ready to smack you upsid the head
Now? It's not a big deal, and you are walking the walk, and I'm grateful to be another recovered crackhead walking this crazy path we walk.Love, hugs and prayers,
Amy
Not again
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
I say, I think depression is my new drug of choice. Fortunately I have my home group, a bunch of like minded, war storying newcomers. If only there was a fellowship of positive, forward thinking people looking to help others, hmmm.
It's 2:30am, I've got $100.00 in my pocket and court at 9:30. I've been searching for work for 2 months, to no avail. and just about everybody I started this journey with has gone back out.
"Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters."
M. Scott Peck
Oh, and if you were reading between the lines, stop it. It's way to cold outside.
Be Well,
Larry
PS. Amy, I jsut went back to "where it all began" and you are the only one still around. Coincidently (or not) I noticed a corrolation with attitude. You've always been positive and I think that is key to recovery.
It's 2:30am, I've got $100.00 in my pocket and court at 9:30. I've been searching for work for 2 months, to no avail. and just about everybody I started this journey with has gone back out.
"Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters."
M. Scott Peck
Oh, and if you were reading between the lines, stop it. It's way to cold outside.
Be Well,
Larry
PS. Amy, I jsut went back to "where it all began" and you are the only one still around. Coincidently (or not) I noticed a corrolation with attitude. You've always been positive and I think that is key to recovery.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Larry)) - You know I've always got your back I wanted to smack you silly when you insisted you couldn't get clean, now I'm so very proud of you.
Going through a few issues of my own, right now, and it's not easy but using just isn't an optiion. WE can do this!!!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I wanted to smack you silly when you insisted you couldn't get clean, now I'm so very proud of you.Going through a few issues of my own, right now, and it's not easy but using just isn't an optiion. WE can do this!!!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
You are a wonder, Larry. I've read your story since you arrived and have always been impressed with the way you tackle things head on.
Can't really offer much to the conversation, but know that you are in my prayers.
Can't really offer much to the conversation, but know that you are in my prayers.
Not again
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
Seren, thank you.
I find it curious that you comment about the head on thing, as I didn't see it in this situation. But generally yes, that is my approach. For some reason I tend not to shy away from uncomfortable tasks. Although this is not the same as procrastination, which I suffer from. This tends to come about when I am unsure of how to approach life. Confusing, this living a life we can be proud of. Sometimes the right thing is not always the easiest,safest or most comfortable. Generally the wrong thing is.
My home group has recently had an influx of some attention seeking narcissist. People who purport years of sobriety and offer an easier, softer version of the program. This concerns me as I want nothing more than to help. I just realize I no longer have the desire to argue. Pity, I use to really enjoy it.
In the mean time, I shall continue to try to rebiuld my life, try to gain understanding and improve my conscious contact.
Be Well,
Larry
I find it curious that you comment about the head on thing, as I didn't see it in this situation. But generally yes, that is my approach. For some reason I tend not to shy away from uncomfortable tasks. Although this is not the same as procrastination, which I suffer from. This tends to come about when I am unsure of how to approach life. Confusing, this living a life we can be proud of. Sometimes the right thing is not always the easiest,safest or most comfortable. Generally the wrong thing is.
My home group has recently had an influx of some attention seeking narcissist. People who purport years of sobriety and offer an easier, softer version of the program. This concerns me as I want nothing more than to help. I just realize I no longer have the desire to argue. Pity, I use to really enjoy it.
In the mean time, I shall continue to try to rebiuld my life, try to gain understanding and improve my conscious contact.
Be Well,
Larry
Not again
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
I have been forced to do some "volunteer" to earn my foodstamps. Helping a Habitat-for-Humanity Re-Store (think high end Salvation Army) Spent the last three days moving furniture, yesterday about 100 laminated desk tops, my muslces are sore, I am tired and I can't wait to go back and do it some more. Coincidently enough, they had been running a help wanted add. I am hoping this turns into a real job. I like their mission and could see myself helping to help others help themselves.
Be Well,
Larry
Be Well,
Larry
Not again
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
Still doing the volunteer thing, about 30 hrs a week. They found some one to work part-time so I won't be staying much longer as I must get a real job. Applied and interviewed at a hospital, reference have been checked so work should be coming soon.
Yesterday at the Re-store I got a sliver. Doesn't sound like a big deal, but I am sitting here feeling, well, wierd. The result was minor surgery, I mean it involved a scalpel, sutures and a tetnious shot. I don't do well with needles and made the attendents refer to them as "pens". At least we all got to laugh during the procedure. But this morning I am achy. Not sure if it was a good decision to get the shot in the same arm as the inscision. Both are sore, hopefully working will help.
Tomorrow is my homegroups St. Patricks Sober Celebration and Dance. We couldn't find a DJ to fit our budget ($0.00) so I shall be doing it. I'm current with music up to the turn of the century. So the internet shall be employed, but I don't know what's what. Which I am really not worried about as I am hooping to gear it towards the oldtimers, which has nothing to do with length of sobriety. Our last few dances were a little to urban and the "adults" didn't dance and left early. So I am looking forward to a night of Rock-N Roll, some disco and early hiphop.
I must also mention that I don't have the eqiupment as my ex-landlord must have had a greater need for it. But by the grace of God and a few phone calls all will be well. Surprisingly well. I still need some cables, but I am handy with a soldering iron so that's not a concern. And who knows, perhaps what was old will be new again..
Be well,
Larry
Yesterday at the Re-store I got a sliver. Doesn't sound like a big deal, but I am sitting here feeling, well, wierd. The result was minor surgery, I mean it involved a scalpel, sutures and a tetnious shot. I don't do well with needles and made the attendents refer to them as "pens". At least we all got to laugh during the procedure. But this morning I am achy. Not sure if it was a good decision to get the shot in the same arm as the inscision. Both are sore, hopefully working will help.
Tomorrow is my homegroups St. Patricks Sober Celebration and Dance. We couldn't find a DJ to fit our budget ($0.00) so I shall be doing it. I'm current with music up to the turn of the century. So the internet shall be employed, but I don't know what's what. Which I am really not worried about as I am hooping to gear it towards the oldtimers, which has nothing to do with length of sobriety. Our last few dances were a little to urban and the "adults" didn't dance and left early. So I am looking forward to a night of Rock-N Roll, some disco and early hiphop.
I must also mention that I don't have the eqiupment as my ex-landlord must have had a greater need for it. But by the grace of God and a few phone calls all will be well. Surprisingly well. I still need some cables, but I am handy with a soldering iron so that's not a concern. And who knows, perhaps what was old will be new again..
Be well,
Larry
Not again
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
Well....popped a stitch breaking up a fight at a meeting, popped a second sometime last night...Sober celebration and dance, I DJed, it sucked. I forgot how demanding people can be and annoying. Constant request for "new" music, but the "oldies" are the ones people dance to. The organizer (in recovery) suffered a mental breakdown and was found in the bathroom. Other than that all went well.
So I am up and on my way to a Home Biulding Expo to represent the organization I have been volunteering for. I looked at the schedule yesterday and I shall be attending more than the paid employees. But that's where I am at today. Gotta keep moving, working and living. God is good so life is good. I hope you are too.
Be Well,
Larry
So I am up and on my way to a Home Biulding Expo to represent the organization I have been volunteering for. I looked at the schedule yesterday and I shall be attending more than the paid employees. But that's where I am at today. Gotta keep moving, working and living. God is good so life is good. I hope you are too.
Be Well,
Larry
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Larry - sorry to hear about the busted stiches. That sounds like an all around annoying night. I have never DJed, but I can imagine the demanding / annoying crowd being a pain in the rear. It's too bad your compensation was below market.
As far as the new music goes I sometimes go on youtube and pull up the top 100 songs of 2000 or something like that. I can never make it through more than a few songs though because it sucks so bad. Lists seem to be more effective because I don't have to listen to each of them.
Glad to hear everything else is going well.
As far as the new music goes I sometimes go on youtube and pull up the top 100 songs of 2000 or something like that. I can never make it through more than a few songs though because it sucks so bad. Lists seem to be more effective because I don't have to listen to each of them.
Glad to hear everything else is going well.
Not again
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
I report monday to a local hospital to get my I.D. picture taken so I can start working.
2 months of volunteering for Habit-for-Humanity is coming to an end (or not). Once I pay off my restitution and get released from probation (4yrs 11 months of a 5yr so far) I will file my appeal/440 motion. Then figure out how to get back into school.
I have had some ups and downs in recovery, but these challenges only make me stronger and wiser. I am so happy not to have my plans, my life, ruled by crack. I can now waste my money on junk food and cigarettes.
Be Well,
Larry
2 months of volunteering for Habit-for-Humanity is coming to an end (or not). Once I pay off my restitution and get released from probation (4yrs 11 months of a 5yr so far) I will file my appeal/440 motion. Then figure out how to get back into school.
I have had some ups and downs in recovery, but these challenges only make me stronger and wiser. I am so happy not to have my plans, my life, ruled by crack. I can now waste my money on junk food and cigarettes.
Be Well,
Larry
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Larry, thank you, for sharing your journey of recovery. I think you are one smart guy. I find you very motivational. As a matter of fact, you could do that job very well , with your gift of expression, in my opinion.
Prayers for your day to bring you what you wish for the most
Prayers for your day to bring you what you wish for the most
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