Crackajack

Long story short I am hitting the pipe again. Had it real bad about 10 years ago for about 1 year straight. Lost weight sold what i could for the next hit on and on. I started about 6 months ago and kept it at about once a month but now its every weekend and I really screwed up the other day thinking I could smoke on a week night and make it to work the next day. That didn work. Right now, the only thing that keep me from getting high tonight was I cant get in touch with my dealer. I took a few clonazepam that my doctor gave me for anxiety to help mellow me out but its only helping a little. For some reason I just can't keep that **** out of my mind anymore. I think about it all week just waiting for the weekend so I can get high. I know if I smoke during the week i will miss work and that's not good. I miss a lot of work as it is because of health issues. And they do drug testing once in a blue moon. What the hell is wrong with me. I kept it a maybe once a month for a while now it dam near imposable to keep it off my mind. I do manage to ward off the demons sometimes but it looks like I am heading down hill. Thanks for listening.

Chris