larrylive

It's settled, next week I start my new job at Habit-for-Humanity's Restore. I have been volunteering for about 6 weeks and now I shall be a paid employee. I hope to volunteer on some of the biulding projects.
Please note I am scared, returning to the real world, having to be self-sufficient and pay my bills, but that has always been the goal or atleast part of the plan.

Be well,
Larry

mayabee

Congratulations!

larrylive

Life is a confusing bowl of cherries, mainly because they have pits.

Wrapping up my first week on the new job and loving every minute of it. The confusing part is the thoughts and cravings. Although I seem to have the strength to resist and the tools to find my way through them, the frequency and the intensity has been increasing. I have had to spend some money (foolishly) just to insure my safety, but hey, i haven't had McDonalds in qiute a long time.
I have also had to practice tolerance at work as some people I have ill-will towards have stopped in. I must smile, be cheerful and polite and pray to God to maintain my composure.
On the brighter side my girlfiend has moved into her new apartment and we tend to stay there now, which affords me a good bike ride to and from work.
I guess it's all just blessings as I continue to grow and improve.
Oh...and i appearently I still owe $50 in child support. My youngest is 28 and married. But I guess the system never forgets.

Be well.
Larry

TiredEnough

Larry, I always like to see your posts and your progress. You're a solid dude

larrylive

Looking forward to a casual bike ride today. My girlfriend (Angie) bought a bike last week so that we could enjoy the great outdoors. I am hoping to do some camping via biking into the wilderness this summer. In the mean time.....

I have to go to court tomorrow. I was suppose to end my 5 yr stint on probation in a couple weeks, but there is still a matter of restitution ($1,800) Fortunately I now have a paying job, I think. Been "on the books" for two weeks, but haven't seen a check. I did fill out all the paper work, so it should be forth coming. If my plan unfolds I should be paid off in about 5 months. Just in time to go back to school. Meanwhile....
My 2 closest friends in "recovery" continue to spiral downward while admiring my progress. Attraction rather promotion my ass, a good swift kick is what they need. But that is not for me to dole out, I shall leave that to God, I pray it's not to hard.
My home group has been totally taken over by new comers, with the exception of me. None have been involved for more than six months (in the group) but all have the desire to run and control things as they see fit. I still take issue with the term "higher power" as I believe in God and I am thankful to the program of AA for helping me do that. I do not agree with the use of inanimate objects as a substitute. Nor do I think finding a sponsor for life long giudance is a part of the program. Whereas carrying the message to the still sick and suffering is and not to many are willing to get off the butts and do so.
God is good and I am trying to be.

Be well,
Larry

four812

I just read through your whole thread as I wait for an appointment and I am already half planning to smoke again. I've been falling back into the world of crack....

but on the outside it's all still ok....sortive.....so far

anyway thanks for sharing all of your posts....they gave me something to do for the moment to read your story since late last year. It's interesting and I'm glad you have persevered and that things are improving. It gives me a little hope.

But I've lost all determinitation to stay clean. I went to lots of meetings for many years...but now I have lost even the desire to go to meetings. It's like I've stepped into a place that I haven't been to since the very darkest days of my addiction. Back when I had no money, lived paycheck to paycheck getting my drug, and I didn't even have contact with my children.

so for now....I think I will go to McDonalds ( ! ) ... and eat some junkfood and perhpas read some more posts before my dentist appointment.

anyway Keep up the good work, Larry....I'm very proud of you and have enjoyed this thread very much.

larrylive

four812,

i pray you find the hope to try again. It is possible..I know, I've been there. You don't have to wait for the crushing blow we sometimes call hitting bottom. The desire to live a better life is all it takes. That and time.....

In four days I will have completed 5 years on probation, unfortunately I still owe restitution. Last week I received my first paycheck in many years and today I signed it over to my PO. The thoughts of using came and went, amazing what God will do for us when we are willing to follow a different path. I don't know if I will be able to throw whole checks at this anymore, so whittle away I will. If I can stick to my schedule by Sept. I shall be a real world citizen of society once again. Maybe a little more.
keeping my head up, praying for giudance and giving back as much as I can. That's my life and I love it.

Be well,
Larry

larrylive

Memorial Weekend 2014 and I am not in the woods...sucks. Otherwise life seems to be progressing as life should, considering I am a recoveredcrackhead with a felony and all. Work is challenging and I love it like that. I spend all day lifting heavy furniture and carrying it onto and off of the truck and then place it somewhere in the store. We aqiured some pallet rack (heavy duty shelving) and shuffled and biult and lifted for two days. My back pain has seemed to have gone away, but I fear my elbow may not be up for this work for much longer. So long as it holds out until I pay off my restitution I'll be satisfied. By then I should know if finishing college is going to be possible. Besides I may be offered a more admistrative postion and then I'll have to join a gym if I plan on living with pain, I mean staying fit.
I am weaning off my involvement with AA, sickies don't bring much to the table when the real world comes calling. Everybody wants to biuld a better mouse trap (recovery program) and I so believe in the original 12 steps ( God could and did because I let Him). In the mean time watching people vie for sponsee's has lost it's appeal. I still chair a meeting and attend the one my girlfriend chairs. But I doubt I'll be doing a meeting everyday anymore.
Spring is in the air and the bicycle beckons me to climb aboard. and I would rather be in the woods. Perkin joe over a campfire and catchin a 'smores rush.

Be Well,
Larry

larrylive

Be like the rain...it waters all things whether it likes them or not.

recoveredherion

Im here

FT

Hi recoveredherion

what's up

recoveredherion

i wish the best of luck with your dreams larry live ive read your post and you seem to be very good at writting. its funny i rean ito a girl that use to be a so called friend. well she was a user, and on facebook she cleaimed to have found god and that she was clean for awhile and she lived on the same street i lived on and that god brought us together again for a reason. so i thought thats great another person who sought out recovery. we got together and the first thing she said was she knew where to get some good stuff. and i told her i wasnt into that anymore, and quickly she turned it around and said rigth me to.anyway she went into the bathroom, and she must have shoot i dont know how many bags but came out of there and could hardly stand up. it was such a turn off for me and a trugger at the same time. man was i triggered. i kept calling her name and asking her what was the matter well i knew already. i had to leave this girls house.
when i get to the door theres a lock on it both ways so im locked in her house, now im panicking. what the heck was i going to do i just wanted to get out of there asap. I dont like to be in locked places so i found her keys and started fumbling through them trying to fit the right one in. i was so glad they were on the table. anyway i finally was out of there and i went home and i was pist off at her, and i still am pist at her for what she did am i wrong to be or not?

recoveredherion

hi im new to this site but have read many of your thoughts and living life sober or at lest trying as i am, Its unfortunate that meetings get ruined because people want to hold a power trip over there heads, so i to am backing away from my meetings i go to. My boyfriend doesnt come around much anymore and things dont seem the way they should. when a man loves a woman he loves a woman, and hes going to do what ever it takes to be with her and i guess he doesnt want it that bad.

larrylive

For the last two weeks I have had the pleasure of a visit from English Nic (scroll back...way back) He's leaving today for Guatamala, to build houses. But first This American Catholic and he,the English C of E patron shall attend services at the local Lutheran Church...God is good.

larrylive

This recoveredcrackhead now has money in the bank, a checking account and a debit card (scary).All that with about 12k in debt (student loans) and a part-time job. I guess life is getting back to normal.

larrylive

Speaking of money......Yesterday I was in a store and began digging for some change in my pocket. I found not one, but two dollar bills WTF? I was cleaning my living room earlier. I have a "catch-all" bowl on the coffee table. I just realized there must be more than twenty dollars in change in that sucker. It has been a while since anything like that has happened in my house. Oh, and I just opened my auxilary back-pack, well I have yet to count the dollar bills I saw, just had to share my joy first. God is good and I'll bet crack still sucks.

Be well,
Larry

AnvilheadII

always good to SEE you Larry!!!

Lenina

recovered heroin, I don't think you wrong to be angry at the active user. She presented herself to you as being clean. Addicts lie, though, don't we? This is why it's so important to be rigorously honest in sobriety. If we lie to others, we can lie to ourselves and the next thing you know, we are buying into the lies our addictions tell us. Like its ever OK to use again. I am alcoholic, in recovery and I know that I have to always be honest and ethical or I will fall back into the misery of addiction.

i hope youre doing well and will stick around SR. its great support!

Love from Lenina

larrylive

Activated the debit card yesterday morning, withdrew $20 last night, bought milk, eggs and creamer. Giving thanks and grateful recognition to God, without whom I would be sitting here hungry,angry, lonely and tired. Instead I still have money in the bank.
I had been invited to a camping party this weekend, I have been longing to be in the tent and sitting by a fire. Yesterday I was blessed with a pop-up, the one piece of gear I have been lacking. But I have been asked by my daughter to help her move into her new house. This recoveredcrackhead will spend friday at work moving furniture and then help my daughter move furniture. I will miss the camping party, but I will wake up tomorrow morning with money in the bank and love in my heart. Yes God is good.

Be well,
larry

larrylive

I am one paycheck away from paying off my restitution and ending probation. A 5yr sentence that has lasted 5&1/2 yrs. I deposited my last check and the current balance leaves me with about about $50 for food for the next month. I, unfortunely, will have to return to my crackhead diet, mac & cheese, hot dogs and, of course, crackhead soup (rama noodles). Of course I know God still loves me as my Pastor call to ask if I would mow the lawn. That should afford me some wheat bread, bananas, bran muffins and coffee.
Oh the bad news...things have changed at work, My boss left because his boss is, um, one of them bosses nobody wants to have. Guess what? He's now my boss and I am having problems holding back. Unfortunately I fear the stress is not good for my health and I am much to tired from work to engage in healthy physical activities. One more paycheck and I am free.
I turned down another job because this guy is a con-artist salesman type and I regret giving him the chance to exploit me. One more paycheck..

On the darker side....my apartment has been invaded by cockroaches and bedbugs. Coincidently there is a new tenant downstairs.
It's good to be sober otherwise I wouldn't care.

Be well,
Larry