Videodrone32

Thanks. Pheeew I'm outta shape now. Before my relapse I excercised daily. All gone in 2 months. Oh well I'm gonna start slow and get it back. Right now I'm just plum wore out. Can't wait for this day to be over. I'm gonna go swimming at the pool with the kiddos and yes I do agree I have turned a corner. I feel better today than yesterday which says to me I'm healing. I've drank more water than you can imagine these past 96 hours. By far the hardest yet most eye opening hours of my life peace and love to all pray for me.

Videodrone32

More than anything else a good jack johnson son helps me feel all right. Music is good medicine for your soul

Videodrone32

Song

Videodrone32

So true. The first full 3 days were miserable. I'm past 96 hours now. God I feel like poo but much better poo than yesterday. One day at a time I'm getting through this nightmare. Thanks for the inspiration to keep on truckin. Peace and love.

Videodrone32

Wow. I am exhausted. Went to the pool and my oldest sons ball game. Had a little anxiety but all and all I'm just tired. Hope everyone has a good weekend

Angelic17

Hang on Videodrone. One day at a time. Anxiety is normal coming off of that stuff. Drink Chammomile tea, it tastes crappy but it is relaxing. Try to avoid caffeine until your over the hump. I will say a prayer for you. I hope GOD brings you peace and comfort. Amen

Videodrone32

So I am up. I had a using dream, well a non-using dream last night. People around me were taking pills and I wanted one, but I did not take one. It was a weird dream, but the fact that I'm dreaming and remembering it says to me some sleep function is returning I still woke up at 7a.m. and as I was laying there pissed cause I was awake I remembered something. Before I started using thats when I woke up everyday. I'm just not used to it. Thanks for the prayers angelic17. If you guys noticed I felt good enough to add a avatar. That's my stepson and I at the pumpkin farm. I'm off to do some shopping. I'll check back later. Peace and love.

Videodrone32

Doing all right. A little anxious, and god my legs are sore, but you know it doesnt really feel like a bad sore. It feels like a natural did alot of stuff yesterday sore. Angelic17 I took your advice and bought some sleepytime tea I'll give it a try tonight. Other than that its onward with the day. Might go to this NA freedom picinic that their having in granite city, illinois with my wife and kids. Hope all is well with you guys. peace and love.

Angelic17

What an adorable little boy. What a gift. You can set a fine example for him and make a difference in his life. Your a good guy, and your doing the right thing. I'm glad your going to try the tea. It's much better than caffeine for what your going through. My legs ached when I stopped using also. It will go away. Take a tylenol. You would be surprised how well they work. I'm happy for you, and I am PROUD of YOU. Your doing it, and an NA picnic sounds like the right place for you today. Enjoy your day.

Videodrone32

Thanks. You to. Things are looking up today I'll check back later.

Videodrone32

Wow. I'm back from the picnic. I played some serious volleyball. I was one of the best players out there. I was very athletic before I relapsed. I'm thinking of rearranging my living room. I layed on my couch feeling sorry for myself for a week and now everytime I walk into my house it reminds me of that. I thought maybe a different set-up would make it feel new. Anywhoo I'm feeling pretty good right now. A little sore but a good sore. My body seems to be working halfway decent again. Thanks so much for helping me through this guys. The easy parts over. Now comes the hard part. Staying clean peace and love.

Tiredofdrugs

There really is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It's inside of each of us. We just have to dig deep to enjoy the riches. With each night we lie down to sleep w/o our DOC and then wake up with a clear mind is a blessing all in it's self.

I have a lot of family stuff in my life right now that's out of the usual realm I'm having to deal with on a daily basis. I'm so glad I made the choice 137 days ago to come off the opiates. I can handle the chaosis a lot better clear minded than I could have messed up and searching for the next pill to take.

And let me say there are for sure Angels amongst us. I had found a picture of my daughter with some friends from back in 1995 while looking for one particular picture to send her. I was putting the names on it to send it to her in Maryland. I couldn't think of the little boys name and out of the blue, while I had "Ice Road Truckers" show on TV they mentioned something about moving part of the oil drilling rig. It's called a "Derrick". The little boys name is "Derrick". How weird is that to come across the airwaves just at the time I'm trying to remember his name? I later found another picture with him in it where I had written the names down. And YES his name is Derrick. This isn't the first time I've experienced something like this happening. It happens to me all the time.

God Bless and know you are being watched over.

Videodrone32

Yes there is TOD. Yes there is.

Videodrone32

Ok I'm awake. Seems to be my last symptom. I fall asleep easy enough but staying asleep is another story. Today is day 6. Can't believe I made it this far. Technically at noon it'll be a full 6 days and working on seven. I know the sleep will come back. Peace and love

Videodrone32

So I took my extra time this morning from waking up so early to walk and pray to my higher power and to start writing on my first step. I will meet with my sponsor today after a meeting. Now that I can concentrate a little better I feel like I can share what happened. You know the justification I used to get high. It all started with my best friend getting terminal cancer (though he still is fighting strong today) I heard that news and it was super easy to start using. See this is actually my second relapse in 4 months. I detoxed after a month of using and stayed clean a month then went back again for the previous 2 months. Anywhoo on top of my BF getting sick my grandfather passed away, and at his funeral my family was told my 22 year old cousin killed herself using heroine. See addiction runs strong in my family. Me and my 4 cousins all party or partied very hard. Im the only one of us that has had some clean in my life. What im saying is I was close to my cuz and she was so damn young. How I used her dying to justify me using the same type of drug makes no sense in reteospect. I should of turned to the fellowship, and god. I dont deal well with loss. I need to learn to lean on the people who love me and my higher power. Today I cant come up with a justification to use. I cant sleep to good, Im shaky, sore, pissy, and I love it. I wouldnt have it any other way. My worst day clean is better than my best day using. Peace and love

Videodrone32

Okay I geuss this is really happening. Tomorrow at noon it will be a week since the whole detox nightmare started. I cant believe its already been that long. thank you higher power. Peace and love. Man I'm tired. What a trip. I can't do that again. don't have it in me.

Angelic17

Hang On!!!!!! The best is yet to come. Keep moving forward, and the best thing you can do for your cousin who passed away, is to live your life clean and sober in her honor. By the way, I'm sorry to hear about your cousin and your Grandfather. I send you my condolences. That's a tragedy. I understand it all to well. My older brother died from a heroin overdose. It's a very painful reality. And addicition runs big time in my family too. Out of every 10 families, 9 of them have addiction. It's a fact, and it might not only be drugs, it might be alcohol, or food, or cigarettes. Addiction is Addiction. Addiction is more common than you think, and it's not a moral issue. I have no shame and I don't try to pretend that my family is perfect. I have faced the reality, and I am proud to be who I am, and proud of my family. I sure hope your feeling good today Video. Wishing you Peace and Love and alot of really great days ahead. Just hang on tight, and don't let your guard down.

I'm Proud of You, cause what your doing is some tough stuff. Be proud of yourself.
And avoid people, places and things, if you know what I mean.

Videodrone32

You know angelic it's funny you mention that addiction is not a moral issue. I've been really beating myself up about this and at a meeting someone pointed out after I shared that I need to learn to blame my disease and not myself. That really gives us this new found freedom. You know? I'm not a bad guy I'm just sick. One week today can't believe how good I feel. Peace and love.

Tiredofdrugs

Yes we have a disease! But be careful not to fall back on that "word" as a relaspe reason! Our brains are wired to find all kinds of "reasons" to use. But on the flip flop side? Use that word "disease" as a reason to remind yourself. YOU can't take the chance to take just one pill. You and I both know where we'll end up. Back in HELL, fighting for the top of sanity again.

Take Care All.
Have a peaceful day.
Enjoy the life we are living today and the moment you stop to think about being clean! Smile and give yourself a little hug!

TOD

Videodrone32

I completely understand TOD. It's just nice to know that it's all not my fault and there is something that me, god and NA can do about this disease.