Videodrone32

Thanks. You know a big thing for me the first 3 days when I couldn't get up was this sight. I found it on my iPhone at it saved my bum Now 8 days in I'm recovering by leaps and bounds. Physically. I've already started reworking step 1 with my sponsor. I feel so greatful to be on this side of the river with you guys. I thought I was happy on the other side. I realized that was a lie. Then there was the deep waters of detox. Then the shallow water on the good side. I now feel as though I'm standing on the shore with people in recovery. I just need to listen and follow peace and love.

Angelic17

Never forget the suffering that your disease has brought to your life. If you do forget you might lose your recovery. If you remember all the problems associated with your addiction, you will definitely think before you put a pill in your mouth. It takes a very long time to get out of the relapse stage with opiates. Addiction is subject to relapse, and resistant to treatment at times. It's all up to you. You've worked so hard to get where you are. DON"T GIVE IT UP FOR ANYTHING< OR ANYONE. We are all proud of you here.

Videodrone32

You made me shed a tear Ive never experienced such support through a freaking web browser on a phone thnx.

Videodrone32

Also. I thinks important for anyone reading this going through the same thing to know that I'm into day 9. Technically 8 full days, and I worked a full 8 hours today. My legs don't hurt. I haven't taken Tylenol or motrin. This is a big deal to me. Even yesterday my legs hurt sooooooo bad peace and love.

Videodrone32

Think

Angelic17

9 days, WAY TO GO MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!! :ghug3 Without meds, or a doctor, or anything. Your a strong man. That little boy is a lucky kid. You will set a great example for him.

Videodrone32

Tiredofdrugs

Video:
Thank goodness for all the technology today that we have at our finger tips now. You would have had to get into your car and drive somewhere to get a message to bring that tear to your face today you got from your iphone.

All of us addicts with some time under our belts, try to take others that are in our past histories shoes, under our wings to help guide you in the right direction. We are there for you to lean on and to cry with. Giving up that love affair you had with those pills, was damn hard. It takes all the other recovering addicts to step up to the plate, to try and help replace that lost love affair with good relations and healing comforts. Being new to the program also reminds us addicts with some clean time, just how/what it was like in our using days all over again. A place NONE of us want to be in again. We all rode the wild horse for awhile. Now it's time to retire the stallion to the pasture and close the gate. Feed him and love him. But NEVER ride him again. For he has seen better days and couldn't handle the ride now.

We all love our freedom. We can all only hope and pray for those still suffering that haven't found the freedom door as of yet. But I for one. Won't let those still in hell bring me back down to their level. I've been there too many times. I don't want to go back. I have way too many good things going right in my life by staying clean. I don't want to lose it to the pill in a bottle.

Congradulations on your nine days of clean time. Go eat a big piece of cake.

Videodrone32

Working on 10 days. Ugh. Still not sleeping good. Trying to stay positive about that. I'm very tired this morning. This to shall pass. Peace and love.

Angelic17

10 days, YAY!!!!!!!! Hang on, alot of ups and downs while your giving up a very powerful opiate. Your brain is going a mile a minute. Be patient. keep busy, and know we are all here for you. OH, and remember, nobody ever died from lack of sleep. This too shall pass my friend. It takes a good year and a half for your brain to go back to totally normal. The first few weeks are tough, but hey, your doing it. So keep moving forward, and don't give up a minute of your sobriety for anything, or anyone. :ghug3

FarawayFromCars

Thank you, Video, for sharing your story. You have no idea how much your story (and others' stories on here) have helped me sort out my own feelings about my alcoholic sister. It has been frustrating, sad, and emotional to watch her battle with her demons for the last 12 + years. I used to feel so angry at my AS, which I realize now is misplaced and does not help her at all. I've learned so much from reading your story and others' stories on this site, and it helps me to make sense of what she's working through. More importantly I've learned to let go of my anger and to love her. Wishing you many sober days ahead! You can do it!

Tiredofdrugs

Baby Steps. Lots of Baby Steps my friend. My brain got cleaner a lot quicker than my body did. It took me thirty days to get my body back to some normalcy. Since I had so much brain energy, I started pulling stacks of mail up to my chair and started thinning the stacks out. Then I'd sit beside a dresser or whatever needed thinning out and would go thru things. It kept my mind busy and active. Didn't have time to sit around and think about wanting a pill. It also helped having all the spoiled chickens (kids) that kept wanting my attention to keep me moving and motivated. I just got up one day feeling much better and didn't think about wanting a pill. The same will happen with you Video. I'm sure your wife is enjoying the new you more. I know my husband supported me while I was on the meds, (for medical reasons), but he sure enjoys me more being off the posion. I love myself a whole lot more too. Everyone around me has been complimenting me on how much better I look and the difference in my personality. Hmmmm! I wonder why?

I don't even keep track of how many days I have clean anymore. I have so much to keep me busy the days just fly by. If it gets to be too hectic! I just go stand on my head in a corner somewhere until all the blood rushes to my head. I've had enough seriousness in my life already. So I try not to let anyone or anything get me into such a state of mind I want to use again. And yes! There has been times that moment has surfaced. When it happens. I take myself outside for a walk around the yard or put some of my favorite music CD's in the stero and get busy doing something else to take my mind off of it. We all have trigger points and we all have to have an escape route for it besides popping a pill.

So keep on truckin with the way you are going. You are doing a GREAT job staying off those damn pills. You've been there several times before and it sounds like you've come to the realization you know what will happen if you fall back into the bottle again. If you ever think about another pill? Take that pill in your hand that's headed to the opening in your face. And go put it into that large opening in the bathroom. Then push the silver knob and walk away.

snowman76

I couldn't agree with you more! I'm more into Widespread Panic myself. But Jack Johnson isn't bad either.

Hope you are doing well!!

Videodrone32

Thanks guys I love widespread panic. They just released a new album. I haven't checked this thread enough today. I'm just pushing through today. It's kinda a weird thing. There is this women where I work. I'll call her "Kelli". Kelli is a heroin addict. I know because she's talked openly with me about it. She's in day 2 of a "can't find no dope" detox. Now you'd think seeing her and how sick she was would make me feel greatful for where I'm at. It didn't. Everytime I got around her it felt like the life was being sucked from me. Weird. Anywhoo today I feel worse than yesterday. Not WD worse. Just tired. So very tired. I know I'm not gonna die from lack of sleep, but man I'm one of those people that head hits the pillow and I'm out. Always have been. Sux to have that stripped away from you.

Angelic17

Hey Videodrone, Your sleep will return. I promise you that. Just don't get high. Don't use drugs,because you will only set yourself back. Keep pushing forward. You can do this. I did it. And I know the tired your talking about. It's more like weak. Your weak and lacking energy. Those pills gave you a false sense of well being. It was all a lie. You will recover your sleep and energy if you just stay clean today. One day at a time. I wish you Peace and Comfort in these tough times.

Tiredofdrugs

She's in day 2 of a "can't find no dope" detox. Now you'd think seeing her and how sick she was would make me feel greatful for where I'm at. It didn't. Everytime I got around her it felt like the life was being sucked from me. Weird. Anywhoo today I feel worse than yesterday. Not WD worse. Just tired. So very tired.

I'm only guessing at this! What you feel when you are around her is sorrow. You've been in her shoes and you know what it feels like to be in that position. She is a reminder of where you were almost two weeks ago. It's hard to feel positive about yourself when you are around her, because it's such a reminder of what you are feeling.

PLUS: Due to lack of sleep! You are mentally and physically worn out right now and it's hard to feel joy over your own recovery. You've probably got some pity in you for her, but can't deal with her detoxing mood, due to she's not looking for recovery, only another FIX. Like I said in my last post. I don't want to be around people like that. They aren't good for my own recovery. I'm living life on a much higher level of happiness and seeing people in pain because they can't get their next FIX just isn't where I want to be. Maybe this will be her bottom and maybe it won't be. Grab hold of your happy place and hang on for dear life. You've walked away from that world and need to surround yourself with happiness. Call your sponsor and have a chat. That will help your down mood.

Take care of yourself!!!!!

Videodrone32

Pheeeeeeew! (takes a deep breath). 3 days down. 2 left in the work week. I'm happy I'm home. As usual just tired. Thanks for all the experience, strength, and hope guys I like rereading this thread. It reminds that even though I'm not perfect today, I'm alot better than I was 4-5 days ago. Peace and love

Videodrone32

So Monday will be my 2 year anniversary with my wife it'll also be day 14 for me. One day at a time I know. I'm just thinking how cool it'll be to not have to worry. Am I gonna be sick? Do I have enough pills to enjoy the day? Etc.... These were my worries before. Now my biggest worry is if shell like what I've planned for us. Were going to eat at a restaraunt on the great river road, go to a st. Louis cardinals game and I got her concert tickets for her favorite band (kings of Leon). Not until July 23rd. Peace and love.

Angelic17

Happy Ann iversary

Videodrone32