Trying to quit methadone and be done with all opiates/heroin forever
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
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Hi RI24! It's so good to hear from you! I think about you off and on, wonder how you are doing. I'm glad to hear you're overall doing well. I understand about the slips, as I've had my own, too.
The ongoing challenge for me is I have very real and intense physical pain issues, which have become much more disabling again since I'm not on the pain meds, and which, unfortunately are fueling my slips. That is the reason why I am considering methadone. Yes, it does scare me but honestly I fear that I am going to go back out there again and feel that methadone would be a lot better choice.
I would love to read anything else you have to say, or share your experiences, too, either here or PM. I want to be as educated as I can be. I just also really need the physical pain/disability issues to be dealt with too. And now I know they are no longer hyperalgesia. I have found an acupuncturist and a Naturopath that I like very much, it's just sorting out the finances that's the issue there. But I am hoping they can help me to heal the underlying issues though that is/will be a long, slow process.
Anyway, to hope to hear from you again!
The ongoing challenge for me is I have very real and intense physical pain issues, which have become much more disabling again since I'm not on the pain meds, and which, unfortunately are fueling my slips. That is the reason why I am considering methadone. Yes, it does scare me but honestly I fear that I am going to go back out there again and feel that methadone would be a lot better choice.
I would love to read anything else you have to say, or share your experiences, too, either here or PM. I want to be as educated as I can be. I just also really need the physical pain/disability issues to be dealt with too. And now I know they are no longer hyperalgesia. I have found an acupuncturist and a Naturopath that I like very much, it's just sorting out the finances that's the issue there. But I am hoping they can help me to heal the underlying issues though that is/will be a long, slow process.
Anyway, to hope to hear from you again!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Cartel & Heroin stricken - USA - Albuquerque
Posts: 85
Originally Posted by Lovey02 
Hey Mialicous just wanted to see how it was going/? Hope all is well..?
I have wanted to suffocate the emptiness by fixing with some sort of opiate relief. My mind is strong but my body is weak. Mostly the cravings come in small spurts that I can work through with some "mental gymnastics"...it's the first 7-8 says that have been the most difficult yet. When I say "difficult"...it's no where near the dope cravings, I'd be having. Transitioning to methadone is learning a habit, a forced habit but one that instills normalcy back into your life. To live without cravings is gold. But eventually you will have to fight. I must say, having been a heavy intravenous user, it has to be gradual transition from dope to methadone, from methadone to sober.
One thing I know true from others is, you will never stop cracking once you know the high. But your cravings can be defeated. I hate to compare it to quitting cigarettes, because that isn't near as painful. But the first 3 days are the absolute most trying and...sometimes lost. After that, fighting becomes a habit, so does defeating.
Much love, Mia
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Hey Mia! Glad to hear you're feeling better. I know fatigue is a real bear to deal with. It's something I've struggled with my entire life, even as a small child. Add cravings onto that....it's terrific and inspiring that you keep going!
And I think you are so right that recovery takes constant vigilance! I think--or at least hope--that over time cravings and the desire to use lessen but from what I've learned so far it really does take being aware and careful all the time. You're right that once you know that high it will always be there somewhere waiting. That's why we have to learn a whole new way of being--without drugs!
I try to remind myself that it's really something that I am trying at all. That I chose to get off them and that is something.
And I think you are so right that recovery takes constant vigilance! I think--or at least hope--that over time cravings and the desire to use lessen but from what I've learned so far it really does take being aware and careful all the time. You're right that once you know that high it will always be there somewhere waiting. That's why we have to learn a whole new way of being--without drugs!
I try to remind myself that it's really something that I am trying at all. That I chose to get off them and that is something.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Cartel & Heroin stricken - USA - Albuquerque
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Amazingly, my phone saved my replies and rants from 4 days ago, when I tried to write. Here:
Quitting any opiate is horrid and gruesome. But many have done it before me. I never did suboxone or subutex under doctor supervision. I tried to kick heroin with subs each time knowing it would still be so easily obtained. Not to mention the profit we were living on. I think it may be different for those that have done intravenous opiates as opposed to ingestion or snorting. Different in the sensory overwhelm an iv user has pushed repeatedly and heavily. Getting off by snorting or ingesting would not have fixed me by any stretch, unfortunately.
I used subeutex at the 18th hour of detoxing heroin, then suboxone after 20-28 hours of being dopesick starting in small 2mg chunks and increasing 2mg until it was ok in my system. Sub made me feel better but I was detoxing high levels of heroin from my bloodstream and expecting to remain sober? Craving dope didn't seem to stop for me. I could also push enough f***ng heroin in my veins to stop the agonist of suboxone. Ugh! I was desolate.
Having been clean 8 days today. I definitely notice horrid fatigue, emptiness, insomnia, restless leg fits much more apparent unless I take supplements (multi vitamin, b vitamin calcium, etc). Many of my "friends" who were also heroin users are either in methadone clinics. 1 has successfully quit heroin and methadone. 7* of them are clinically detoxing methadone. But are and have been clean of heroin. I know of some we used to sell to still using but we have no ties whatsoever, by choice.
Methadone has its double edge sword and side effects. BUT the habit of normalcy has been created by being able to live without cravings and exist without being high. To not be high or craving severely, were key in my will, and perpetual recovery. Remember, many times I would shoot 3 grams at one time, regularly.
Believe me I have thought of trying to score a pill, tiny dope bag, or dip my finger in an old methadone bottle... or anything to take the edge off, especially when I'm not working, or just at home or trying to sleep. But that was how I trapped my body & Soul in the first place. Thankfully, I haven't taken one opiate of any kind.
Lyoness & Lovey, heroin rapes the body and soul. These limits are something we've reassured ourselves we'd never do, but over time desensitized what we will do, needless, higher mgs, opioid types, etc. Please don't go there. All opioid addicts find your body's tolerance pushing further toward something you told yourself you'd never do.that's the game the devil seduces you to play. He wants you numbed so realities, truths, and you cannot prevail. It's a dance of awe, deceptive beauty, pain & endless numbed loss the devil of dope toys with. "Just a little more," "I can see why some choose heroin..." we get ourselves all worked up about quitting, weighing it out and analyzing before we take the plunge. But much of that is mental strength training and gymnastics. Much of that is mental. We have the tools to enable the end. It's up to us if we choose or not choose to give into what our body is dying for. Please, stay in touch, pm me whenever for whatever. I'm going through a reality jolt right now because of kicking methadone, and I will probably pour out more lol. You are in my thoughts and hopes. I fell your pain and your strength.
Quitting any opiate is horrid and gruesome. But many have done it before me. I never did suboxone or subutex under doctor supervision. I tried to kick heroin with subs each time knowing it would still be so easily obtained. Not to mention the profit we were living on. I think it may be different for those that have done intravenous opiates as opposed to ingestion or snorting. Different in the sensory overwhelm an iv user has pushed repeatedly and heavily. Getting off by snorting or ingesting would not have fixed me by any stretch, unfortunately.
I used subeutex at the 18th hour of detoxing heroin, then suboxone after 20-28 hours of being dopesick starting in small 2mg chunks and increasing 2mg until it was ok in my system. Sub made me feel better but I was detoxing high levels of heroin from my bloodstream and expecting to remain sober? Craving dope didn't seem to stop for me. I could also push enough f***ng heroin in my veins to stop the agonist of suboxone. Ugh! I was desolate.
Having been clean 8 days today. I definitely notice horrid fatigue, emptiness, insomnia, restless leg fits much more apparent unless I take supplements (multi vitamin, b vitamin calcium, etc). Many of my "friends" who were also heroin users are either in methadone clinics. 1 has successfully quit heroin and methadone. 7* of them are clinically detoxing methadone. But are and have been clean of heroin. I know of some we used to sell to still using but we have no ties whatsoever, by choice.
Methadone has its double edge sword and side effects. BUT the habit of normalcy has been created by being able to live without cravings and exist without being high. To not be high or craving severely, were key in my will, and perpetual recovery. Remember, many times I would shoot 3 grams at one time, regularly.
Believe me I have thought of trying to score a pill, tiny dope bag, or dip my finger in an old methadone bottle... or anything to take the edge off, especially when I'm not working, or just at home or trying to sleep. But that was how I trapped my body & Soul in the first place. Thankfully, I haven't taken one opiate of any kind.
Lyoness & Lovey, heroin rapes the body and soul. These limits are something we've reassured ourselves we'd never do, but over time desensitized what we will do, needless, higher mgs, opioid types, etc. Please don't go there. All opioid addicts find your body's tolerance pushing further toward something you told yourself you'd never do.that's the game the devil seduces you to play. He wants you numbed so realities, truths, and you cannot prevail. It's a dance of awe, deceptive beauty, pain & endless numbed loss the devil of dope toys with. "Just a little more," "I can see why some choose heroin..." we get ourselves all worked up about quitting, weighing it out and analyzing before we take the plunge. But much of that is mental strength training and gymnastics. Much of that is mental. We have the tools to enable the end. It's up to us if we choose or not choose to give into what our body is dying for. Please, stay in touch, pm me whenever for whatever. I'm going through a reality jolt right now because of kicking methadone, and I will probably pour out more lol. You are in my thoughts and hopes. I fell your pain and your strength.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Cartel & Heroin stricken - USA - Albuquerque
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You have it right in your outlook by saying it takes being aware. That strength + You and you alone, will be tested at every turn, girl. including the strength you possess; it will try you, but you can defeat it every time. Each time gets much easier. Especially if you can avoid shocking your system.
With methadone my detox has been very very gradual IMO. Comparing it to oxy and opi detox which are intensely sudden, sickening and greatly debilitating. I cannot say I've had diarrhea and MAJOR thrashing. Rather, dead a** fatigue, restless legs only about an hour and only a few nights the first week, sleepless, minor nausea; not all all at once, only in minor fits. And only Because methadone leaves your body slowly. so you don't have to fix multiple times through oral, snorting or iv. But my point still, detoxing methadone is much easier if you get to as low a dose as possible, not increasing ever, not substituting cravings anytime before your 20-24 hour mark of the previous day.
The will power is easier on methadone (remember I fixed low), but quitting is much more drawn out. Just don't think of it as any other 18 hour sickness we have had so suddenly because it's so not that shocking to your system.
With methadone my detox has been very very gradual IMO. Comparing it to oxy and opi detox which are intensely sudden, sickening and greatly debilitating. I cannot say I've had diarrhea and MAJOR thrashing. Rather, dead a** fatigue, restless legs only about an hour and only a few nights the first week, sleepless, minor nausea; not all all at once, only in minor fits. And only Because methadone leaves your body slowly. so you don't have to fix multiple times through oral, snorting or iv. But my point still, detoxing methadone is much easier if you get to as low a dose as possible, not increasing ever, not substituting cravings anytime before your 20-24 hour mark of the previous day.
The will power is easier on methadone (remember I fixed low), but quitting is much more drawn out. Just don't think of it as any other 18 hour sickness we have had so suddenly because it's so not that shocking to your system.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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wow!
Thanks for ALL the sharing. Even your rants as I too was a high dosage iv user, after I cashed a Huge insurance check for my wreck we went thru most all of it buying large quanties of dope for cheap from cartel at time i though it was great but looking back its why im here. Cant say i sold it very often because i didnt want the stress of it but habit was huge. I too tried Subs after 12 hours but it would not help, pouring sweat, uncontroable sneazing, diahrea, vomiting i could not get a fix fast enough it was awful and i had paid over $1000 for Subs and Dr.and they were usless to me. Methadone was my only hope to,"Stop the madness!" After all ive read i wasnt sure what i had done was the right choice or not so Im soooo thankful u have shared your journey with me, it gives me strength and hope. I knew i would still have some withdraw but as long as it wasnt as extreme i knew i could do it, i still have a ways to go. I remember u in daily prayers. It is a journey of digging deep and finding inner strength and faith and that God will be there helping u every step of the way. Thanks .
Much Love,((hugs)),
Lovey
Much Love,((hugs)),
Lovey
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Thank you Lovey & Lyoness! I'm grateful you have shared your journey as well. It's is reassuring to know you are seeking and end to the liquid handcuffs but want off all of that poison. It helps me knowing you, also have been someone who has shot heroin too, now on methadone.
My husband is detoxing much more slowly than I did. He's going like 2mgs every week. He used heroin a couple years longer than I. We both started with pills, me orally. He sorted morphine & oxy too. He quit for about a year then went straight to heroin. He's now at 16mgs of methadone down from 160mgs. I'm kind of glad I quit first, that way we aren't feeling sh**ty together. One can pick up the slack
It was tricky when we first weaned on methadone and of the needle, not to enable each other. We were very addicted to using a spike to fix. We had to train our brains "we cannot shoot up heroin" -which wasn't easy at first.
I cannot say with enough words just how much healthy physical and emotional mental habit building has played a role. Over time, it will only be EVERYTHING You create. Creating "rules" to not shoot dope, rules to not abuse, rules not to sell it, or seek out. Mainly my family notices we've changed. You cannot help but feel the difference. Even on methadone, going 24 hours without being high Or craving was like being clean. I think I got myself way too worked up over switching from heroin, then weaning off methadone.
I still have daily sneezing fits, stretching but not cramping, cravings, only some sleeplessness-not as bad as week 1. My energy comes in "spurts"...energy I desperately need more of just to get through the day. Hello midday coffee and ginseng. But this process has not been that horrible. The malaise and fatigue were the worst. It has been incomparable to quitting heroin..which I thought at one point was a life sentence. It's a cake walk compared to that agonizing mind and body bending 18 hour sickness and reality shock. In fact, I'm a little grateful it leaves your body so slowly.
I've never been a heavy drinker, just a beer once in a while. I hate liquor. But I will admit, I like beer alot lately
it is a downer and it helps me sleep and kick anxiety. I don't want to switch addictions though. I definitely try to remind myself not to drink daily.
Today is the 2 week mark! I'm a very proud and happy fiend! Lol
«hugs»
My husband is detoxing much more slowly than I did. He's going like 2mgs every week. He used heroin a couple years longer than I. We both started with pills, me orally. He sorted morphine & oxy too. He quit for about a year then went straight to heroin. He's now at 16mgs of methadone down from 160mgs. I'm kind of glad I quit first, that way we aren't feeling sh**ty together. One can pick up the slack
It was tricky when we first weaned on methadone and of the needle, not to enable each other. We were very addicted to using a spike to fix. We had to train our brains "we cannot shoot up heroin" -which wasn't easy at first.
I cannot say with enough words just how much healthy physical and emotional mental habit building has played a role. Over time, it will only be EVERYTHING You create. Creating "rules" to not shoot dope, rules to not abuse, rules not to sell it, or seek out. Mainly my family notices we've changed. You cannot help but feel the difference. Even on methadone, going 24 hours without being high Or craving was like being clean. I think I got myself way too worked up over switching from heroin, then weaning off methadone.
I still have daily sneezing fits, stretching but not cramping, cravings, only some sleeplessness-not as bad as week 1. My energy comes in "spurts"...energy I desperately need more of just to get through the day. Hello midday coffee and ginseng. But this process has not been that horrible. The malaise and fatigue were the worst. It has been incomparable to quitting heroin..which I thought at one point was a life sentence. It's a cake walk compared to that agonizing mind and body bending 18 hour sickness and reality shock. In fact, I'm a little grateful it leaves your body so slowly.
I've never been a heavy drinker, just a beer once in a while. I hate liquor. But I will admit, I like beer alot lately
it is a downer and it helps me sleep and kick anxiety. I don't want to switch addictions though. I definitely try to remind myself not to drink daily. Today is the 2 week mark! I'm a very proud and happy fiend! Lol
«hugs»
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It is a journey of digging deep and finding inner strength and faith and that God will be there helping u every step of the way. Thanks .
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hey mia i take my hat of 2 u 4 detoxin off the meths i was takin this 4 5 years aswell as doin heroin and when i switched just 6 days ago 2 suboxone my withdrawls from methodone were evil so i respect u 4 hanging in their yr doing wel dont give up. Best of luck
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I'm so glad to know my rants help! It really helps me to vent them. I think that's common when quitting opiates. Getting all emotional over anything and spilling it. Thanks for being here...showing me support! It is truly amazing to have a support system. When I quit heroin, I had support from the clinic, my husband, mom and brother. But now, while quitting methadone, I have this wonderful support system-made anonymous..
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Today is day 16...I'm clean...But what I wouldn't give for an oxy. I was taking to my guy about my lack of motivation and energy. It's bad. I think no matter what opiates you do, it's going to take brain and body healing after a period of washed out. He explained it quite well: the part of the brain that uses endorphins created 95% of our artificial energy and euphoria. We have been so reliant, physically and mentally, on forcing the "artificial" endorphins through an abundance of pills and/or heroin use, then methadone. This may be why you will find yourself doing sh*t you'd never thought you'd do to score dope and pills. No matter how low your ethics you are full of this artificial reality making it easier to hustle, steal, pay for dope not food, cheat and lie. No matter what we did, our brains and body had its extreme amount of the "feel great" chemicals. Now I'm fighting daily to regain my self reliance. I'm fighting for my brain to rely on itself. Ouch! What a kick in the a$$. my backup plan cannot be drugs. I curse them.
So my backup plan is to stay in touch with my inner strength, if non, to conjure it up from others, to be expressive and creative in times of need and perpetuate my will and strength. If one lacks will, you will lose. We (humankind) are fighters by birth right. We fight to survive. Even in horrible lethargy, I can find the will to curse dope and pills again. I remember where I was. Cooking, shooting, bagging & hustling obscene amounts of heroin. Had to shoot a minimal of 4x daily. Did so with my coffee. Or I couldn't do anything else. I remember what it robbed my daughter of-her mother's ability to give time or love before my addiction. Of course I was there for her but it hurts to think that she saw us locked in the room for a while at a time before we could take her needs into account. She would wait on the outside of the lock, whining at me.I am crying at the thought. I remember just how great I was feeling when I was doing alot of $h1tty things. I was overly self-indulgent and self-defeating. I will not take an opiate or be enslaved again...at least for today...I will make it through today.
So my backup plan is to stay in touch with my inner strength, if non, to conjure it up from others, to be expressive and creative in times of need and perpetuate my will and strength. If one lacks will, you will lose. We (humankind) are fighters by birth right. We fight to survive. Even in horrible lethargy, I can find the will to curse dope and pills again. I remember where I was. Cooking, shooting, bagging & hustling obscene amounts of heroin. Had to shoot a minimal of 4x daily. Did so with my coffee. Or I couldn't do anything else. I remember what it robbed my daughter of-her mother's ability to give time or love before my addiction. Of course I was there for her but it hurts to think that she saw us locked in the room for a while at a time before we could take her needs into account. She would wait on the outside of the lock, whining at me.I am crying at the thought. I remember just how great I was feeling when I was doing alot of $h1tty things. I was overly self-indulgent and self-defeating. I will not take an opiate or be enslaved again...at least for today...I will make it through today.
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Originally Posted by anad
hey mia i take my hat of 2 u 4 detoxin off the meths i was takin this 4 5 years aswell as doin heroin and when i switched just 6 days ago 2 suboxone my withdrawls from methodone were evil so i respect u 4 hanging in their yr doing wel dont give up. Best of luck
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Mia, u are really hangin in there girl Im so proud and excited for u. U said ur mom is nutritionist, what might i get to help me now while on Methadone and have to added or changed and nutrients/supplements since u have detoxed off? I also have to admit I slipped and did a shot this weekend and very disappointed in myself but trying to use as a learning exp and not beat myself up too bad. It was sooo not worth it, as u know methadone takes away any euphoric feeling so it was not what i was expecting to feel. It really made me feel disgusted with myself and dirty. What i learned is that its no longer what i want in life, I felt such a strong conviction from God, and know thats no longer a part of me so in a sense Im glad I slipped. Also I had kept just a few point just in case I ever needed them in case of an emergency. LOL. Needless to say they are now gone I got rid of any and all things that may be a trigger to slip again. It will take a few days to feel good again and get my sleep patterns back to normal. Everything is ok just have a new sobrity date.:
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Sure wish I hadnt relapsed. I know its a part of recovery and I will grow from it but it was truly a stupid move. Especially when i was completely stable and trying to bring dose down a bit. Now I woke feeling withdraw, not bad just sweats n cold chills, but once I got my dose i was fine. Insanity of addiction,-doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results. I must be insane. I dont think that will happen again being that I got all paraphenalia out of my home,ie; syrienges so it would not be a convenient process if I had a moment of insanity again I would have to drive about 3ink min to buy a box of points and I cant see myself doing that. I think Im safe from myself now. Here I go again forward in recovery and pray God keeps me sober one day at a time! Love to all my fellow addicts, Lovey
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Originally Posted by Lovey02
Sure wish I hadnt relapsed. I know its a part of recovery and I will grow from it but it was truly a stupid move. Especially when i was completely stable and trying to bring dose down a bit. Now I woke feeling withdraw, not bad just sweats n cold chills, but once I got my dose i was fine. Insanity of addiction,-doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results. I must be insane. I dont think that will happen again being that I got all paraphenalia out of my home,ie; syrienges so it would not be a convenient process if I had a moment of insanity again I would have to drive about 3ink min to buy a box of points and I cant see myself doing that. I think Im safe from myself now. Here I go again forward in recovery and pray God keeps me sober one day at a time! Love to all my fellow addicts, Lovey
I had many slips in the beginning too...of course. While I was trying to get on a high enough dose and still had my spoon, spikes and kit FULL of saved cottons and quite a bit of dope....believe me I had them awaiting. I didn't believe my cravings would be non existent at that time, even transitioning into maintenance is a battle. I thought craving-free was bs... I was pissed I couldn't get high, and even did more heroin causing my dose increase...and increase...again. we've got ourselves in a pickle, haven't we? I crave opiates even now. Even though my last day using heroin was 4/29/12...our kits were just sitting there. We finally cleaned everything out by July....it at one point disgusted us as we confronted our demons It was hard to go through all that "cleansing" and we didn't want to pass it on perpetuating another to shoot up. So much in our lives was already f***ed!
Instilling normalcy back into your lives takes time, New rules to live by, being aware, and knowing you can overcome the most intense mental and physical addiction you will ever overcome. Many fail many times BEFORE succeeding. you are testing yourself. The devil's twisted game wants you to get high and be as numbed and dumbed as you can be; so he can keep playing.Your internal truth and strength will be the only winning card. It will be tested, and each time it is, you will be stronger...as you have just reached a milestone of truth!
I highly recommend being on maintenance until normalcy is instilled in your self, your man and family. Because, although you "feel craving free" mostly, you are still healing your brain, your soul and your body. I was on mmt for 11 months. I "loved" it for showing me to be without intravenous cravings, but hated it's deceptive power, it's hold on me and its nasty side effects. I used to mark in a calendar on my phone the days I'd shoot up or do ua's and noted what they showed to track my progress, seeing how long is go without using. Each time I did shoot up, I'd find myself disappointed.as I never used to "have to" put that much in my spoon! Ugh ...I had to increase my dose. I too tested it and expected different results! Hang in there. Lovey, you are healing. Give mmt as much time you feel you need to gradually ease off heroin and the needle. Once you do, you won't have to shock your system to get off heroin OR methadone. I whole heartedly believe that is the key to overcoming such a doomfilled addiction.
I have always taken vitamins while on mmt (calcium, vitamin d, and a woman's multi and definitely definitely b complex combined with b12). when I was trying to lose weight I started taking green vibrance and green protein shakes - full of amazing customize crystallized nutrients! I gained 35lbs in 8 months thanks to methadone. I lost it all with those shakes and detoxing lol.
I'm still eating lots of meats and stews, spinach/romaine greens with avocado and sunflower seed salad.. Trying to cut out bread and sugar (I was never 100% successful but I cut both back as much as I could) both turn into sugars that are difficult for your body to digest and both can mess up your adrenal glands causing major fatigue and slowed metabolism.. I tried replacing bread and refined sugars with natural sugars like apples and bananas and whatever fruit.. Im still watching my bread and sugar intake. While detoxing methadone, a major helper is a full array of l-amino acids that your body doesn't make itself, you get it from raw foods mainly. aminos help you metabolize and help you fight fatigue, help your brain make more (much needed) natural chemicals like endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin, etc. The "feel good" chemicals. Let me know if you have any questions or need any help!
It is one day at a time. Today, at least today, I will win!
I'm craving something awful but it's not all day, it's in a few strong spurts of cravings. We got ourselves here numbed, now let's fight cold-eyed and fierce! You and your family are in my prayers and thoughts. You can do this! Today is my 22 day mark off all opiates! Thank the heavens!
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Originally Posted by Lovey02
Sure wish I hadnt relapsed. I know its a part of recovery and I will grow from it but it was truly a stupid move. Especially when i was completely stable and trying to bring dose down a bit. Now I woke feeling withdraw, not bad just sweats n cold chills, but once I got my dose i was fine. Insanity of addiction,-doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results. I must be insane. I dont think that will happen again being that I got all paraphenalia out of my home,ie; syrienges so it would not be a convenient process if I had a moment of insanity again I would have to drive about 3ink min to buy a box of points and I cant see myself doing that. I think Im safe from myself now. Here I go again forward in recovery and pray God keeps me sober one day at a time! Love to all my fellow addicts, Lovey
It took my friends, neither of whom are addicts, to point out to me and remind me that slips are totally normal, especially at the beginning. And they are great learning experiences if we let them be so. I've still had some recent slips, mostly related to dealing with intense physical pain. It's all a journey and each day, each step along the way counts.
Keep it up--you're doing great!
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