Amazingly, my phone saved my replies and rants from 4 days ago, when I tried to write. Here:
Quitting any opiate is horrid and gruesome. But many have done it before me. I never did suboxone or subutex under doctor supervision. I tried to kick heroin with subs each time knowing it would still be so easily obtained. Not to mention the profit we were living on. I think it may be different for those that have done intravenous opiates as opposed to ingestion or snorting. Different in the sensory overwhelm an iv user has pushed repeatedly and heavily. Getting off by snorting or ingesting would not have fixed me by any stretch, unfortunately.
I used subeutex at the 18th hour of detoxing heroin, then suboxone after 20-28 hours of being dopesick starting in small 2mg chunks and increasing 2mg until it was ok in my system. Sub made me feel better but I was detoxing high levels of heroin from my bloodstream and expecting to remain sober? Craving dope didn't seem to stop for me. I could also push enough f***ng heroin in my veins to stop the agonist of suboxone. Ugh! I was desolate.
Having been clean 8 days today. I definitely notice horrid fatigue, emptiness, insomnia, restless leg fits much more apparent unless I take supplements (multi vitamin, b vitamin calcium, etc). Many of my "friends" who were also heroin users are either in methadone clinics. 1 has successfully quit heroin and methadone. 7* of them are clinically detoxing methadone. But are and have been clean of heroin. I know of some we used to sell to still using but we have no ties whatsoever, by choice.
Methadone has its double edge sword and side effects. BUT the habit of normalcy has been created by being able to live without cravings and exist without being high. To not be high or craving severely, were key in my will, and perpetual recovery. Remember, many times I would shoot 3 grams at one time, regularly.
Believe me I have thought of trying to score a pill, tiny dope bag, or dip my finger in an old methadone bottle... or anything to take the edge off, especially when I'm not working, or just at home or trying to sleep. But that was how I trapped my body & Soul in the first place. Thankfully, I haven't taken one opiate of any kind.
Lyoness & Lovey, heroin rapes the body and soul. These limits are something we've reassured ourselves we'd never do, but over time desensitized what we will do, needless, higher mgs, opioid types, etc. Please don't go there. All opioid addicts find your body's tolerance pushing further toward something you told yourself you'd never do.that's the game the devil seduces you to play. He wants you numbed so realities, truths, and you cannot prevail. It's a dance of awe, deceptive beauty, pain & endless numbed loss the devil of dope toys with. "Just a little more," "I can see why some choose heroin..." we get ourselves all worked up about quitting, weighing it out and analyzing before we take the plunge. But much of that is mental strength training and gymnastics. Much of that is mental. We have the tools to enable the end. It's up to us if we choose or not choose to give into what our body is dying for. Please, stay in touch, pm me whenever for whatever. I'm going through a reality jolt right now because of kicking methadone, and I will probably pour out more lol. You are in my thoughts and hopes. I fell your pain and your strength.