Trying to quit methadone and be done with all opiates/heroin forever
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Originally Posted by mialicious 
You started methadone in December 2012, correct?
I had many slips in the beginning too...of course. While I was trying to get on a high enough dose and still had my spoon, spikes and kit FULL of saved cottons and quite a bit of dope....believe me I had them awaiting. I didn't believe my cravings would be non existent at that time, even transitioning into maintenance is a battle. I thought craving-free was bs... I was pissed I couldn't get high, and even did more heroin causing my dose increase...and increase...again. we've got ourselves in a pickle, haven't we? I crave opiates even now. Even though my last day using heroin was 4/29/12...our kits were just sitting there. We finally cleaned everything out by July....it at one point disgusted us as we confronted our demons It was hard to go through all that "cleansing" and we didn't want to pass it on perpetuating another to shoot up. So much in our lives was already f***ed!
Instilling normalcy back into your lives takes time, New rules to live by, being aware, and knowing you can overcome the most intense mental and physical addiction you will ever overcome. Many fail many times BEFORE succeeding. you are testing yourself. The devil's twisted game wants you to get high and be as numbed and dumbed as you can be; so he can keep playing.Your internal truth and strength will be the only winning card. It will be tested, and each time it is, you will be stronger...as you have just reached a milestone of truth!
I highly recommend being on maintenance until normalcy is instilled in your self, your man and family. Because, although you "feel craving free" mostly, you are still healing your brain, your soul and your body. I was on mmt for 11 months. I "loved" it for showing me to be without intravenous cravings, but hated it's deceptive power, it's hold on me and its nasty side effects. I used to mark in a calendar on my phone the days I'd shoot up or do ua's and noted what they showed to track my progress, seeing how long is go without using. Each time I did shoot up, I'd find myself disappointed.as I never used to "have to" put that much in my spoon! Ugh ...I had to increase my dose. I too tested it and expected different results! Hang in there. Lovey, you are healing. Give mmt as much time you feel you need to gradually ease off heroin and the needle. Once you do, you won't have to shock your system to get off heroin OR methadone. I whole heartedly believe that is the key to overcoming such a doomfilled addiction.
I have always taken vitamins while on mmt (calcium, vitamin d, and a woman's multi and definitely definitely b complex combined with b12). when I was trying to lose weight I started taking green vibrance and green protein shakes - full of amazing customize crystallized nutrients! I gained 35lbs in 8 months thanks to methadone. I lost it all with those shakes and detoxing lol.
I'm still eating lots of meats and stews, spinach/romaine greens with avocado and sunflower seed salad.. Trying to cut out bread and sugar (I was never 100% successful but I cut both back as much as I could) both turn into sugars that are difficult for your body to digest and both can mess up your adrenal glands causing major fatigue and slowed metabolism.. I tried replacing bread and refined sugars with natural sugars like apples and bananas and whatever fruit.. Im still watching my bread and sugar intake. While detoxing methadone, a major helper is a full array of l-amino acids that your body doesn't make itself, you get it from raw foods mainly. aminos help you metabolize and help you fight fatigue, help your brain make more (much needed) natural chemicals like endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin, etc. The "feel good" chemicals. Let me know if you have any questions or need any help!
It is one day at a time. Today, at least today, I will win!
I'm craving something awful but it's not all day, it's in a few strong spurts of cravings. We got ourselves here numbed, now let's fight cold-eyed and fierce! You and your family are in my prayers and thoughts. You can do this! Today is my 22 day mark off all opiates! Thank the heavens!
I had many slips in the beginning too...of course. While I was trying to get on a high enough dose and still had my spoon, spikes and kit FULL of saved cottons and quite a bit of dope....believe me I had them awaiting. I didn't believe my cravings would be non existent at that time, even transitioning into maintenance is a battle. I thought craving-free was bs... I was pissed I couldn't get high, and even did more heroin causing my dose increase...and increase...again. we've got ourselves in a pickle, haven't we? I crave opiates even now. Even though my last day using heroin was 4/29/12...our kits were just sitting there. We finally cleaned everything out by July....it at one point disgusted us as we confronted our demons It was hard to go through all that "cleansing" and we didn't want to pass it on perpetuating another to shoot up. So much in our lives was already f***ed!
Instilling normalcy back into your lives takes time, New rules to live by, being aware, and knowing you can overcome the most intense mental and physical addiction you will ever overcome. Many fail many times BEFORE succeeding. you are testing yourself. The devil's twisted game wants you to get high and be as numbed and dumbed as you can be; so he can keep playing.Your internal truth and strength will be the only winning card. It will be tested, and each time it is, you will be stronger...as you have just reached a milestone of truth!
I highly recommend being on maintenance until normalcy is instilled in your self, your man and family. Because, although you "feel craving free" mostly, you are still healing your brain, your soul and your body. I was on mmt for 11 months. I "loved" it for showing me to be without intravenous cravings, but hated it's deceptive power, it's hold on me and its nasty side effects. I used to mark in a calendar on my phone the days I'd shoot up or do ua's and noted what they showed to track my progress, seeing how long is go without using. Each time I did shoot up, I'd find myself disappointed.as I never used to "have to" put that much in my spoon! Ugh ...I had to increase my dose. I too tested it and expected different results! Hang in there. Lovey, you are healing. Give mmt as much time you feel you need to gradually ease off heroin and the needle. Once you do, you won't have to shock your system to get off heroin OR methadone. I whole heartedly believe that is the key to overcoming such a doomfilled addiction.
I have always taken vitamins while on mmt (calcium, vitamin d, and a woman's multi and definitely definitely b complex combined with b12). when I was trying to lose weight I started taking green vibrance and green protein shakes - full of amazing customize crystallized nutrients! I gained 35lbs in 8 months thanks to methadone. I lost it all with those shakes and detoxing lol.
I'm still eating lots of meats and stews, spinach/romaine greens with avocado and sunflower seed salad.. Trying to cut out bread and sugar (I was never 100% successful but I cut both back as much as I could) both turn into sugars that are difficult for your body to digest and both can mess up your adrenal glands causing major fatigue and slowed metabolism.. I tried replacing bread and refined sugars with natural sugars like apples and bananas and whatever fruit.. Im still watching my bread and sugar intake. While detoxing methadone, a major helper is a full array of l-amino acids that your body doesn't make itself, you get it from raw foods mainly. aminos help you metabolize and help you fight fatigue, help your brain make more (much needed) natural chemicals like endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin, etc. The "feel good" chemicals. Let me know if you have any questions or need any help!
It is one day at a time. Today, at least today, I will win!
I'm craving something awful but it's not all day, it's in a few strong spurts of cravings. We got ourselves here numbed, now let's fight cold-eyed and fierce! You and your family are in my prayers and thoughts. You can do this! Today is my 22 day mark off all opiates! Thank the heavens!
Second, just that I agree with your post and thanks for all you said. It is a battle, it's a battle to feel again after numbing ourselves for so long. It's not easy, I have forgotten how to live except in a numbed out opiate haze. It's like learning almost everything over and new again, including who and what the heck I am!
Some days a lot more difficult than others. But we keep trying and that's what counts. And we find allies along the way and help and support each other, that is what counts too!
Peace.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: oklahoma city Oklahoma
Posts: 13
Thanks guys, back on track. Thanks for all the support. I have surgery Tues so i will be on pills for a few days but compared to heroin I think it will be a walk in the park. I hope everyone is doing well. Got a busy weekend with family and Easter. Hope u all have a HAPPY EASTER> God loves us all!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: oklahoma city Oklahoma
Posts: 13
Just a quickie, I had my surgery today (kochllear implant), went well, but quite painful, they gave me 7.5 tabs and i had to take 6 and a 800 mg ibuprofen to FINALY ease the pain, it shouldnt be as bad tomorrow. taking tabs is like taking asprin to me I feel absolutely nothing just trying to get rid of discomfort.
Miaa, I hope ur still hangin in girl, I been thinkin of ya.
goin to bed, much love,
LOVEY
Miaa, I hope ur still hangin in girl, I been thinkin of ya.
goin to bed, much love,
LOVEY
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Cartel & Heroin stricken - USA - Albuquerque
Posts: 85
Hello Lovey! Im glad you've wrote about your status... I'm even more glad you are well after surgery. I'm still hangin on! Today is 4 weeks. It's an internal battle of arguing and reminding myself. Can be a bit annoying. Since you've had surgery, does your clinic doc know you were prescribed opiates? Does your surgeon know you were prescribed methadone prior to surgery? I only ask because methadone is commonly used for pain management. It's highly common to not be able to "feel" any opiates once you're on methadone. I guess I wondered if they knew what the other did, or if you simply wanted the extra comfort while healing? I hope you are feeling better soon. Please update me when you are!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: oklahoma city Oklahoma
Posts: 13
hey mia, yes they knew and im only taking for pain mngt not feeling a thing but it does help w pain. Im better today and prob wont need them much longer. Im sooooo proud of u and yes I think addiction is always gonna b a daily battle. soo glad u are doin sooo well it gives me much needed hope! They gave me shots of Fetnoyl and morphine after surgery but they did not help at all i was hurting. It took hours of pain and lots of tabs before the pain and discomfort subsided. Ive really screwed up my feel good receptors!!!! Just want to b normal again!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Cartel & Heroin stricken - USA - Albuquerque
Posts: 85
Being normal again takes time. Omg...I'm just now starting to feel normal but not craving free. It's my "New normal" I suppose. Have you run out of the pills? How's your surgical recovery coming along? How about your addiction recovery?
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Originally Posted by Lovey02
hey mia, yes they knew and im only taking for pain mngt not feeling a thing but it does help w pain. Im better today and prob wont need them much longer. Im sooooo proud of u and yes I think addiction is always gonna b a daily battle. soo glad u are doin sooo well it gives me much needed hope! They gave me shots of Fetnoyl and morphine after surgery but they did not help at all i was hurting. It took hours of pain and lots of tabs before the pain and discomfort subsided. Ive really screwed up my feel good receptors!!!! Just want to b normal again!!!!
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Originally Posted by mialicious
Today is 35 days clean from methadone! I'm really beside myself!
And you are so right that coming off opiates is a process of figuring out who and how we are again. I am realizing and remembering that I am a person of very deep and intense emotions, I sort of "forgot" that while blissed and blitzed out on opiates. I used them to blunt off all my emotions except those few I wanted, when I wanted them, how I wanted them.
Mostly I just wanted to stay wrapped up in my cozy pink blanket of oxy relaxation and haze and pretty much cease to exist otherwise. Now I am beginning to find out that there is a whole lot more to life--to MY life--and maybe, just maybe, I want to start sorting out what that means again.
Peace.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: oklahoma city Oklahoma
Posts: 13
been awhile
WOW Mia 35 days and then some opiate free, how awesome is that! sooo proud of u!! Sorry I have not been on in a bit, I have been doing well though, only took pills for about a week to help with pain and still at 58mgs meth; gonna try to start stepping down a bit soon. i will have rest of my implant hooked up May 2nd to see if I can hear!! I will keep u posted. still in my prayers girl.
Much love,
Lovey
Much love,
Lovey
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Cartel & Heroin stricken - USA - Albuquerque
Posts: 85
Originally Posted by Lovey02
WOW Mia 35 days and then some opiate free, how awesome is that! sooo proud of u!! Sorry I have not been on in a bit, I have been doing well though, only took pills for about a week to help with pain and still at 58mgs meth; gonna try to start stepping down a bit soon. i will have rest of my implant hooked up May 2nd to see if I can hear!! I will keep u posted. still in my prayers girl.
Much love,
Lovey
Much love,
Lovey
daughter's been sick, I missed work because of it. I'm still clean though. I have grown a bit too fond of alcohol also. It must be how "numbish" it makes me, as it is also a downer. I'm not exactly proud of this. Ugh! I really don't want to switch addictions. So I'm trying to curb that tendency. I lost count of the days off opiates. But every Tuesday is another week off methadone and all opiates. You and your family are in my prayers and wishes! ((Hugs)) - Mia
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Originally Posted by mialicious
I'm still clean though. I have grown a bit too fond of alcohol also. It must be how "numbish" it makes me, as it is also a downer. I'm not exactly proud of this. Ugh! I really don't want to switch addictions. So I'm trying to curb that tendency.
((Hugs)) - Mia
((Hugs)) - Mia
And,I've already found out I can't do Lyrica or Topamax because I just started using them addictively right away. I snorted the Topamax--how pathetic is that?! So rx drugs are pretty much over for me.
I'm now returning to studying and using herbal medicines, a path I was on before I discovered opiates and they took over. But even here, I have to be very careful. There are plenty of herbal medicines (and I do not include marijuana in this, btdt!) that could easily help me escape....
The addiction is escaping, the challenge is the escape tool du jour. I'm just having to learn how to accept reality and make it a place I want to be. Tons of people do this, I'm going to figure out how, too.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Cartel & Heroin stricken - USA - Albuquerque
Posts: 85
I must be addicted to escaping! I never looked at it like that before you mentioned. Very good point! I don't know how else to deal with the anxiety and stress. Well I guess I can suck it up like I did quitting the methadone and H. I don't like being "drunk" or sloppy...just a little buzz. Accepting reality even on good days...something doesn't quite sit right all day. I live inside my head at work. I suppose drinking is a way to "unwind" which I know can be a trap. I'm still trying to figure this all out...one day at a time.
((Hugs)) Lyoness
((Hugs)) Lyoness
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Yes, I think for so many of us "reality doesn't sit right"--that sort of sums it up. I look at people who are happy, never been addicted, not interested in escaping and I just wonder how on earth they do that?! Are they born that way? Did they have such different lives growing up that they have a healthy love for life and "reality"?
With depression, PTSD, anxiety, OCD, severe childhood abuse and abandonment issues, I know I most definitely did NOT grow up on the same playing field as others. So does that mean forever I will struggle with "reality"? I don't know. I know I am different but also that my healing and challenges have also made positive changes, too. My feelings are bigger and deeper, on all ends of the spectrum. And I guess learning how to be at peace with that is key to loving and living life "on life's terms" as they say.
I know I really do want to learn how to find joy and meaning in life without escape. And how to shut my mind off when I need to without substances. And writing that really reminds me that recovery is a way of life, one day at a time is for real. It took a long time to get to where I am in life now, so the changes I want will take time too. Of course being an addict means I want positive change NOW not some far off later. Then again, it's all about the journey not the final destination.
Anyway, sorry, philosophical ravings.... Maybe it's time to go for a walk....
((Hugs)) to you too! =^o^=
With depression, PTSD, anxiety, OCD, severe childhood abuse and abandonment issues, I know I most definitely did NOT grow up on the same playing field as others. So does that mean forever I will struggle with "reality"? I don't know. I know I am different but also that my healing and challenges have also made positive changes, too. My feelings are bigger and deeper, on all ends of the spectrum. And I guess learning how to be at peace with that is key to loving and living life "on life's terms" as they say.
I know I really do want to learn how to find joy and meaning in life without escape. And how to shut my mind off when I need to without substances. And writing that really reminds me that recovery is a way of life, one day at a time is for real. It took a long time to get to where I am in life now, so the changes I want will take time too. Of course being an addict means I want positive change NOW not some far off later. Then again, it's all about the journey not the final destination.
Anyway, sorry, philosophical ravings.... Maybe it's time to go for a walk....
((Hugs)) to you too! =^o^=
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