Originally Posted by
Lovey02 
Sure wish I hadnt relapsed. I know its a part of recovery and I will grow from it but it was truly a stupid move. Especially when i was completely stable and trying to bring dose down a bit. Now I woke feeling withdraw, not bad just sweats n cold chills, but once I got my dose i was fine. Insanity of addiction,-doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results. I must be insane. I dont think that will happen again being that I got all paraphenalia out of my home,ie; syrienges so it would not be a convenient process if I had a moment of insanity again I would have to drive about 3ink min to buy a box of points and I cant see myself doing that. I think Im safe from myself now. Here I go again forward in recovery and pray God keeps me sober one day at a time! Love to all my fellow addicts, Lovey
You started methadone in December 2012, correct?
I had many slips in the beginning too...of course. While I was trying to get on a high enough dose and still had my spoon, spikes and kit FULL of saved cottons and quite a bit of dope....believe me I had them awaiting. I didn't believe my cravings would be non existent at that time, even transitioning into maintenance is a battle. I thought craving-free was bs... I was pissed I couldn't get high, and even did more heroin causing my dose increase...and increase...again. we've got ourselves in a pickle, haven't we? I crave opiates even now. Even though my last day using heroin was 4/29/12...our kits were just sitting there. We finally cleaned everything out by July....it at one point disgusted us as we confronted our demons It was hard to go through all that "cleansing" and we didn't want to pass it on perpetuating another to shoot up. So much in our lives was already f***ed!
Instilling normalcy back into your lives takes time, New rules to live by, being aware, and knowing you can overcome the most intense mental and physical addiction you will ever overcome. Many fail many times BEFORE succeeding. you are testing yourself. The devil's twisted game wants you to get high and be as numbed and dumbed as you can be; so he can keep playing.Your internal truth and strength will be the only winning card. It will be tested, and each time it is, you will be stronger...as you have just reached a milestone of truth!
I highly recommend being on maintenance until normalcy is instilled in your self, your man and family. Because, although you "feel craving free" mostly, you are still healing your brain, your soul and your body. I was on mmt for 11 months. I "loved" it for showing me to be without intravenous cravings, but hated it's deceptive power, it's hold on me and its nasty side effects. I used to mark in a calendar on my phone the days I'd shoot up or do ua's and noted what they showed to track my progress, seeing how long is go without using. Each time I did shoot up, I'd find myself disappointed.as I never used to "have to" put that much in my spoon! Ugh ...I had to increase my dose. I too tested it and expected different results! Hang in there. Lovey, you are healing. Give mmt as much time you feel you need to gradually ease off heroin and the needle. Once you do, you won't have to shock your system to get off heroin OR methadone. I whole heartedly believe that is the key to overcoming such a doomfilled addiction.
I have always taken vitamins while on mmt (calcium, vitamin d, and a woman's multi and definitely definitely b complex combined with b12). when I was trying to lose weight I started taking green vibrance and green protein shakes - full of amazing customize crystallized nutrients! I gained 35lbs in 8 months thanks to methadone. I lost it all with those shakes and detoxing lol.
I'm still eating lots of meats and stews, spinach/romaine greens with avocado and sunflower seed salad.. Trying to cut out bread and sugar (I was never 100% successful but I cut both back as much as I could) both turn into sugars that are difficult for your body to digest and both can mess up your adrenal glands causing major fatigue and slowed metabolism.. I tried replacing bread and refined sugars with natural sugars like apples and bananas and whatever fruit.. Im still watching my bread and sugar intake. While detoxing methadone, a major helper is a full array of l-amino acids that your body doesn't make itself, you get it from raw foods mainly. aminos help you metabolize and help you fight fatigue, help your brain make more (much needed) natural chemicals like endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin, etc. The "feel good" chemicals. Let me know if you have any questions or need any help!
It is one day at a time. Today, at least today, I will win!
I'm craving something awful but it's not all day, it's in a few strong spurts of cravings. We got ourselves here numbed, now let's fight cold-eyed and fierce! You and your family are in my prayers and thoughts. You can do this! Today is my 22 day mark off all opiates! Thank the heavens!