Fusion

Thank you for understanding, Cosima 🤗.

Fusion

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandaughter about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the girl. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good – she is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandaughter thought about it for a minute and then asked her grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Wholesome

I'm reading an astrology book right now and came across something I find interesting,

"My tiger is what every man has within him. I don't mean a nasty habit or a degrading passion or anything of necessity vicious. My theory is that every man is given at the onset of a life a Beast in the finest noblest sense with whom through Life he has got to settle. It may be an ambition, or a passion, or a temptation or vice, what will you, but with that Beast he has got to live. Now it's according to his dealings with the Beast whether a man is great or not.

If he faces the Beast -- and the Beast is generally something that a man knows about himself that nobody else knows --the Beast can be used,magnificently used. If he is afraid, pretends the Tiger isn't there, builds up walls, hides in cities, does what you will, then he must be prepared for a life of incessant alarm, and he may be sure that at some moment, or another the Tiger will spring --then they'll be a crisis."

We all have our shadows, and there's no running from ourselves. I've been doing some heavy work on my past, my messed up childhood. Trauma can be stored in the body and in the mind and it can come out in some very damaging ways if it's not dealt with. I don't want to be filled with resentments and pain. I don't want it to be a life sentence.

Fusion

Yes, Wholesome. Absolutely agree. Thank you for the video. I believe it’s a balance of self-actualisation, transcendence, acceptance and utilisation of the Beast/Ego.

Arpeggioh

This thread is exactly what I need right now, in my current state of "sober but not perfect yet, dammit!" Some of my favorite writers keep showing up, and I hope that continues to happen.

Tasty: not that it's especially helpful, but coincidentally, I'm in a very similar head space -- I got the not drinking part, it's the "everything else" that's overwhelming me. That's why the current discussions and resources here feel so relevant, and useful, and encouraging right now. Oddly enough, right now means two years and six months sober, almost to the day. So yeah, y'all please excuse me while I continue sucking up positive information and energy without posting anything meaningful! (Or, okay, I guess I could just call it lurking, which sounds a bit more benign and less awful! See? Gawd, the voices we use to talk to ourselves...)

Thanks for having me,
Arp

Arpeggioh

re: perfectionism

I'm proud of the fact that I didn't edit the LOL - inducing misspelling of OP's name.

Obladi

Fusion

Arp, I’m sorry you’re in a similar position, it does help me, that you have an understanding of my current position. It’s overwhelming. Your inner critic sounds as nasty as mine. LOL spelling ‘thing’, even after posting , I review and edit......! Well done you, for resisting spell check, that’s a form of liberation.

Please don’t lurk, I’d like to read your posts... 🤗.

August252015

ARP! So glad to hear from you. Yes, that whole not perfect yet thing is familiar...

AlericB

Indeed, and may explain the procrastination issues spoken about earlier. Allowing ourselves not be perfect and to make mistakes is a good way to get rid of procrastination.

August252015

^Love that! The whole "taking action" thing doesn't work as well if we wait to execute something "perfectly."

Trojanhorse

I don't think we were ever meant to be perfect. Our mistakes shape us for good and for bad. Booze really lends itself to the bad, quantifies and exaggerates our imperfections but liberation from the beast can make us stronger than ever. Been in that space, felt that strength. Now I want it back. Lets all get to that space together.

Arpeggioh

The spot where I've wasted the most years is, "I need to change so many things, it's too much to even think about." This is my excuse for doing absolutely nothing. About anything. Except consume. My appetites are voracious and toxic, even after removing alcohol -- food, smokes, diet pepsi, that's my idea of a good time these days. Throw in some Hulu and Netflix and Prime and I'm golden...

Alas, those habits have finally begun to affect my quality of life as I near the age of 60. Change is called for, but remains extremely daunting. Maybe a nice meditation/hypnosis/yoga video? Some regulars here seem pretty tuned to that kind of approach. All I know is, I can't fix it all tomorrow, but I sure gotta take a first step soon. Tick tock and all that...

Fusion

Arp, I totally relate to what you wrote.

In true procrastinator, perfectionist mode, I’ve spent the last week, researching, selecting and downloading books onto my kindle. All self-help, making new good habits, overwriting old bad habits, decluttering, rebuilding, you probably get the gist. I’ve read similar previously, exhaustively and during my first sonriety, I enacted them, they were effective.

I’m just procrastinating now though. It’s a teal actions I need to take, not reading about which actions I should take. And yes, I must cast aside that defeatist mindset, that tries to convince me, that any selected goal is unachievable. It is not the future goal itself I should have in focus, it’s the actual undertaking of the tiny steps along that path, right here, right now. I find that difficult, casting aside the daunting-ness of my selected goal, and focusing upon the daily incremental steps.

I suppose it all reduces down to the smaller picture., or the bigger picture goal. Where are my mind, my hands and feet now? The only place they can ever be: right here, right now. Then I must decide how best to implement my mind, and utilise my hands and feet.

When I relapsed, it was horrendously hard to stop. I purchased some fitness equipment and instructional books. But never used them, I was too physically ill. Now, I’m not. So today, instead of reading the downloaded books.....I shall take action, read the exercise books and use the excercise bike and weights, if only for five minutes. Today.

What could you do today, Arp, to make a start, a small step forwards?
Oh, and I’m posting this without spell checking.....practising good enough, instead of perfectionism.

Obladi

Excellent plan, Tats!

Starting small is a huge step for people like us. For me, sustaining/ continuing the desired change is what seems to prevent even starting. So I've finally started building in accountability. It's uncomfortable for sure, but it's needed. Bonus points for turning a negative trait - people pleasing - into a positive.

O

Trojanhorse

Tatsy great post, I loved reading it. I can so relate to what you are saying. I so love your plan to get moving if even for a bit, it all starts small and slowly builds.

Arp I hear what you are saying my appetite for food and diet pesi is out of control right now as I creep into day 23. I have to make some changes on that front very soon. Lets make these changes together and move forward in the recovery process.

Fusion

Arp, I forgot to add, the above describes me perfectly; like a rabbit started by headlights, not knowing which way to run to safety, and frozen inaction.

So, I decided today, after castimg aside my intended, inactive, reading of guides to change, to DO something. Don’t get me wrong, fitness is logically pretty low on the change list presently, but, it’s about taking action, any action. And I know action will start to rebuild my self-esteem, and eventually generate more actions.

I chose the excercise action today, because I recalled a relative saying “your health is your wealth”. And she was salsa-ish dancing at 95 years of age. I’ve also chosen to reduce in tandem, the “voracious and toxic”, as you aptly describe them, Arp. Of course my AV dictates that I need to download health food/diet books.....oh NO! I’m following the Tats Plan: each day say NO to a food or drink choice that is not in my body’s interest, and instead say YES to a healthier choice!

Arp, age 60 can be the new 50 (or even 40!). As Trojanhorse said “Let’s make these changes together and move forward in the recovery process”

AlericB

Hi Tatsy, I think you're right to think about it in terms of mindsets because this will affect your motivation and ability to achieve your goals. Obviously I don't know what your specific goals are but from what you say they sound pretty tough and if you have a defeatest mindset you're quickly going to feel you've reached your limits and give up.

I think this very much relates to the issues surrounding drinking and what you say about neuroplasticity. If you believe you have fixed limits about what you can do about drinking, like you're hardwired to drink to feel normal, you'll feel you can't ever change that, and so there's no point in even trying.

So with other problems in life. It's important to embrace a more positive mindset and know that you're entirely capable of growing and changing and can deal with the problems life throws at you.

August252015

Oh, Tatsy. You know I love you but Diet Pepsi? Seriously makes me consider a friendship with anyone

If you're from Atlanta, you just don't drink Pepsi products.

(And kidding aside- love the last few posts from you and Arp. Guilty of the research not action path myself, when negotiating all the things to do except quit drink first...)

AlericB

Hi August,

I know this is off topic but I'd be interested in knowing the reason for that. It may help me in my ongoing battle with my step-son who insists on Pepsi rather than supermarket's own brand alternatives that I (as the purchaser) recommend!