Blogs


Notices

This board is so quiet! How's everybody doing?

Old 07-27-2017, 10:53 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
CelticZebra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 495
I had an ACE experience, more of an epiphany.
I discovered the AVRT online crash course in a desperate moment and it worked, I did it, I kept doing it, I burned the bright coloured words into my brain, willing this to work, I don't know how long I sat, feeling my life in the balance:alcoholic mess vs learning what this meant.
Finally the perseverance paid off and somewhere in my brain the bright colours converged on the ACE effect, my epiphany. I got it.
I made myself learn how to make my BP and stubborn enough to rote learn it too, like lines in my journal. I found the words that worked for me and finally I had a firework display of such pure truth that I had a profound spiritual experience.
I made my BP, stuck by it and learnt more about AVRT by lurking at SR, I found the thread by TU, read it all, I bought he book, read it and am still learning today. I just come to 'chill out' here, maybe offer some hope and definitely feel more hopeful from being connected to people who 'get me' - even if it's just a part of me.
I belong here.
CelticZebra is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to CelticZebra For This Useful Post:
AlericB (07-27-2017), ardy (07-27-2017), Behappy1 (07-27-2017), freshstart57 (08-30-2017), GerandTwine (07-28-2017), MythOfSisyphus (07-28-2017), topspin (07-29-2017), Wholesome (07-27-2017)
Old 07-27-2017, 11:06 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 740
RE: ACE - was this something that you felt immediately, or something that developed over time and practicing AVRT? I have to say I don't feel that yet.
Behappy1 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Behappy1 For This Useful Post:
AlericB (07-27-2017)
Old 07-27-2017, 11:21 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
 
ardy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
Blog Entries: 13
Loved the Wow face... have not been on this or Face Book much for the last month... my sisters are moving my Mom out of State ... we got hacked on on Bank account again.. life is ekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

tied of trying to balance .. sorry all ardy
ardy is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to ardy For This Useful Post:
AlericB (07-27-2017)
Old 07-27-2017, 11:22 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
I didn't feel it immediately. For awhile my BP felt like a hoax, I would hear my AV smirking and saying, yeah right, whatever. But there were moments where I felt the ACE effect, like when I left that wedding I went to and I had lovely time without drinking, I drove home feeling the ACE effect for sure that night. Or when I did the shifting exercise out on my boat and smelled my BF's beer. That was a big moment where I felt like I'd really taken my power back! I think that sums it up well, taking back your power, we become such slaves as addicts, so it's huge to assert yourself and take control of yourself again and take back your power and it feels really good.
Wholesome is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Wholesome For This Useful Post:
AlericB (07-27-2017), Behappy1 (07-27-2017)
Old 07-27-2017, 11:50 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 740
I am hoping ACE kicks in sooner than later! I too kind of felt like the BP was a "hoax". I said the words, but did I really mean that I would NEVER drink again? It's still not firmly rooted in me. Saying those words when a craving hits does put a pause in my thought process. Before, I would get in my head that I was going to drink and there was no stopping it.
Behappy1 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Behappy1 For This Useful Post:
AlericB (07-27-2017), dwtbd (07-27-2017), Wholesome (07-27-2017)
Old 07-27-2017, 12:36 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
quat
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,700
"I am hoping ACE kicks in sooner than later!"
the ACE is the Abstinence Commitment Effect

" I said the words, but did I really mean that I would NEVER drink again? It's still not firmly rooted in me. "
What do you think it is that is stopping you from firmly rooting ?

"..when a craving hits"
How would you describe the craving expereince, that you are having a craving or IT is?

It seems you have been really good at 'identifying' the beast/AV and 'seeing' it, but how do you feel about having achieved a degree of separation, if any? I'm not, (would never intend to) criticize your approach, but do you think you have fully separated the AV from YOU?
In AVRT you really can't even say " I get in my head the idea of having a drink" ( not saying this is what you said/meant) , because any idea of future drinking is AV any doubt that a BP is posible is AV, not you . IT wants a drink now and in the future( IT actually has no real concept of temporal time, for IT it is always now and IT always wants), the idea of having a drink is the AV in your head, the separation is recognizing the idea as coming from IT, the idea may pop into Your head, but it is ITs idea. You don't drink and never will again, how can that idea come from you , yeah ?
It's kind of 'wonky' , awkward to speak/think in terms of being and or practicing the separartion but it becomes natural to think in those terms, and at some point it becomes hard to remember thinking about alcohol use in terms other than these, ipso facto the ACE
dwtbd is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to dwtbd For This Useful Post:
AlericB (07-27-2017), topspin (08-05-2017)
Old 07-27-2017, 12:49 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 740
Dwtbd - I think you're right. I have not separated IT from ME. Maybe that's why I"be struggled so much. IT is a horrible, awful thing. I still see that as ME. Looking back I cannot BELIEVE this is so hard for me to grasp. It seems like many of you fully grasp this concept and it seems to come easily to you (not saying it is by any means). When I am reading here, or in the book it makes sense. But practicing it in real life when a craving or thought hits - I think you're absolutely right. At that point, I am not viewing two separate entities. It's all me and I blame myself 100% for it if I give in to the craving. Which I haven't, but I find myself more "white knuckling" and it doesn't come easy to me to separate IT from ME.
Behappy1 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Behappy1 For This Useful Post:
AlericB (07-27-2017)
Old 07-27-2017, 12:55 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
 
AlericB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Chester, UK
Posts: 684
It sounds like the ACE effect is wholly satisfying whereas the high from drink is self-centred and transitory. I say sounds like because I haven't experienced it - yet.

It reminds me (not that I was there personally) of when Romeo sees Juliet appear on the balcony. Substitute Juliet with 'I-with-ACE' and 'envious moon' with the Beast and you'll see what I mean, hopefully!

"But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief
That thou, her maid, art far more fair than she."

A greater light extinguishes a lesser light as the sun does the moon.
AlericB is offline  
Old 07-27-2017, 01:30 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 740
I cracked open my book again today and the book mark was on ACE! :-). So Now I know what it is and I can say that I've definitely not experienced that. And yes ACE sounds like an inner peace I hope to experience soon.

I also think that part of my problem is gratitude. When I practice gratitude as well as devotions daily I find much more inner peace and calmness.
Behappy1 is offline  
Old 07-27-2017, 01:54 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
 
CelticZebra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 495
It took loads of practice and wasn't an overnight thing by any meAns!
I was helped by reading the power of now by Eckhart Tolle and also by certain lizard-brain analogies, like the 'drive to survive' has got wired straight into the mainframe.
I wasn't going to go out last weekend as the entertainment had been cancelled but I went along and met some colleagues of my friend and ate some food, drank some coke, had a great time, felt REALLY powerful when refusing to even sample a taste of some awful cocktail that came in a jug! I stayed out til 1am and dropped off the others on my way home where I found the ACE effect gave me a warm, comforting glow that was still there the next day when my new/old friends had headaches of varying degrees! Another bonus of the night was that I paid less than 10 for my meal/drinks and the others spent upwards of 40 due to 1 can of coke being 1 and a cocktail jug being 22 between 4
I'm so glad I no longer drink, I've noticed just how badly behaved some people can be under the influence yet none so bad as some things I remember personally and I'm relieved I never have to experience the horrors for real anymore.
Uplifting relief of stepping of the roller coaster
CelticZebra is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to CelticZebra For This Useful Post:
Behappy1 (07-27-2017), topspin (08-05-2017)
Old 07-27-2017, 02:04 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Member
 
CelticZebra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 495
On the subject of gratitude, that was also a manoureverable obstacle, after a while it becomes easier to notice all those little things that we used to take for granted when actively abusing. There are so many things I am thankful for now and the biggie is my sobriety, I am so truly glad that I no longer drink and I am now maturing and growing in ways I'd forgotten were possible!
CelticZebra is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to CelticZebra For This Useful Post:
ando68 (07-29-2017), Behappy1 (07-27-2017), topspin (08-05-2017)
Old 07-29-2017, 04:15 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Originally Posted by Behappy1 View Post
Dwtbd - I think you're right. I have not separated IT from ME. Maybe that's why I"be struggled so much. IT is a horrible, awful thing. I still see that as ME. Looking back I cannot BELIEVE this is so hard for me to grasp. It seems like many of you fully grasp this concept and it seems to come easily to you (not saying it is by any means). When I am reading here, or in the book it makes sense. But practicing it in real life when a craving or thought hits - I think you're absolutely right. At that point, I am not viewing two separate entities. It's all me and I blame myself 100% for it if I give in to the craving. Which I haven't, but I find myself more "white knuckling" and it doesn't come easy to me to separate IT from ME.

I know what you mean Behappy. It took a long time for it to stick for me too. I learned about AVRT back in 2015 and I used to think the same thing, that everyone else made it seem easy! The cravings seemed like something that I couldn't just ignore, they seemed too powerful, and I would fold like a cheap suit. I remember feeling the despair. I think what changed was my mind, I was just so tired of feeling like crap all the time and of letting this get the better of me. There was a night when my son called me a drunk and it was like the scales fell from my eyes and I had the most profound sense of shame and disgust with myself for what I was doing to my children, the most important relationships I have, the two people who depend on me the most and who I'm responsible for and I was blowing it in the worst way. It was a pivotal moment. I'd def had worse scenes occur during my drinking career but that was the one that made me put my foot down and say enough. The look on my kids face when he called me a drunk. That will never happen again, he will never feel that way about his mother ever again.

I think we all have moments like that. Epiphanies. Moments of clarity.

What do you say to yourself when those cravings hit? I ask because back in 2015 when I kept having drinks even though I wanted to quit I would engage with my AV. I knew it was my AV talking but I would think of all the reasons I shouldn't drink and let my mind go around in circles debating with myself instead of letting the thought surface and then pushing it aside and letting it go. Now I think there IT is, that's my AV and it has no power over me. No debating anymore. That's where the white knuckling happens, when you give those thoughts power instead of seeing them as harmless desires that you don't have to act upon.

Hope this helped.
Wholesome is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Wholesome For This Useful Post:
freshstart57 (08-30-2017), topspin (08-05-2017)
Old 07-29-2017, 06:14 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 740
Zen, you took the words right out of my mouth. That is EXACTLY how I feel. I was thinking yesterday about prevalent memories that SHOULD have been epiphanies. They were for a while until they became a distant memory.

I am going school shopping with my daughter all day today. She's going on vacation with a friends family for 10 days. She's stressed because she doesn't have all of her school stuff done and wants to have them done before she leaves. She's 16 and of course has to have the "right clothes", hair cut etc. My son plans on having a sleepover every night she's gone. Lol. I think about how I've hurt them. On my list to do this weekend is to write down all of the awful things that have resulted from IT. All of the times IT has reared IT's ugly head and my kids, family, friends have been hurt. I want to review it daily. Maybe that will cement in my mind that there is IT and ME. I am horrified when I think of some of these things. Maybe then it will be as effortlessly for me as it seems for some of you all. Who are excelling @ RR, when I seem to be struggling. I'm not drinking, but AV is still very strong. I had a dream last night that while I was shopping with my daughter I snuck off and bought a bottle for when we got home. That was so real, but I was thankful for waking up sober.

BTW, Happy Birthday Zen!!! I am glad you're celebrating sober.
Behappy1 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Behappy1 For This Useful Post:
topspin (08-05-2017), Wholesome (07-29-2017)
Old 07-29-2017, 07:18 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
I get the feeling that you are giving it more power than it deserves. I know where you're coming from tho. It's a head game and when things really turned around for me was when I realized that it was only going to be as difficult as I made it for myself. If you believe that it's going to be hard then that's what it will be. If you believe that IT has no power over you and that you will not give it one more moment of your precious life then IT will lose it's power over you. I think one of the best pieces of advice I got on here was from Algo, he told me to trust myself. That was big for me because I didn't trust myself, I had failed so many times and I felt like such a failure. But that was what I needed, to believe in myself and trust myself that I had it in me. So I pass it on to you. Trust yourself. Believe in yourself.
Wholesome is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Wholesome For This Useful Post:
Behappy1 (07-29-2017)
Old 08-01-2017, 08:07 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Member
 
MesaMan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,319
.
I ran with AVRT after learning here about the RR Crash Course on-line. It wasn't a binary, instantaneous conversion, but cumulative, necessary lessons are assimilated over time. That is, doing ordinary 'things' while Sober became The New Normal. My own nature, and trick, is to immerse myself fully into whatever I'm doing at any given moment, and tone down the noise in my Head. Like, thinking about paying Bills. Thinking about something scheduled for tomorrow. And, so on. Just focus on the here & now. For me, this focus also really knocks down Stress, and thus the now-retired habit to drown that Stress with Ethanol.

Last Weekend, I went up to 10,300' in our new RV Trailer with the Pooch while Da Wife went to see Gal Pals for the Weekend in another Town. She drinks around them, and not around me. Our own lil *Drinking Detente* in this Household.

Others can use whatever Terminology that suits them, but I'm Recovered. Yes, I think about my Drinking Daze; just as I recall old GFs, or a Childhood Pet. All that is fully in my past, and I don't sweat Relapses. I don't find it all that daunting to not act on urges to smack someone who's terrifically annoying. Or, to not move on impulses associated with Women other than my Wife. I've been exercising such 'Restraint' my entire Life. So, once I mentally compartmentalized my AV into that same 'Ignore The Urge' Category, it's just something else I don't give in to, and act on. Nearly all of us have this power, but only some of us believe in our Earthly Selves enough to use it.

Re: Intoxication: you can't lust after that which you don't want anymore.
.
MesaMan is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MesaMan For This Useful Post:
undertow321 (08-02-2017), Wholesome (08-01-2017)
Old 08-01-2017, 08:58 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Dhaka
Posts: 15
Not quiet actually. Lots of users who are responding. lol
Bikiny33 is offline  
Old 08-02-2017, 08:16 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Member
 
Wildwood's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 14
how are you doing behappy?

i know what you mean about separation. the av rings in my ears and sometimes IT gets me to believe that its me that wants that drink (or 4), that actually, i agree with IT. i end up in discussion with myself telling myself im not IT and i dont agree with IT while IT watches on. typical inner arguing.

i know i dont ever want to drink again but my god, ITs so used to me agreeing with it, its a conscious effort to tune out ITs whining when told 'never'.

its like im walking away and its clinging to my foot, being dragged along.
Wildwood is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Wildwood For This Useful Post:
Behappy1 (08-02-2017), dwtbd (08-02-2017), topspin (08-05-2017)
Old 08-02-2017, 08:45 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
quat
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,700
The BP is letting IT know , You know that's all IT can do, hang around and be annoying. Like an ignored toddler throwing a tantrum IT will tire and slink off, not appear as often , further wither in IT's pathetic parasite existence as the Host recognizes ITs pathetic-ness. Starve it out !
dwtbd is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to dwtbd For This Useful Post:
Behappy1 (08-02-2017), topspin (08-05-2017), Wildwood (08-02-2017)
Old 08-30-2017, 01:19 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
Member
 
Received's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,090
Hey there. Just checking in to see how everybody's doing and figured this was the best thread to post on given the title, even though it hasn't been posted on in a while.

My thoughts right now are with those being affected by Harvey either directly or indirectly. I am pleased to say I am doing well. And sending good thoughts to everyone.
Received is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Received For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (08-30-2017), freshstart57 (08-30-2017)
Old 08-30-2017, 07:04 PM
  # 40 (permalink)  
Maladaptive
 
Shitzupuppy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: East coast, USA
Posts: 558
Hey there, I'm doing well. The BP of "I am not a drinker" works well for me.
I have struggled a little, not like some others have, I think. Mentally, I was tired of drinking and wanted the craziness to stop. I wanted off the merry go round, so that probably helped me, vs having to quit for some outside reason.
Shitzupuppy is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Shitzupuppy For This Useful Post:
Wholesome (08-31-2017)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:21 PM.