I get the feeling that you are giving it more power than it deserves. I know where you're coming from tho. It's a head game and when things really turned around for me was when I realized that it was only going to be as difficult as I made it for myself. If you believe that it's going to be hard then that's what it will be. If you believe that IT has no power over you and that you will not give it one more moment of your precious life then IT will lose it's power over you. I think one of the best pieces of advice I got on here was from Algo, he told me to trust myself. That was big for me because I didn't trust myself, I had failed so many times and I felt like such a failure. But that was what I needed, to believe in myself and trust myself that I had it in me. So I pass it on to you. Trust yourself. Believe in yourself.