Zen, you took the words right out of my mouth. That is EXACTLY how I feel. I was thinking yesterday about prevalent memories that SHOULD have been epiphanies. They were for a while until they became a distant memory.
I am going school shopping with my daughter all day today. She's going on vacation with a friends family for 10 days. She's stressed because she doesn't have all of her school stuff done and wants to have them done before she leaves. She's 16 and of course has to have the "right clothes", hair cut etc. My son plans on having a sleepover every night she's gone. Lol. I think about how I've hurt them. On my list to do this weekend is to write down all of the awful things that have resulted from IT. All of the times IT has reared IT's ugly head and my kids, family, friends have been hurt. I want to review it daily. Maybe that will cement in my mind that there is IT and ME. I am horrified when I think of some of these things. Maybe then it will be as effortlessly for me as it seems for some of you all. Who are excelling @ RR, when I seem to be struggling. I'm not drinking, but AV is still very strong. I had a dream last night that while I was shopping with my daughter I snuck off and bought a bottle for when we got home. That was so real, but I was thankful for waking up sober.
BTW, Happy Birthday Zen!!! I am glad you're celebrating sober.