And the Big Plan is made...
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I agree GT not "took control"... I went with it for a second there by taking those sips of beer. It is happy about it I am sure but, what are you going to do? This is something I do all the time at functions where drinking is going on. I get offered a drink, take it, walk around, and then dump it out somewhere. Then I grab something non-alcoholic and no one notices. However, I did take those two sips this time. It wont happen again. But no I have absolutely no illusion that I can sip alcohol regularly and not end up in a bad way at some point.
My beast on the other hand is driving me crazy...
My beast on the other hand is driving me crazy...
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Originally Posted by jkb 
My beast on the other hand is driving me crazy...
I know in my past failures to quit, giving up became attractive again as a means to satisfy my alcoholic beast and so to bring an immediate end to the business of being driven crazy. Even though I knew drinking was not what I really wanted, I did also really want an end to all that noise, and drinking offered a proven solution which had always worked enough to get me out of crazy land. Of course it only worked until it didn't (as always) and the drinking itself became the new craziness to get away from (as always)
Looking at what I just wrote seems to be circular without any real get out strategy which otherwise provides for a certain and life-long strategy to being out of crazy land. I suppose (actually I know) just believing the statement that my beast was driving me crazy was the real mistake taken forward which started up the whole mess.
I have serious empathy for your experiences, Jess. I try to see the whole of YOU in your posts and shares - the YOU truly separated from your Beast - and to be honest I have some difficulty oftentimes because you don't seem happily settled within yourself about being YOU. Another way of putting what I'm attempting to say is being YOU separated from your Beast doesn't seem to be enough to satisfy YOU for YOURSELF.
It seems to me anyways Jess, you look to find things against yourself and these things aid you in coming to an imperfect understanding of YOU. This imperfect understanding seems to satisfy YOU more then would a perfect understanding that YOU can indeed be TOTALLY separated from YOUR BEAST.
And of course, I could be way off, and so my apologies offered if required.
It took me years of working through my own version of crazy land before I jumped off the crazy land express train and found (created) my real self. Like I said, I have serious empathy for your experiences. Eventually, I did stay quit as you know, and life of course became totally more about being the real me then it did about fighting with my useless and stupid Beast.
Congrats on throwing away those drinks, Jess!
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Originally Posted by jkb
I agree GT not "took control"... I went with it for a second there by taking those sips of beer. It is happy about it I am sure but, what are you going to do? This is something I do all the time at functions where drinking is going on. I get offered a drink, take it, walk around, and then dump it out somewhere. Then I grab something non-alcoholic and no one notices. However, I did take those two sips this time. It wont happen again. But no I have absolutely no illusion that I can sip alcohol regularly and not end up in a bad way at some point.
My beast on the other hand is driving me crazy...
My beast on the other hand is driving me crazy...
In AVRT that is all 100% driven by the Beast.
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Thanks for the insight Robby. By driving me crazy I should not have implied that it was wanting me to drink...which I am sure it does... it is driving me crazy about the fact that I had the two sips of beer. Making feel as if FAILURE IS IMMINENT. Which I know is not true.
I am confused as to what a perfect understanding of myself is? Me without my beast? I get the true separation aspect however, I feel that I am achieving that slowly but surely. I recognized it AFTER a few sips of beer as "not me" but, I recognized it all the same or do you mean in general? Please explain more in depth when/if you have time.
At any rate, thanks for the congrats. Without RR I would never have tossed a full beer in the garbage and for that I am quite happy.
Jess
I am confused as to what a perfect understanding of myself is? Me without my beast? I get the true separation aspect however, I feel that I am achieving that slowly but surely. I recognized it AFTER a few sips of beer as "not me" but, I recognized it all the same or do you mean in general? Please explain more in depth when/if you have time.
At any rate, thanks for the congrats. Without RR I would never have tossed a full beer in the garbage and for that I am quite happy.
Jess
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Originally Posted by GerandTwine
JKB, what kind of thinking are you trying to keep from happening in other people's heads when you act out the role of a drinker by accepting alcohol and mouthing the cup? What are you afraid of?
In AVRT that is all 100% driven by the Beast.
In AVRT that is all 100% driven by the Beast.
I started this job 6 years ago with the understanding that "socializing" with the owners was a must. My boss is completely unaware (as is everyone else I work with) that alcohol was ever a problem for me. I NEVER drank too much at these events. When I got home is when I "got my drink on".
Holding alcohol was never an issue until the incident a week ago. I don't understand how it is any different than using shifting?
However, I started this thread to be held accountable and to learn AVRT so please feel free to correct any/all of this post.
Thanks GT...... Jess
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Originally Posted by jkb
I have a job where socializing/drinking have always been the norm. I go to these functions often and more often than not when offered a glass of wine or a beer I always say "sure". No-one pays attention if you don't drink it.
I started this job 6 years ago with the understanding that "socializing" with the owners was a must. My boss is completely unaware (as is everyone else I work with) that alcohol was ever a problem for me. I NEVER drank too much at these events. When I got home is when I "got my drink on".
Holding alcohol was never an issue until the incident a week ago. I don't understand how it is any different than using shifting?
However, I started this thread to be held accountable and to learn AVRT so please feel free to correct any/all of this post.
Thanks GT...... Jess
I started this job 6 years ago with the understanding that "socializing" with the owners was a must. My boss is completely unaware (as is everyone else I work with) that alcohol was ever a problem for me. I NEVER drank too much at these events. When I got home is when I "got my drink on".
Holding alcohol was never an issue until the incident a week ago. I don't understand how it is any different than using shifting?
However, I started this thread to be held accountable and to learn AVRT so please feel free to correct any/all of this post.
Thanks GT...... JessAnd, of course, shifting does not include drinking alcohol. I've seen that doing shifting without a Big Plan can actually help people realize the beauty of finally making a Big Plan.
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Originally Posted by GerandTwine
Ok, I hear you, but I believe it's very easy to see the Beast lie with the idea I must maintain the false image of being a drinker because it helps the security of my income. I would rather my income security be influenced by bosses appreciating that I have rejected containers of alcohol than by bosses knowing I always accept them.
And, of course, shifting does not include drinking alcohol. I've seen that doing shifting without a Big Plan can actually help people realize the beauty of finally making a Big Plan.
And, of course, shifting does not include drinking alcohol. I've seen that doing shifting without a Big Plan can actually help people realize the beauty of finally making a Big Plan.
In throwing away that beer the other night I felt as if that was it. For over 7 months I have felt like a drinker in a non-drinkers body. I don't know how to describe it. Anyway, then as I stood there sipping that beer I realized I am a non-drinker drinking.... it was strange in a bad way.
At any rate I think some of what I am feeling is disappointment that I gave into my beast at all even for a second and the other part of what I am feeling is a lot of "recoveryism" (hope I spelled that right). All the talk of "you consumed one sip now your doomed". "Your sober time is gone" and what not....
Anyway, I am beating myself up about it. I have been so happy, content in my skin, and had moved on without a drink in hand for the past 7 + months and now I feel I must have a BP. I must remove the possibility of drinking.
Jess
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Yeah, I got me some time - I and Melissa are down in Antigua (Leeward Islands Caribbean) having fun in the sun for 15 nights at Sandals Resort. We arrived Oct 21 and we get stateside again On Nov 5! Yeah! Celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary
What I'm saying is this:
A perfect understanding of the ideal separation brings a real sense of calmness and surety when deciding what choices to make with anything to do with alcohol and with IT (your Beast), and so even describing anything that comes across as a challenge or task around/about alcohol consumption or desires, means IT is being allowed to have more of YOU pay it your attentions then is really needed to keep abstinent. Too much work is being done - it doesn't have to be difficult.
It takes (relative) time of course to change, but that time is really as relative as we want it to be - so for some its immediate, and for others it kind of stretches out. What is important to consider is this is all within the personal realm. Time is what we make of it. We decide for ourselves.
You stating your awareness of now requiring a BP to have and hold is a huge realization on your part and your experiences will no doubt reveal to you how being stressed or "crazy" about anything to do with alcohol, including sipping of course, is totally ONLY about IT - and nothing --absolutely nothing about alcohol is about YOU.
Total separation is a perfect ideal, and can of course be achieved in all practical situations if one but chooses to embrace the ideal of separation without regret or justifications.
In other words, if you say you have a struggle, then of course you in fact make it so, but just understand that you saying so empowers IT, and this allows for you to feel the struggle because you for whatever personal reasons have justified your need to feel that struggle.
It could be otherwise though, is all I'm really saying. There doesn't have to be an alcohol struggle, and I hope you can realise that experience sooner than later, Jess.
Hope that helped.
What I'm saying is this:
A perfect understanding of the ideal separation brings a real sense of calmness and surety when deciding what choices to make with anything to do with alcohol and with IT (your Beast), and so even describing anything that comes across as a challenge or task around/about alcohol consumption or desires, means IT is being allowed to have more of YOU pay it your attentions then is really needed to keep abstinent. Too much work is being done - it doesn't have to be difficult.
It takes (relative) time of course to change, but that time is really as relative as we want it to be - so for some its immediate, and for others it kind of stretches out. What is important to consider is this is all within the personal realm. Time is what we make of it. We decide for ourselves.
You stating your awareness of now requiring a BP to have and hold is a huge realization on your part and your experiences will no doubt reveal to you how being stressed or "crazy" about anything to do with alcohol, including sipping of course, is totally ONLY about IT - and nothing --absolutely nothing about alcohol is about YOU.
Total separation is a perfect ideal, and can of course be achieved in all practical situations if one but chooses to embrace the ideal of separation without regret or justifications.
In other words, if you say you have a struggle, then of course you in fact make it so, but just understand that you saying so empowers IT, and this allows for you to feel the struggle because you for whatever personal reasons have justified your need to feel that struggle.
It could be otherwise though, is all I'm really saying. There doesn't have to be an alcohol struggle, and I hope you can realise that experience sooner than later, Jess.
Hope that helped.
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Jess,
i just got back from holidays away and am sorry to read this.
not just because you had the sips...not even MAINLY because you drank again, but because of all the stuff AROUND it: the pretending to be a drinker at work when...well, i can't really say you're not, can i?
For over 7 months I have felt like a drinker in a non-drinkers body.
wow...i didn't know you'd felt that way all this time. that sounds really tough. and i don't really understand what you mean by that....for myself, i know i'm an alcoholic and a non-drinker, but that doesn't sound like what you're talking about....?
when i read how you automatically say "sure" to the offered drinks and then walk around with them, i just got a cloud of confusion in my poor old brain. seems...i can kind of get it, you know, the hiding, the pretending, the secrecy, because i did all that about my drinking, and yeah, it's a familiar thing, the "no-one here must know these horrible things about me...", and the fears that are enmeshed with that, irrational though most of them are, they are most real.
i get that socializing is part of the job, Jess, but socializing and walking around with a drink in your hand are not related.
but you know all this.
it seems to me almost inevitable that anyone frequently walking around with a drink in their hand will eventually have a sip. not just because it's there, but because the clear "no thanks" to yourself seems pushed away by that very act of saying "sure". it's like...it's not about the others, but about ourselves.
i'm rambling on, hope i'm not offending, maybe i should delete? you're getting musings from my first reaction, Jess, which may have nothing to do with what's going on.
and i guess your posts tap into some of my own stuff; the weird thing of drinking when i didn't want to.
so glad you dumped the rest of it out and are looking at this anew.
i just got back from holidays away and am sorry to read this.
not just because you had the sips...not even MAINLY because you drank again, but because of all the stuff AROUND it: the pretending to be a drinker at work when...well, i can't really say you're not, can i?
For over 7 months I have felt like a drinker in a non-drinkers body.
wow...i didn't know you'd felt that way all this time. that sounds really tough. and i don't really understand what you mean by that....for myself, i know i'm an alcoholic and a non-drinker, but that doesn't sound like what you're talking about....?
when i read how you automatically say "sure" to the offered drinks and then walk around with them, i just got a cloud of confusion in my poor old brain. seems...i can kind of get it, you know, the hiding, the pretending, the secrecy, because i did all that about my drinking, and yeah, it's a familiar thing, the "no-one here must know these horrible things about me...", and the fears that are enmeshed with that, irrational though most of them are, they are most real.
i get that socializing is part of the job, Jess, but socializing and walking around with a drink in your hand are not related.
but you know all this.
it seems to me almost inevitable that anyone frequently walking around with a drink in their hand will eventually have a sip. not just because it's there, but because the clear "no thanks" to yourself seems pushed away by that very act of saying "sure". it's like...it's not about the others, but about ourselves.
i'm rambling on, hope i'm not offending, maybe i should delete? you're getting musings from my first reaction, Jess, which may have nothing to do with what's going on.
and i guess your posts tap into some of my own stuff; the weird thing of drinking when i didn't want to.
so glad you dumped the rest of it out and are looking at this anew.
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Originally Posted by RobbyRobot
Yeah, I got me some time - I and Melissa are down in Antigua (Leeward Islands Caribbean) having fun in the sun for 15 nights at Sandals Resort. We arrived Oct 21 and we get stateside again On Nov 5! Yeah! Celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary
What I'm saying is this:
A perfect understanding of the ideal separation brings a real sense of calmness and surety when deciding what choices to make with anything to do with alcohol and with IT (your Beast), and so even describing anything that comes across as a challenge or task around/about alcohol consumption or desires, means IT is being allowed to have more of YOU pay it your attentions then is really needed to keep abstinent. Too much work is being done - it doesn't have to be difficult.
It takes (relative) time of course to change, but that time is really as relative as we want it to be - so for some its immediate, and for others it kind of stretches out. What is important to consider is this is all within the personal realm. Time is what we make of it. We decide for ourselves.
You stating your awareness of now requiring a BP to have and hold is a huge realization on your part and your experiences will no doubt reveal to you how being stressed or "crazy" about anything to do with alcohol, including sipping of course, is totally ONLY about IT - and nothing --absolutely nothing about alcohol is about YOU.
Total separation is a perfect ideal, and can of course be achieved in all practical situations if one but chooses to embrace the ideal of separation without regret or justifications.
In other words, if you say you have a struggle, then of course you in fact make it so, but just understand that you saying so empowers IT, and this allows for you to feel the struggle because you for whatever personal reasons have justified your need to feel that struggle.
It could be otherwise though, is all I'm really saying. There doesn't have to be an alcohol struggle, and I hope you can realise that experience sooner than later, Jess.
Hope that helped.
What I'm saying is this:
A perfect understanding of the ideal separation brings a real sense of calmness and surety when deciding what choices to make with anything to do with alcohol and with IT (your Beast), and so even describing anything that comes across as a challenge or task around/about alcohol consumption or desires, means IT is being allowed to have more of YOU pay it your attentions then is really needed to keep abstinent. Too much work is being done - it doesn't have to be difficult.
It takes (relative) time of course to change, but that time is really as relative as we want it to be - so for some its immediate, and for others it kind of stretches out. What is important to consider is this is all within the personal realm. Time is what we make of it. We decide for ourselves.
You stating your awareness of now requiring a BP to have and hold is a huge realization on your part and your experiences will no doubt reveal to you how being stressed or "crazy" about anything to do with alcohol, including sipping of course, is totally ONLY about IT - and nothing --absolutely nothing about alcohol is about YOU.
Total separation is a perfect ideal, and can of course be achieved in all practical situations if one but chooses to embrace the ideal of separation without regret or justifications.
In other words, if you say you have a struggle, then of course you in fact make it so, but just understand that you saying so empowers IT, and this allows for you to feel the struggle because you for whatever personal reasons have justified your need to feel that struggle.
It could be otherwise though, is all I'm really saying. There doesn't have to be an alcohol struggle, and I hope you can realise that experience sooner than later, Jess.
Hope that helped.
I don't consider this as a HUGE ordeal because I did take control once I realized what choice I was making but, I do consider it a wake up call. A motivator to make a BP to stop any "arguing" with my beast.
I do see what you are saying in regards to even sipping not really being about me. That is an insight.
I live with someone who has been in recovery for almost a decade. He went to rehab, got out and never stepped foot in another meeting...anyway the point is when he is offered a drink he usually grabs a soda or NA beer whatever. At many events however I have seen him taste a craft beer or a very expensive wine at a dinner. It does not bother him in the least. When I asked him about it he said that it was his choice to taste it and it does not change his sobriety. Of-course he does not drink more than a small taste simply because he truly wants to know what it tastes like. He quit counting days a long time ago and now occasionally will say (like he did the other day) damn I quit drinking 10 years ago.
I respect that he just lives his life and does not live in fear that any taste of alcohol could cause a relapse. However, what I learned from this is at a little over 7 months sober this is not for me.
Thanks Robby and enjoy your vacation.
Jess
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Originally Posted by fini
Jess,
i just got back from holidays away and am sorry to read this.
not just because you had the sips...not even MAINLY because you drank again, but because of all the stuff AROUND it: the pretending to be a drinker at work when...well, i can't really say you're not, can i?
For over 7 months I have felt like a drinker in a non-drinkers body.
wow...i didn't know you'd felt that way all this time. that sounds really tough. and i don't really understand what you mean by that....for myself, i know i'm an alcoholic and a non-drinker, but that doesn't sound like what you're talking about....?
when i read how you automatically say "sure" to the offered drinks and then walk around with them, i just got a cloud of confusion in my poor old brain. seems...i can kind of get it, you know, the hiding, the pretending, the secrecy, because i did all that about my drinking, and yeah, it's a familiar thing, the "no-one here must know these horrible things about me...", and the fears that are enmeshed with that, irrational though most of them are, they are most real.
i get that socializing is part of the job, Jess, but socializing and walking around with a drink in your hand are not related.
but you know all this.
it seems to me almost inevitable that anyone frequently walking around with a drink in their hand will eventually have a sip. not just because it's there, but because the clear "no thanks" to yourself seems pushed away by that very act of saying "sure". it's like...it's not about the others, but about ourselves.
i'm rambling on, hope i'm not offending, maybe i should delete? you're getting musings from my first reaction, Jess, which may have nothing to do with what's going on.
and i guess your posts tap into some of my own stuff; the weird thing of drinking when i didn't want to.
so glad you dumped the rest of it out and are looking at this anew.
i just got back from holidays away and am sorry to read this.
not just because you had the sips...not even MAINLY because you drank again, but because of all the stuff AROUND it: the pretending to be a drinker at work when...well, i can't really say you're not, can i?
For over 7 months I have felt like a drinker in a non-drinkers body.
wow...i didn't know you'd felt that way all this time. that sounds really tough. and i don't really understand what you mean by that....for myself, i know i'm an alcoholic and a non-drinker, but that doesn't sound like what you're talking about....?
when i read how you automatically say "sure" to the offered drinks and then walk around with them, i just got a cloud of confusion in my poor old brain. seems...i can kind of get it, you know, the hiding, the pretending, the secrecy, because i did all that about my drinking, and yeah, it's a familiar thing, the "no-one here must know these horrible things about me...", and the fears that are enmeshed with that, irrational though most of them are, they are most real.
i get that socializing is part of the job, Jess, but socializing and walking around with a drink in your hand are not related.
but you know all this.
it seems to me almost inevitable that anyone frequently walking around with a drink in their hand will eventually have a sip. not just because it's there, but because the clear "no thanks" to yourself seems pushed away by that very act of saying "sure". it's like...it's not about the others, but about ourselves.
i'm rambling on, hope i'm not offending, maybe i should delete? you're getting musings from my first reaction, Jess, which may have nothing to do with what's going on.
and i guess your posts tap into some of my own stuff; the weird thing of drinking when i didn't want to.
so glad you dumped the rest of it out and are looking at this anew.
Please never fear offending me. I am not resetting my sobriety over two small sips of alcohol. It truly feel that would be silly because for no period of time was I not sober.
As to the rest it is a preference to hold a drink. It makes the owners' more comfortable if they see a drink near me as they drink. Often times ALOT. It is the same thing a bartender does by placing half a beer at the bar where he works. He probably doesn't drink it but, it makes others' feel more comfortable drinking around him.
Anyway, the good part of this, for me, is to realize that when push came to shove I did not want to get wasted or be a drinker anymore. I had a choice to make and I made it.
As for my job I will probably just stick to water or diet coke in a rocks glass from now on... oh yeah and NA beer or wine.
Jess
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Awesome, Jess.
You know, it really is a matter of personal choice reigns when it comes down to how we live out our non-alcohol lives. I agree with your understanding of what happened, fwiw, just to let you know. You don't count days as such, and so not getting drunk, and not "drinking" is of course important to you, but those two sips have a different meaning for you, and that is really your call. You seem to be well appraised of the dangerous edge that those past sips bring onto your plate, and learning from our experiences is what living in the now is all about - so bravo!
Some people refuse for religious reasons to use grape juice when taking their hosts, and they all don't run out and get loaded. Others drink non-alcohol beer and they stay happily living alcohol free. It really comes down to us each as individuals making the informed choices for ourselves based on facts and on experiences.
For me, a few sips would mean I am as close to getting drunk as the day BEFORE I quit back in 1981 - absolutely it would be a wake-up call for me too!!
Awesome you threw that beer away!! U ROCK!!
Have a great day, Jess.
You know, it really is a matter of personal choice reigns when it comes down to how we live out our non-alcohol lives. I agree with your understanding of what happened, fwiw, just to let you know.
You don't count days as such, and so not getting drunk, and not "drinking" is of course important to you, but those two sips have a different meaning for you, and that is really your call. You seem to be well appraised of the dangerous edge that those past sips bring onto your plate, and learning from our experiences is what living in the now is all about - so bravo!Some people refuse for religious reasons to use grape juice when taking their hosts, and they all don't run out and get loaded. Others drink non-alcohol beer and they stay happily living alcohol free. It really comes down to us each as individuals making the informed choices for ourselves based on facts and on experiences.
For me, a few sips would mean I am as close to getting drunk as the day BEFORE I quit back in 1981 - absolutely it would be a wake-up call for me too!!
Awesome you threw that beer away!! U ROCK!!
Have a great day, Jess.
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Originally Posted by RobbyRobot
Awesome, Jess.
You know, it really is a matter of personal choice reigns when it comes down to how we live out our non-alcohol lives. I agree with your understanding of what happened, fwiw, just to let you know. You don't count days as such, and so not getting drunk, and not "drinking" is of course important to you, but those two sips have a different meaning for you, and that is really your call. You seem to be well appraised of the dangerous edge that those past sips bring onto your plate, and learning from our experiences is what living in the now is all about - so bravo!
Some people refuse for religious reasons to use grape juice when taking their hosts, and they all don't run out and get loaded. Others drink non-alcohol beer and they stay happily living alcohol free. It really comes down to us each as individuals making the informed choices for ourselves based on facts and on experiences.
For me, a few sips would mean I am as close to getting drunk as the day BEFORE I quit back in 1981 - absolutely it would be a wake-up call for me too!!
Awesome you threw that beer away!! U ROCK!!
Have a great day, Jess.
You know, it really is a matter of personal choice reigns when it comes down to how we live out our non-alcohol lives. I agree with your understanding of what happened, fwiw, just to let you know.
You don't count days as such, and so not getting drunk, and not "drinking" is of course important to you, but those two sips have a different meaning for you, and that is really your call. You seem to be well appraised of the dangerous edge that those past sips bring onto your plate, and learning from our experiences is what living in the now is all about - so bravo! Some people refuse for religious reasons to use grape juice when taking their hosts, and they all don't run out and get loaded. Others drink non-alcohol beer and they stay happily living alcohol free. It really comes down to us each as individuals making the informed choices for ourselves based on facts and on experiences.
For me, a few sips would mean I am as close to getting drunk as the day BEFORE I quit back in 1981 - absolutely it would be a wake-up call for me too!!
Awesome you threw that beer away!! U ROCK!!
Have a great day, Jess.
That is the point of the story about my bf. I absolutely consider him sober. When I decided to get sober he said "It is your sobriety and your choice."
For others their sobriety may mean that they have not purposely touched a drop of alcohol. That is THIER sobriety and I am ok with that. I accept that all of us are different and essentially all of us work "our own program".
Jess
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Hey Jess - I'm sorry to read that you've had this turmoil going on inside you but I think this has also been positive for your journey - it's taught you that for you even sipping a beer isn't what you want to be doing. It's not right for you. I'm glad you are ok. I don't have much to add to this but I just wanted to show my support and my respect for you.
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Thanks 13-
That means a lot.... It has been a journey of discovering who I am and who I am not.... That is for sure. Things are going pretty well.
Still dreading my upcoming vacation home but that is not because I fear I will drink. It is because my family is NOT EASY to deal with...drunk or sober.
How are you doing with everything?
Jess
That means a lot.... It has been a journey of discovering who I am and who I am not.... That is for sure. Things are going pretty well.
Still dreading my upcoming vacation home but that is not because I fear I will drink. It is because my family is NOT EASY to deal with...drunk or sober.
How are you doing with everything?
Jess
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Originally Posted by jkb
I live with someone who has been in recovery for almost a decade. He went to rehab, got out and never stepped foot in another meeting...anyway the point is when he is offered a drink he usually grabs a soda or NA beer whatever. At many events however I have seen him taste a craft beer or a very expensive wine at a dinner. It does not bother him in the least. When I asked him about it he said that it was his choice to taste it and it does not change his sobriety. Of-course he does not drink more than a small taste simply because he truly wants to know what it tastes like. He quit counting days a long time ago and now occasionally will say (like he did the other day) damn I quit drinking 10 years ago.
The alcohol sipping style of your formerly addicted roommate is interesting, and certainly not unique. But why, after your great description of how he "quit", do you still consider him "...in recovery..."?
GT
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 821
Recovery is not a word he uses. I should be more careful with my language. He tells people "I don't drink." When we met he had been away from alcohol for about 3 years and I said, "so what you go to meetings and all that?"
He quickly corrected me that he simply doesn't drink and that it is not a big deal. Therefore I never really thought of it as a big deal. When I first saw him take a sip of wine I was like "oh no you have blown all your sobriety why" (this was after we left a dinner with his boss). He laughed and was like "that is how AA would see it I guess. I was curious as to all the excitement over the taste. I also eat lobster bisque".
At the time I thought that was strange. Not really anymore. That works for him.
Nice catch on the use of the word recovery GT. To him it is simply a non-issue I suppose.
Jess
He quickly corrected me that he simply doesn't drink and that it is not a big deal. Therefore I never really thought of it as a big deal. When I first saw him take a sip of wine I was like "oh no you have blown all your sobriety why
" (this was after we left a dinner with his boss). He laughed and was like "that is how AA would see it I guess. I was curious as to all the excitement over the taste. I also eat lobster bisque".At the time I thought that was strange. Not really anymore. That works for him.
Nice catch on the use of the word recovery GT. To him it is simply a non-issue I suppose.
Jess
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
Originally Posted by jkb
Thanks 13- That means a lot.... It has been a journey of discovering who I am and who I am not.... That is for sure. Things are going pretty well. Still dreading my upcoming vacation home but that is not because I fear I will drink. It is because my family is NOT EASY to deal with...drunk or sober. How are you doing with everything? Jess
How are you doing with everything? JessI don't know what to suggest about your upcoming vacation - sadly we can't pick our family lol I guess maybe the things they do or say that aren't helpful to you just toss them out - don't give them head space.
It's such a big change when we stop drinking - I am discovering also who I am and what I'm not - it's not easy to find yourself after so long in cuckoo land is it lol every single thought of mine is also under scrutiny - I was in a bad relationship for ten years and I'm sort of at this stage where I've realised that half my thoughts aren't even my own. It's what I've been told I am. It's a lot of thinking and tears and brightness inbetween at the hope I have for the future. Scary in a sense but feel the fear and do it anyway
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