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And the Big Plan is made...

Old 02-02-2013, 11:38 AM
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jkb
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And the Big Plan is made...

I thought I would start a thread to my fellow AVRT/ Smart recovery people. I know the book says you dont need to share when you make a big plan but, I feel the need to. I have been reading my book and am following what he said about picking my quit date. I picked it to be today about 3 weeks ago. Now today is here. I know my beast quite well now. I can tell when it will act up. HALT for me is true.... except its Hugry, emotional in any way (happy, sad, bored), lonely and tired.
I want to have some accountability so I figured on here it would be alot easier to be "called out" on my thinking. I will post when I need to and no matter what I am never drinking again and not changing my mind. I cant believe the day crept up so fast. I am nervous and excited as to what my life is going to be like without the crutch of alcohol. So there it is. I am ready for this. Thanks to you all in advance. :ghug3
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Old 02-03-2013, 07:02 PM
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I am nervous and excited as to what my life is going to be like without the crutch of alcohol
I think that's the right way to be looking at it. Eyes ahead, not looking back. My first couple weeks were much rougher because I didn't yet have the tools to identify AV, and as a result I wasted a lot of time "mourning" my drinking life. I mean, wtf? Exactly what was I giving up? Let's see... regret, weakness, disappointment, isolation, shame... It's so ridiculous to me now that I was scared to give that up, but I had yet to pull back the curtain on the whole AV charade.

You should be excited. It's amazing, the doors that start opening once we free ourselves.
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Old 02-03-2013, 07:29 PM
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Congratulations, jkb, on your insight and on your courage. This is scary stuff (for your AV?) and you are showing real strength.

If you are like me, in a week or two after the physical symptoms abate, you will ask yourself why you waited so long. This really is great news.
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Old 02-03-2013, 08:02 PM
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Originally Posted by jkb
I want to have some accountability so I figured on here it would be alot easier to be "called out" on my thinking.
I'm not going to call you out...but I am going to share something from RR.

What RR says about HALT:
In traditional programs one is said to be at a high risk of drinking alcohol if any of the "HALT conditions" exist. HALT is the acronym for "hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. If this is so, that you are more vulnerable to drinking or using when hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, then we might conclude that life is a constant struggle to remain sober. In AVRT, however, there are no warning signs of relaspe, but only recognizable Beast actvity. Instead of undermining your self-confidence by putting you in a defensive posture, AVRT assures you that even if you were stranded on a desert island, angry as hell that you are there, hungry for anything but coconuts, and tired of endless boredom, you would be entirely capable of instantly recognizing and neutralizing your Addictive Voice if a case of cold beer washed ashore.
I understand that you are saying that you will expect increased beast activity if these conditions exist, but remember these conditions cannot lead you to drink.

Congrats on quitting!!
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Old 02-03-2013, 09:11 PM
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Good on you jk! We're both in the same boat then. And I liked soberlicious' reminder from the book - I'd been re-reading the lapses, relapses and other nonsense chapter just a little while ago today too. And now actually understand (at least mentally - though the old bod can play nasty tricks) why those slogans like HALT....and indeed the whole 'relapse prevention' notion is in itself leaving us wide open to AV, through fear.

I've been operating on fear for a great deal of this past twelve months after rehab (where I learned all that stuff, studied it even), and .... ahem, hope I won't offend anyone... the fear thing was and is still very much an underlying theme in a certain prominent 'recovery programme'.

If I may gloss a bit: it's like 'the fear that dare not speak its name'. Even as I write about it, I can feel that niggle of 'relapse anxiety' and ffs, I'm only in late arvo of today's various Beast Attacks :-)

By jeepers, we can do this - or should I say we 'will' do this!
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Old 02-04-2013, 06:02 AM
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Originally Posted by bemyself
By jeepers, we can do this - or should I say we 'will' do this!
No doubt about it!!
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Old 02-04-2013, 11:18 AM
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To update. I feel like hell today. Anxious, sick, and just miserable. I am sticking to my big plan but, all the old feelings are still there. I know a drink fixes nothing but, I need to find a hobby. Maybe I quit just in time.... mild alcohol withdrawl? I hear the third day is when it gets bad.
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Old 02-04-2013, 11:26 AM
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jkb...I'm sorry you are not feeling well. It is to be expected that there is a "response burst" of beast activity. It doesn't like being told "no". Hang in. xo
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Old 02-04-2013, 11:31 AM
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Thank you for the support. I mean I truly knew the very second I had my last drink and I knew it was my last drink.... I made my first real big plan then and there. As soon as I finished that drink. Not sure why today is tough. Not craving really just so anxious. I guess now that the beast has tried bored and it didn't work now its trying anxious? Who knows.
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Old 02-04-2013, 11:37 AM
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The beast cannot abide the fact that it is now powerless to force you to do anything. The curtain has been opened and all the lights are on now. It can't hide behind anxiety, or being uncomfortable or tired or angry or afraid or elated or any of that stuff any longer. If the idea is to turn to alcohol for any reason, that is not you any longer. It is AV, and empty of any meaning or import.
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Old 02-04-2013, 11:45 AM
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Originally Posted by jkb
Not craving really just so anxious.
Remember, your body is trying to readjust. It is clearing itself of toxins. The anxiety may be a by-product of that. We put our bodies through a lot of abuse by poisoning them. It takes time.
Do what you can to be comfortable. Take care of yourself.
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Old 02-04-2013, 01:27 PM
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I am sure you are right. After all I drank for a long time. I am sure its going to take more than a few days to get to feeling ok. Anxiety is just really difficult to ignore. I keep telling myself it is not real anxiety because I dont have any reason to be anxious. Oh well, maybe tomorrow will be better
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Old 02-04-2013, 04:51 PM
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Fresh said 'empty of any meaning or import'. That really helps me. Others have described it as just the Beast 'doing its job'. I translate that to myself into what little I remember of the known neuroscience - you the sheer trundling about / rearranging of synapses and in particular GABA etc (nobody ask me to explain that stuff, I just read about in numerous scientific papers!). In another translation: it's sort of like the car getting both its accelerator and brakes jammed on at once. Very machine like, as it were.
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Old 02-06-2013, 01:06 PM
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So, i work at a "high end condo" in a party town. Pay is amazing and I enjoy my career. However, we have people leaving beer and liquor in rooms all the time. So we put it in a communal "beer fridge" and take it as we would like. It's a perk of being management... right now that beer fridge is calling my name. My "weekend" starts now... So my AV starts now. Hurry up. Anyone, call me out on this thinking. It really wants me to go get those beers I brought down earlier. It is saying ... you love that brand... and I do. Be mean... I dont care but, say anything to help me shut this stupid beast up.
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Old 02-06-2013, 01:18 PM
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Originally Posted by jkb View Post
So, i work at a "high end condo" in a party town. Pay is amazing and I enjoy my career. However, we have people leaving beer and liquor in rooms all the time. So we put it in a communal "beer fridge" and take it as we would like. It's a perk of being management... right now that beer fridge is calling my name. My "weekend" starts now... So my AV starts now. Hurry up. Anyone, call me out on this thinking. It really wants me to go get those beers I brought down earlier. It is saying ... you love that brand... and I do. Be mean... I dont care but, say anything to help me shut this stupid beast up.
I'm not going to be mean to you.

I'm going to remind you of how supportive you have been to me (that sounds like emotional blackmail! It's not!)

Tell it no, walk away, go home, get cosy in jimjams and post

Love yourself.
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Old 02-06-2013, 01:19 PM
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Picture the worst hangover you've ever had.

I will not drink again and I will not change my mind.
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Old 02-06-2013, 01:22 PM
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I am freaking out...I tried reading the relapse threads that I could find to remember how much day 1 sucks especially if you have to do day 1 a hundred time...like I have. Now I have a plan but, my beast has a whole different plan. When I read the threads with all the misery my beast just screamed..."see everyone relapses". Uugghh!!!!!
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Old 02-06-2013, 01:26 PM
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This is like I am a schitzophrenic. I know better than to try and fight my AV. I know to just state facts and move on. What is wrong with me... Damn I hate that stupid beer fridge right now.
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Old 02-06-2013, 01:34 PM
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The mighty oak breaks before a strong wind, while the reed bends. Be the reed. Know that you can't fight the beast. To me, surrender isn't losing. It's giving the beast nothing to fight.
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Old 02-06-2013, 01:34 PM
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It doesn't need to be a fight. Don't fight with it. Just decide no and go home.

I don't know what to say jkb I know one one hand you want to drink, on the other you dont. One hand is your AV, the other is you.

It's a battle.

None of us can make the decision for you though.

I believe that if you truly wanted to drink then you wouldn't be posting. Your I don't want to drink hand is heavier on the scales than you're AV wanting to drink. I don't have the answers though.
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