Tiredofdrugs

Cleanin: It's 3:20 AM! LOL I got up at 3:30 PM yesterday!

I asked Jethro earlier if he'd make a walmart run for me and he refused. He told me to get ready and take myself. You know what? That's exactly what I did! Since I had gotten up so late I didn't know if he'd done anything during the day while I was asleep! Found out after getting home from walmart at 10:00 PM? He confessed to doing absolutely NOTHING all day!

Got a text from my daughter telling me my grand daughter will arrive in July for two weeks! Woot! Woot! Mom asked if she could come spend time with her and it was arranged! GD said she wanted to learn how to sew! Mom has been sewing all her life! So she'd be the one to teach her how to sew! I look at a sewing machine like it's a monster of sorts with a needle that can cause major pain! I've used them in the past but don't care to touch one now! All my domestic self went out the door when I joined the ARNG! LOL

Can y'all believe we are supposed to have seven days of sun and no rain? Amazing! I'll be so glad to get things dried out around here!

Blue: Yes it's sad to lose friends and family! I have questions I'd love to ask dad, but I can't! Thankfully mom can answer most of them for me! Earlier in the year my older sister bought herself a Kia! She went to dad's grave and said: "Look dad at what I bought myself! I hope you like it?" From the way my sister is acting? I think she got off the anti'd's! She's more pleasant to be around now. She had turned into a real Bch while on them.

I haven't been back to the grave since dad was buried! I'm not one to visit graves though! And now mom wants me and Jethro to help her clean up around his and his families graves! I'm having a tough time with this!

Well I'm going to shut everything down and hit the bed!

TOD

Tiredofdrugs

Hi everyone!

Must be the weekend? It's dead over here! Or am I the only one with a big mouth and has more to talk about? Hmmmmmmmm LOL

Did anyone else read the story on the Vice President's son passing and how the VP came to raise his two son's as a single parent? It's truly sad, but also heroic!

I woke up at 3:00 PM! Got up to find Jethro napping on the couch with Maria on his belly flat as a pancake going up and down up and down up and down with his breathing! LOL She saw me come walking thru with Molly in tow to go outside! That's all it took to set her into fuss mode! Naps OVER! Momma take me outside too! That woke Jethro up! He got up, took her outside and then came back inside. Then he's searching the fridge for the apple pie! I walked over and pointed to it! Oh! There it is! Geeeeezzzzz

It rained today! Hopefully we now have a week of sunny weather to dry out! I can't remember the last time we had a day w/o rain! Marilyn has been trying to dust in any little dry patch of dirt she can find. Helps to get rid of the bugs!

Jethro is now outside banging on the 4-wheeler fenders. They need to be repaired/replaced. He has ways of mending them though!

LOL Jethro just came inside to try and find something in his pile of tools. Marilyn's cage is right beside the pile! She stood up looked down at the tools and then back up at Jethro with a twist to her head. I said: "Marilyn is wanting to know if she can help you locate what you're looking for since she looks at the tools all the time?" Jethro looked up at her and laughed!

Tomorrow's the 1st! Hopefully KZ will join us again! And of course it being the first of the month? Time to set down and pay the friggin bills! There were several of them sitting in front of my computer yesterday when I got up. Jethro checks the mail each day and anything with my name on it or any bill lands on my desk! I feel so loved! Ha Ha Ha

I bought Jethro one of those back thingy's last night! Like a Tens unit w/o the wires. Has anyone else tried them?

TOD

PinkCloudsCharley

Happy Monday everyone! Am I the only one who loves Mondays? I even wrote that on the cover letter of my resume for my new position, course I didn't put exactly why I love Mondays ... I do love my job though, even if it's taking a while to figure out what exactly I'm to be doing ...

Tod, I am so very sorry about your cousin. It's hard to lose someone, even when you're not close to them. I don't visit graves either, I have only been out to my dad's once in the 12 years he's been gone. Funny because I love graveyards in general - but I love the old historic ones. On the farm I grew up on, we had one a quarter mile away. My sister would go out there and spend hours, and one day my mom asked her what she was doing for so long. She said she was talking to the twins. Later we went out, and there were twin babies that died in a house fire close to 100 years earlier. Weird ...

Clean, that is outrageous for a camp! Oh my word! The sleep-away camp DD goes to for a week is $350 and I thought that was crazy! For that amount they should also get the computer they work on to take home after!

Our weekend was ok, after a blow-up early on. I can't figure out who H hates more sometimes, me or him. I suspect it's him he hates, and he lashes out at me because it somehow soothes the demons inside him. Still it's no reason to be treated like trash. I suspect he's been secretly drinking a bit again, since he told me he's "cutting out booze completely". So a question for all of you who have been addicted ... he says it's sometimes all consuming, the urge to drink. Is it going to be this way forever? Does it get better?

Tiredofdrugs

Good afternoon everyone!

Well I can understand Charlie why you love Mondays? It means the weekends over and those have been very bad for you here lately! I've been saying all along I believe H has still been drinking! He reminds me a lot of my older sister's BF. He doesn't drink all the time, but when he does? He can put a case away in one night if not more! How he makes it to his bed to pass out is beyond me! He says he isn't an alcoholic because he doesn't drink every day! What a F'ing JOKE! He says he drinks to kill the pain he has in order to sleep better. While his grand baby was at their house Friday evening thru Monday afternoon? He didn't drink! But after they left he made a Beeline to get beer! He drank one on the way home!

I got up at 12:30 PM today. I walk into the kitchen and I hear Jethro snoring! I look towards the living room and sure enough. There he is asleep on the couch with Maria on his shoulder under her little blankie! He'll take naps during the day and then wonder why he can't sleep at night! Give me a break! About 20 minutes after I set down at my computer he opens the door holding Maria with a sheepish look. I asked: "Why are you asleep on the couch?" He says: "Because I felt sleepy so we went to sleep!" I told him to take Maria right on outside now that he's awake. He got his shoes on and did that.

When he opened the door to go out? There stood Marilyn and Marvin! Marilyn was singing up a storm! LOL When he came back in I told him he might as well get the shredded cheese and put it in the bowl I pointed to and take it to her! She wouldn't shut up until she got her cheese! She's figured out we come out of one door or the other on the porch. So she'll sit between the doors on the porch to lay in wait for us!

Jethro came out here with the bag of cheese and made a big comment about the bag of sunflower seed pieces sitting beside the bowl. He said he's never seen it before. I turned to see what he was talking about. I told him I've been buying that for years and yes he's seen it before. He fed Marilyn her cheese and went back inside. A few minutes later he comes out to get tools to go outside to work on the 4-wheeler. In the process he says: "I'm telling you Baby! I've never seen those bags of sunflower seed pieces before!" ARGH! I say back to him: "We've been adding the sunflower seed pieces to the parakeet seeds for YEARS! You've even mixed them together many times yourself!" He walked out!

So? Is it the pain meds causing him to lose his memory? Or is it another medical reason? I'm leaning towards the pain meds! I know what they did to me and he's taking 60 pills a month! When he wants to argue over stupid chit like this? I just want to SCREAM!

TOD

munchkin05

Its always there. As you maintain your sobriety and move onward it gets easier. I think it's because it becomes easier to say "NO" but to this day, when I am having a really hard emotional day. (like lately since I came back from my cruise) then it's really hard to say no.
I make sure I do not ever have my first doc (which was gin), nor one of my old favs, grand marnier. Beyond that, yes, I do keep wine in the house but I only cook with it.

You should possibly read the book Saturation by Jennifer Place. It's got an awesome part at the end about how our addiction is like a mosquito bite, how the urge to scratch it to make it go away is like the urge to drink. But it's all over your body.
Some days I do not think about it at all. Other days its always on my mind.
In my early sobriety I called it my Monster. My way of coping was imagining my monster was in a big locked trunk. The trunk had metal chains all over it, and my monster had sharp nails. Many evenings driving home my monster would start growling and try to get out and I would imagine myself sitting on the trunk while screaming expletives at it (all in my mind of course), that it's NOT ALLOWED OUT!
It was my own way of distracting my mind, and getting past that tough moment.

munchkin05

Isn't it funny the excuses we use to say "no, I'm not an alcoholic!" My Mom & Dad are going round and round on that one! I did it somewhat but deep down, I knew there was an issue.

I remember when my son was 9 months old. It was later in the evening, my son was in bed. I was crying because I didn't want to drink anymore, that I was tired. I wanted to go to bed, all the while I look down and there I am, pouring myself another glass of red wine.
By then I knew something was not right, but it took me getting down to the very bottom to realize that I had to divorce my relationship with alcohol if I wanted to move fowrward with my life.

BlueChair

Hi Ladies!

I was here earlier but didnt have time to finish my post. Im trying to get to it now before I head home.

Maybe you will have time to mentally prepare yourself for going with the relatives to help spruce up the grave site. I used to have a funny feeling going to a cemetery and being at a grave, but I dont anymore. I think of it as a memorial, a place where you can have something tangible like looking at the grave stone, putting out flowers there, remember, think, and say things. Not you cant say things without being there, but its sort of letting go and remembering at once.

Sorry if this made no sense! Hard to explain.

Are you able to work on what the doctor suggested Charley? Talking and not protecting him emotionally or is he not able to process the feelings? I mean I doubt it if hes still slipping drinks, but maybe hes trying to prove to himself if he can moderate or not? I love the idea of putting "I love Mondays" on a resume. They dont need to know why!

We had a nice weekend. Didnt do much work, we were kinda lazy. Watched the movie Silver Linings Playbook. I recommend it. It fits right in with topics here. He had undiagnosed bipolar and was using various drugs, or not on and manic. He was violent, was in a hospital, family was involved. His parents were a big support and encouraged his therapy, medication, and his mom even played matchmaker. So its an inspiring story of overcoming obstacles, and a lovestory. Mr Blue liked it too.

The other one was a French film, and it was about a woman who met the love of her life on vacation then lost track of him, because she gave him the wrong address for herself. This was before cell phones and email !
And her life up until she found him again. Another love story. Mr Blue was doing ok on this one for a while, but he kept saying you know they will find each other. And this movie had it all, and Im not making it up. At Xmas they brought out a yule log with a squirrel sugar decoration! There were scenes from Shakespeare and discussions about Plato. MR blue was reminded of my attempt to make a yule log for his mom (a.k.a. Turd cake) and he couldnt stop laughing so he left for a while, then he arrived back to see Shakespeare play going on and left again. Ha! But and this part is crucial it included a puppet show! And a puppet on stilts! Yes !! Clean, he asked me when did you get this thing about puppets? I couldnt keep composed when the puppet was on stilts, ok I guess it was a marionette officially. And they did find each other in the end. It was good too.

And we went to church and spent part of Sunday with my parents.

Tiredofdrugs

Blue: You and your puppets! Are you sure you aren't one of those people puppets on strings like in the cable commercials? Maybe the woman standing at the foot of the bed in her neglige asking her husband if he still thinks shes pretty! Ik Ik I'll stop! LOL Glad y'all had a good weekend!

Around 4:00 today! Jethro suggested I go take a shower and get ready to go eat pizza! I told him I had things to do, (which I really did and had it all planned out)! He of course said: "You always have an excuse!" My plan was to get his nasty azz, moldy smelling bathroom cleaned! I was PAST putting up with the smell! I was holding Maria and headed inside with her.

I get the shopvac, cleaning supplies and dive into the cleaning! I scrubbed the huge round tub down, the shower and the toilet! Four times he came in to use the toilet. Hmmmmmm He's always using MY bathroom but not while I was in HIS bathroom! Whatever! I kept right on cleaning. I got his huge counter cleaned and cleared! I cleaned the large mirrors too! I used the shopvac to get the ceiling fan cleaned off, the spider webs off the roof too! It's been probably 8 months since I've gone in there to clean! I had refused to go into his bedroom or bathroom back then because I found a bottle of pain meds!

I was picking the stuff up to clear out of the bathroom when he walked in with a huge scary stare on his face. All I had left to do was vacuum the floor! He said: "It doesn't take all damned day to clean the bathroom! There isn't that much to do!" I stood there with a handful of stuff and then I said: "What do you think I'm doing in here? Looking for pain pills?" He quickly said: "No!" I then said: "You normally use my bathroom and the whole time I've been back here cleaning you've come in HERE instead!" He turned and walked off!

I got everything picked up, brought the vacuum cleaner to the bathroom and set it in the middle of the room! I didn't know whether to be pizzed or hurt over the way he acted! He was sitting on the porch watching Maria in the yard when I came thru putting the stuff up! When he walked in I didn't say a word to him. He asked if I wanted him to wash the kids bowls in the sink? Nope! He said he would and I said: "You can go vacuum the bathroom because I'm done going in there! You don't have to worry about me ever going in there again!" He turned to go outside with the words: "You did a good job! I'm not going to vacuum!"

I'm sure he's waiting on supper to be cooked! He can keep waiting! And I had a nice supper planned out for tonight too!

TOD

allforcnm

Hello Everyone,

Don't have time to catch up on everything tonight. We were rearranging furniture tonight. There are so many things I want to get done in the next couple of months.

I hope there was no big argument over dinner tonight TOD. Jethro doesn't seem to have the same desire to get things cleaned up around there as you do, or at least not on your timetable. Or maybe he really doesn't feel up to it. Why do you think he was so sensitive about your being in his bathroom cleaning?

Blue, I was going to suggest you try Puppet Therapy.. but Im a little worried what would happen if you actually came face to face with a therapist wielding a puppet. Were you ever traumatized by a puppet as a child? That probably wouldn't make you laugh so much though.. I want to make sure my son is ok with puppets when he grows up. He might never find a wife....LOL ... and shorter term he might not make it through Vacation Bible School. I think they do a puppet show.

Charley... half the weekend was ok? Its great your daughter can drive now and is a good driver. It must make life much easier for you with everything that's going on. I was thinking about you this weekend, hoping it went ok.

Hi Munchkin. Hi Cleanin... Buttercup your back on the East Coast for a little bit.. Ive been thinking of you too and your special request ^^^ Let us know if there are any updates.

Im trying to alter my schedule, so I can be more flexible like TOD is becoming. She will be my role model for change.

Tiredofdrugs

I knuckled under and cooked a good meal! Or maybe it's the SUCKER written across my forehead that Maria thinks is there? LOL I didn't say much while we ate. He washed dishes afterwards! No asking on my part either! He knew I was in a mood and was nice to me! I had my claws bared and was ready to rip his heart out if he didn't act right!

I finally got around to watching the movie tonight: "American Sniper!" OMG! All I gotta say is have a box of kleenex handy and also be prepared for blood shed of ppl that's hard to watch it happen to! I kept getting sucked in during the movie from memories of my own time in the ARNG! I miss the camaraderie I had with the other soldiers! It was such a different life! Reporting for formation early in the morning. Going to work, going to the chow hall for a meal already prepared and back to work until our shift was over! While in Panama there was this bar that was three floors tall! First floor was Panamanian, second floor was Regae and the top third floor was Country and Western! I never went to the first floor. Always the 2nd and 3rd! Then we'd get up the next morning to run 2 to 4 miles! UGH! LOL

Allfor: Good luck with my hours and routine! Especially when that new baby gets here! Speaking of new baby? My stepdaughter told Jethro they were all moving back into her BF's mother's house! She's BROKE and is on the verge of losing everything! She got a large settlement a few years ago and has blown thru it all! Some ppl just can't manage money!

As for Jethro and the bathroom! The only thing I can figure is he was worried about me finding his pain meds! God only knows where he has them hid, but I didn't go looking! I want NO part of them! I just wanted the moldy smell gone from in there and he sure wasn't going to clean it himself! He sleeps in the bedroom attached to it every night and breathes that smell for goodness sakes! The toilet was just gross looking! I'm truly to the point of just exploding over his lack of care about things around here!

I had also said something to him yesterday about wanting to check my credit rating! Apparently he thought I was checking it only for my own use! He was very evasive while I tried to talk to him about it! He seems to be getting more paranoid by the day! It's the damned pain meds he's popping that's making him so weird! I miss the man I got back together with, but he's told me too many times he's not getting off the pain meds! Sigh! I suggested earlier he needed to file for UE. I told him if he's turned down then all he has to do is wait 8 weeks and he can draw it! Seems I might be waiting awhile before he goes thru with it! It was around November 2014 that he drew his last paycheck! He needs to do something about getting some kind of income!

TOD

buttercup89

Hello ladies

Yup allfor, i'm back on the east coast for a few days before I have to head back. I had such a great time during my trip and now here, so i am actually feeling pretty good despite the fact that i have to leave soon.
No, unfortunately there are no updates. Once I get back we have to talk to banks and stuff and see if they give me a loan. So if you all wouldn't mind please keep your fingers crosser and keep me in your prayers

Has anyone seen clean? Cleaaaaaaan! I need to talk to you! Message meeeeee!!!!!

Hi to everyone else

cleaninLI

Oh no! Sorry guys! Butter so sorry going to message you now!

Just need to catch-up on things. Yesterday I had major connection problems. Part was due to this new charger my husband bought for me....and part of it was internet connection. I really can't blame him....he meant well. When he saw this one that had 5 feet of cord, he thought it was the perfect thing for someone who keeps breaking the shorter one by stretching it and twisting it and general use because of using it while it's charging. Yes, nice idea but it's a major problem if the output energy is more than the input. It will run out anyway. Plus it takes the entire night to charge half-way, when it usually takes a few hours to charge 100%. Clearly, not a good investment and will be returned today or tomorrow. Ha!
The other problem was the WIFI going out and could be linked to the several strong thunderstorms we've had these past few days. YES!!! You read that right!

Be back soon!

cleaninLI

Ok, butter going to send you a message,just let me write this post first. Or is it something serious? That just can't wait? Or needs to be addressed ASAP? Or is it something that is just too exciting?

cleaninLI

Like you are going to stay here in USA?

cleaninLI

Okay okay I'm coming! Lol can't wait any longer!

munchkin05

Hi all, don't have much time to post here today. I have an appointment at 12p to get my hair done, gotta get a quote for getting some artwork framed, gotta do a bill here before I leave work for the day and on top of that all the other typical customers and business junk.
Oh and I get to have dinner with my cousin from Ontario Canada tonight! Haven't seen them in ages.

Sorry don't usually have time to catch up much. I usually come in here with like 10 minutes to respond. This job here is much more time consuming than when I was in Maryland. There I had a bit more time to myself. Here at work, I have customers coming in, customers calling, I'm the go to person for formats for the airline system we work on, and I do a lot of the admin stuff (like bills YUCK)
Fun fun.
Still here still sober.

BlueChair

Have fun at dinner tonight Munchkin. Do you have any relatives living in Alaska? Not as easy to travel there as many of the states, but its more of a destination.

Hi Allfor! HI Clean! Sorry about your adapter. I didnt know they worked that way. Id have thought no difference in transmission of power. It was sweet he tried to be thoughtful giving you 5 whole feet.

Hi Butter! Hi Charley! (I owe you a pm, yesterday was busy at work for me and I got behind in stuff).

Tod, we almost watched American Sniper over the weekend, but I was whining about it will be all bloody and I wasnt in the mood. But we are going to watch it too. Its based on the same guy we talked about right, so now I know a little about it.

We have our family counseling session this week. Not sure we need to go but it was scheduled a couple months ago. I guess its not bad to continue them for a while. Something could, up and we are only going once every 3 months I guess now. Its weird how things change, for a while I felt like I needed them, like once we stopped then something would shift negative hut it didnt.

Tiredofdrugs

Good Afternoon Everyone!

Up late again due to going to bed late after watching the movie! Yes Blue the movie is about the Sniper! The facts email I sent you! The movie was produced before he was killed by the veteran though! It was held from release due to the sniper being killed. Not sure on all the time lines of everything! It's all over the internet though if someone wants to look for it and read how it all went down. Truly a sad story with everything that happened!

Whenever y'all plug your gadgets in for charging? Do y'all turn your devices off completely? This is supposed to be done so any new data out there will load onto them! I do this for an hour for my phone! Cleanin: Take that short plug in and attach a long extension cord to it!

I knew Jethro wasn't here when I got up due to Maria coming down the hallway fussing while I was in the bathroom! LOL I found a note by the coffee pot saying he was gone to work on SD's BF's mother's air conditioner! He's on his way home now. Says he got it fixed to where it will run now, but needs more work! Whatever that means?

Weatherman just reported we will reach 96 degrees by the end of the week! Summer has arrived! And with a vengeance! Our new neighbors have already been in the pool! Magnum doesn't like the kids! He sits on the porch and growls or barks at them playing in the field! He's like I am! We miss UMP and his family over there!

Ohhhhhhhhhh Boy! World news is going to talk about a little PINK pill for women in a few minutes! Can't wait to hear this one!

Okay! I better go rescue Maria from the outside pen before her daddy gets home.

And btw! I went back in Jethro's bathroom to take a sniff! I still smell mold. He better get ready to just back up and let me find the source and get rid of it! That's one smell and problem I DON'T want in our home! His sniffer might be broken or plugged, but mine isn't!

TOD

munchkin05

Blue chair,
Nope no relatives here. Kind of happy with that because we can keep family drama at an arms length (or a really long flight away) my mom and dad live in Oregon, in laws live in Tennessee, have a lot of cousins and aunts and uncles in Ontario Canada along with Illinois, Washington state. We're all over the place. We're the only ones on both sides that have ever decided to live in Alaska. Gorgeous day here today. High 50s low 60s, not a cloud in the sky. 😊

PinkCloudsCharley

Hi guys. I haven't been here much. The new job is feeling like I'm wearing someone else's clothes, we're having a planning meeting next week and figuring out our job duties. I guess all of us who have "moved up a notch" are feeling a bit out of place.

I'm also really struggling with H right now. Since our last session things have not been good between us. I'm actually wishing he'd go on the road for a bit right now, I could use the breathing room. I'm not feeling right anywhere I am right now, work or home.