vz427k

Hello. I have been reading this forum for many years and it has been of great help to me at many times. I didn't decide to write because my lenguage is not English but I think I need to interact in it because all of you who write in it have so much wisdom and compassion that I feel a great admiration for you.

I'm what's called an intermittent drinker. By the early 2000s, my use of alcohol had escalated to such an extent that I went to meetings for ex-alcoholics that went very well.

For more than 20 years I never managed to stop drinking completely, the time I have been the longest has been 7 months, but during those years I drank very few days a year and little quantity. But these last two years it has escalated in such a way that last year I drank a lot of days and almost always ended up in blackout.

I've gone back to in-person meetings, I've gone to a psychologist, I read your forum every day, and I'm still drinking again.
I have a list of all the bad things it brings me and the good (there is nothing on this list anymore) and I still do it. Yesterday I hadn't drink for 16 days and I drank knowing that it doesn't bring me anything. It's crazy. I feel like I'm going to lose the battle.

Thank you for taking the time to read me.

Love to all.

freedomfries

Glad to hear from you. Nice to meet you. Your English is great.

I have the same problem. Alcohol offers nothing good but I keep coming back. I think we just have to never give into the temptation for the first drink.

Oglsby

Welcome, V! You did the MOST important thing by finally posting because we would love to have you here and help you in any way we can. As you have seen, we all help each other, and by doing that, we all get helped as well.

The first and foremost thing you need to do is to stop drinking. I know that is scary, but that is the honest first step. The best way to do that is to start by not having alcohol in the house. My first recommendation is if you do have alcohol in the house, it must be poured down the drain.

So glad you are here!! We have all been where you are, trust me. None of our stories are exact, but there is a common thread amongst us all.

novips

I could not stay clean and sober until I fully committed to the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous. As AA's basic text, the Big Book, says: "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves." Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about that.

vz427k

Thank you all for your kind words, they mean a lot to me.
We are here to help each other in the best way we know how and this makes this community so extraordinary.
I feel like I'm never going to be able to quit because I've stopped so many times and done it again that I think it doesn't make any sense.
Yesterday when I drank, I didn't like and it did not produce me any benefit at all and I still kept doing it.
But I am more determined than ever to put an end to this dreadful life.
Today is day 1 and I'm not drinking.
Thanks again to everyone.

vz427k

Oglsby thanks for the recommendation.

When I stopped drinking a lot in 2000, 2001 the first thing that left the house was alcohol.

I don't ever have it anymore at home but I'm going to buy it at the store.

My intention now is to stop drinking alcohol for ever, because I know that small amounts awaken the beast

Gymbunny7

Hi V I'm nearly 6 months sober for myself it was seeing alcohol differently. We're kind of brainwashed into thinking alcohol is ok, it helps us cope, gives us pleasure, helps us relax. Views on alcohol are starting to change. You admit yourself your finding no pleasure in drinking. I really worked on focusing on what I was gaining and not on what I was giving up. Life without alcohol is far better, far less complicated. Your English is excellent.

vz427k

You are so right Gymbunny7, alcohol no longer gives me any pleasure or relaxation, it's as if an automaton is drinking it. And yes, if I focus only on the terrible consequences of alcohol, this only lasts as long as you feel unwell, but as soon as you feel better, you start drinking again.

That's why I have to think about how good I feel when I haven't been drinking for a while, these 15 days I already felt much better, I think that's where I should work.

Thanks again to all of you who have taken the time to respond. It means a lot to me

biminiblue

Welcome.

Day one is a very good idea.

I'd say you've never really "quit" before because here you are back at it. Welcome to Addiction 101.

You know what to do. We've cleared a path for you. Don't go off into the woods. Stay on the trail.

DriGuy

This is a major recovery tool. It's one of the most important, and continually stressed by recovering alcoholics here and everywhere else. And it may also be the advice most often ignored. Breaking the momentum of recovery, by taking one drink, the drink that leads to another, may seem like taking a break, but should not be considered part of recovery. Some will argue over this point, but I don't consider relapse as part of recovery. It's just a continuation of the addiction that you want to shake.

In this short thread, you've already heard a lot of wisdom. Recovery involves a change of perspective as Gymbunny notes. You have to unbrainwash all the liquor ads and social expectations, and realize that there is nothing about alcohol that in necessary for you in a good life. This is especially true for alcoholics, where the only thing alcohol is really important for is feeding an addiction. And that's a poor way to live.

Zebra1275

Welcome to the "posting side" of SR!

I recommend joining the "February Sobriety" class on this page. It's made up of people currently trying to quit and struggling in early recovery. I joined the "August 2009" group years ago and it was a key in my finally quitting, and staying, sober.

matilda123

Welcome! Your experience is one that many of us share. SR is a wonderful tool and there are great folks on here with sage advice who give great support.

vz427k

Biminiblue you are right I never really quit. I've gone months without drinking but that wasn't recovery at all.

The only way to do that is to accept that I should never drink a single drink.

vz427k

DriGuy I know there's nothing good in alcohol for me. My health is not good and alcohol creates a depression and lack of desire to do anything.

I will check the “February Sobriety” class, thanks for suggesting Zebra.

And thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply to me.

Anna

Hi V,

Welcome! I wonder what other things you've done when you have stopped drinking, that is, what else have you done to support your sobriety. I don't believe it's as simple as stopping drinking. Of course, sobriety is essential, but I needed to make lifestyle changes to help me remain sober. Have you started any new hobbies or activities or maybe started an exercise program, that kind of thing?

SoberLeigh

Welcome to the posting side of SR, vz427k. It’s great to meet you.

As freedomfries mentioned, your English is very good.

As others have mentioned, sobriety is essential to recovery but recovery is, for most, multi-layered - among those layers are often (a) life-style changes (avoidance of triggering situations, triggering people, triggering places); (b) inner work (self-examination to determine the root causes of our drinking): (c) self-correction/modification; and (d) support (SR, AA, therapy/counseling, rehab, etc.).

Have you considered joining an SR Class?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-1-a.html


Stay close; the people here truly care about you.

RAL

Welcome to the posting side VZ. It's great to have you here

Hevyn

V - I'm so glad you decided to post.
I drank 30 years. Knowing I was no longer alone is what helped me be honest about my drinking, & I finally quit for good.

I agree that it was no longer fun & relaxing - but for some reason I kept trying to find that old euphoria. It was never coming back. No more experimenting with social drinking for me - I know I'd put myself in danger, & reckless behavior would begin. I'd never live through it.

Happy you wanted to have this discussion. We are with you.

Dee74

hi and welcome vz427k

I felt like I would never be able to quit either.
drinking was such an integral part of my daily life and who I thought I was.

It seemed insurmountable to stop drinking - but the community helped me not only stop, but feel good about stopping.

Reading here is good but posting and getting feedback support and encouragement is a whole other level

I hope to see you around some more,

D

vz427k

Thank you Anna for the warm welcome.
During the many months that I haven't drunk in the last 20 years, I went for a long time to meetings, in my country they are called meetings of ex-alcoholics, and they went very well, now I've gone back to them.
Also the contact with nature and physical exercise were a tremendous help.
I have read a lot of books, many of them recommended in this forum and above all it helped me a lot to read you even though I did not participate.
For a while I also followed Smart Recovery online.
During those 20 years I hardly drank, but in the last two years I have had several personal problems and I have been increasing the drinking because of this I know that the only solution is to never drink again.
I've also been in therapy but it hasn't helped me much in my case.