Weekender Thread 1-4 March 2019
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, weekenders.
I see weight loss theme took some space here - don't get me even started. I have fluctuating 5-7 kilos which are damn stubborn to get rid off. And the worst enemy is "I look ok". But the summer is looming and my "Ok" doesn't make me happy at all.
Sao - Sorry about hernia. Is it ok to jog for you?
Mesa - Beautiful pic and reminder about wonders of the Earth. Hope MesaDog feels ok after unfortunate encounter with the cactus.
Thank you for words of support and wisdom about my "Hell maybe" a.k.a GC situation.
The Sunday flat date was quite explainable after all - he overtrained, underslept, and had to to work on Saturday to take care of some stressful stuff.
I am in constantly emotionally challenging condition, and sometimes I I feel just burnt out.
But that is not what bothers me, honestly.
I may start sabotaging relationships because I am mortified to let someone close to me.
I don't know how to explain to another person why at 41 I am totally broke, live in an apartment still half-finished repairs, and all the other "crap heritage" from my past which may emerge upon a closer view.
I am dying at the mere thought that he will see the place where I live. I am afraid that the real me will no longer be defined by the qualities he liked in the first place, but as a person who "lives in the apartment like this".
I don't feel like explaining that I for a long time I was so depressed and even seriously contemplated suicide, and I couldn't care less what my place looked like. I was just glad that finally I had my own place where I can finally feel safe and secure.
It's not even about the "Hell Maybe" per se.
I've been judged by people my entire life. I don't want to be judged any more.
My family was very poor and I was ashamed to invite friends to my place. Now I am a grown up person and still feel like a helpless kid. WTF.
Whether our relationships progress or end the overall issue wont' go anywhere. I am slowly closing my shell again because I feel like I only can be myself alone and in isolation.
I tried to shift focus from myself, play this "it's ego talking" card, but it doesn't help really.
Sorry for bugging you with this. but it's the only non-judgemental place where I still be myself no matter what.
Thank you)
P.S. Bim - How are you doing?
I see weight loss theme took some space here - don't get me even started. I have fluctuating 5-7 kilos which are damn stubborn to get rid off. And the worst enemy is "I look ok". But the summer is looming and my "Ok" doesn't make me happy at all.
Sao - Sorry about hernia. Is it ok to jog for you?
Mesa - Beautiful pic and reminder about wonders of the Earth. Hope MesaDog feels ok after unfortunate encounter with the cactus.
Thank you for words of support and wisdom about my "Hell maybe" a.k.a GC situation.
The Sunday flat date was quite explainable after all - he overtrained, underslept, and had to to work on Saturday to take care of some stressful stuff.
I am in constantly emotionally challenging condition, and sometimes I I feel just burnt out.
But that is not what bothers me, honestly.
I may start sabotaging relationships because I am mortified to let someone close to me.
I don't know how to explain to another person why at 41 I am totally broke, live in an apartment still half-finished repairs, and all the other "crap heritage" from my past which may emerge upon a closer view.
I am dying at the mere thought that he will see the place where I live. I am afraid that the real me will no longer be defined by the qualities he liked in the first place, but as a person who "lives in the apartment like this".
I don't feel like explaining that I for a long time I was so depressed and even seriously contemplated suicide, and I couldn't care less what my place looked like. I was just glad that finally I had my own place where I can finally feel safe and secure.
It's not even about the "Hell Maybe" per se.
I've been judged by people my entire life. I don't want to be judged any more.
My family was very poor and I was ashamed to invite friends to my place. Now I am a grown up person and still feel like a helpless kid. WTF.
Whether our relationships progress or end the overall issue wont' go anywhere. I am slowly closing my shell again because I feel like I only can be myself alone and in isolation.
I tried to shift focus from myself, play this "it's ego talking" card, but it doesn't help really.
Sorry for bugging you with this. but it's the only non-judgemental place where I still be myself no matter what.
Thank you)
P.S. Bim - How are you doing?
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
hi everyone, I’ve just been crazy busy working the last few days... still sober 
PJ I’m glad the new psycho-ist sounds like she’ll be helpful. Shame about the pesky tree stump though!
MB I’m sorry you’re feeling low. I don’t think where you live is a reflection of who you are. The fact that you feel safe and secure there is what’s important. Are you talking to a psych person about how you feel? I get so confused in my own mind that I feel I have to talk to a psychologist. I don’t have a great track record with relationships either. I think all relationships get to a point sometime, where they transition into something else, either moving forward, developing into good friends or just casual friends, or parting ways. I don’t think we can predict what will happen, just try to enjoy the now, and I think we all can work on our self, because ultimately, it’s only our self that we can heal, and only we can do that. It’s easy for me to say that, but not easy to do. I’m still trying to figure it out. I have fear of abandonment issues so I tend to push people away before I get hurt. Kinda counterproductive really I guess.
And on the weight thing, I try to eat low carb, but I get tempted and then I go on sugar binges and feel uggghhh for days. My weight fluctuates about 5kg. I wish it would stay at the bottom end....
PJ I’m glad the new psycho-ist sounds like she’ll be helpful. Shame about the pesky tree stump though!
MB I’m sorry you’re feeling low. I don’t think where you live is a reflection of who you are. The fact that you feel safe and secure there is what’s important. Are you talking to a psych person about how you feel? I get so confused in my own mind that I feel I have to talk to a psychologist. I don’t have a great track record with relationships either. I think all relationships get to a point sometime, where they transition into something else, either moving forward, developing into good friends or just casual friends, or parting ways. I don’t think we can predict what will happen, just try to enjoy the now, and I think we all can work on our self, because ultimately, it’s only our self that we can heal, and only we can do that. It’s easy for me to say that, but not easy to do. I’m still trying to figure it out. I have fear of abandonment issues so I tend to push people away before I get hurt. Kinda counterproductive really I guess.
And on the weight thing, I try to eat low carb, but I get tempted and then I go on sugar binges and feel uggghhh for days. My weight fluctuates about 5kg. I wish it would stay at the bottom end....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,699
MNB- your narrative resonated with me. It is human nature, I think- to want to be in a state of mind- a state of being that it is familiar to us.
Even if that state is not a good one. Better the devil we know. To break from that mould, to change- puts us out of our comfort zone.
And that is scary.
My dysfunctional default being- is that I am a piece of refuse and am not worthy of even having life...the first time I felt like that was when I was 4. Why- is not as important as what I do to break this.
I agree with Willow- I see a psychologist. Someone who can guide me on a path where I can heal, grow and change.
Support to you.
Even if that state is not a good one. Better the devil we know. To break from that mould, to change- puts us out of our comfort zone.
And that is scary.
My dysfunctional default being- is that I am a piece of refuse and am not worthy of even having life...the first time I felt like that was when I was 4. Why- is not as important as what I do to break this.
I agree with Willow- I see a psychologist. Someone who can guide me on a path where I can heal, grow and change.
Support to you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,475
.
Hey Caramel ~
The Lava piece is 3.5 inches [8.9 cm] wide x 1.2 inches [3 cm] high. It currently occupies a special spot on the Kitchen Windowsill in the Sun.
Here's a Geological discussion...
~ Geologic Origin Of The Sonoran Desert ~
Near my Boondocking Campsite where I found this Specimen under a Shrub. A challenging Environment that demands Sobriety and Mindfulness, IMO...
Hey Caramel ~
The Lava piece is 3.5 inches [8.9 cm] wide x 1.2 inches [3 cm] high. It currently occupies a special spot on the Kitchen Windowsill in the Sun.
Here's a Geological discussion...
~ Geologic Origin Of The Sonoran Desert ~
Near my Boondocking Campsite where I found this Specimen under a Shrub. A challenging Environment that demands Sobriety and Mindfulness, IMO...
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 32,382
^striking landforms.
Thanks for the link, MesaMan.
I was thinking the lava looked quite 'fresh', didn't look very weathered, but then in that climate it wouldn't necessarily be, would it.
Most interesting - thanks again.
Thanks for the link, MesaMan.
I was thinking the lava looked quite 'fresh', didn't look very weathered, but then in that climate it wouldn't necessarily be, would it.
Most interesting - thanks again.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,708
Hi Weekenders
Midnight, I understand you too. Life isn’t easy, I had a big wall around me and wouldn’t let anyone get close.
Being judged by people.... We can’t stop that, there will always be someone somewhere that have their opinion on us. What helped me was some words Dee said on a post in SR. ‘It’s not my business what people think of me’. A small sentence but really pulled a punch with me...it doesn’t happen overnight but looking from a different perspective can help sometimes.
There’s a lot to learn about our minds, it’s taken me many many years and feel I’m in an ok place now, but it doesn’t come easy to a lot of us, it didn’t me.
My friend said I had a hard shell but was marshmallow inside, I have a feeling perhaps you’re similar, hope you don’t mind me saying.
Finding peace with yourself and everything else will fall into place, over time.
Midnight, I understand you too. Life isn’t easy, I had a big wall around me and wouldn’t let anyone get close.
Being judged by people.... We can’t stop that, there will always be someone somewhere that have their opinion on us. What helped me was some words Dee said on a post in SR. ‘It’s not my business what people think of me’. A small sentence but really pulled a punch with me...it doesn’t happen overnight but looking from a different perspective can help sometimes.
There’s a lot to learn about our minds, it’s taken me many many years and feel I’m in an ok place now, but it doesn’t come easy to a lot of us, it didn’t me.
My friend said I had a hard shell but was marshmallow inside, I have a feeling perhaps you’re similar, hope you don’t mind me saying.
Finding peace with yourself and everything else will fall into place, over time.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,481
MB
you have a group of people here who like you and none of us thinks about where you live or how you were bought up or how much money you have in the bank.
If this guy is the right one for you he won;t care about any of that either - and he'll understand if you want to take things slowly or even slow them down further until you work through things and feel comfortable again
The really good thing is, with the right person, all you need to be is you
D
you have a group of people here who like you and none of us thinks about where you live or how you were bought up or how much money you have in the bank.
If this guy is the right one for you he won;t care about any of that either - and he'll understand if you want to take things slowly or even slow them down further until you work through things and feel comfortable again
The really good thing is, with the right person, all you need to be is you
D
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
Morning all.
Well all I can say is great posts here since yesterday. MB I can only echo what everyone is saying. From my standpoint you are doing pretty well too.
Good luck with the new job Dale
Coffee o clock time
Well all I can say is great posts here since yesterday. MB I can only echo what everyone is saying. From my standpoint you are doing pretty well too.
Good luck with the new job Dale
Coffee o clock time
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Wednesday night here, It doesn’t rain, it pours! I’ve had a busy few days working 3 different jobs (all casual, all completely different types), and I think I need an early night to catch up on sleep..... 7pm and I’m almost snoozing on my feet so I’m off to bed. Night night everyone. Glad I have a couple of days off now
Sober-T- Dragon
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,765
Morning all. Not much to say this morning. I've been kinda low energy this last little while. Still giving my projects some attention so I think I'm just tired. Ukestra practice tonight, looking forward to that!
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
MB - I think what Dee said is great. If he's the right one for you, or even someone who will just be a good friend, he will not judge your apartment or your past. We all have things we feel ashamed of, I'm sure he does, too. If you can figure out how to open up to him, show him who you really are, you'll quickly find out where he stands on acceptance. And go at your own pace. No rush to spill your guts on everything. I think you have a lot going for you right now - try to focus on the here and now - looking back and worrying about the past really gets us nowhere. You know that. (I understand that's hard to do - I struggle with it myself.)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Hi, MidnightBlue. I'm here, just not much to say. A lot going on, but I don't really want input about it so I've been quiet.
Yesterday marked five years of not having a drink ever, no matter what.
I'm pretty proud of that sober time and would not have made it without this thread and this website. I'm kind of at the point where I don't have much to say about much of anything and God knows I've posted a lot over the years, so I'm mostly stepping back from the posting side for a while.
Yesterday marked five years of not having a drink ever, no matter what.
I'm pretty proud of that sober time and would not have made it without this thread and this website. I'm kind of at the point where I don't have much to say about much of anything and God knows I've posted a lot over the years, so I'm mostly stepping back from the posting side for a while.
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