Blogs


Notices

Really bad relapse

Old 06-24-2018, 01:43 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 53,714
Mera, I've been thinking about you and hoping you'd post. I'm really sorry for what happened and what you're going through. This must seem like a lot to deal with.

You are in a place where you can start to move forward and work on building your life. The main thing is that you are safe and your boys are safe. You are stronger than you think and you can do this. We're always here for you.
Anna is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Anna For This Useful Post:
aasharon90 (06-25-2018), Berrybean (06-24-2018), Dee74 (06-24-2018), Delilah1 (06-24-2018), Mireille (06-24-2018), MythOfSisyphus (06-25-2018), Verdantia (06-25-2018)
Old 06-24-2018, 03:03 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Learning to live again
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 41,081
Mera - I'm so glad you posted about the awful events, so your friends here can help. I can imagine the anxiety you're feeling - I've had relapses & a dui too. It was definitely the end of my drinking career. I had half-heartedly quit before, but the last time was the grand finale.

I'll be praying for this to be the start of a brand new & wonderful chapter in your life.
Hevyn is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Hevyn For This Useful Post:
DarklingSong (06-26-2018), Delilah1 (06-24-2018), Mireille (06-24-2018), Rar (06-25-2018)
Old 06-24-2018, 03:58 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
 
Inchworm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,358
Wake up to a new sober morning, Mera. So good to hear from you!
Inchworm is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Inchworm For This Useful Post:
Delilah1 (06-24-2018), Mireille (06-24-2018)
Old 06-24-2018, 07:03 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
 
CodeJob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,179
Blog Entries: 6
Mera,

Wishing you strength.
CodeJob is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to CodeJob For This Useful Post:
DarklingSong (06-26-2018), Delilah1 (06-24-2018)
Old 06-24-2018, 07:34 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
 
Delilah1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 12,133
Hi Mera,

I'm so glad you came back here today. You have so much love and compassion in your heart, and so much to offer. You will get past this. You will find a job that's a better fit for you, you will move on and leave all of this behind you.

How are you doing tonight?

Sending so much love your way.

❤️Delilah
Delilah1 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Delilah1 For This Useful Post:
Berrybean (06-24-2018), DarklingSong (06-26-2018), Dee74 (06-24-2018)
Old 06-24-2018, 07:35 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Bethlehem, PA
Posts: 230
As others have mentioned don't be too harsh on yourself Meraviglioso... 9-months is a really long time. If you can get to 9-months you can stay sober for a lifetime. Learn from this relapse so it never happens again.

Stay strong and keep fighting! We are all here for you.
DangerZone is offline  
Old 06-24-2018, 10:01 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
 
Delilah1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 12,133
Hi Mera,

Just checking back in to see how you're doing, please post and let us know how you are.

❤️❤️❤️
Delilah1 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Delilah1 For This Useful Post:
August252015 (06-26-2018)
Old 06-24-2018, 10:09 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Meraviglioso's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Italy
Posts: 4,150
thank you everyone. That is all I can really say right now, I am too destroyed. I just don't know how to come back from this. I fear my sons are better off without me in their lives, they deserve better.
Meraviglioso is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Meraviglioso For This Useful Post:
Anna (06-25-2018), Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Hevyn (06-25-2018), mnjen (06-26-2018), MythOfSisyphus (06-25-2018)
Old 06-24-2018, 10:49 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
 
ReadyAtLast's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 6,833
Please don't say that mera. Your sons love and need you so much. You are a wonderful person. Yes you've had a bad few days but you will get through it. It shall pass.

Negative feelings are normal after drinking too as you know. If you are feeling very low please see your doctor or other f2f support. But it will get better I promise you. Sending hugs and strength to you
ReadyAtLast is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to ReadyAtLast For This Useful Post:
Caramel (06-25-2018), Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Hevyn (06-25-2018), mnjen (06-26-2018), MythOfSisyphus (06-25-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 12:10 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
 
Caramel's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 24,096
Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast View Post
Please don't say that mera. Your sons love and need you so much. You are a wonderful person. Yes you've had a bad few days but you will get through it. It shall pass.

Negative feelings are normal after drinking too as you know. If you are feeling very low please see your doctor or other f2f support. But it will get better I promise you. Sending hugs and strength to you
Heart aching for you, Mera - brighter days will come.

Stay close here.

ReadyAtLast has good advice and thoughts in the post above.
Caramel is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Caramel For This Useful Post:
DarklingSong (06-26-2018), Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Hevyn (06-25-2018), mnjen (06-26-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 01:23 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Member
 
MythOfSisyphus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,184
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso View Post
thank you everyone. That is all I can really say right now, I am too destroyed. I just don't know how to come back from this. I fear my sons are better off without me in their lives, they deserve better.
Once you have some space to recover and reflect on this I hope you'll realize that's not true. They're not better off without you - they need a sober you.

You can come through this stronger! As you said, you never should have strayed from the structure and support you get from your friends here at SR. Just use this experience to learn and grow.
MythOfSisyphus is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to MythOfSisyphus For This Useful Post:
Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Hevyn (06-25-2018), mnjen (06-26-2018), undertow321 (06-25-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 02:15 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Member
 
MissPerfumado's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,320
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso View Post
thank you everyone. That is all I can really say right now, I am too destroyed. I just don't know how to come back from this. I fear my sons are better off without me in their lives, they deserve better.
Mera, please don't say that. Please, please never think that. Those boys love you with all their hearts. You are their beautiful, compassionate, generous mum.

Stay sober today. Then wake up tomorrow, stay sober tomorrow. Repeat. You got this. The pain will ebb and the anxiety will dissipate.

The outpouring here is because you're a beautiful soul. Please never, ever forget it.
MissPerfumado is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to MissPerfumado For This Useful Post:
August252015 (06-26-2018), DarklingSong (06-26-2018), Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Hevyn (06-25-2018), mnjen (06-26-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 04:16 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Meraviglioso's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Italy
Posts: 4,150
I'm here, I'm alive. I tried to commit suicide two times but it didn't work. I won't do that again, I promise. I sm really low though. I don't know how much more I can take. I've been raped two times, I almost died giving birth to my first sons and my son almost died. I then suffered severe post part depression. My ex continuously cheated on me and emotionally abused me. I gave both to my second son and two weeks later went to the emergency room with a fever of 105, they had left the placenta in and I was dying from the infection. I then had to have an abortion for medical reasons, then my psychiatrist fired me, I then went to rehab and one week after I left my boyfriend found me ion the bed, I had **** and pissed myself, totally unconscious, I went to the emergency room and was admitted to intensive care for severe pneumonia.I am tired. I m so so tired.
Meraviglioso is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Meraviglioso For This Useful Post:
CodeJob (07-20-2018), Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Gilmer (06-25-2018), Hevyn (06-25-2018), mnjen (06-26-2018), newhope01 (07-07-2018), SoberLeigh (06-25-2018), undertow321 (06-25-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 04:21 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Reality...what a concept!
 
Vinificent's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: CT, USA
Posts: 1,214
Blog Entries: 2
I am so sorry this happened to you and please do not forget thing s happen for a reason. Meraviglioso means WONDERFUL in English...you felt so wonderful during sobriety...make it your mission to feel that way again. It is very dark right now but you can come back brighter and life can be wonderful again. Your children love and need you. Sometimes these things that happen to us make no sense at the time, but heres to hoping someday you will look back on this time and believe it got you to a better place and stronger recovery. Best to you...keep reading and posting...we missed you ❤
Vinificent is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Vinificent For This Useful Post:
Gilmer (06-25-2018), Hevyn (06-25-2018), lunar (06-25-2018), mnjen (06-26-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 04:32 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Member
 
Dropsie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 2,638
Mera,

I am a huge fan.

We have all been there.

You dont really think your sons are better without the real you.

Find her again and cherish her, as we do.

XX
Dropsie is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Dropsie For This Useful Post:
Caramel (06-25-2018), Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Gilmer (06-25-2018), Hevyn (06-25-2018), Verdantia (06-25-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 05:03 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Member
 
Free2bme888's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,631
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso View Post
Thank you Glimer, especially for the welcome back. I felt guilty posting because I haven't been active in a long time. This job, even though I loved having it, has crushed me. I was working until 7pm each night and when I didn't have the kids would come home and go straight to bed. I was exhausting and stressful work, I neglected every other thing in my life in order to survive. And this is the very problem, I neglected my work on sobriety. I never should have stopped posting here, the place that has helped me stay sober in the past.
Mera, so sorry to hear the troubles. Drinking is NO GOOD FOR US, for you, for your kids.

Yay about your job ! I donít say that meanly, look at how it was eating at you and your family. There are more cars, more jobs. When a door slams shut, many more doors of opportunity open.

Mistakes are good when we choose to learn from them.

(((((Mera)))))))


Free
Free2bme888 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Free2bme888 For This Useful Post:
Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Gilmer (06-25-2018), Hevyn (06-25-2018), mnjen (06-26-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 05:03 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,001
Iím so sorry. Hang in there. You were on SR when I had my 10 months of sobriety. Your posts and your journey really helped me. You can bounce back from this. I know you can.
Tonymblue is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Tonymblue For This Useful Post:
Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Hevyn (06-25-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 05:07 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 1,255
Iím really sorry to hear about the relapse mera but Iím glad youíre back on SR and trying to get sober again. Donít be afraid to lean on the community for support.
Stronger2017 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Stronger2017 For This Useful Post:
Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Hevyn (06-25-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 05:33 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 1,701
Mera, is anyone there with you? Are you able to do your errands, etc. by walking? Getting out and about may help.
PalmerSage is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to PalmerSage For This Useful Post:
Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Hevyn (06-25-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 05:46 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,068
Hi Mera
I'm so sorry for the situation you find yourself in. And all because of a job. Ugh. a job. You'll find another one if you want one.

I think that it is human nature to suffer. Not sure why that is. Maybe because deep down we are all just scared little creatures. I don't know. But it seems if we aren't suffering at the hands of someone else, we are causing our own suffering, or making others suffer. Talk about a character defect of our entire race. Just is.

I have a list of offenses I have suffered and caused. And my addiction just loves that. It loves when I run through my list, the powerless, fearful creature that I am. Because when I feel the victim, I am more likely to drink. For sure. One thing that I have to remember is that suffering is the gift that keeps on giving. I have given this unlikely gift to my daughter through my drinking. I absolutely cannot do that anymore. I hope the dye isn't cast. I hope she doesn't become me. But all I can do is stay sober and try to do the right thing.

The car is a car. I'm glad you are all safe. I think in the US you would have gotten a reckless endangerment which could mean jail time. So it could be worse. You are ok and your boys are ok. A job is just a job and a car is just a car.

Consider getting off the suffering bus. I know if I don't drink I'm far less likely to suffer....and make others suffer.

You can do this!
entropy1964 is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to entropy1964 For This Useful Post:
boreas (06-25-2018), DarklingSong (06-26-2018), Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Gilmer (06-25-2018), Hevyn (06-25-2018), Midwest1981 (06-25-2018), mnjen (06-26-2018), WeaverBird (06-26-2018)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:39 PM.