Really bad relapse
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
Mera, I've been thinking about you and hoping you'd post. I'm really sorry for what happened and what you're going through. This must seem like a lot to deal with.
You are in a place where you can start to move forward and work on building your life. The main thing is that you are safe and your boys are safe. You are stronger than you think and you can do this. We're always here for you.
You are in a place where you can start to move forward and work on building your life. The main thing is that you are safe and your boys are safe. You are stronger than you think and you can do this. We're always here for you.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Mera - I'm so glad you posted about the awful events, so your friends here can help. I can imagine the anxiety you're feeling - I've had relapses & a dui too. It was definitely the end of my drinking career. I had half-heartedly quit before, but the last time was the grand finale.
I'll be praying for this to be the start of a brand new & wonderful chapter in your life.
I'll be praying for this to be the start of a brand new & wonderful chapter in your life.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hi Mera,
I'm so glad you came back here today. You have so much love and compassion in your heart, and so much to offer. You will get past this. You will find a job that's a better fit for you, you will move on and leave all of this behind you.
How are you doing tonight?
Sending so much love your way.
❤️Delilah
I'm so glad you came back here today. You have so much love and compassion in your heart, and so much to offer. You will get past this. You will find a job that's a better fit for you, you will move on and leave all of this behind you.
How are you doing tonight?
Sending so much love your way.
❤️Delilah
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Bethlehem, PA
Posts: 230
As others have mentioned don't be too harsh on yourself Meraviglioso... 9-months is a really long time. If you can get to 9-months you can stay sober for a lifetime. Learn from this relapse so it never happens again.
Stay strong and keep fighting! We are all here for you.
Stay strong and keep fighting! We are all here for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
thank you everyone. That is all I can really say right now, I am too destroyed. I just don't know how to come back from this. I fear my sons are better off without me in their lives, they deserve better.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Please don't say that mera. Your sons love and need you so much. You are a wonderful person. Yes you've had a bad few days but you will get through it. It shall pass.
Negative feelings are normal after drinking too as you know. If you are feeling very low please see your doctor or other f2f support. But it will get better I promise you. Sending hugs and strength to you
Negative feelings are normal after drinking too as you know. If you are feeling very low please see your doctor or other f2f support. But it will get better I promise you. Sending hugs and strength to you
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 32,382
Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast 
Please don't say that mera. Your sons love and need you so much. You are a wonderful person. Yes you've had a bad few days but you will get through it. It shall pass.
Negative feelings are normal after drinking too as you know. If you are feeling very low please see your doctor or other f2f support. But it will get better I promise you. Sending hugs and strength to you
Negative feelings are normal after drinking too as you know. If you are feeling very low please see your doctor or other f2f support. But it will get better I promise you. Sending hugs and strength to you
- brighter days will come.Stay close here.
ReadyAtLast has good advice and thoughts in the post above.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
thank you everyone. That is all I can really say right now, I am too destroyed. I just don't know how to come back from this. I fear my sons are better off without me in their lives, they deserve better.
You can come through this stronger! As you said, you never should have strayed from the structure and support you get from your friends here at SR. Just use this experience to learn and grow.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
thank you everyone. That is all I can really say right now, I am too destroyed. I just don't know how to come back from this. I fear my sons are better off without me in their lives, they deserve better.
Stay sober today. Then wake up tomorrow, stay sober tomorrow. Repeat. You got this. The pain will ebb and the anxiety will dissipate.
The outpouring here is because you're a beautiful soul. Please never, ever forget it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
I'm here, I'm alive. I tried to commit suicide two times but it didn't work. I won't do that again, I promise. I sm really low though. I don't know how much more I can take. I've been raped two times, I almost died giving birth to my first sons and my son almost died. I then suffered severe post part depression. My ex continuously cheated on me and emotionally abused me. I gave both to my second son and two weeks later went to the emergency room with a fever of 105, they had left the placenta in and I was dying from the infection. I then had to have an abortion for medical reasons, then my psychiatrist fired me, I then went to rehab and one week after I left my boyfriend found me ion the bed, I had **** and pissed myself, totally unconscious, I went to the emergency room and was admitted to intensive care for severe pneumonia.I am tired. I m so so tired.
Reality...what a concept!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: CT, USA
Posts: 1,232
I am so sorry this happened to you and please do not forget thing s happen for a reason. Meraviglioso means WONDERFUL in English...you felt so wonderful during sobriety...make it your mission to feel that way again. It is very dark right now but you can come back brighter and life can be wonderful again. Your children love and need you. Sometimes these things that happen to us make no sense at the time, but heres to hoping someday you will look back on this time and believe it got you to a better place and stronger recovery. Best to you...keep reading and posting...we missed you ❤
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,342
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
Thank you Glimer, especially for the welcome back. I felt guilty posting because I haven't been active in a long time. This job, even though I loved having it, has crushed me. I was working until 7pm each night and when I didn't have the kids would come home and go straight to bed. I was exhausting and stressful work, I neglected every other thing in my life in order to survive. And this is the very problem, I neglected my work on sobriety. I never should have stopped posting here, the place that has helped me stay sober in the past.
Yay about your job ! I don’t say that meanly, look at how it was eating at you and your family. There are more cars, more jobs. When a door slams shut, many more doors of opportunity open.
Mistakes are good when we choose to learn from them.
(((((Mera)))))))
Free
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi Mera
I'm so sorry for the situation you find yourself in. And all because of a job. Ugh. a job. You'll find another one if you want one.
I think that it is human nature to suffer. Not sure why that is. Maybe because deep down we are all just scared little creatures. I don't know. But it seems if we aren't suffering at the hands of someone else, we are causing our own suffering, or making others suffer. Talk about a character defect of our entire race. Just is.
I have a list of offenses I have suffered and caused. And my addiction just loves that. It loves when I run through my list, the powerless, fearful creature that I am. Because when I feel the victim, I am more likely to drink. For sure. One thing that I have to remember is that suffering is the gift that keeps on giving. I have given this unlikely gift to my daughter through my drinking. I absolutely cannot do that anymore. I hope the dye isn't cast. I hope she doesn't become me. But all I can do is stay sober and try to do the right thing.
The car is a car. I'm glad you are all safe. I think in the US you would have gotten a reckless endangerment which could mean jail time. So it could be worse. You are ok and your boys are ok. A job is just a job and a car is just a car.
Consider getting off the suffering bus. I know if I don't drink I'm far less likely to suffer....and make others suffer.
You can do this!
I'm so sorry for the situation you find yourself in. And all because of a job. Ugh. a job. You'll find another one if you want one.
I think that it is human nature to suffer. Not sure why that is. Maybe because deep down we are all just scared little creatures. I don't know. But it seems if we aren't suffering at the hands of someone else, we are causing our own suffering, or making others suffer. Talk about a character defect of our entire race. Just is.
I have a list of offenses I have suffered and caused. And my addiction just loves that. It loves when I run through my list, the powerless, fearful creature that I am. Because when I feel the victim, I am more likely to drink. For sure. One thing that I have to remember is that suffering is the gift that keeps on giving. I have given this unlikely gift to my daughter through my drinking. I absolutely cannot do that anymore. I hope the dye isn't cast. I hope she doesn't become me. But all I can do is stay sober and try to do the right thing.
The car is a car. I'm glad you are all safe. I think in the US you would have gotten a reckless endangerment which could mean jail time. So it could be worse. You are ok and your boys are ok. A job is just a job and a car is just a car.
Consider getting off the suffering bus. I know if I don't drink I'm far less likely to suffer....and make others suffer.
You can do this!
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