Blogs


Notices

Really bad relapse

Old 06-25-2018, 06:46 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
Member
 
Delilah1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 12,133
Good Morning Mera,

Can you go to the hospital, or possibly to rehab again? You were very positive during your time there, and I know your story helped many on SR.

Your boys need their mom, they love you, and I know how much you love them. Right now though you need to focus on getting well again. In the past, their dad seemed supportive of being with the boys while you were in rehab, and working on being healthy, talk to him to see if he can do this for you now.

You seemed to enjoy teaching English, and also managing the rental houses you used to do. All of the stories you told about these jobs were about the people you helped, once you are feeling better you may want to look for a job where you work more directly with people again.

Another thought, is it possible to come home and visit family in the US for a bit? Would that be helpful right now?

Sending so much love and support your way Mera, you will get through this.

❤️Delilah
Delilah1 is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Delilah1 For This Useful Post:
Caramel (06-25-2018), entropy1964 (06-25-2018), Hevyn (06-25-2018), Madnellie (06-30-2018), Mireille (06-25-2018), mnjen (06-26-2018), SoberLeigh (06-25-2018), thomas11 (06-25-2018), undertow321 (06-25-2018), Verdantia (06-25-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 07:07 AM
  # 42 (permalink)  
Learning to live again
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 41,081
Mera - You are needed on this earth - you will rise above this mess & thrive again. We love & appreciate your input here. You matter.
Hevyn is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Hevyn For This Useful Post:
Caramel (06-25-2018), DarklingSong (07-20-2018), Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Madnellie (06-30-2018), Mireille (06-25-2018), SoberLeigh (06-25-2018), undertow321 (06-25-2018), Verdantia (06-25-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 07:18 AM
  # 43 (permalink)  
Member
 
Midwest1981's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,413
I am so sorry to hear this Mera! Sending you love and support. I know right now you don't think you can bounce back from this but you can and I believe you will.
Midwest1981 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Midwest1981 For This Useful Post:
Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Mireille (06-26-2018), SoberLeigh (06-25-2018), undertow321 (06-25-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 07:21 AM
  # 44 (permalink)  
Member
 
Verdantia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,056
I am so sorry, Mera--but I am glad you are back. You have been a wonderful presence on SR and quite inspirational to me and many others. That feeling of being so tired is horrible and all-consuming but please fight it--don't give up. Maybe you could go back to rehab--do whatever it takes to win this fight. Your children need you. We need your goodness in the world. Don't give up. Wishing you love, peace and comfort.
Verdantia is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Verdantia For This Useful Post:
Caramel (06-25-2018), DarklingSong (07-20-2018), Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Mireille (06-26-2018), mnjen (06-26-2018), SoberLeigh (06-25-2018), undertow321 (06-25-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 07:35 AM
  # 45 (permalink)  
Member
 
SoberLeigh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 115,117
((((Mera))))

You have been through so very, very much and I am so sorry.

But you made it through all of that; you survived and you can get through and survive this, too.

Another rehab stay could be just the thing you need to regain and strengthen your sobriety skill, and regain your physical and emotional strength.

IU know that you can do this Mera.

As others have said, your boys and the World need you.
SoberLeigh is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to SoberLeigh For This Useful Post:
DarklingSong (07-20-2018), Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Mireille (06-26-2018), undertow321 (06-25-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 07:43 AM
  # 46 (permalink)  
Member
 
lunar's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Mare Crisium
Posts: 1,836
Mera,

We are all here for one obvious reason.

Addiction.
For the majority of us; alcoholism.

The end result of our actions from continued drinking
will ultimately slap us silly, with varying degrees of severity.
(Personally, I could write a horror novel about my past actions)

It may seem difficult, futile, or downright impossible, at the moment,
but the key is to stop drinking right now - ASAP.
Drinking may appear to be numbing your pain or anguish,
but eventually, everything will get much, much worse-
if you continue, that is.

For alcoholics, drinking is by no means a crutch to lean on, or a “friend”.
It is the *enemy*. It is negativity. It will rob us blind of everything good.
You’re already very aware of this. Time to take action.

Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
Stop beating yourself up with guilt and self-loathing.
It won’t solve anything.

Help yourself as much as you can but do not hesitate
to seek additional help, as necessary.
Formulate a new plan and follow it.

Put your own health, sanity, and well-being, at the top of your list.

All else will then fall into place.
We know you can do this.

lunar is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to lunar For This Useful Post:
Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Gilmer (06-25-2018), Mireille (06-26-2018), SoberLeigh (06-25-2018), Verdantia (06-25-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 07:49 AM
  # 47 (permalink)  
Quit 4/17/15
 
stargazer016's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 9,784
Wishing you all the best Mera as you start a new chapter in your life. You can do this!
stargazer016 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to stargazer016 For This Useful Post:
Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Gilmer (06-25-2018), Mireille (06-26-2018), SoberLeigh (06-25-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 03:59 PM
  # 48 (permalink)  
Member
 
yinzer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 772
I’m sorry for that burp in your sobriety. I’m glad you came back and hope you brush yourself off and move forward with us. Hopefully all you learned last time is still with you.
yinzer is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to yinzer For This Useful Post:
Mireille (06-26-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 04:12 PM
  # 49 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,173
You've come back from all of this once Mera, nothing can stop you from doing it again except you. Therapy, rehab, meetings, all those things are there for you again and yes - it will be hard. But you have done harder things. The negative talk and beating yourself up is counteractive and feeds your addiction, take a look back at some of your posts here when you were doing well and you'd give yourself exactly the same advice.
ScottFromWI is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to ScottFromWI For This Useful Post:
CodeJob (07-20-2018), Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Mireille (06-26-2018), mnjen (06-26-2018), Verdantia (06-25-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 05:17 PM
  # 50 (permalink)  
Member
 
FreeOwl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 7,444
Sounds like a real good time to choose as a BOTTOM, double down and embrace sobriety with all you’ve got.
FreeOwl is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to FreeOwl For This Useful Post:
Mireille (06-26-2018), Verdantia (06-25-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 05:28 PM
  # 51 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 53,714
Mera, you can come back from this. I know you can. Take it slow and be kind to yourself. Just do what you can do each day. Take care of your boys and take care of yourself. Stick to the basics. Stay sober, eat well and try to get some rest. You will be able to manage this. And, never think that your boys would be better off without you in their lives. Being a mother is the hardest job in the world, and your boys needs you and they need your love.
Anna is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Anna For This Useful Post:
Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Hevyn (06-25-2018), least (06-25-2018), Mireille (06-26-2018), MissPerfumado (06-26-2018), mnjen (06-26-2018), undertow321 (06-25-2018), Verdantia (06-25-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 05:44 PM
  # 52 (permalink)  
Member
 
Delilah1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 12,133
How are you doing Mera? Check in and let us know.❤️
Delilah1 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Delilah1 For This Useful Post:
Hevyn (06-25-2018), Mireille (06-26-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 06:59 PM
  # 53 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
Hi Mera, sorry this is really random and possibly not helpful at all.. but I watched this documentary called "Alison" about Alison Botha, a woman who was raped, had her throat slit, was disemboweled and left for dead. But she survived and went on to fully recover and give inspirational speeches.

As someone who has also been through trauma (although not of that magnitude) I know what it's like to feel stuck in the past but her story really seemed to be what I needed to hear at the time. Unfortunately I couldn't find much else online or on youtube but if you have access to the documentary I'd highly highly recommend watching it.

I'm really sorry to hear about your job and your car. I knew someone who relapsed after 6 months and got a DUI on his first night out. It seems awful and tragic but if you can use it as motivation to right your ship now rather than sometime down the line, you can save yourself from months or years of continued misery and wasted time. Keep posting and keep reaching out!
Cosima11 is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Cosima11 For This Useful Post:
Hevyn (06-26-2018), Mireille (06-26-2018), mnjen (06-26-2018), newhope01 (07-19-2018), WeaverBird (06-26-2018)
Old 06-25-2018, 07:45 PM
  # 54 (permalink)  
Member
 
fini's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 6,788
Mera,
oddly, i had searched for posts from you in the last couple of days, and i am very sorry to find these ones, but so relieved to find any at all.

of course you are tired....and now added the renewed drinking to the already-present exhaustion.

what are your options for a different therapist right now? it sounds like you might be suicidal and rather than not saying that it might help to find a "real-life" person to say it to. there must be at the very least a telephone crisis line where you could phone and take the edge off, relieve some pressure.

are you drinking now? can you get help if you physically need it and are in danger from drinking or withdrawing?
fini is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to fini For This Useful Post:
Delilah1 (06-25-2018), Gilmer (06-26-2018), Hevyn (06-26-2018), Mireille (06-26-2018), newhope01 (07-19-2018)
Old 06-26-2018, 03:57 AM
  # 55 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 1,701
Hi Mera, I hope you check in soon. Reading and posting here may be one of the most important things you can do to get yourself back on track. 9 months is amazing, and was not wasted time. You can get back there again, and beyond.
PalmerSage is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to PalmerSage For This Useful Post:
Hevyn (06-26-2018), Mireille (06-26-2018)
Old 06-26-2018, 11:57 AM
  # 56 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Meraviglioso's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Italy
Posts: 4,150
I'm back and I'm not giving up. Today I went into work early, my manager has been a godsend through this. She is someone who suffers from depression herself, though not alcoholism. She suggested we try talking to my boss. So we went in early and I was just honest about my depression and said that I really felt I needed something to keep me busy. He agreed and said he will talk to the accountant about what possibilities there are for a part time internship type deal. I worked, poorly, but my manager was supportive and gave me tasks to keep me busy like cleaning up the office.
This evening I met with a new, fantastic psychiatrist who said that I am on all the wrong medications. I brought up my memory issues and said I was terrified of that. He said one of my medications practically wipes out one's memory. So we got rid of that. He upped my mood stabiliser, said I was on way to low of a dose for how bad I feel. He also added in a brand new medication that just came out this year which has had great success in treating depression, especially with addicts and has had great success in keeping cocaine addicts clean. They just stop once they get on the medication. I don't dare this there is a pill that can cure me, but the news felt good to hear.
He also told me a story about one of his dear friends who called him in crisis this weekend and he said he would go pick her up and take her to the hospital. As he was going there he saw her car fly by with the police trailing her. She got stopped and had her license and car taken too. I just felt really good that he sounds like he can relate and is non-judgemental.
Meraviglioso is offline  
The Following 20 Users Say Thank You to Meraviglioso For This Useful Post:
2ndhandrose (06-26-2018), Anna (06-26-2018), Caramel (06-26-2018), CodeJob (07-20-2018), DangerZone (06-27-2018), DarklingSong (06-26-2018), Dee74 (06-27-2018), Delilah1 (06-26-2018), Gilmer (06-26-2018), Hevyn (06-26-2018), lunar (06-27-2018), Madnellie (06-30-2018), Mireille (06-26-2018), MissPerfumado (06-26-2018), mnjen (06-26-2018), MythOfSisyphus (06-27-2018), Snufkin (06-26-2018), Stayingsassy (06-26-2018), Verdantia (06-28-2018), yinzer (06-28-2018)
Old 06-26-2018, 12:17 PM
  # 57 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,206
I’m glad today has renewed your hope and confidence, Mera.
Gilmer is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Gilmer For This Useful Post:
Delilah1 (06-26-2018), Hevyn (06-26-2018), Mireille (06-26-2018)
Old 06-26-2018, 12:33 PM
  # 58 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 53,714
I'm glad that you're feeling a bit better and working to get back on track, Mera.

(((Mera)))
Anna is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Anna For This Useful Post:
Delilah1 (06-26-2018), Hevyn (06-26-2018), Mireille (06-26-2018)
Old 06-26-2018, 12:35 PM
  # 59 (permalink)  
Member
 
ReadyAtLast's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 6,833
It's great to read you are feeling more positive this evening mera.☺
ReadyAtLast is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to ReadyAtLast For This Useful Post:
Delilah1 (06-26-2018), Hevyn (06-26-2018), Mireille (06-26-2018)
Old 06-26-2018, 12:51 PM
  # 60 (permalink)  
Member
 
Caramel's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 24,096
I'm glad to read of these positive and helpful people and resources, Mera, and especially that you are looking forward.
A respectful ((hug)) to you, and kind thoughts across the miles.
Caramel is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Caramel For This Useful Post:
DarklingSong (07-20-2018), Delilah1 (06-26-2018), Hevyn (06-26-2018), Mireille (06-26-2018)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:45 PM.