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Really bad relapse

Old 06-24-2018, 12:59 AM
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Really bad relapse

I had 9 months of sobriety this time. There is no excuse for drinking, but as a background, this is what happened. I have recently been let go from my job which was crushing for me. I knew it might happen as I was in substitution for a woman on maternity leave but when my boss gave me the news he said he wasn't going to rene my contract because I had made too many mistakes. On Wednesday I went to family mediation and was bullied and beat up on by both my ex and the therapist. I left the appointment and Immediately stopped at a bar for wine. I kept drinking at home with a bottle I bought at the bar. I then went to pick up my kids from sailing school and when I was nearly home I barely tapped another car. But we stopped to see if there was any damage, there wasn't but she started complaining out her neck and wanted to call the police. I feld and she followed me and eventually the police arrived. They gave me a brethalizer and found out that I was obviously drunk. They took my car- forever- that is the law in Italy, you never get your car back. Ad they took my license. It will probably be revoked for 6 months. I'l have a fine to pay.

This is not even touching the emotional issues. I can't even talk about that now because I am so numb. I have been a wreck since then and don't know how I can come back from this. All I want to do is drink.
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Old 06-24-2018, 01:06 AM
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Oh, Mera!

I’m so profoundly sorry!



I’m glad you’ve come back.

You’ll get your raison d’etre back here, among friends.
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Old 06-24-2018, 01:16 AM
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I am truly sorry to hear you're having a bad time mera. You have always been a great support and inspiration to many on here and we are here for you now.

Things will get better but please don't keep on drinking. Nothing improves until we stop again. I relate I had 3.5 years then picked up again and things really have just gone downhill since then. It needn't be that way for you though. You will get a new job and your licence back. The memories will fade and you will become stronger fer again.
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Old 06-24-2018, 01:32 AM
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Thank you Glimer, especially for the welcome back. I felt guilty posting because I haven't been active in a long time. This job, even though I loved having it, has crushed me. I was working until 7pm each night and when I didn't have the kids would come home and go straight to bed. I was exhausting and stressful work, I neglected every other thing in my life in order to survive. And this is the very problem, I neglected my work on sobriety. I never should have stopped posting here, the place that has helped me stay sober in the past.
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Old 06-24-2018, 01:33 AM
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Sorry to hear this, Mera.
Glad you have posted.
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Old 06-24-2018, 01:49 AM
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Oh Mera. You can come back. You will come back. It is never, ever hopeless. Never. There is always a way. There are incredible stories right here on SR of people who thought they had lost it all, and rebuilt their lives.

You have your kids, you have your health. You can find a new job. Don't let the way things ended at your old job derail you... there could be many reasons why they might have wanted to create performance issues. You can come back from that.

You will get your licence back, then you can work out what you need to do about the car. That was a mistake that you made, driving after drinking, and you should own that mistake.

Then you can come back from it. We have all made terrible mistakes here on SR, and we know what it's like. We are all alcoholics here.

A plan, Mera. You need a plan. A plan to make sure you don't go back to the booze and a plan to come back from this.

You can do it. Keep posting here, and keep close to SR. With the help here, you will come back.
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Old 06-24-2018, 02:48 AM
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You can come back from this, rooting for you
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Old 06-24-2018, 02:56 AM
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I'm really sorry too Mera - but instead of an ending, maybe this is actually the chance for a new beginning?

a change to finally get to know and love the real you...and to give yourself the self confidence to grow and resist painful life events like being fired and being bullied without running to the bottle?

Sober I learned I was more capable than I ever knew - I think you should give yourself the same chance to find that out for yourself.

D
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Old 06-24-2018, 03:01 AM
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Stay sober at all cost each day and keep moving forwards however tiny the steps. Seek out new recovery tools/programs to strengthen your sobriety and aim to really work a program. Then if you do this and keep doing the right things every day living with humility, love, dignity, gratitude youíll look back at this in years to come and be grateful for it as being what you needed. We always get what we need but not necessarily what we want in my experience. Stay strong.
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Old 06-24-2018, 03:01 AM
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Sometimes really bad relapses are what we need to stop for good. I'm not going to go into details but the last time I drank was absolutely horrible. I haven't drank since and one of the reasons is because of what happened the last time I decided to. So use this relapse as fuel to make you more determined than ever to stop drinking.

If I were you every time I'd get the urge I'd think of this relapse. Keep in mind that yeah they took your car but in a sense you get lucky. Next time you might kill someone driving drunk.
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Old 06-24-2018, 04:23 AM
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Hi Mera.....I am so sorry you are going through this. (((Mera)))
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Old 06-24-2018, 04:33 AM
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HI Mera- so glad you made it back to us. You have always been someone whose story I like hearing. I know you can make it back from this.
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Old 06-24-2018, 05:37 AM
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Just joining in the chorus of support. I always noticed the compassion in your posts. You have a kind heart and I remember you establishing a rapport with a poster who felt judged by others because you were so caring in the way you viewed the situation and spoke to her. As Dee and others have said you are capable of great things sober. Please keep coming back and put down the booze. In addition to it not being good for you I suspect it will give your ex additional leverage if you all are in mediation. Thatís not the reason you should get sober obviously. Ultimately you have to do it for you. But it may be a helpful nudge. Hugs to you.
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Old 06-24-2018, 06:43 AM
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Oh Mera, I'm so very sorry, but I'm so glad you came back. We are here for you. You are a sensitive, talented, creative soul.. and a good person. You can come back from this! You can build happiness and a good life. Every one of us can! Tomorrow will be a better day.

Take care of yourself, and keep posting. xoxo
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Old 06-24-2018, 07:05 AM
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I am also sending warm wishes. Love and forgive yourself, you are worth more than the mistakes you've made

WF
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Old 06-24-2018, 07:31 AM
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Rooting for ya Mera. You can come back from this.
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Old 06-24-2018, 12:52 PM
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Mera, I'm really sorry this happened, but I'm so glad it sent you back here. I've always been really moved and inspired by your posts, and can relate to many elements of your struggle as a mom who drinks. We are 100% here to support you.
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Old 06-24-2018, 01:00 PM
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How are you this evening mera ?
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Old 06-24-2018, 01:09 PM
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Mera,

It took courage for you to post about your relapse and it takes courage to try again. Don't we all try again each and every day, if not with alcohol, at least with a nagging, lingering character defect.

I echo the comments about using this 'bottom' to spur you on to an even stronger, more dedicated sobriety than you had before. Read the Doctor's Opinion. An allergy of the body coupled with an obsession of the mind. The 12 Steps treat the three-fold disease you and I have: physically, mentally/emotionally and spiritually.

"I" get drunk; "we" stay sober. Please accept the support and love offered here at SR. I can't do this by myself and I don'think you can either but together we can stay sober.

Hang in there, Mera, even if you don't believe it right now--I know You are worth it.

p.s. I got fired once for making a costly $$ mistake to the company which also embarrassed the President and his VP. Of course my error it was unintentional, but they had to make the right financial decision for their company. I got axed. But you know what? My very next job wasn't just a job, it turned into a career that I retire from next year. Within hours of being fired, I was with like-minded sober people telling them what happened. If I drunk like me could stay sober, you can too.
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Old 06-24-2018, 01:21 PM
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I am so sorry to hear this, Mera; you worked through some difficult times to achieve that sobriety.

The very best choice is to stay sober and achieve full recovery. In recovery, we are capable of profound change. You are already strong and capable - just watch the brilliant new Mera blossom and bloom.

Stay close. We truly care.
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