sweetichick

What is wrong with me. Don't I get it. Just don't drink. How hard is that. I had a bottle a few days ago and one today. My psychiatrist reckons it's just coping with my mental illness is this even an excuse. I control drank for 15 years. Why now?. Admittedly my ex was out with his second wife again and the day before listed my changes to make before we could be friends again. Mainly a perfect clean house and no drinking or smoking cigarettes. Is that why. Are there too many issues. Don't know. My sponsor has none of these problems. Maybe I need to wake up and smell coffee,. She told me to smoke if Wanted to. I am 3 months into the torture. I am just not doing it.

Dee74

Hi sweetichick

I think it's just plain unvarnished alcoholism I'm afraid.

There may be things that set you off sure, but the bottom lime is that you don't have to end up drinking.

do you have any kind of action plan for when the urge comes on you? people to call from AA, posting here?

I didn't have the urge removed from me.

I had to fight it every day for while - but every day I did and didn't drink, it got a little easier

D

mandypandy

Hi sweetichick. Sorry you are having a difficult time. I think, if you wait for all the "reasons" aka excuses to drink to go away, you will be waiting forever. There will always be an excuse aka reason. I have even found feeling happy on a summers afternoon to be an excuse! Any emotion, anytime, will be taken down and used against you by the AV.

Gottalife

Hi Sweetichick. If you are an alcoholic of my type, just don't drink is not just hard, it is impossible. "The utter inability to leave it alone no matter how great the wish or the necessity" is the distiguishing characteristic of alcoholics like me.

Powerless and defenceless against the first drink. A lot of people go to meetings and still end up having a drink. Most slips I know about happen to folks that were going to meetings, that's how I know about them.

Then again, most people I know who go to meetings, get a sponsor, and work the steps seem to find the power to stay sober, power they didn't have before. I know that because that is what I did, and that is what happened to me and I see it happen to others all the time.

All of us that recovered (pretty much) came to AA with a desire to stop drinking. Not all of us stopped on the first day. It took a little time for the program to bite, but we all found at some point that we were suddenly easily able to control our desire to drink, just by following a few simple rules.

Don't be discouraged, step up the work rate a bit.

mandypandy

I have read through your previous threads sweeti, and you have resisted strong urges before.
All I do, is ignore the urge that is happening at the time, and it goes away. I go do something, bath, you tube, housework even (as a last resort haha). Read, write, come on here, read, write. Watch TV. Anything really.
The urges are getting not as intense already as they were at first.
The rest of the time, I am looking for things to rebuild my life into something I want it to be. Of course, it's early days, and I have periods of intense boredom. But I refuse to use drink to fill these hours. Because the foundation stone of my new life is, no drinking.
If I remove that foundation there will be nothing to build on.
I drank for 18 years, much like you day and night for days and days on end, short few days break, do it again.
I would not have wasted those 18 years if I had known it's not impossible to resist an urge.

tomsteve

My sponsor has none of these problems.

maybe your sponsor has done more than go to meetings?
maybe your sponsor has worked the steps and has had a spiritual awakening that has changed her attitude about alcohol? maybe working the steps helped her recover from the hopeless state of mind and body?
have ya asked her why she doesnt drink and you do?
maybe its untreated alcoholism?

why in the worldare you even communicating with ANOTHER ex? why are you inviting insanity in?

if you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to ANY lenghts to get it,then you are ready to take certain steps.

are you willing to go to ANY lengths?

Nowsthetime

I can’t believe that after everything you would consider being friends with your “neighbor” or “friend” or whatever you decide to call him that day. He is toxic for you, that has been established and yet YOU chose to allow this person to be around and now you are listening to what he tells you you must do in order for the two of you to be friends? You are worth more than that.

I mean this with love, you are allowing this person to toy with your emotions and you are allowing this situation.

I think volunteering is a great idea to give us some perspective so I think that’s a good step. You are making positive changes but I think that the most important change that you must make is to kick this person out of your life for good. You have heard that here so many times but it is up to you.

I’m glad that you are working a plan and that you’re keeping us posted.

ZenButterfly

AA was not enough for me, I drank after AA meeting I went to. I needed medications to stop. I am taking Acamprosate and Antabuse. Maybe you need some extra help?

Also I agree that there is nothing helpful about keeping in touch with an ex. Unless you have kids together just stop going down that road. You'll feel better.

Carlotta

I am with Zen and Tomsteve on that one. Why would you listen and even be in touch with a married ex who is (in your own words) a creep.
I would suggest that you go no contact with him while you are in early sobriety and focus on your recovery.
You know what they say in AA: First things first.
This Ex drama is only a distraction which gives a rise to your AV and gives you an excuse to cave in to it.
Keep things very simple, your sponsor seems like a very sweet supportive lady so stick close to her.