Fear
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Fear
I have to follow my own advice and post for help and support.
A few weeks back I got very winded climbing a flight of stairs. It was long and steep flight....I have asthma and Cerebral Palsy, so I didn't really think that much about it - it's happened before.
I mentioned it almost in passing to my Dr and she ordered a Chest Xray.
I haven't heard from her since (another good sign I think) but I've broken my own Dr Google rule and over the past few weeks I've nearly worn the xray down looking at it.
I've been convinced have everything from an enlarged heart to cancer to emphysema to pulmonary fibrosis and back again.
The solid fact is I'm feeling better than I have in a long time - I got back into regular exercise and things that were tough for me to do a few weeks back are easy now.
but the fear...
I wish I could let it go - but at least I'll know one way or the other in a few hours.
then there's this black mole on my leg thats suddenly grown...ugh.
I'm not in danger of drinking - thats not an option but I did want to put my money where my mouth is and 'talk it out' in times of fear and stress.
Spare me a kind thought or two today.
D
A few weeks back I got very winded climbing a flight of stairs. It was long and steep flight....I have asthma and Cerebral Palsy, so I didn't really think that much about it - it's happened before.
I mentioned it almost in passing to my Dr and she ordered a Chest Xray.
I haven't heard from her since (another good sign I think) but I've broken my own Dr Google rule and over the past few weeks I've nearly worn the xray down looking at it.
I've been convinced have everything from an enlarged heart to cancer to emphysema to pulmonary fibrosis and back again.
The solid fact is I'm feeling better than I have in a long time - I got back into regular exercise and things that were tough for me to do a few weeks back are easy now.
but the fear...
I wish I could let it go - but at least I'll know one way or the other in a few hours.
then there's this black mole on my leg thats suddenly grown...ugh.
I'm not in danger of drinking - thats not an option but I did want to put my money where my mouth is and 'talk it out' in times of fear and stress.
Spare me a kind thought or two today.
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Many, many kind thoughts your way, Dee, and lots of love, too. ❤️
I think that the fact that you are feeling well speaks volumes.
Please keep us posted and definitely show that mole to your doctor.
I think that the fact that you are feeling well speaks volumes.
Please keep us posted and definitely show that mole to your doctor.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 100
I havent been active on the forum for a while Dee, nor have I been reading.
Something happened to me on sunday, I was surfing and someone tapped me on my shoulder, was a guy who was my sponsor last year in AA. Due to the nature of my work, I was away for a few months, slipped into drinking once again. He suggested I went to a meeting which I did. Yesterday we visited a man who was 46 years sober in hospital (unrelated to drinking) but was revived as his heart stopped early yesterday morning.
I realised that there are good people in life who can and are willing to help you. You are one such person. I shall be attending meetings again as I had forgotten how vital they were for me.
Have read posts you have made over the time I have been here (perhaps a month or so) and your words are always wise and kind. I dont remember other usernames but would read posts and think 'hmm, that seems to make a lot of sense, who wrote that?' - it was/is you.
Sending you biggest and warmest wishes and kind thoughts also.
Something happened to me on sunday, I was surfing and someone tapped me on my shoulder, was a guy who was my sponsor last year in AA. Due to the nature of my work, I was away for a few months, slipped into drinking once again. He suggested I went to a meeting which I did. Yesterday we visited a man who was 46 years sober in hospital (unrelated to drinking) but was revived as his heart stopped early yesterday morning.
I realised that there are good people in life who can and are willing to help you. You are one such person. I shall be attending meetings again as I had forgotten how vital they were for me.
Have read posts you have made over the time I have been here (perhaps a month or so) and your words are always wise and kind. I dont remember other usernames but would read posts and think 'hmm, that seems to make a lot of sense, who wrote that?' - it was/is you.
Sending you biggest and warmest wishes and kind thoughts also.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Dee,
Fear has such a big life in us at times. Im thinking of you and I have this "feeling" that all will be well. Keep us posted. Stay in the present moment and as you know stay away from Dr. Google. He/ she has never done us any good. Ive already died 10 times over with Dr. Google's diagnosis.
Fear has such a big life in us at times. Im thinking of you and I have this "feeling" that all will be well. Keep us posted. Stay in the present moment and as you know stay away from Dr. Google. He/ she has never done us any good. Ive already died 10 times over with Dr. Google's diagnosis.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Lots of kind and calming thoughts to you, Dee. Since you haven't heard from your doctor, that's a good sign. If there was anything abnormal on your X-ray, the radiologist would likely have prioritized the findings and expedited them to your doctor. Any mole change should be inspected. I've had mole scares myself and the doctor has inspected them with a magnifying glass. Please keep us posted. ((DEE))
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 604
wow! I thought I was the only one with a runaway mind! I mean it sympathetically not sarcastically. I had strep throat a month ago and took antibiotics, a week after stopping my throat started hurting again. I convinced myself I had throat cancer.
I've been trying to eat better, more organic and alkaline foods (lemon water in the mornings) and build up my immunity. My sore throat is gone and I feel I'm getting stronger! Hang in there Dee! Hopefully your balance of rest, exercise and nutrition are just the trifecta for good health
I've been trying to eat better, more organic and alkaline foods (lemon water in the mornings) and build up my immunity. My sore throat is gone and I feel I'm getting stronger! Hang in there Dee! Hopefully your balance of rest, exercise and nutrition are just the trifecta for good health
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
So glad you posted Dee. All I can tell you is what you and others have told me over the years, don't let Dr. Google bury you before your time! I agree Breathing/Respiratory issues are kind of scary. Break your health issues down into pieces and take them on one at a time. What's the old saying "how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time".
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Hey - yeah - I've been on the google spin machine too. Had some health issues a few years back and treated it like a damn magic 8-ball. Whenever I didn't get an answer I just kept shaking it and shaking it and... Pretty much had myself diagnosed with everything from Diabetes to Cancer to you name it. Of course, it wasn't any of that.
Not knowing is always the worst. Don't know about you but I like to think I can deal with bad news if I know. I mean, at least then I can make a plan. But let me stew on something and I'll drive myself bonkers crazy trying to figure it out.
Take it easy on yourself. Treat yourself to something - a bath, ice cream, something. Then get after your Doc. For all you know she may be late in getting back to you b/c it's no big deal and be too busy to think you are sitting there waiting for some answers.
Not knowing is always the worst. Don't know about you but I like to think I can deal with bad news if I know. I mean, at least then I can make a plan. But let me stew on something and I'll drive myself bonkers crazy trying to figure it out.
Take it easy on yourself. Treat yourself to something - a bath, ice cream, something. Then get after your Doc. For all you know she may be late in getting back to you b/c it's no big deal and be too busy to think you are sitting there waiting for some answers.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 1,100
Dee,
I ran that gamut about two decades ago when I was having constant nocturnal panic attacks. I had arrhythmias that seemed like 'skipped beats' and palpitations and was convinced that I was going to experience an arrest or sudden death. I had the whole array of tests and workups. Nothing remarkable. Fast forward and now I'm in much better shape---even after abusing alcohol to treat the anxiety on my own and I'm not caught up in the same fear. Fear generally is something I've grappled with for my lifetime and it's a nasty nemesis. I'm sharing hopes and vibes that you can keep that beast at bay; you have given so much to SR tirelessly and I believe you have your best years ahead in that great purpose.
Thanks for all you do man. You're in my prayers and thoughts.
Stay strong mate
Todd.
I ran that gamut about two decades ago when I was having constant nocturnal panic attacks. I had arrhythmias that seemed like 'skipped beats' and palpitations and was convinced that I was going to experience an arrest or sudden death. I had the whole array of tests and workups. Nothing remarkable. Fast forward and now I'm in much better shape---even after abusing alcohol to treat the anxiety on my own and I'm not caught up in the same fear. Fear generally is something I've grappled with for my lifetime and it's a nasty nemesis. I'm sharing hopes and vibes that you can keep that beast at bay; you have given so much to SR tirelessly and I believe you have your best years ahead in that great purpose.
Thanks for all you do man. You're in my prayers and thoughts.
Stay strong mate
Todd.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 148
Hi Dee,
I am praying for you. I think it would be easier for me to say turn it over to G-d than it would be to do but I do believe whatever it turns out to be (hopefully nothing) you have support and people who care.
Please do keep us posted!!!
I am praying for you. I think it would be easier for me to say turn it over to G-d than it would be to do but I do believe whatever it turns out to be (hopefully nothing) you have support and people who care.
Please do keep us posted!!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Thank you, Dee, for sharing this with us.
Medical issues can be so unsettling. As you noted, the fear loses so much power once we ask for support.
I'm thinking of you and hope that you continue to feel good and exercise. I'm always grateful for the role you play in so many lives, mine included.
Medical issues can be so unsettling. As you noted, the fear loses so much power once we ask for support.
I'm thinking of you and hope that you continue to feel good and exercise. I'm always grateful for the role you play in so many lives, mine included.
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