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What is the final push?

Old 10-18-2017, 02:00 PM
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What is the final push?

I've admitted to myself (for years) and close family and friends (recently) that I'm an alcoholic. I am 28. No children. Dont believe in a christian god. But I have the willingness. I have a job in the medical field that I cannot afford to be shaky and anxious at. I had 15 days 2 weeks ago. Read "Living Sober" and "Undrunk". I've been to 1 AA meeting. I hate alcohol but still find ways to excuse it. My dad thinks AA is a cult. My SO of 6 years still thinks I can find a way to moderate, although I know I wont. I'm not sure if he can either.

I drink every day to feel normal. During my 15 days on the wagon I felt very abnormal and unhappy. Is AA the only route to happiness? For my gram it worked, maybe it is the only way. I can't seem to find sober people anywhere in my life. I never realized how much people talked about it until I stopped trying to consume it. I will try to get the courage up to go to more AA despite my anxiety.

I wish there was a regional support forum but I guess that is why I have to force myself to AA.
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Old 10-18-2017, 02:25 PM
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Hey Goodbyeevan,

I am an AAer. I don't believe in any religious god but I have found something greater than me that keeps me sober. I would recommend when at AA meetings listen to the stories for identifying and don't worry about the definition of God. I take a pragmatic approach with regards to the big book. AA is not the only path to happiness but it will give you it if you apply the principles and do the work.

As you'll find out in your journey to sobriety that alcohol isn't our problem. Our problem is our thinking and perception. If you have cravings to drink more after having a couple drinks, then you are simple an alcoholic. No normal person has cravings to drink more and more. They might choose to drink more or not. so the thought that you can drink like a normal person has to be smashed!!!!

Good luck Evan.
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Old 10-18-2017, 03:28 PM
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AA helps a lot of people stop drinking, but you don't need AA to stop drinking necessarily, not at all.
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Old 10-18-2017, 03:39 PM
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I can't tell you what the final push is but don't let it be the grave.
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Old 10-18-2017, 04:02 PM
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There are many ways to stop drinking and lots of ideas. One thing I believe is important is to not listen to your family or your SO. You know what you need to do:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
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Old 10-18-2017, 04:44 PM
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Moderation never worked for me. I am so much happier not drinking at all, and I have been sober about a year and a half.

This is your journey, what everyone else thinks is secondary. In my experience, only I knew how really bad it was.

I work in healthcare too, first cases and ready to go . It is a lot better without a hangover. I just feel so blessed. I did not go to AA, but I have not written it off as I need more sober friends.

This is a great forum. Read here, post here. It is very hard at first to break the habit, but it is wonderful after the first months.

Good luck
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Old 10-18-2017, 04:48 PM
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Goodbyeevan,
Very interesting topic and I’ll use this as an opportunity to summarize what I have learned since I joined the site a few weeks ago. This may be completely unorganized, as I’m typing as I think, but here we go:
First off, it turns out that many people coming to this site face two problems, not one: As soon as they put down the bottle, they continue to feel bad. For some this may have more serious reasons, e.g. depression or anxiety, for others it is a more general malaise, aka the quest for the purpose of life. It seems that you and I fall into the latter category - once we’re sober, we’re like ‘and now what?’.
Secondly, it is truly different strokes for different folks, as they say, and people respond to different kinds of treatment (and my apologies to everyone who reads this and is offended - I really don’t mean to offend anybody, this is really an attempt to organize my thinking): Some people need to be pushed and that’s what ‘classical’ AA can do. The ‘Big Book’ is written in an archaic language like it was written 2000 years ago and it works for people who like discipline and authority. Stuff like ‘if thou ever drinkest again YOU WILL DIE!!!!!’ is not for everyone, but it has its fan base. Now what AA has truly understood is that it’s not enough to just stop drinking, no, you’ll also have to address the thorny issue of having to work on yourself, aka the 12 steps.
Other people like to be pulled by mean of softer methods: Psychotherapy, CBT, AVRT, Rational Recovery, you name it.
So I think job #2 (after staying f€£]•[!!ing sober, which will always be job #1) is to figure out which approach works for you and give it a go. Personally I like Buddhism and stuff like ‘Power of Now’ from Tolle, but that’s just me.
Somebody on SR also turned me on to ‘Stoic Week 2018’ (I forgot who, but a big shoutout!). It actually takes place this week, and coincidentally deals with the question ‘how do we lead a happy and fulfilling life?’, just google it.

So there is work to do. Let me know if you’re interested and I can talk to you about some of the stuff I’ve tried and books I’ve read. For example (and as you can see, lol), posting here on SR has definitely become one of my therapeutic activities!
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Old 10-18-2017, 05:07 PM
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Thank you all for your advice. I know what I need to do, doing it is something else entirely. Driving past that gas station after a stressful and sad day. Thank you for being kind. I will continue to read this forum's threads.
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Old 10-19-2017, 04:18 AM
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I can understand when people consider AA a 'cult'. It makes sense from the standpoint of those who haven't spent much time with AA or struggled with addiction themselves.

For me, AA wasn't 'The answer' - but it was part of the answer.

I don't consider myself "An AA".... but I have spent many hours at AA meetings. I haven't worked the steps as prescribed. But I've allowed the steps to help guide me and have worked them in my own ways.

I don't go to AA much anymore - but in my Year One it was an invaluable source of strength, community, comfort, support and always-available help in staying sober.

I don't thump the Big Book - but I've read it several times through.

Without AA and without giving back by offering my experience in AA meetings and recovery work - I'm sure my sobriety wouldn't be where it is.

AA was one tool in an ever-growing assortment of tools for me. I'm almost 4 years sober. I haven't gone to an AA meeting in months, but I see and talk with fellow community members I know from the rooms almost daily. And I know that anytime I feel a need to be in the supportive arms of others who understand my struggles with addiction - they'll be there. That is invaluable.

Regardless of what others may tell you about AA - my suggestion is you let your own path be guided by what it might offer you. Regardless what some in AA may tell you, there are many paths of sobriety and you're not inherently "doing it wrong" if you don't do it exactly as they did.

Regardless what reservations you may hold personally about AA, if you're willing to set those aside and enter the rooms with the simple, humble question in mind "What might AA have to offer me in getting and staying sober" - I'm confident you'll find value in it on some level.

Keep at it.... sobriety is a beautiful gift of life.

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Old 10-19-2017, 04:36 AM
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Moderation doesn't work for me. Believe me that I tried and tried to find a way to moderate. I cannot.

If I have one drink, I can't stop.

When I eventually accepted this, I was able to quit. It actually became quite easy once I had made the decision.

I work 12 step programs as part of my support tools, as well as posting online and enjoying the many videos on You Tube that support quitting and recovery.

I have made lots of lifestyle changes too. I am now the happiest I have ever been.
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Old 10-19-2017, 04:58 PM
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I also tried to moderate and it landed me in jail,then forced to AA. I don't go that much anymore,but when I feel the need, I know it's there for me. There's a lot of great support/advice on this site alone.. Had I just listened when I first came here.
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Old 10-31-2017, 12:30 PM
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Thank you all for replying. I so appreciate it.
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Old 10-31-2017, 12:33 PM
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There were alot of excuses in my original post and I am working on understanding the true meaning of willingness and giving up those excuses to do the best thing for myself.
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Old 10-31-2017, 03:48 PM
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Originally Posted by goodbyeevan View Post
There were alot of excuses in my original post and I am working on understanding the true meaning of willingness and giving up those excuses to do the best thing for myself.
In the end,whether you drink or not, that's all they are..Excuses. It seems(at least to me) to sound like reasons you should drink,but why? That's where you can get a bit of space from this 'thing'. When you get to the 'why' of it all. To me,now,the 'why' is I've crossed that line and just should never go back. Work,breakdown of relationship,bills,ect.. Why/how would drinking solve or even help fix anything? If anything it'll make them worse. Towards my final drinking days my excuse was "F'it!"..Real valid reason ehh? You called it when you said "excuses"..That's all they are and they're not valid for me anylonger.
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Old 10-31-2017, 04:04 PM
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I finally got sober for good when I got sick of waking up feeling horrible and hating myself.

It's been almost 8 yrs now and my life is better than ever, and I'm much happier than I was when I was drinking.
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Old 10-31-2017, 04:24 PM
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Good to see you back goodbyeevan

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Old 10-31-2017, 04:25 PM
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Originally Posted by goodbyeevan View Post
There were alot of excuses in my original post and I am working on understanding the true meaning of willingness and giving up those excuses to do the best thing for myself.
going to my first AA meeting, i had a lot of fear, what many call anxiety.
i had a lot going through my head to try and talk myself out of it. but i didnt allow the excuses to control my actions- i got some courage to face the fear and go. it was that or let excuses help me get drunk again.
or kill myself.
the doors to that first meeting were the hardest ones to open, and they were automatic doors.
the doors got easier and eaier to open the more i went.
with going to meetings AND working the program, ive remained sober since and have recovered from the hopeless state of mind that made me drink.
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Old 11-01-2017, 07:02 PM
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Thank you guys. I went to a women's meeting last night. My 2nd meeting. Most of them were much older, my grams age. One reached out, asked for my number and called me today. She invited me to a different meeting on Friday where there were some ladies my age she wants to introduce to. I also got a copy of the big book that I've been reading tonight. I'm not sober yet. Impending withdrawals hold me back. Again excuses. Much guilt. I will keep trying. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences
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Old 11-01-2017, 07:23 PM
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Excellent that you went. Wonderful someone reached out. Do let people help. You can stop.

So glad you are posting.
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Old 11-01-2017, 07:34 PM
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Originally Posted by goodbyeevan View Post
I've admitted to myself (for years) and close family and friends (recently) that I'm an alcoholic. I am 28. No children. Dont believe in a christian god. But I have the willingness. I have a job in the medical field that I cannot afford to be shaky and anxious at. I had 15 days 2 weeks ago. Read "Living Sober" and "Undrunk". I've been to 1 AA meeting. I hate alcohol but still find ways to excuse it. My dad thinks AA is a cult. My SO of 6 years still thinks I can find a way to moderate, although I know I wont. I'm not sure if he can either.

I drink every day to feel normal. During my 15 days on the wagon I felt very abnormal and unhappy. Is AA the only route to happiness? For my gram it worked, maybe it is the only way. I can't seem to find sober people anywhere in my life. I never realized how much people talked about it until I stopped trying to consume it. I will try to get the courage up to go to more AA despite my anxiety.

I wish there was a regional support forum but I guess that is why I have to force myself to AA.
Yes, drinking made us feel normal, at least until awful things started happening.

15 days is not even a drop in the bucket, kiddo. Itís a long haul operation. Itís not all awful...youíll sleep better, youíll have more self respect not being tied to a chemical, youíll start repairing relationships. But your addicted brain wants it for a long time. And it will clamor for it. And you wonít feel awesome for awhile.

37 days here. Still hard. Wouldnít trade it for the world, though.
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