What is the final push?
I've admitted to myself (for years) and close family and friends (recently) that I'm an alcoholic. I am 28. No children. Dont believe in a christian god. But I have the willingness. I have a job in the medical field that I cannot afford to be shaky and anxious at. I had 15 days 2 weeks ago. Read "Living Sober" and "Undrunk". I've been to 1 AA meeting. I hate alcohol but still find ways to excuse it. My dad thinks AA is a cult. My SO of 6 years still thinks I can find a way to moderate, although I know I wont. I'm not sure if he can either.
I drink every day to feel normal. During my 15 days on the wagon I felt very abnormal and unhappy. Is AA the only route to happiness? For my gram it worked, maybe it is the only way. I can't seem to find sober people anywhere in my life. I never realized how much people talked about it until I stopped trying to consume it. I will try to get the courage up to go to more AA despite my anxiety.
I wish there was a regional support forum but I guess that is why I have to force myself to AA.