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Old 09-23-2017, 08:23 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Fell off the wagon after 5 years


Hi everyone. So I had five great and grateful years of soberity. Thinking I would never touch that stuff again. It flowed like water in my house and I had no problem with it. I was released of the demon I thought forever. I attended AA and I would hear stories of those with 20+ years relapsing and I thought it would never be me. Last October I got married, and I was so happy we moved into our first home and right away things seemed off this man I knew for 9 years was like a stranger too me all of a sudden. We left for our honeymoon in December and on January 2 /2017 I took my first drink. We had champagne in the room and we looked at each other and I said I'm happy now it'll be ok. Well it wasn't ok we had made vows to not get physical until after marriage and yet now marriage came and I couldn't get him too touch me and here we where in Hawaii and he wanted too watch tv and suck his fingers. I found myself in the gift shop buying booze with cash so he wouldn't find out then going to the bathroom and drinking it. We got back home and then I drank again it became once a month , once every three weeks once every two weeks . Then it started happening where it effected my job and my friends and my family again last Thursday my grandma passed away and as we where hosting the wake at our house getting it ready I had drank so much of my dads booze so fast I blacked out. Now I sit here lost again , terrified and honestly is it possible too get clean again? Everytime after I was like no not again I promise. My husband is still with me and tries too help but almost one year and still no physical contact. I feel like I lost myself my identity and I raltionalized drinking.
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Old 09-23-2017, 08:37 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I'm sorry for your situation, but you have found a place where you get lots of support.

You can and must begin recovery again. Alcoholism is a relentless disease. I hope you can come up with a recovery plan that will work for you.

Have you talked openly to your husband about the lack of physical contact and how it makes you feel?
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Old 09-23-2017, 08:42 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
I'm sorry for your situation, but you have found a place where you get lots of support.

You can and must begin recovery again. Alcoholism is a relentless disease. I hope you can come up with a recovery plan that will work for you.

Have you talked openly to your husband about the lack of physical contact and how it makes you feel?
Thank you Anna. For replying
I really wasn't sure how too use this and if it was for me. Yes we have and while things between us started to get better like communication and learning too live together I was slipping away and losing myself that I became consumed with self thoughts and living selfishly (isolated and alone) I know I'm on the cliff and if I don't get help I will loose all that I worked so hard for. I attend a program here called celebrate recovery but I wanted too talk too alcholoics who had soberity and replased and then got clean again. I needed to know there is hope I guess
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Old 09-23-2017, 08:48 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Hi Mielz
Welcome to SR. I can relate to your journey as had 3.5 years sober in April last year when I thought it would be ok to drink again. It was just occasionally, then every weekend then a few months ago it was every night. The physical want and the mental obsession were intense. I've tried quitting several times over the last few months but truly committed this time.

It does seem harder each time but that doesn't meant it's unachievable. I'm on day 27 now. You haven't lost all that sober time, you still know how to get and stay sober and can do it again. maybe you need more support?

Have you discussed your marital issues with your husband? Is counselling an option?

Maybe come and join us all in the Septmeber class for people quitting this month.
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Old 09-23-2017, 08:49 AM   #5 (permalink)
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There is always hope. I am early on so don't really know what to say, but you aren't alone and don't give up.
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Old 09-23-2017, 08:51 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Hi Mielz
Welcome to SR. I can relate to your journey as had 3.5 years sober in April last year when I thought it would be ok to drink again. It was just occasionally, then every weekend then a few months ago it was every night. The physical want and the mental obsession were intense. I've tried quitting several times over the last few months but truly committed this time.

It does seem harder each time but that doesn't meant it's unachievable. I'm on day 27 now. You haven't lost all that sober time, you still know how to get and stay sober and can do it again. maybe you need more support?

Have you discussed your marital issues with your husband? Is counselling an option?

Maybe come and join us all in the Septmeber class for people quitting this month.
Thank you, I think that would be great how do I do that, sorry I just signed up today and I don't really know how too use this site.
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Old 09-23-2017, 09:06 AM   #7 (permalink)
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You're doing fine using the site. This forum (Newcomers) is always active and a good place to visit.

Mielz was referring to a thread where members who began recovery this month post and offer support to each other. This is the thread:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-2-a.html
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Old 09-23-2017, 09:11 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I'm sorry to hear you started drinking again. I had nearly 3 years and went back out too. I then bounced around for a bit before I got serious and I'm now on 20 days. I don't know if I will succeed, but I'm definitely going to give it my very best shot. Good luck and welcome to SR😀
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Old 09-23-2017, 09:22 AM   #9 (permalink)
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https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-2-a-8.html

I've put the link on here for you. It is on the Newcomers to recovery page called Class of September. To join just post everyone is very welcoming and understanding and at the same stage as you, quitting this month.
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Old 09-23-2017, 09:27 AM   #10 (permalink)
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You had 5-years... You did it once you can do it again. Just have to figure out how to sustain it this time.

Have you told your husband about how you feel? I'd tell him everything you told us. I'm sure it will help to have his support.
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Old 09-23-2017, 06:17 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Again, welcoem Mielz

This community really helped me turn my life around - I know we can help you too


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Old 09-23-2017, 06:27 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Mielz,
You can do it again and I know you will. I was sober for seven years and thought I could drink again. Well I couldn't. It took me a long time to get sober again but I did do it. I've been sober now for almost 15 months. I know now that one drink will absolutely return me to full blown active alcoholism.

Please give it another try. You know how to do it now. Make your plan and start day one. We are here for you.
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Old 09-23-2017, 06:45 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I had a long period of sobriety and drank and it took 4 and a half years to get sober again. I had stopped going to AA quite a while before I started to drink again, and I was resistant to going back so I had to try everything else first. There was no real reason I didn't want to go back other than stubbornness and trying to do it "my way".

It wasn't until I really gave up and went back to meetings regularly that I could stay sober. That was what I needed to help reinforce living sober again. This site, of course, has also played a big part in helping me to stay on track this time. I've not had to pick up a drink for over 2 years now.
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Old 09-23-2017, 07:21 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Thank you so much this has gotten me too the end of day two sober.
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Old 09-23-2017, 07:22 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Hi mielz,

Welcome! This is a great place and will help you a lot.

I too had quit for 5 years, and then thought I could drink again during a traumatic time. Right away I was back where I had left off.
It took some time before I quit again, and now I am 7 1/2 mos. without a drop.
You can do it! Just decide to do it. Come here every day and read and post. It will help.

Sending you strength and (((hugs))).
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Old 09-23-2017, 11:58 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR, mielz! I'm glad you found the forum. I'm coming up on five years sober myself so this is a reminder of what awaits if I ever try to drink again. The good news is that you realize it was a mistake and you're ready to go back to sobriety. It can be done! You did it before so you know you can do it again, you just need to find your way back.
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Old 09-24-2017, 12:31 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Hi - I'm sor glad you're here, although of course sad for what brought you to post.

Yes. It IS possible to do this again. You have the advantage of knowing what it took to get sober last time. You also have the possible advantage of learning what caused you to slip last time.

Have you every heard of the book 'The 5 Love Languages' by Gary Chapman? If not, it might be worth you and your husband reading it through together and trying some of the suggested reflections and activities. That book has helped plenty of couples find their way after the excitement of meeting and planning weddings has passed and they're left with their partner, now seen in the light of reality. I know that I was not emotionally available for anyone when I was drinking - in fact, noone I've met in recovery has thought they were. So please stay sober - you have much more chance of resolving these marital challenges sober, emotionally available and aware.

I wonder if a couple of my prayers (ones I use each day - not ones I wrote myself lol) might be useful...

God, help me to accept that people may be unreasonable and self-centred. Let me forgive them anyway.
Help me to accept that if Iím kind, people may accuse me of ulterior motives. Let me be kind anyway.
Help me to accept that if I find happiness, people may be jealous. Let me be happy anyway.
Help me to accept that the good I do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Let me do good anyway.
Help me to accept that I may give the world my best, and it may never be good enough. Let me give my best anyway.
God, help me to remember that it is between you and me. It was never between me and them anyway.


And...

God. I pray for your helping in detaching from the desire of being:
admired,
loved,
praised,
favoured,
accepted,
consulted,
well known,
and honoured.

I pray for your help in detaching from the fear of being:
Criticised,
ridiculed,
humiliated,
falsely accused,
persecuted,
disbelieved,
despised,
and forgotten.

Please grant me the grace to desire that others may be :
Admired more than I,
praised when I am unnoticed,
chosen though I may be set aside,
preferred to me,
and increase in prominence though I remain hidden.

Although others will do what they want, I pray that you will use me for your will.
I pray that I will pause, and while I pause help me to remember to pray for guidance and grant me the humility to find willingness and discard willfulness.


I tend to find with that humility prayer that when one on the things on a list (or a few of them) kinda hurt a bit, or make me feel angry or defensive, then I've found my problem that I need to work on.

The other things I'd suggest are the Resentment prayer if you're holding resentments against your husband. Justified or not, resentments are no good for recovery,and definitely no good for relationships.

Have you considered reconnecting with AA? I bet they'd be over the moon to see you back. Maybe you could call your old sponsor for a chat? I love the idea of Celebrate Recovery, but know I would miss the identification with other alcoholics, and also know that with alcohol being as cunning and baffling as it is, that I could easily start convincing myself that I was better and could just have a few (as no doubt some of the non-alcoholic people at Celebrate may well think is possible). Is there any reason you can't do both? They're both based on 12-step programs after all.

Anyway . Hope you stick around and keep reading and posting.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB
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Old 09-24-2017, 12:33 AM   #18 (permalink)
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PS..

Oh yes - and the words from the Just for Today card...

JUST FOR TODAY
Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appal me if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY
Just for today I will be happy. Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my luck as it comes, and fit myself to it.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will strengthen my mind.
I will study I will learn something useful.
I will not be a mental loafer.
I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will exercise my soul in three ways, I will do someone a good turn, and NOT get found out. If anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I dont want to do just for exercise
I will not show anyone my feelings are hurt, they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will be agreeable, I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticise not one bit, not find fault with anything, and not try to improve or regulate anybody except myself.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests, hurry and indecision.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. During this half hour sometime, I will try and get a better perspective of my life.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.
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Old 09-24-2017, 06:17 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Welcome to this great forum. Job number one is staying sober. You have done before, you can do it again. Work on that first. Just curious, was your marriage consumated? If not, you have grounds for annulment I believe.
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Old 09-25-2017, 08:40 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Welcome to this great forum. Job number one is staying sober. You have done before, you can do it again. Work on that first. Just curious, was your marriage consumated? If not, you have grounds for annulment I believe.
Hi! Thanks for the welcome. I def want to work it out with my husband but step one for me has too be getting my self right again too.
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