Hi - I'm sor glad you're here, although of course sad for what brought you to post.
Yes. It IS possible to do this again. You have the advantage of knowing what it took to get sober last time. You also have the possible advantage of learning what caused you to slip last time.
Have you every heard of the book 'The 5 Love Languages' by Gary Chapman? If not, it might be worth you and your husband reading it through together and trying some of the suggested reflections and activities. That book has helped plenty of couples find their way after the excitement of meeting and planning weddings has passed and they're left with their partner, now seen in the light of reality. I know that I was not emotionally available for anyone when I was drinking - in fact, noone I've met in recovery has thought they were. So please stay sober - you have much more chance of resolving these marital challenges sober, emotionally available and aware.
I wonder if a couple of my prayers (ones I use each day - not ones I wrote myself lol) might be useful...
God, help me to accept that people may be unreasonable and self-centred. Let me forgive them anyway.
Help me to accept that if I’m kind, people may accuse me of ulterior motives. Let me be kind anyway.
Help me to accept that if I find happiness, people may be jealous. Let me be happy anyway.
Help me to accept that the good I do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Let me do good anyway.
Help me to accept that I may give the world my best, and it may never be good enough. Let me give my best anyway.
God, help me to remember that it is between you and me. It was never between me and them anyway.
And...
God. I pray for your helping in detaching from the desire of being:
admired,
loved,
praised,
favoured,
accepted,
consulted,
well known,
and honoured.
I pray for your help in detaching from the fear of being:
Criticised,
ridiculed,
humiliated,
falsely accused,
persecuted,
disbelieved,
despised,
and forgotten.
Please grant me the grace to desire that others may be :
Admired more than I,
praised when I am unnoticed,
chosen though I may be set aside,
preferred to me,
and increase in prominence though I remain hidden.
Although others will do what they want, I pray that you will use me for your will.
I pray that I will pause, and while I pause help me to remember to pray for guidance and grant me the humility to find willingness and discard willfulness.
I tend to find with that humility prayer that when one on the things on a list (or a few of them) kinda hurt a bit, or make me feel angry or defensive, then I've found my problem that I need to work on.
The other things I'd suggest are the Resentment prayer if you're holding resentments against your husband. Justified or not, resentments are no good for recovery,and definitely no good for relationships.
Have you considered reconnecting with AA? I bet they'd be over the moon to see you back. Maybe you could call your old sponsor for a chat? I love the idea of Celebrate Recovery, but know I would miss the identification with other alcoholics, and also know that with alcohol being as cunning and baffling as it is, that I could easily start convincing myself that I was better and could just have a few (as no doubt some of the non-alcoholic people at Celebrate may well think is possible). Is there any reason you can't do both? They're both based on 12-step programs after all.
Anyway . Hope you stick around and keep reading and posting.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB