Coping With Fear and Disappointment - Weekender 10-13 November
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Cohen died the same day as my sister (10 Nov. 2014).
She first introduced me to Songs of Leonard Cohen when I was about 14 - in 1969, since then, I have almost all his albums, the early ones on vinyl. We three sisters were devoted to him and his writing and music.
This was one of the songs she chose for her funeral, it was played at the end.
'Alexandra Leaving'
https://vimeo.com/75074523
She first introduced me to Songs of Leonard Cohen when I was about 14 - in 1969, since then, I have almost all his albums, the early ones on vinyl. We three sisters were devoted to him and his writing and music.
This was one of the songs she chose for her funeral, it was played at the end.
'Alexandra Leaving'
https://vimeo.com/75074523
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
IN! Thanks for the great starter Dee and congrats on shotgun Tetra!
What breeds disappointment? Overthinking.
I think that most of us do this, it comes with the territory. It wasn't until a few months back that I realized something. Whenever I was looking into the future and something new I was going to do, I would think about every aspect of it. If I was headed somewhere I had not previously been my mind would have already created a vision of what it looked like. Different things that would happen when I got there. All made up in my own mind before I even started the journey. The outcome was it didn't matter whether the actual event itself was better or worse than what I had imagined. It was just different. I had set a false expectation in my mind and because the aspects of that expectation differed it led me to feel off. Again, regardless of whether or not my expectations fell short or surpassed. That's the best way I can put it.
The same can be said for fear. We overthink and create a mountain out of a molehill.
So, I have made a concerted effort to stop overthinking. To remain mindful and stay in the moment. What will be will be. It helps.
What breeds disappointment? Overthinking.
I think that most of us do this, it comes with the territory. It wasn't until a few months back that I realized something. Whenever I was looking into the future and something new I was going to do, I would think about every aspect of it. If I was headed somewhere I had not previously been my mind would have already created a vision of what it looked like. Different things that would happen when I got there. All made up in my own mind before I even started the journey. The outcome was it didn't matter whether the actual event itself was better or worse than what I had imagined. It was just different. I had set a false expectation in my mind and because the aspects of that expectation differed it led me to feel off. Again, regardless of whether or not my expectations fell short or surpassed. That's the best way I can put it.
The same can be said for fear. We overthink and create a mountain out of a molehill.
So, I have made a concerted effort to stop overthinking. To remain mindful and stay in the moment. What will be will be. It helps.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Friday , friday ,
I hope everyone gets through the weekend .
Fear , disappointment ?
well i think confronting fear is worthwhile not in a bravado type way but with decent planning and action , although avoiding it is sometimes ok too , i fear heights so i don't go skipping on cliff tops ..
disappointment ?? well you expected one thing and got another or nothing .. well that means looking at what you were expecting was it reasonable ?
if it was reasonable how can you take better action to bring it about ?
if it was unreasonable ( like i was with drinking, wanting good or no feelings all the time without one moment of pain or hurt ) then it's maybe time to shift your expectations , such a hard and difficult thing to do .
I'll leave the politics as i want people to be able to hear my message of recovery , much as i might want to be shouting stuff from the rooftops it might detract from the gloriousness that is sobriety after the misery of drinking .
m
I hope everyone gets through the weekend .
Fear , disappointment ?
well i think confronting fear is worthwhile not in a bravado type way but with decent planning and action , although avoiding it is sometimes ok too , i fear heights so i don't go skipping on cliff tops ..
disappointment ?? well you expected one thing and got another or nothing .. well that means looking at what you were expecting was it reasonable ?
if it was reasonable how can you take better action to bring it about ?
if it was unreasonable ( like i was with drinking, wanting good or no feelings all the time without one moment of pain or hurt ) then it's maybe time to shift your expectations , such a hard and difficult thing to do .
I'll leave the politics as i want people to be able to hear my message of recovery , much as i might want to be shouting stuff from the rooftops it might detract from the gloriousness that is sobriety after the misery of drinking .
m
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
talk about fear and disapointment- frustration going on over here.
Can someone please tell me how to embed youtube video?
please explain as if you are trying to instruct a 3 year old. Thank you.
And yes. I have been trying all avenues to figure this out for over half an hour.
>.<
Can someone please tell me how to embed youtube video?
please explain as if you are trying to instruct a 3 year old. Thank you.
And yes. I have been trying all avenues to figure this out for over half an hour.
>.<
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
Thanks for the great theme Dee.
Sometimes the fear sweeps over so strongly I am shaking - literally.
Sad to hear of your mom Venecia. I lost my mom this time two years ago.
I'm going to try and keep my hand in this thread.
Sometimes the fear sweeps over so strongly I am shaking - literally.
Sad to hear of your mom Venecia. I lost my mom this time two years ago.
I'm going to try and keep my hand in this thread.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Minnetonka, MN
Posts: 155
I was just walking to my car and this strong urge to stop at the liquor store came over me. Thinking...hey, the week's over, time to kick back and relax. Sure you were going to go to an AA meeting tonight, but why not buy a 6 pack, play some video games and drink? Who has to know?
And I immediately had to start thinking about all the awful things that would bring. How I wouldn't feel honest going to AA meetings saying that I'm legitimately trying to get sober. How I would no longer be a person who went to an AA meeting and was able to quit after making such a huge personal step. How I might continue to sneakily drink without other people who care about me knowing that I'm doing it. Just tons and tons of bad stuff that could come from just this one instance of drinking.
So I'm going to put on my running shoes and go for a run. Then make dinner. Then go to another AA meeting, one that I hear is very popular in the area and will feature some speakers tonight, which is great since I don't really want to talk about myself right now, just want to hear the testimonies of others. And after all that's done, I'll be past the prime craving hours that I seem to have right at the end of the work day.
Stay strong, everyone!
And I immediately had to start thinking about all the awful things that would bring. How I wouldn't feel honest going to AA meetings saying that I'm legitimately trying to get sober. How I would no longer be a person who went to an AA meeting and was able to quit after making such a huge personal step. How I might continue to sneakily drink without other people who care about me knowing that I'm doing it. Just tons and tons of bad stuff that could come from just this one instance of drinking.
So I'm going to put on my running shoes and go for a run. Then make dinner. Then go to another AA meeting, one that I hear is very popular in the area and will feature some speakers tonight, which is great since I don't really want to talk about myself right now, just want to hear the testimonies of others. And after all that's done, I'll be past the prime craving hours that I seem to have right at the end of the work day.
Stay strong, everyone!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Thank you, Dee. You are such a lovely, wonderfully helpful person 
I did a forum search for just that, darnit and couldn't find it.
Anyhow. I stumbled across this today and it moved me to tears. And so I wanted to share it here.
I did a forum search for just that, darnit and couldn't find it.
Anyhow. I stumbled across this today and it moved me to tears. And so I wanted to share it here.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,205
Evening,
Not been home long. I went to Britain's second city, Birmingham today and did not get home until 8pm, just time to dash out to Crazy golf
Thank you for the clip of LC reading Flanders Fields Delizadee, that was very powerful
Not been home long. I went to Britain's second city, Birmingham today and did not get home until 8pm, just time to dash out to Crazy golf
Thank you for the clip of LC reading Flanders Fields Delizadee, that was very powerful
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
Went to a meeting tonight. When it was asked if there were any newcomers I was the only one. whoa
Several people mentioned dealing with fear and disappointment. Several even said they were kind of grieving.
For me it was an uplifting experience in that I felt much better after the meeting.
Several people mentioned dealing with fear and disappointment. Several even said they were kind of grieving.
For me it was an uplifting experience in that I felt much better after the meeting.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,681
Saturday night here. Always now alone I feel sadness and loneliness at not being with family (ex and 2 adult sons who do not talk to me). Then comes the disappointment in myself- the temptation to 'if only' stuff. So I usually get in a frenzy of stuff like obsessive cleaning, writing, walking- anything but drinking. Then when in a calm mood I return to the hard work of doing spiritual (what caused me to drink?) step stuff- a very hard, slow prefer not to task at this stage. Works though. Have well and truly proven to myself THAT booze coping strategy fell flat.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
Speaking of fear (that im avoiding) I have worrying pain I think I need to go to the docs about (just putting it out there). This is a nightmare for me as I've been avoiding the docs like the plague till I get more sober time in. If I'm allowed to share it's my right breast that's sore.....have self examined quite a bit and there's nothing there. Also read that pain is rarely a sign of you-know-what (usually hormonal in a woman of my age) but I am a little worried. My dilemma is that firstly I'm scared that my doc will report me to social services for alcohol abuse (a long running fear) and also I'm scared that I'm too vulnerable for bad news......not even got 2 weeks under my belt yet. So there we have it......my fears and dilemma are out there.....xxx
Of course I don't expect any medical advice I just need to express this today as it's on my mind......hope that's okay xxx
Of course I don't expect any medical advice I just need to express this today as it's on my mind......hope that's okay xxx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I hope you'll see your Dr and put your mind at ease jo 
D
D
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