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Old 11-09-2016, 09:35 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Coping With Fear and Disappointment - Weekender 10-13 November




To The Weekender Thread for

10-13 Novemeber 2016


Hi and welcome to the Weekender Thread!

This is a place where anyone and everyone can come for support - especially over the weekend - but also right through the coming week as well.

All you have to do to join is post - we'd love to see you come aboard :

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Fear and Disappointment......



I had no coping strategies for either of them, besides the bottle.

I was a champion future tripper. Every little fear got bigger and bigger magnified and played out to a ghastly end.

That was useful for me as the practising alcoholic, but totally no use to sober me.

I had to retrain myself to look dispassionately at my fear and work at hard at presenting other scenarios to it:

  • how do you *know* event X will happen?
  • isn't it just as likely event Y will happen and you'll be fine?
  • Why not apply strategy Z instead and be satisfied you've done your best to mitigate any disaster?

I had to learn to trust myself, and my capacity to solve problems, again - I had to have faith that no matter what happened to me in my world, I'd be ok.

Disappointments been a harder nut for me to crack. I still get disappointed and it can still knock me sideways for a while.

They say the secret is to have low expectations...I've never been able to do that...

What does work, and I know it's not for everyone, but I find strength in my spiritual faith at times when I'm let down:


"Disappointments are just Godís way of saying: I have got something better. Be patient, live life and have faith"

I reckon you could replace God with 'Life' 'Fate' or the 'Universe' there and still get the same message

So yeah...I have an inner emotional gyroscope/compass now I'm sober - sometimes when life is tough and future looks a little bleaker than I'd like, I take a little solace in knowing that, no matter what, I'll inevitably find my feet again and point back towards emotional north.

I will be ok - we all will


D
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Old 11-09-2016, 10:16 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I'm coping with fear and disappointment today, but I will not drink because of it.

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Old 11-09-2016, 10:34 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Great topic, Dee, thank you. I've been thinking a lot about how the election panned out. Even though I'm not American, it will affect me and mine - a Brit living in Aus. This is a global society we live in after all. I've decided that the result presents an opportunity to teach my children about love and compassion, respect and dignity: the antithesis of everything Trump seems to stand for. We've got a new book - Fantastically Great Women Who Changed the World. I'll be reading it later with my daughter and, just as importantly, my son. What's the saying? Be the change you want to see in the world? That's us. Presidents come, presidents go. What matters is how people treat each other. I will be sober, to ensure I'm being the best parent and teacher I can be for my children. It's not a big thing, but it might make the world a better place - who knows what they might achieve with their lives? Seeing the positive is not something that comes naturally to me, but it's a much nicer mindset to live with.
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Old 11-09-2016, 11:05 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Thank you for such a well-chosen and healing post, Dee.

Oh! and I'm in!
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Old 11-09-2016, 11:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
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To be honest I tried hard to avoid any mention of elections in my ramblings...

but given the very real reactions I've been seeing over the past two days all over the net, here at SR, and in my community, I thought this topic might be a good one to visit this week

D
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Old 11-09-2016, 11:16 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I can cope more or less okay with disappointment but still need to work on my fear coping mechanisms. My fears have often led to anxiety, and drinking was the cure for my anxiety for many years. I was in this horrible circle of feeling really anxious after drinking, then needing to drink to feel okay. Once the drunkenness passed, the circle started again. I've been able to stay away from drinking in part because I've nestled myself away from everything that might create fear and anxiety, but I can't continue to hide from the world, can I? So it's time to learn better coping mechanisms and get my courage back (real courage, not liquid courage )!

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Old 11-09-2016, 11:18 PM   #7 (permalink)
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We really cannot self destruct now, Delfin. Can't do it!
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Old 11-09-2016, 11:33 PM   #8 (permalink)
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If no one said it, I will: shotgun!
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Old 11-09-2016, 11:55 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Congratulations on shotgun tetra!
Morning all, from a soggy UK.xx
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Old 11-10-2016, 05:20 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Hi guys
Waiting on test results today anxious wearing me out
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Old 11-10-2016, 05:40 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Birthday tomorrow - ugh I am old.
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Old 11-10-2016, 05:57 AM   #12 (permalink)
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I'm in for another sober weekend -
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Old 11-10-2016, 05:58 AM   #13 (permalink)
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No, you're not! And I'm not, either, dammit!
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Old 11-10-2016, 06:27 AM   #14 (permalink)
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We're all just finite creatures in time and space
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Old 11-10-2016, 06:32 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tetra View Post
If no one said it, I will: shotgun!
Lol Tetra!! I wondered who would catch that -

Great intro Dee, thank you and I'm ALL in!
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Old 11-10-2016, 07:30 AM   #16 (permalink)
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I'm in and thank you for that intro Dee. I do too much future tripping, worst case scenario thinking. It's destructive. I need constant reminders like yours. Keep calm and carry on.

Floss, that book sounds great. I'll scout it out, or similar, for my daughter. She's 8 and the world is hers.

Petals stay dry. I hope you've been having a good week. You were a little down last week.

Tetra, congrats on shotgun.
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Old 11-10-2016, 07:44 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Actually, it's been flat-out terror for two days...had my first drinking dream in a long time Tuesday night. Wonder why.

But I look up at the night sky at a billion other possible universes and try to remember I'm just one grain of sand on the beach.

I can only control my actions.
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Old 11-10-2016, 08:40 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Thanks Dee for this topic in this safe space. As you said there are many places to talk politics, but the time from comment to name calling is lightening fast, not everyone likes to participate in that high anxiety style. "Politics-the-issues" is different from "politics-the-feelings". I think that all of us in the US (others too?) are emotionally exhausted, and most of us just want some validation for our feelings in regards to our reactions. I hope that each of us is finding ways to process this big change, and glad that SR can help.

As a nation right now, we're relieved, happy, joyful and confident in the governmental process or we're shocked, muted, in despair and very frightened about next step consequences. I'm not sure about the first group, but the second group is also very much on guard against isolating...and using alcohol. SR is the perfect support because our members are so diverse. We've got folks who can lend an ear and a kind word in just about every situation.

Those outside the US probably think we're all nuts, and hopefully we can detox from the high drama of the last 18 months and go about our plain ol' lives - without drinking. But, right now, it doesn't feel like that. I, for one, will be checking this thread for inspiration about dealing with fear.

Personally, I am stepping away from most social media this weekend, and I plan to get outside. The weather is perfect where I live. There are chores to be done, cookies to bake and grandchildren to play with. Next, I intend to step away from national news and get more involved at a local/state level about issues that are important to me. I already ate all the ice cream and chocolate.
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Old 11-10-2016, 10:28 AM   #19 (permalink)
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What a wonderful post, JK. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
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Old 11-10-2016, 10:30 AM   #20 (permalink)
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It was so eloquent I'll double post! Thank you, JK, from the bottom of my heart!
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