Coping With Fear and Disappointment - Weekender 10-13 November
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
Thanks for the thread Dee and such a poignant topic for many of us I'm sure. Disappointment? I think I am in the low expectations camp so that tends not to cause me issues. Fear and anxiety? Yes they have been major issues for me for many years and drinking as a quick mask over those feelings only make it much worse. I am trying my best currently to accept that now I'm in early sobriety the things I've blotted out will feel a little worse fur a while but I know for sure that the only long term strategy is to stay sober. Even in my new found sobriety I'm keeping it low key.....no mass excitement or major changes just a steady calm set of steps to direct me further away from the drinking each day. New habits and safeguards against putting myself at risk (I've not been in a shop alone since I got sober). It's working nicely so far and I'm relatively calm and dare I say relaxed. Yes I have anxiety issues. Yes I'm a single mum with 2 jobs. Yes I'm a recovering alcoholic. But if my head hits that pillow each night sober then I'm doing good.....
Wishing you all a lovely weekend xxx
Wishing you all a lovely weekend xxx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
You struck just the right note for this weekend, Dee - absolutely spot on. I need to apply it also to my personal life (possible meetup with the twin daughter who isn't completely estranged, and I get into heaps of anxiety even over how difficult it is for us to just make arrangements of times and location! I've just given myself a talking to about ways to cope by writing it out for another member over on her thread :-)
Carry on team! hopefully will catch up a little more on and off over next few days.
x Vic
Carry on team! hopefully will catch up a little more on and off over next few days.
x Vic
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Dee, what a thoughtful opening to this weekend's thread. You really have touching insight, something I appreciate so much. And, as often seems the case, your timing, however unplanned, is remarkably helpful.
I've not been here as much lately. Some of that is due to assessing my online time and how it's allocated. It's also because, out of necessity, my priorities have shifted.
In early September, my mother, 82, was hospitalized for almost a week, including three days in critical care. As always, a result of her congestive heart failure, which she's had for many years and for which there is no more realistic treatment. Not quite two weeks ago, she was hospitalized again overnight. For about a year and a half, she has lived with my brother, his wife and their children. At the start of last week, they were not sure she'd make it through the night.
Last week, our family and her physician discussed beginning hospice care at home for her; she agreed it is appropriate. That's not an easy conversation under any circumstance, one more difficult with Mom because while she is still pretty much aware, and deemed competent, her mental acuity has dropped in the last month.
As I have for the last two months, I'm spending as much time with her as possible back home (about an hour from here). It's important to me to support my sister-in-law, who will be increasingly giving hands-on care. We'll have hospice nurses visit during the week, too. I also want to be there for my brother and, in particular, my teen-aged niece and nephew.
How long? It's really hard to say. Her days have been mostly good. She wants to be there for my nephew's high school graduation next May. Knowing Mom, she just might pull it off. She is a champion at summoning her own reprieves, having astounded her cardiologist and primary physician. Whatever happens and when, our greatest hope is for peacefulness. I love her very much.
Though I may not be here as often, SR is very much with me, as it has been for three-plus years. I continue to learn so much here and I'm so grateful to be part of this community. SR was here for me when, just under 10 months sober, my dear father died in his sleep -- totally unexpected. Dee sent me a beautiful quote from Rabindranath Tagore that I shared when I eulogized Dad. It still means a lot to me.
Alcoholism humbled me; SR taught me how to transform that into something positive. It still does. Thank you and I'll be around.
I've not been here as much lately. Some of that is due to assessing my online time and how it's allocated. It's also because, out of necessity, my priorities have shifted.
In early September, my mother, 82, was hospitalized for almost a week, including three days in critical care. As always, a result of her congestive heart failure, which she's had for many years and for which there is no more realistic treatment. Not quite two weeks ago, she was hospitalized again overnight. For about a year and a half, she has lived with my brother, his wife and their children. At the start of last week, they were not sure she'd make it through the night.
Last week, our family and her physician discussed beginning hospice care at home for her; she agreed it is appropriate. That's not an easy conversation under any circumstance, one more difficult with Mom because while she is still pretty much aware, and deemed competent, her mental acuity has dropped in the last month.
As I have for the last two months, I'm spending as much time with her as possible back home (about an hour from here). It's important to me to support my sister-in-law, who will be increasingly giving hands-on care. We'll have hospice nurses visit during the week, too. I also want to be there for my brother and, in particular, my teen-aged niece and nephew.
How long? It's really hard to say. Her days have been mostly good. She wants to be there for my nephew's high school graduation next May. Knowing Mom, she just might pull it off. She is a champion at summoning her own reprieves, having astounded her cardiologist and primary physician. Whatever happens and when, our greatest hope is for peacefulness. I love her very much.
Though I may not be here as often, SR is very much with me, as it has been for three-plus years. I continue to learn so much here and I'm so grateful to be part of this community. SR was here for me when, just under 10 months sober, my dear father died in his sleep -- totally unexpected. Dee sent me a beautiful quote from Rabindranath Tagore that I shared when I eulogized Dad. It still means a lot to me.
Alcoholism humbled me; SR taught me how to transform that into something positive. It still does. Thank you and I'll be around.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
So sorry to hear of this sad time for you Venecia 
Back at home - and very much on topic for now - just had a slightly rattling set-to with an older AA lady member by phone. Almost exactly the same kind of stuff (about boundary setting - or not! / different expectations and misunderstandings, about possibly driving to a meeting further away today...). and that caused her quite a bit of disappointment which she kinda fired at me. She's a lovely woman, generally kind and quite gently spoken, with 28 years sobriety. So I felt quite knocked about a bit....but did send her an apology text. Now have to let it go.
Phew!
Who knows if this makes any sense, but just wanted to pop in to say it.
'Breathe..........................'
Back at home - and very much on topic for now - just had a slightly rattling set-to with an older AA lady member by phone. Almost exactly the same kind of stuff (about boundary setting - or not! / different expectations and misunderstandings, about possibly driving to a meeting further away today...). and that caused her quite a bit of disappointment which she kinda fired at me. She's a lovely woman, generally kind and quite gently spoken, with 28 years sobriety. So I felt quite knocked about a bit....but did send her an apology text. Now have to let it go.
Phew!
Who knows if this makes any sense, but just wanted to pop in to say it.
'Breathe..........................'
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Wow, tetra...talk about synchronicity.
yeah, let's back off on the (self)-mortification over things which really can pass quite quickly if we let them; V's situation is one that won't. A salutary reminder.
And now I feel I should take the advice of another member - and go outside for a bit, in the sun. With dog.
yeah, let's back off on the (self)-mortification over things which really can pass quite quickly if we let them; V's situation is one that won't. A salutary reminder.
And now I feel I should take the advice of another member - and go outside for a bit, in the sun. With dog.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
The election has encouraged hateful attacks on minoroties all over the place, not that that's a new thing but they have picked up... And have a certain unrestrained, rabid gleeful righteousness that has me chilled to the bone... Fear will be a thing I deal with now simply leaving my home.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Venecia. I'm sorry about your mom. Sending thoughts of comfort and peace your way. I have to comment on something. Something that I think is worth noting in this fabulous community, full of caring and support. Especially in a time that is difficult and uncertain for some.
I know sometimes the relapse or return posts seem to be so many.
Lately, I've really noticed the number of positive updates from members.
It's very heartening. Brings a lot of light to the boards.
I am forever grateful to our community. Wherever we're at in our lives and on our paths we're all important, and we're important to one another. Whether we are sad, struggling, or triumphant and joyful- this place is full of hope and encouragement and is a beacon of light in some of the darkest corners of internal and external existence.
This is always a safe place to be, wherever we are. Good things happen here.
My favorite 5 word saying out of the book I just finished reading, "Carry On, Warrior" is
WE CAN DO HARD THINGS
Together we can do anything.
Carry on, warriors.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Venecia, thank you for posting about your Mom. It's great that you have time to spend with her and she's not so far away. She may very well surprise you all.
I hope everyone is doing well today. It's too late to say "this evening." I'm about ready for bed. I'm off work tomorrow for Veterans Day and intend to enjoy the long weekend.
See you all tomorrow.
I hope everyone is doing well today. It's too late to say "this evening." I'm about ready for bed. I'm off work tomorrow for Veterans Day and intend to enjoy the long weekend.
See you all tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Sydney, Aus
Posts: 262
Venecia - my thoughts are with you and yours. Your mum sounds tenacious.; I hope she's able to achieve her goal.
Ruby - you're just heading to bed on Thurday and I've just finished my working week on Friday. That's the benefit of living in the future, I guess.
My 8-year-old daughter quite likes that book, so I hope yours does, too.
bemyself - I was given a Leonard Cohen album at the age of 13 by a friend's dad as part of my musical education. I'm taking the opportunity to educate my own children with that same album today. I think Suzanne remains one of my all-time favourite songs.
Jo - good to see you about.
I should go and think about dinner, although the cupboards are beyond bare ... Freezer surprise it is, then.
Happy Friday, everyone.
Ruby - you're just heading to bed on Thurday and I've just finished my working week on Friday. That's the benefit of living in the future, I guess.
My 8-year-old daughter quite likes that book, so I hope yours does, too.bemyself - I was given a Leonard Cohen album at the age of 13 by a friend's dad as part of my musical education. I'm taking the opportunity to educate my own children with that same album today. I think Suzanne remains one of my all-time favourite songs.
Jo - good to see you about.
I should go and think about dinner, although the cupboards are beyond bare ... Freezer surprise it is, then.
Happy Friday, everyone.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,187
Morning, as if the world wasn't bad enough this week. RIP Leonard Cohen, his insight into the human condition were unmatched
Venecia, it sounds like your mom is getting the best possible care, both from the medical profession and her caring family and I am sure she appreciates that as we appreciate you for sharing here
Venecia, it sounds like your mom is getting the best possible care, both from the medical profession and her caring family and I am sure she appreciates that as we appreciate you for sharing here
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