bexxed

My God did I need to read this. I've been having a hard time staying focused and have been procrastinating a lot. I have a lot of fear and instead of letting go of it and having faith I've been trying to control it.

Thank you.

Venecia

"They say the secret is to have low expectations...I've never been able to do that..."

That's really important. Thank you, Dee.

Take care, all. And thank you for the kind words. I'm headed to my hometown to spend today and part of tomorrow with Mom.

It's unseasonably warm and sunny here. I'll take that.

Delizadee

Take good care of you Venecia

Gilmer

I was supposed to meet an online friend IRL today. Unfortunately, she took ill in the night and didn't sleep, so we had to cancel.

I was really disappointed and so was she.

But my kind husband took me to a consolation brunch at a restaurant, and I ended up with some extraordinary Challah French Toast that was crunchy on the outside with brown sugar cinnamon.

Then I took a two hour nap.

Tonight it's a movie and a cigar,

Tomorrow: homework!

Tetra

Thank you Gilmer. Bless you.

This site is the only place where I can express myself properly. Also with my therapist. I haven't seen him for a while but I do have an appointment with him tomorrow.

Hmmm well at work I feel quite inferior to the others. The other secretaries all have permanent jobs and don't get me started on the female consultants. The men just turn up in whatever old slacks and a shirt and tie but the women...everything they wear just shrieks "money". The don't buy their clothes in Next like I do...that is for sure.

Anyway last Wednesday everyone had left and I was trying to sort out a bed for a patient. That is not part of my job...yet. I was stressed and panicking and I tracked down one of the women doctors. She was very nice about it actually. She got on the phone and started making calls. Her niece was also there on a week's work experience. So it was the 3 of us...and when she was on the phone and it was really quiet...I farted loudly.

Now I know it is not a big thing but I wanted the ground to swallow me up. I couldn't pretend it did not happen and I saw her niece trying not to laugh so I just said "I am so sorry. Please excuse me". She just said "don't worry" and continued on.

It was like that scene in Sex and The City where Carrie farted in front of Mr. Big.

I wanted to bring her some chocolates as a thank you because she was helpful but my parents were laughing and said "she is probably earning 50 times your salary. Just say thanks and leave it".

On a different note I spent Friday night with my "friend". We had pizza and chocolate and watched a movie. He brings me chocolate every time because I have a very sweet tooth and I am easy to please like that. I think he farted in front me about 10 times with no trace of embarassment whatsoever.

I suppose it is nice that he feels comfortable with me. I am trying to look on the bright side here

Sorry if this is too much information

Tetra

I was shopping with my mom today as I needed a dress for our office Christmas party - in 2 weeks. Shopping - or doing anything - with my mom is seriously stressful I am sorry to say.

Unfortunately we do not all come from happy Hallmark families - but that is the way the cookie crumbles.

On the plus side I also got a new pair of high heeled boots. Yay! I found a pair of boots with a type of heel that don't make me want to kill myself. Unfortunately I'm a rare breed that finds it almost physically impossible to walk in high heels. I have given this some thought down through the years. Why do you think Victoria Beckham rarely smiles in photos? Because her feet are killing her, that's why!!
My mom thinks my new boots are dreadful but she has no fashion sense, plus they were on sale too. At least I'll look taller now

Tetra

I ended up having to go shopping as I've got at least two Christmas parties coming up, and given that I spend most of my working life in jeans and comfortable shoes, I would like people to know that I do dress up like a woman sometimes. Now my dad says that "your problem is that you don't have enough parties to wear all these things!"
As I've got a thumping headache, I'll leave you all with this quote:
"Anyone who believes the competitive spirit in America is dead has never been in a supermarket when the cashier opens another check out line" - Ann Landers.

I also have a candle lighting for Venecia and her mom, for myself and for anyone else who is struggling tonight

saoutchik

I am glad your confession was nothing to serious Tetra. If I bought chocolates after every one of those I would be skint within 48 hours.

High heels for women are like collars and ties for men. Things to make you feel uncomfortable during important events in ones life

I went outside to take a look at the super moon, for once it is not overcast in London. In keeping with the theme of this weekends thread I was disappointed that the Moon looked no different to any other Full Moon

I'm off to bed now. I hope all my fellow Weekenders made it safely through and if not there is always next weekend

trachemys

Tetra, there is no way i can share my ultimate fart story on here.

It's a natural thing. Don't fret.

LexieCat

I've had an extremely fearful and depressing week (yeah, election). What made it harder for me is that I live alone and work remotely, and this was NOT the kind of week to spend alone if you're feeling the way I did. AA didn't appeal to me because I needed to talk about MY feelings about THIS event, and that would not have been the appropriate place to do that.

So. This morning, for the first time in however long (a couple of years, at least) I went to church. I've been to this church once before--it's every inclusive and involved in social justice issues--things important to me.

I will go back. I need community. I'm way too isolated again much of the time (though mostly not lonely except for times like this). I need to feed my spirit, and I haven't been doing that enough.

Thanks for the thread, Dee. I'm really trying to open my heart to the people who evidently felt so marginalized and fearful in their own lives that things have come to this. I hope we can all start listening better and being more compassionate. This is just one of those times when it's challenging, but we all have to do better.

Gilmer

(((((Tetra)))))

The doctor and her niece most assuredly have mortifying experiences of their own, Tetra.

I'm glad you got some cool boots!

Soberandhealthy

I wish I had farted at work😩I did something worst texted my whole department while drunk winning that it was my dead fathers birthday and calling out next day Friday. I'm so mortified to go to work tomorrow but I had to I need my job I'm just mortified my co workers know I'm a crazy person. Omg when will the embarrassment will end. Also drank straight all weekend to forget how disgusted I am with myself. I would appreciate some help to help me somehow face tomorrow 😩I'm so disgusted at myself.

Dee74

It's can become a real self perpetuating cycle SAH - you do something drunk, you're mortifed, and then have to get drunk again to try and cope with being mortified...then you end up doing something else embarrassing and it all starts again.

It's time to break the cycle

All the effort you're putting into drinking and then beating yourself up for it, you can put that energy into your recovery instead.

I remember past events are keeping you away from AA - if thats still the case maybe its time to swallow your pride and go back?

D

Soberandhealthy

Thank you Dee I am so embarrassed I wish I could be drunk tomorrow at work I know it's crazy I just don't want to feel this

ClearLight

Soberandhealthy-

Put your head down, be nice to everybody and in time it will pass.

CajunPrincess

Hi guys, never really joined a weekend thread before. Do they usually last all week till the next weekend? Anyways, there's some things I would like to get off my chest, and I felt like the thread topic was very fitting.

I've always struggled with anxiety, especially when it comes to having a life threatening disease, etc. Lately, I'm just super worried I have a brain tumor/brain cancer. My dad died of that a year and a half ago. And several years before that, my dad's brother died of the same thing. Now I'm just freaking out that I have the same thing. I get headaches on just the right side of my head a lot and sometimes my right eye acts weird. I went to the hospital a couple months ago because I had completely convinced myself and it was late at night so no doctor offices were open. The doctor assured me he didn't think I had anything like that. I don't have any other symptoms whatsoever. Didn't do a cat scan because it would have been super expensive out of the pocket and would just be easier/cheaper to have a referral through my regular doctor. He says I would be showing a lot more symptoms if I actually had that. He mentioned it sounded like a migraine or one of those other headaches you get only on one side of the head.

I am going to my regular doctor tomorrow to get a referral for a sleep study (totally different situation that isn't based on anxiety haha) and should i even mention the brain tumor thing. I'm just so scared I have it.

Dee74

'Not wanting to feel this' is a pretty good way of summing up addiction SAH.

The crazy thing is you never have to feel like this again - a little short term pain/embarrassment seems more worth it to me if you make sure this is the last tme?

People will move on to other topics soon enough - a day or two, tops. You'll be ok

D

Dee74

Hi Cajun Princess - yeah this thread runs all week til next Thursday of this week.

D

Soberandhealthy

What an agonizing way to live and I just can't stop I feel like surrendering to drinking and being a disgusting laughing at person because I don't how to change. I deserve people talking about me I need this job so I have to show up tomorrow but as usual I such a coward to deal with the consequences

Dee74

You don't deserve any such thing...but at some point you have to face it, and face it sober. I think tomorrow (Monday) is a good day to do that