The rehab report
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
The dancing was fun OpenTuning, and so freeing. I just closed my eyes and felt the music.
I'm in a bit of a bad mood tonight. I heard from my children's father, I was expecting them to visit this weekend and got permission to leave for lunch. Instead he called when he was in the car on the way to SWITZERLAND to take the kids skiing. I was so upset. I held it together because he had me on the loudspeaker, but I just was really angry and sad. Later he called me privately to say that my oldest had been crying and missing me, asking when I was coming back and what was wrong with me. He said it like it was a good thing "see, the kids love you so much they miss you!" But it broke my heart. My youngest has very mild, right on the edge of diagnosis aspergers so he is less inclined to express such emotions but I am sure he misses me too. When we were on speaker phone he said to the kids "mommy is in a safe place to get better from a sickness she has and when she comes back will be an even better mommy that she was before so we should all be happy" But the kids didn't sound so happy.
I know once they arrive there they will be happy to go skiing, they are good at it and love it, but still. I am very, very sad about this.
Tomorrow my ex-mother-in-law is coming to pick me up and we will then go to the train station to pick up her sister-in-law and all go to lunch together. It will be nice to visit but to be honest I am really afraid of being out in a restaurant with wine all around. I don't know if I feel ready for that. I feel so protected and safe here, it is difficult for me to think of lunch at a restaurant without wine, even after all the stuff I've learned. Rehab is WONDERFUL, I repeat, WONDERFUL, but there is still a lot of hard work to do.
Gotta run now, almost dinner time, we eat so early here 6:45pm. Ugh. But then, one of the guys is leaving tomorrow, a really fun, funny guy, so we promised another dance party. I hope that sheers me up. Right now I just feel like crying.
I'm in a bit of a bad mood tonight. I heard from my children's father, I was expecting them to visit this weekend and got permission to leave for lunch. Instead he called when he was in the car on the way to SWITZERLAND to take the kids skiing. I was so upset. I held it together because he had me on the loudspeaker, but I just was really angry and sad. Later he called me privately to say that my oldest had been crying and missing me, asking when I was coming back and what was wrong with me. He said it like it was a good thing "see, the kids love you so much they miss you!" But it broke my heart. My youngest has very mild, right on the edge of diagnosis aspergers so he is less inclined to express such emotions but I am sure he misses me too. When we were on speaker phone he said to the kids "mommy is in a safe place to get better from a sickness she has and when she comes back will be an even better mommy that she was before so we should all be happy" But the kids didn't sound so happy.
I know once they arrive there they will be happy to go skiing, they are good at it and love it, but still. I am very, very sad about this.
Tomorrow my ex-mother-in-law is coming to pick me up and we will then go to the train station to pick up her sister-in-law and all go to lunch together. It will be nice to visit but to be honest I am really afraid of being out in a restaurant with wine all around. I don't know if I feel ready for that. I feel so protected and safe here, it is difficult for me to think of lunch at a restaurant without wine, even after all the stuff I've learned. Rehab is WONDERFUL, I repeat, WONDERFUL, but there is still a lot of hard work to do.
Gotta run now, almost dinner time, we eat so early here 6:45pm. Ugh. But then, one of the guys is leaving tomorrow, a really fun, funny guy, so we promised another dance party. I hope that sheers me up. Right now I just feel like crying.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hey Mera sorry about the visit being cancelled try not to let it get you down too much I know you were looking forward to that but you will see them soon enough xxx
I think you just shown great strenght & awareness about being near wine maybe you could bring it up with the staff and see what they think ?
Mera you are doing excellent x
I think you just shown great strenght & awareness about being near wine maybe you could bring it up with the staff and see what they think ?
Mera you are doing excellent x
The drawing picture of alcohol and what it means is very interesting, ive not heard of that concept before and may have a go myself!
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
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Mera:
So sorry that the visit with your kids didn't take place. But the good news is that you don't have to drink as a result. That only makes it worse. Alcohol as you know is a depressant so, although it seems to help at first, it ends up making a person angry and saying "Poor me!" And it's a challenge to get ready for a meeting with your kids but all you have to say is "I'm getting so much better from my sickness and I'll be home soon. I love you and miss you so much!" When I was in a rehab I explained to my oldest boy why I was there and that it was a family illness, never to be ashamed of it but always to guard against it. And he and his brother have done that. One is now 55 and the other is 54. Each has maybe only one drink and then stops. I'm glad I got up the nerve to tell them about it and by doing so I saved them a lot of heartache. If you want you can tell them more about it later on. They will admire you for recovering from it. Many don't.
We so look forward to hearing from you! You are absolutely doing the right thing in the right way at the right place with the right people. Keep walking up the hill (it gets less and less steep), guard against relapses and the "pink cloud". The sun will come out in your life. May it always shine on you! Have a glorious and happy Easter! You are in our hearts, hopes and prayers. Happy Easter!
Bill.
So sorry that the visit with your kids didn't take place. But the good news is that you don't have to drink as a result. That only makes it worse. Alcohol as you know is a depressant so, although it seems to help at first, it ends up making a person angry and saying "Poor me!" And it's a challenge to get ready for a meeting with your kids but all you have to say is "I'm getting so much better from my sickness and I'll be home soon. I love you and miss you so much!" When I was in a rehab I explained to my oldest boy why I was there and that it was a family illness, never to be ashamed of it but always to guard against it. And he and his brother have done that. One is now 55 and the other is 54. Each has maybe only one drink and then stops. I'm glad I got up the nerve to tell them about it and by doing so I saved them a lot of heartache. If you want you can tell them more about it later on. They will admire you for recovering from it. Many don't.
We so look forward to hearing from you! You are absolutely doing the right thing in the right way at the right place with the right people. Keep walking up the hill (it gets less and less steep), guard against relapses and the "pink cloud". The sun will come out in your life. May it always shine on you! Have a glorious and happy Easter! You are in our hearts, hopes and prayers. Happy Easter!
Bill.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Yeah, it sucks but it is what it is. And Dee, ypu are right, I certainly handled it better than when I would have when I was drinking, that's for sure. Chloe and Bill, I'm headed into Florence tomorrow woth my ex MIL, I'll take some pictures for you! I'm really nervpus about my first outing, being in a restaurant with wine all around. I knocked on the head doctor's door today to talk to him about this. He said we'd set up a quick meeting with the psychologist before I go. I also mentioned my concern to one of my friends here. He gave me a great idea. He said if I got out and started to feel uncomfortable I could suggest getting some panini, cheese and fruit from a market and just have a little picnic somewhere along the river or in a piazza instead of being in a restaurant with the table set with wine glasses, the wine list, other tables drinking around me. In any case I won't drink. They'll give me an alcohol test and search my purse when I return. If they find anything I'd be dismissed immediately and I don't want that. More importantly I now choose not to drink, difficult or not.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
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Mera, I love your idea of a picnic. Although I can now be in a restaurant with wine on the table, my preference is still to avoid it when possible. It's not that I feel seriously tempted but to me it feels like it carries a bit of risk that I don't want. I've also noticed that it bothers me to be around really inebriated people - probably because it's an uncomfortable reminder.
Thinking of you!
Thinking of you!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Hi everyone. I'm feeling pretty good and positive this morning. We had a really good group yesterday, very informative and more than that, healing. I'm down to one IV a day finally. I think they will start to taper the meds soon too, which I am happy about but also nervous about. They have really helped keep severe cravings at bay. They still come, but are completely manageable. I've made so many nice friends here, I love just having a quick chat with various people, we can all relate in some way. Sometimes they have advice for me and sometimes I have advice for them. It is such a helpful environment to be surrounded 24/7 by people who totally get it. The other night I just couldn't sleep and went outside to have a little walk and a smoke (I have GOT to stop!!!) and found another woman there who is here for bulimia and obesity. While our addictions are different we were able to talk about our feelings, how we deal when faced with an environment full of the things we are addicted too, etc. It was nice.
Yesterday I went out for the first time. My ex MIL and FIL came to pick me up. They brought me some beautiful flowers. I showed them around and then we went to the train station to pick up FIL's sister and we all went to lunch. The entire morning I was shaking with nerves. I feel so safe here and didn't know if I was ready to go out. But I did it. We went to a very nice restaurant and when he waiter asked for our wine order we all said we just wanted water. Which was a huge gift for me because my FIL (who does not have a problem with alcohol) does like a glass of wine with his meals. There were other tables drinking around me which gave me some moments of tension. However, one of my my friends here suggested a good strategy which I used. Whenever I saw a glass or bottle of wine, picture the faces of my children instead of the glass. When I returned they gave me the alcohol test and of course everything was fine. I also returned to my room to find the kind nurses had found a vase and arranged my flowers in it for me. So, so kind.
Today is Saturday, not much to do at all. I plan to try and nap a little, maybe read some.
I want to share something personal with all of you.
This is a picture I took the morning I arrived at rehab:
This is me after 12 days of detox and intensive therapy/groups/psychologists and doctor's care:
Yesterday I went out for the first time. My ex MIL and FIL came to pick me up. They brought me some beautiful flowers. I showed them around and then we went to the train station to pick up FIL's sister and we all went to lunch. The entire morning I was shaking with nerves. I feel so safe here and didn't know if I was ready to go out. But I did it. We went to a very nice restaurant and when he waiter asked for our wine order we all said we just wanted water. Which was a huge gift for me because my FIL (who does not have a problem with alcohol) does like a glass of wine with his meals. There were other tables drinking around me which gave me some moments of tension. However, one of my my friends here suggested a good strategy which I used. Whenever I saw a glass or bottle of wine, picture the faces of my children instead of the glass. When I returned they gave me the alcohol test and of course everything was fine. I also returned to my room to find the kind nurses had found a vase and arranged my flowers in it for me. So, so kind.
Today is Saturday, not much to do at all. I plan to try and nap a little, maybe read some.
I want to share something personal with all of you.
This is a picture I took the morning I arrived at rehab:
This is me after 12 days of detox and intensive therapy/groups/psychologists and doctor's care:
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Mera reading your post really just made my day my week in fact I'm so happy for you
You look so radiant happy & you have a lovely smile I literally could hug you for ages your post is amazing
La tua belle e un buon amico sono cosi orgoglioso di te
You look so radiant happy & you have a lovely smile I literally could hug you for ages your post is amazing
La tua belle e un buon amico sono cosi orgoglioso di te
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