The dancing was fun OpenTuning, and so freeing. I just closed my eyes and felt the music.
I'm in a bit of a bad mood tonight. I heard from my children's father, I was expecting them to visit this weekend and got permission to leave for lunch. Instead he called when he was in the car on the way to SWITZERLAND to take the kids skiing. I was so upset. I held it together because he had me on the loudspeaker, but I just was really angry and sad. Later he called me privately to say that my oldest had been crying and missing me, asking when I was coming back and what was wrong with me. He said it like it was a good thing "see, the kids love you so much they miss you!" But it broke my heart. My youngest has very mild, right on the edge of diagnosis aspergers so he is less inclined to express such emotions but I am sure he misses me too. When we were on speaker phone he said to the kids "mommy is in a safe place to get better from a sickness she has and when she comes back will be an even better mommy that she was before so we should all be happy" But the kids didn't sound so happy.
I know once they arrive there they will be happy to go skiing, they are good at it and love it, but still. I am very, very sad about this.
Tomorrow my ex-mother-in-law is coming to pick me up and we will then go to the train station to pick up her sister-in-law and all go to lunch together. It will be nice to visit but to be honest I am really afraid of being out in a restaurant with wine all around. I don't know if I feel ready for that. I feel so protected and safe here, it is difficult for me to think of lunch at a restaurant without wine, even after all the stuff I've learned. Rehab is WONDERFUL, I repeat, WONDERFUL, but there is still a lot of hard work to do.
Gotta run now, almost dinner time, we eat so early here 6:45pm. Ugh. But then, one of the guys is leaving tomorrow, a really fun, funny guy, so we promised another dance party. I hope that sheers me up. Right now I just feel like crying.