Originally Posted by Dee74

I'm not sure what you want from us WD?
Do you want us to tell you you're not alcoholic?

D

Originally Posted by Purpleknight

Hope you made it through last night Wheelingdizzy!!

You can do this!!

Originally Posted by redladyslipper

Hi, wheelingdizzy. You sound like you're going through more pain than any person should have to deal with. I'm so sorry.
I'm just going to be blunt. I don't see any difference between your drinking habits and mindset than so many others who call themselves alcoholic.
You're getting this from a severely addicted alcoholic, too. One who does not even care about alcohol sometimes for weeks.

Drinking to kill pain? Addiction to other meds? Those are high signs of a predisposition to me. Not everyone who goes through trauma drinks to cope.
Alcohol addiction is life threatening and brings other people near the addict down as well eventually. It's not something to even play with.

You are in a very fortunate position right now because some of the worst problems alcoholism brings haven't happened to you. I'm not calling you an alcoholic. I don't know you and it's for you only to determine.

I hope you stay on this board and don't think people are judging you or giving up on you. That sounds like the lies depression likes to tell.

I don't want to see yet another person fall down the drain like I have. It sneaks up on you fast. I think you can learn a lot by staying here and reading other's post. I know life really sucks sometimes but you never know what each new day will bring, ya know? Sorry to sound so trite but it's true.
Wishing you the best

Originally Posted by Dee74

All the posts here are people trying to help you - they really are.

Obviously we've got off on the wrong foot and no worries - I'll back out of your thread and I wish you well.

Just one last thing though ..

*please* do not go down that 'you'd drink too if you had a life like mine' path

I have cerebral palsy. I used that excuse for 20 years.

All drinking did for me was make a crappy life much much worse.

Not drinking has given me a great life

I really really hope you'll give not drinking a chance - and I hope you'll give this community a chance to help you too.

best wishes WD,
D

Originally Posted by ubntubnt

You need to get rid of that picture of the alcoholic collapsed under a bridge somewhere drinking out of a brown paper bag all day....sure, that is a reality for some. However, if you read around this site you will see that many of us...even in our darkest hours held jobs and raised families. In short, we held together more responsibility that you currently are yet we acknowledged that we were alcoholics.

Only you can decide whether or not you are an alcoholic. Based on what you have written you pretty much know you have serious issues with alcohol and maybe even dependency to some extent. Why not drop the drinking while you figure out the rest to be safe?

Originally Posted by OpenTuning

Hi Wheelingdizzy,

I just read this, and am so sorry that you're having to deal with such a major, life changing trauma.

People have made some excellent points already. The question of whether you are or are not an alcoholic is one that only you can answer. Certainly everything you wrote could be seen as symptoms, though. The quantity, the frequency, feeling the need for a drink at times. And having had issues with it in the past.

What would also worry me is that your life situation has changed dramatically. I don't know if the old rules apply in terms of comparing your drinking now to what you drank before. You're having to find a new way to live your life, and right now, alcohol is playing a big part in that. You mentioned that you aren't taking the pain killers you were prescribed, and are using alcohol instead. Is that potentially just replacing one potentially harmful addictive substance with another? How will you know when you can cut down this "medication"? How will you know if you're taking the right "dose" or do you risk keeping having to increase the amounts to get the same "buzz"?

You've written about having to deal with huge amounts of change you didn't plan for or expect in a relatively short space of time. With more uncertainty ahead with further operations and treatments. All while publicly holding it all together to the point where people think you're coping perfectly.

I guess my real concern is whether you feel you have to keep appearing to be coping perfectly. Whether that's part of the image you're wanting to project. And if so, whether you're remembering to put your health and needs first during this difficult period of adjustment and are reaching out for support and help from everywhere you can get it. And that reaching for bottles of booze isn't an attempt to deal with your situation yourself, without letting anyone else know how badly it's affecting you.

Originally Posted by ubntubnt

You need to get rid of that picture of the alcoholic collapsed under a bridge somewhere drinking out of a brown paper bag all day....sure, that is a reality for some. However, if you read around this site you will see that many of us...even in our darkest hours held jobs and raised families. In short, we held together more responsibility that you currently are yet we acknowledged that we were alcoholics.

Only you can decide whether or not you are an alcoholic. Based on what you have written you pretty much know you have serious issues with alcohol and maybe even dependency to some extent. Why not drop the drinking while you figure out the rest to be safe?

Originally Posted by MidnightBlue

Hey, you are my hero here. Seriously. No kidding.

I mean - I am still struggling with putting myself together in terms of outfit and the like. And girls who manage to pull it - I sometimes feel like approaching them and asking "What in the world is your secret?"

And it speaks volumes that you keep putting yourself together under circumstances - it shows your self of dignity and willpower. And now it's turn to channel some of it to kicking booze out of your life.

As for:
"so they say if it doesnt effect your life your good?"

Who says? Conventional wisdom? It says a lot of baloney. It effects your life. Big time. It hurts like hell. It's real. It's more than real.

"i mean its not effecting me money wise im doing fine. "

Meaning - you have roof over your head, food on the table, cute outfit? Ok, this level of Maslow pyramid is still fine. But how do YOU feel? Society cliches of how a drunk looks like are not a barometer for your well-being. If you feel need to find escape in wine, chances are you are not doing fine.

"and then i think as its not vodka wine isnt so bad."

Been there, done that. I actually hated vodka - no taste, no smell. Yeek. Wine - that was "another story". Civilized, glamorous. Look at TV shows - main characters seem to have their palms glued to long-legged wine glasses.

When it comes to addiction wine is just as bad as vodka - it just takes longer to get intoxicated and delusions to fall off.

Take care of yourself. Keep posting.

Originally Posted by Itchy

Wheeling,
I do say hi and chat with "wheelers" as you call yourself. I do know you are invisible to most out in public. So it's up to you on that score.

I have friends with issues. My wheeler friends are not in pain anymore, and I don't doubt you are in pain one bit. That is the problem and the core of the dependency on pain meds and alcohol.

I am in serious pain too daily. Spine and neck. But I only take Naproxen Sodium, an NSAID. I did the alcohol self medicating and knew better than to do even one OxyContin when they were prescribed. Before that I was prescribed Lortabs took one and disliked it so flushed the rest. I took alcohol instead and was afraid of mixing. Once I was drinking like you.

So now you are in a wheelchair, and that is preferable to not surviving. But getting a gift like that, another chance, then going into the slow suicide of alcoholism just seems ungrateful for your life.

I have a friend who is 40 and has two kids and is a pain meds addict. His wife is in the military and he has had one thing after another for the six years I've known him. Being his friend was difficult because he was in no more pain than me. He knew I knew. I don't do codie so his tantrums and denial fell on deaf ears, I just say CYA later, I am late for my life. We became friends when I was still drinking from morning till night. I'm retired military and well educated, and didn't get alcohol as my one true faith until about five years before I quit.

I used to try to mask that I was just another alcoholic by calling myself a functional alcoholic. I compared constantly. As long as I could find others who drank more than me I found cause to dismiss my very dangerous addiction to just being happy. I KNEW AND CALLED MYSELF AN ALCOHOLIC BEFORE I GOT REALLY BAD. I kept myself in Cognitive dissonance. That is when your beliefs and your behaviors disagree. It causes distress, that must be relieved buy resolving the cognitive dissonance. We can only do one of two things. Change the belief (denial) or change the behavior (stop drinking).

You can easily decide if you are an alcoholic. Just stop drinking for 30 days. If alcohol does your pain then take any NSAID or see your doc for a non habit forming solution.

I did not lose my ability to walk. I merely was committing slow suicide and I'm not suicidal. So I signed up for a week detox in a hospital to be sure I didn't throw seizures and die or become disabled.

One thing you need to acknowledge. Sobriety forum here - are you trying to get sober and quit? How bad do you have to be before you look at the man in the mirror and in wee dark hours of the morning, wake up?

We've all been where you are. But why post while drinking here? If you aren't an alcoholic quitting for 30 days is a no brainer easy task. Go visit any children's ward and you will see sobriety is so easy even babies and children can do it without even thinking that they are depriving themselves.

If you aren't sure just try 30 days sober with your doctor's help in getting back to normal. See your natural endorphins are not being produced when we use substances that fill those receptors already. So it takes three days to detox but weeks of struggle as the endorphins start to flow again.

I wish you luck, and a quick path to awareness of where, and what, you are and want to be. Being wheelchair bound has nothing to do with that decision.

Talk to your doc.

Originally Posted by wheelingdizzy

You know, this is not my view of an alchaholic.

I imagine a posh lady drinking wine out of a a wine glass that looks like a flower vase lol

But whenever i ask someone ( not as myself) just generally, how they describe an alki is someone whos life is breaking apart, so it makes me think " oh im fine"

Can I ask were you raising a family when you were an alchaholic?