Go Back  SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > New to Addiction and Recovery? > Newcomers to Recovery
Reload this Page >

Have I got a problem? or just a coping mechanism, drinking after trauma



Notices

Have I got a problem? or just a coping mechanism, drinking after trauma

Old 12-06-2015, 01:27 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,058
Originally Posted by wheelingdizzy View Post
but what if i feel i cant stop?
That feeling is wrong

It may take a little effort and work on your part but you can absolutely stop.

If I read your post right you haven't been drinking for every long?

You have an excellent chance of putting the bottle down and not picking it up again, if you stop now.

i drank yesturday..

i was fine today till 2pm and i was craving it , i was becoming irritated,, and annoyed, and agitated, ( well as agitated as one can be with only half a body to move)

what is this? ive never had this before?
its sounds like a growing dependence to me.

Now would be a really great time to do something about it, before it gets worse, WD...

As far as adjusting to life in the chair, there must be Wheelie support groups around where you live, or at Uni, or online. I really encourage you to seek those out

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 12-06-2015, 01:54 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 236
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
That feeling is wrong

It may take a little effort and work on your part but you can absolutely stop.

If I read your post right you haven't been drinking for every long?

You have an excellent chance of putting the bottle down and not picking it up again, if you stop now.



its sounds like a growing dependence to me.

Now would be a really great time to do something about it, before it gets worse, WD...

As far as adjusting to life in the chair, there must be Wheelie support groups around where you live, or at Uni, or online. I really encourage you to seek those out

D
there is support groups , i see a fellow wheeler once a month since coming home.. i dont say much to him. he is from spinal chord injjury charity.

and wheather ive been drinking long i cant really answer..

I have been doing thing on and off since i was maybe.... 15?

This current blip is a 3 month blip so far, i have always gone through phases of drinking exsessivly bottle of vodka etc.

but one thing that is strange about this time, is the weird feeling i am getting when i do not drink..

i dont enjoy drinking- used to .
never felt this real feeling of irritation , uneasy desperate for it, if the shop was closed i would have felt like crying.

thank you for your advice.

my last drinking blip before this was perhaps a year ago. i was drinking 2 bottles of wine per second night. i did go to my doctor and had intervention from something else, i wont say what as it makes things to complicated to explain.

this time. i really have had enough of doctors to tell my doctor.

i am scared of getting addicted to meds, so it seems i drink instead.

they have given me diazpiam, zopiclone , and then all my pain meds, a bottle of morphine ( even tho i asked them to give me a small amount) declofenic, tramadol, etc. and i feel i am showing great willpower not taking anything..

( i was addicted to codiene when i was 15 i used to take 9 per time for a high and made me so thirsty but i used to stay awake 3 days in a row, taking codiene.

so this is the reason behind my worry about meds my gp knows really but obvourse as all this was such a long time ago, i can undertstand why it is not in there mind.
TheBeaches is offline  
Old 12-06-2015, 01:57 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 236
okay.. not 15.. i think i started downing vodka at 14ish. i do recall many epposodes of buying a bottle of rum and downing on the bus and rememebr the feeling of feeling like your flying. i did end up in hosp tht time but just snuck out when i sobered up.

so i gues it seems i return to it whenever the shi** hits the fan i gues.
TheBeaches is offline  
Old 12-06-2015, 03:13 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,058
Thanks for explaining a little more...I still stand behind the general tenor of my statement tho...it's going to be easier to quit now than in say 6 months, a year or 5 years time

Not really understanding your reason for not seeing the Dr this time though?

I think with all the other meds you're on, you'd do well to let your GP into the circle here?

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 12-06-2015, 05:45 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 236
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Thanks for explaining a little more...I still stand behind the general tenor of my statement tho...it's going to be easier to quit now than in say 6 months, a year or 5 years time

Not really understanding your reason for not seeing the Dr this time though?

I think with all the other meds you're on, you'd do well to let your GP into the circle here?

D
I have all these meds I Have quit them all bar one. my pain consultant knows this.

thanks.

i thought seen as this is not a long term thing i could get help and not go to my gp as how i can nip this in the bud myself.
TheBeaches is offline  
Old 12-06-2015, 06:05 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,333
I'm really sorry for your situation and it must be difficult to be in pain and adjusting to life in a wheel chair.

It sounds like you are struggling to understand whether or not you are an alcoholic. It sounds to me like you know alcohol is causing problems in your life, but it's hard to accept it. I understand that. I was shocked when I realized that I was an alcoholic. I always thought I'd stop drinking when I wanted to, and then I found that I couldn't.

I hope you take a look around and read and post.
Anna is online now  
Old 12-06-2015, 07:59 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
EndGame
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Your drinking in order to not feel "miserable" or to just feel okay indicates psychological dependence. Your cravings indicate physical dependence.

You're not the same person as you were when you were younger, when you could seemingly put it down with ease. Your current state suggests progression, and the reasons why you drink are familiar to anyone who has a problem with alcohol.
EndGameNYC is offline  
Old 12-06-2015, 08:09 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,058
you mentioned it 'hasn't been that long' you've been drinking, but if the problem goes back to when you were 14, even if it's not consistently, that's more than enough time for a problem to develop.

I still think it's a good suggestion - but of course you don't have to see your Dr if you're reluctant to do so.

I think the time has come to do something tho - SR is a good place for ideas, and this link is a good place to start

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 12-06-2015, 09:18 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
now's the time
 
fantail's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
One thing to think about, since you say you've used alcohol to cope in the past... I also worried about what kind of coping mechanism I'd use instead. It wasn't until after I quit that I realized I actually didn't even understand what coping meant.

My fear of bad feelings was much worse than the feelings themselves. Both sides of my family are stoic, keep-it-all-in types, so that was the only kind of feeling management that I ever saw modeled. Feelings were past tense things people had learned from; I didn't understand what to do with them in real time other than kill them with alcohol or otherwise melt down from the strain of trying to suffocate them. And so I was constantly terrified of being overwhelmed by my own reactions to things.

When I take away the alcohol and I can't run from it, then I'm forced to feel the bad things. And then I'm able to let them go. I'm learning how anyway. They come back, too, but I'm learning that that's OK.

You mention how strong of a front you're putting on. It's ok to keep your grief mostly private, although I personally do better when I find people I can talk to about big emotional events. But above all else it's important not to keep it buried even from yourself. No matter what, alcohol is a temporary tool. Nothing that it makes disappear stays gone.

(I'm doing OK, thanks for asking... been doing a lot of thinking recently about all the old things that I'm having to reprocess now that I'm sober!)
fantail is offline  
Old 12-07-2015, 09:28 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 236
Originally Posted by Anna View Post
I'm really sorry for your situation and it must be difficult to be in pain and adjusting to life in a wheel chair.

It sounds like you are struggling to understand whether or not you are an alcoholic. It sounds to me like you know alcohol is causing problems in your life, but it's hard to accept it. I understand that. I was shocked when I realized that I was an alcoholic. I always thought I'd stop drinking when I wanted to, and then I found that I couldn't.

I hope you take a look around and read and post.
When did you realise ?

when I was younger I used to need to be depressed to drink alot.

Now like tonight im craving it. bexause I've submitted both my essays I feel I diserve it.

So I will or I want to buy a bottle. just a bottle though. no more than that ( a reason I feel not an alcholic because I won't have any more ) so one bottle of wine. wow now I'm documenting this this will be three days in a row. drinking.... and then I'm drinking wednesday. as a social thing. and im drinking Friday too.
TheBeaches is offline  
Old 12-07-2015, 10:14 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Do your best
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I suggest you don't buy a drink tonight & stick with us

Your addiction wants the drink not you remember that my friend
Soberwolf is offline  
Old 12-08-2015, 04:45 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Member
 
red3215's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 295
Hi, wheelingdizzy. You sound like you're going through more pain than any person should have to deal with. I'm so sorry.
I'm just going to be blunt. I don't see any difference between your drinking habits and mindset than so many others who call themselves alcoholic.
You're getting this from a severely addicted alcoholic, too. One who does not even care about alcohol sometimes for weeks.

Drinking to kill pain? Addiction to other meds? Those are high signs of a predisposition to me. Not everyone who goes through trauma drinks to cope.
Alcohol addiction is life threatening and brings other people near the addict down as well eventually. It's not something to even play with.

You are in a very fortunate position right now because some of the worst problems alcoholism brings haven't happened to you. I'm not calling you an alcoholic. I don't know you and it's for you only to determine.

I hope you stay on this board and don't think people are judging you or giving up on you. That sounds like the lies depression likes to tell.

I don't want to see yet another person fall down the drain like I have. It sneaks up on you fast. I think you can learn a lot by staying here and reading other's post. I know life really sucks sometimes but you never know what each new day will bring, ya know? Sorry to sound so trite but it's true.
Wishing you the best
red3215 is offline  
Old 12-08-2015, 05:06 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Member
 
ubntubnt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
You need to get rid of that picture of the alcoholic collapsed under a bridge somewhere drinking out of a brown paper bag all day....sure, that is a reality for some. However, if you read around this site you will see that many of us...even in our darkest hours held jobs and raised families. In short, we held together more responsibility that you currently are yet we acknowledged that we were alcoholics.

Only you can decide whether or not you are an alcoholic. Based on what you have written you pretty much know you have serious issues with alcohol and maybe even dependency to some extent. Why not drop the drinking while you figure out the rest to be safe?
ubntubnt is offline  
Old 12-08-2015, 10:41 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Member
 
PurpleKnight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hope you made it through last night Wheelingdizzy!!

You can do this!!
PurpleKnight is offline  
Old 12-08-2015, 11:09 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Do your best
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
Soberwolf is offline  
Old 12-08-2015, 12:12 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Member
 
OpenTuning's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Hi Wheelingdizzy,

I just read this, and am so sorry that you're having to deal with such a major, life changing trauma.

People have made some excellent points already. The question of whether you are or are not an alcoholic is one that only you can answer. Certainly everything you wrote could be seen as symptoms, though. The quantity, the frequency, feeling the need for a drink at times. And having had issues with it in the past.

What would also worry me is that your life situation has changed dramatically. I don't know if the old rules apply in terms of comparing your drinking now to what you drank before. You're having to find a new way to live your life, and right now, alcohol is playing a big part in that. You mentioned that you aren't taking the pain killers you were prescribed, and are using alcohol instead. Is that potentially just replacing one potentially harmful addictive substance with another? How will you know when you can cut down this "medication"? How will you know if you're taking the right "dose" or do you risk keeping having to increase the amounts to get the same "buzz"?

You've written about having to deal with huge amounts of change you didn't plan for or expect in a relatively short space of time. With more uncertainty ahead with further operations and treatments. All while publicly holding it all together to the point where people think you're coping perfectly.

I guess my real concern is whether you feel you have to keep appearing to be coping perfectly. Whether that's part of the image you're wanting to project. And if so, whether you're remembering to put your health and needs first during this difficult period of adjustment and are reaching out for support and help from everywhere you can get it. And that reaching for bottles of booze isn't an attempt to deal with your situation yourself, without letting anyone else know how badly it's affecting you.
OpenTuning is offline  
Old 12-08-2015, 12:45 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Sober since October
 
MidnightBlue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Originally Posted by wheelingdizzy View Post

but you cant tell i dont look a mess


i look great cute outfit, always very well put together, 5am i get up to get ready to be at uni. and everyone says how do you manage to look so good?

so i dont even look like ive been drinking the night before.

Hey, you are my hero here. Seriously. No kidding.

I mean - I am still struggling with putting myself together in terms of outfit and the like. And girls who manage to pull it - I sometimes feel like approaching them and asking "What in the world is your secret?"

And it speaks volumes that you keep putting yourself together under circumstances - it shows your self of dignity and willpower. And now it's turn to channel some of it to kicking booze out of your life.

As for:
"so they say if it doesnt effect your life your good?"

Who says? Conventional wisdom? It says a lot of baloney. It effects your life. Big time. It hurts like hell. It's real. It's more than real.

"i mean its not effecting me money wise im doing fine. "

Meaning - you have roof over your head, food on the table, cute outfit? Ok, this level of Maslow pyramid is still fine. But how do YOU feel? Society cliches of how a drunk looks like are not a barometer for your well-being. If you feel need to find escape in wine, chances are you are not doing fine.

"and then i think as its not vodka wine isnt so bad."

Been there, done that. I actually hated vodka - no taste, no smell. Yeek. Wine - that was "another story". Civilized, glamorous. Look at TV shows - main characters seem to have their palms glued to long-legged wine glasses.

When it comes to addiction wine is just as bad as vodka - it just takes longer to get intoxicated and delusions to fall off.

Take care of yourself. Keep posting.
MidnightBlue is offline  
Old 12-08-2015, 12:56 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
Re-Member
 
Itchy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Wheeling,
I do say hi and chat with "wheelers" as you call yourself. I do know you are invisible to most out in public. So it's up to you on that score.

I have friends with issues. My wheeler friends are not in pain anymore, and I don't doubt you are in pain one bit. That is the problem and the core of the dependency on pain meds and alcohol.

I am in serious pain too daily. Spine and neck. But I only take Naproxen Sodium, an NSAID. I did the alcohol self medicating and knew better than to do even one OxyContin when they were prescribed. Before that I was prescribed Lortabs took one and disliked it so flushed the rest. I took alcohol instead and was afraid of mixing. Once I was drinking like you.

So now you are in a wheelchair, and that is preferable to not surviving. But getting a gift like that, another chance, then going into the slow suicide of alcoholism just seems ungrateful for your life.

I have a friend who is 40 and has two kids and is a pain meds addict. His wife is in the military and he has had one thing after another for the six years I've known him. Being his friend was difficult because he was in no more pain than me. He knew I knew. I don't do codie so his tantrums and denial fell on deaf ears, I just say CYA later, I am late for my life. We became friends when I was still drinking from morning till night. I'm retired military and well educated, and didn't get alcohol as my one true faith until about five years before I quit.

I used to try to mask that I was just another alcoholic by calling myself a functional alcoholic. I compared constantly. As long as I could find others who drank more than me I found cause to dismiss my very dangerous addiction to just being happy. I KNEW AND CALLED MYSELF AN ALCOHOLIC BEFORE I GOT REALLY BAD. I kept myself in Cognitive dissonance. That is when your beliefs and your behaviors disagree. It causes distress, that must be relieved buy resolving the cognitive dissonance. We can only do one of two things. Change the belief (denial) or change the behavior (stop drinking).

You can easily decide if you are an alcoholic. Just stop drinking for 30 days. If alcohol does your pain then take any NSAID or see your doc for a non habit forming solution.

I did not lose my ability to walk. I merely was committing slow suicide and I'm not suicidal. So I signed up for a week detox in a hospital to be sure I didn't throw seizures and die or become disabled.

One thing you need to acknowledge. Sobriety forum here - are you trying to get sober and quit? How bad do you have to be before you look at the man in the mirror and in wee dark hours of the morning, wake up?

We've all been where you are. But why post while drinking here? If you aren't an alcoholic quitting for 30 days is a no brainer easy task. Go visit any children's ward and you will see sobriety is so easy even babies and children can do it without even thinking that they are depriving themselves.

If you aren't sure just try 30 days sober with your doctor's help in getting back to normal. See your natural endorphins are not being produced when we use substances that fill those receptors already. So it takes three days to detox but weeks of struggle as the endorphins start to flow again.

I wish you luck, and a quick path to awareness of where, and what, you are and want to be. Being wheelchair bound has nothing to do with that decision.

Talk to your doc.
Itchy is offline  
Old 12-08-2015, 02:20 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,058
So I will or I want to buy a bottle. just a bottle though. no more than that ( a reason I feel not an alcholic because I won't have any more ) so one bottle of wine. wow now I'm documenting this this will be three days in a row. drinking.... and then I'm drinking wednesday. as a social thing. and im drinking Friday too.
I'm not sure what you want from us WD?
Do you want us to tell you you're not alcoholic?

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 12-10-2015, 08:59 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
Re-Member
 
Itchy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Wheeling,
How are you doing today?
Itchy is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:33 AM.