Get Support Here Weekender October 23 until...Part 2
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,209
Originally Posted by LBrain 
SP - it's very disheartening to hear your of your struggle, I'm sure many of us have experienced similar situations - I have. I do not lament on my current situation, which is pretty good actually when put into perspective. I am unemployable in my field. Without detail, I lost an incredible income to now being just a hair above food stamps level. I know it's difficult to face the unknown or an uncertain future.
You must do what is best for your own well being. Your mental health and peace of mind is more important that anything according to me.
Do what is in your best interest. And when you take that step, don't be wishy-washy about it. Don't look back and don't dwell on the 'what ifs' once you go forward. You will come out ahead in the end. You may have to struggle financially in the beginning. I am learning to do with a LOT less. If I don't find a suitable position within a year, I have to sell this house. And that means relocating to something - different...
sao - Did you know that an equal serving of orange juice or any other juice - yes 100% juice - has more sugar than that 12 oz can of SP drink? True dat!
If you don't drink them like I used to drink beer, you'll be okay. Unless you want to cut sugar completely out of your diet. Then more than 75% of the food/drink you consume is history. I guessed on the 75%, but it's prolly in the ball park.
So that denny's grand slam breakfast is most likely the worst possible meal one could eat.
You must do what is best for your own well being. Your mental health and peace of mind is more important that anything according to me.
Do what is in your best interest. And when you take that step, don't be wishy-washy about it. Don't look back and don't dwell on the 'what ifs' once you go forward. You will come out ahead in the end. You may have to struggle financially in the beginning. I am learning to do with a LOT less. If I don't find a suitable position within a year, I have to sell this house. And that means relocating to something - different...
sao - Did you know that an equal serving of orange juice or any other juice - yes 100% juice - has more sugar than that 12 oz can of SP drink? True dat!
If you don't drink them like I used to drink beer, you'll be okay. Unless you want to cut sugar completely out of your diet. Then more than 75% of the food/drink you consume is history. I guessed on the 75%, but it's prolly in the ball park.
So that denny's grand slam breakfast is most likely the worst possible meal one could eat.
I'm glad about the lemonade thing as they are delicious (bit pricey - 85p! but then I am mean)
Soberpotamus, thoughts are with you during this difficult time
...holds the key
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
(((Beautifulpines)))
Something we have going for us is in seeing our situations clearly is our sobriety.
That's something I didn't have when I foolishly, and very rebelliously, left my husband several years ago. Yes, I was miserable, but I didn't go about it the right way and I have many many regrets about that.
Splitting up with mr brynn I had the clarity of being sober and the ability to make rational, well thought out decisions. No regrets this time.
And yes...we have to be wiling to change and let go of toxic relationships before we can move forward. It's hard because change if any sort is hard...but the peace of mind that comes with letting go is incredible!
For those going through relationship troubles, you're in my thoughts today.
Something we have going for us is in seeing our situations clearly is our sobriety.
That's something I didn't have when I foolishly, and very rebelliously, left my husband several years ago. Yes, I was miserable, but I didn't go about it the right way and I have many many regrets about that.
Splitting up with mr brynn I had the clarity of being sober and the ability to make rational, well thought out decisions. No regrets this time.
And yes...we have to be wiling to change and let go of toxic relationships before we can move forward. It's hard because change if any sort is hard...but the peace of mind that comes with letting go is incredible!
For those going through relationship troubles, you're in my thoughts today.
...holds the key
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
Originally Posted by Soberpotamus
I agree with Sao, LBrain, I'm sure you must be employable in a manner suitable to your obvious intelligence, humor, charm and work ethic 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Hugs to all the people that are unhappy in relationships xoxo
I feel like I'm getting to used to being single, I'm liking it too much, I'm worried I'll never get married.
I did have a one night stand with my neighbour, actually a two night stand now..
He wants a relationship and I don't,
I feel bad, so no more of that I think.
I feel like I'm getting to used to being single, I'm liking it too much, I'm worried I'll never get married.
I did have a one night stand with my neighbour, actually a two night stand now..
He wants a relationship and I don't,
I feel bad, so no more of that I think.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
One more thought and then I must be off to my part-time for a few ...
I had read somewhere that if you make it past year four, the odds of divorce drop dramatically, so I did. I stayed. And things aren't getting any better.
I don't want to prematurely throw it all away. I will reconsider if there are some drastic turnarounds.
It's doubtful though.
I had read somewhere that if you make it past year four, the odds of divorce drop dramatically, so I did. I stayed. And things aren't getting any better.
I don't want to prematurely throw it all away. I will reconsider if there are some drastic turnarounds.
It's doubtful though.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
SP - your situation sounds A LOT like my first marriage. He was insecure and made me into his puppet that he could (or tried to) control. It progressed to emotional abuse and was verging on physical abuse when I finally could get away from him financially. Part of his control tactic was insisting he didn't want me to be a working mom after we had our daughter, so I had literally no money of my own for a while, and virtually no contact with the outside world. I finally defied him and got a job, then the abuse got worse for a while until I could afford to move out. We tried a couple of counselors, but the moment the word "abuse" came up, he was out of there, and called the counselors clueless. He liked to blame it all on me. And he was great at putting on a show of being this great guy to everyone else, and made me out to be the bad guy in the whole situation to his family. I think his mother saw through it, though. Anyway I can identify with what you are going through.
...holds the key
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
Potamus......if over a good, sustainable period of time the bad outweighs the good....probably time to move on. Just take your time. Also....think seriously about what your life would be like without him on a daily basis.
Jen...as you know I'm all for one night stands, but guys always seem to want more ugh! Hope it won't be too awkward letting the neighbor down. My rule of thumb....don't sleep with anyone who lives on your block.
Jen...as you know I'm all for one night stands, but guys always seem to want more ugh! Hope it won't be too awkward letting the neighbor down. My rule of thumb....don't sleep with anyone who lives on your block.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
Hey saoutchik, the blood orange/pomegranate version of the SP is amazingly delicious for when you are ok with sugar. I really love all those sodas.
We have a ginger beer on tap at work that I drink every day. I don't know what brand it is but it hits the spot between sweet and dry.
And I found a game changer- LaCroix Blackberry Cucumber. I don't think it has any sweetener in it. I bought it based on the name- they had me at cucumber. I used to drink the Gatorade Limon Pepino as a hangover cure and now it's just too reminiscent of my terrible hungover days, so I was looking for a cucumber replacement. The LaCroix is crisp and clean, just like our new sober lives! I have a 12 pack in the car bc why do anything in moderation?
Relationships- are so crunchy. I tend to stick to myself a lot about what I'm going through, but last week when I got extremely upset with my bf, I smeared him to my 2 best friends and my sister. I didn't make anything up and I revealed a lot.
Now that I've decided to stay put here, I've had to send out three texts- to two of them I said we are going to get counseling, and to one friend I said we are going to live in peace until I find a place. It's like Ruby said, something needs to happen but there is no hurry. I am going to look for a counselor, that was true.
I just don't want to live by myself yet. It is better for me to be here. Regardless of what happens with him.
But mannnn did I reveal everything. I was feeling alone and needed support and I wanted everyone to be on my side. I have really got to learn a little discernment and big picture thinking when I get the urge to rally the troops.
Bc now he's not getting on my nerves half as much as before and I can be here peacefully sober and look for a place at my own pace and decide if I really want to go and how that will look and feel for me.
Tough stuff. I downloaded the Codependent No More book and I've been nervous to get into it. But I think I'm ready.
We have a ginger beer on tap at work that I drink every day. I don't know what brand it is but it hits the spot between sweet and dry.
And I found a game changer- LaCroix Blackberry Cucumber. I don't think it has any sweetener in it. I bought it based on the name- they had me at cucumber. I used to drink the Gatorade Limon Pepino as a hangover cure and now it's just too reminiscent of my terrible hungover days, so I was looking for a cucumber replacement. The LaCroix is crisp and clean, just like our new sober lives! I have a 12 pack in the car bc why do anything in moderation?
Relationships- are so crunchy. I tend to stick to myself a lot about what I'm going through, but last week when I got extremely upset with my bf, I smeared him to my 2 best friends and my sister. I didn't make anything up and I revealed a lot.
Now that I've decided to stay put here, I've had to send out three texts- to two of them I said we are going to get counseling, and to one friend I said we are going to live in peace until I find a place. It's like Ruby said, something needs to happen but there is no hurry. I am going to look for a counselor, that was true.
I just don't want to live by myself yet. It is better for me to be here. Regardless of what happens with him.
But mannnn did I reveal everything. I was feeling alone and needed support and I wanted everyone to be on my side. I have really got to learn a little discernment and big picture thinking when I get the urge to rally the troops.
Bc now he's not getting on my nerves half as much as before and I can be here peacefully sober and look for a place at my own pace and decide if I really want to go and how that will look and feel for me.
Tough stuff. I downloaded the Codependent No More book and I've been nervous to get into it. But I think I'm ready.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Originally Posted by Jsbodhi
I feel like I'm getting to used to being single, I'm liking it too much, I'm worried I'll never get married.
In my case, probably to do with being a creative, driven by the desire to write, with the writings being my "children."
I am happy with dogs as kids, and really don't want or need more.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
MLD- I'm so sorry you went through that. The isolation technique of the abuser is an evil evil thing to do, and terrifying when you realize what is going on. I had two people do that to me and it left me feeling baseless and stupid, bc they talked such a good game. They gaslighted me into believing I must be wrong about everything including myself.
I'm glad you are on the other side of that.
I'm glad you are on the other side of that.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Originally Posted by brynn
Potamus......if over a good, sustainable period of time the bad outweighs the good....probably time to move on. Just take your time. Also....think seriously about what your life would be like without him on a daily basis.
Jen...as you know I'm all for one night stands, but guys always seem to want more ugh! Hope it won't be too awkward letting the neighbor down. My rule of thumb....don't sleep with anyone who lives on your block.
Jen...as you know I'm all for one night stands, but guys always seem to want more ugh! Hope it won't be too awkward letting the neighbor down. My rule of thumb....don't sleep with anyone who lives on your block.
He's an adorable guy though, I live right beside a ski hill, he works there, long blond haired snowboarder, so sweet to me
I already told him no relationship, but he just didn't respond haha
...holds the key
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
Accidentally Hit send before I was ready.
Marty....I'm glad you were able to get out of that marriage before things escalated. That's scary stuff and it happens so slowly you don't realize it till your entangled in it all. I know because My husband was a controller...., a rescuer. I was young and stupid and looking for Daddy. Thank god no kids involved.
I'm so glad we can look back and see how much we've grown since then.
Marty....I'm glad you were able to get out of that marriage before things escalated. That's scary stuff and it happens so slowly you don't realize it till your entangled in it all. I know because My husband was a controller...., a rescuer. I was young and stupid and looking for Daddy. Thank god no kids involved.
I'm so glad we can look back and see how much we've grown since then.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
Today, my heart is full of joy. I was at the hairdressers when I received the following e-mail:
"Dear Tetra,
I refer to your application and recent interview for the above post. I am pleased to inform you that you have been successful at interview. You have been placed on the panel from which vacancies will be filled..."
As I drove around the country roads, the radio was playing "Don't Be So Hard On Yourself" by Jess Glynne, which I think is quite apt...
Here is a picture of the celebratory apple crumble I treated myself to, for dessert!
Thanks to all my buddies for the positive thoughts and vibes
"Dear Tetra,
I refer to your application and recent interview for the above post. I am pleased to inform you that you have been successful at interview. You have been placed on the panel from which vacancies will be filled..."
As I drove around the country roads, the radio was playing "Don't Be So Hard On Yourself" by Jess Glynne, which I think is quite apt...
Here is a picture of the celebratory apple crumble I treated myself to, for dessert!
Thanks to all my buddies for the positive thoughts and vibes
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